Considering abortion at 19 weeks..

[intheloudhouse]

I've been struggling with nausea all the way through this pregnancy. I've lost over a stone and I can barely eat. I'm on so many types of anti sickness meds but it still doesn't get rid of the nausea.
I was hospitalised last week as I hadn't eaten or drank in days. I thought I was dying.
In desperation I've booked an abortion for next Wednesday as I can't imagine another 20 weeks of this.
I'm in turmoil as I can't feel like this any longer, the affect it is having on my mental health (I barely move from the sofa never mind leave the house, constant panic attacks) on my poor son and on my family is currently devastating.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

I suffered from hyperemesis which was absolutely horrendous - numerous hospital stays, IVs, every sickness medication you could imagine and steroids. However at around 19/20 weeks it suddenly got much better and the second half of my pregnancy was relatively normal. You're almost at the point where it starts to improve for a lot of people, and as PP have said I think you'll regret terminating a longed for pregnancy.

No advice but I'm so sorry you're going through this and I'm in the same position myself, 17 weeks and still so so sick don't know how I can keep going if it doesn't ease

In sorry you are not being supported by the people around you. I had HG in both pregnancies. The first we tried for 3 years to get pregnant then I ended up in hospital, dehydrated and like you feeling like I was dying. I was utterly terrified of having to continue the pregnancy and just as terrified of asking for an abortion. I honestly didn't wasn't to carry on.
Like you the constant nausea was as bad as the sickness. Please try the steroids. Please talk to someone at the Pregnancy Sickness Support website mentioned above. I found the second trimester easier.
I know how wretched it is and quite frankly your husbands attitude stinks. You need help, support and love to get you through this xxxx

@intheloudhouseYour updates have made me really sad OP. You are not being supported by anyone. Ive had HG twice now and i really dont think people truly understand what its like. I think you need to speak to someone about your mental health. You are losing weight, very dehydrated and that will be having a massive impact on your overall wellbeing and health. I really hope you get better soon. As i said earlier, ive only just stopped vomiting at 21 weeks. 5/4 weeks ago i was miserable but now im starting to get excited. No one can guarantee that it will go away soon and you seem to have it bad but it might go soon. Im horrified at your husband attitude and lack of care. I really hope the team that is coming to see you tomorrow help you.

Also there is one other anti sickenss medication called metoclopramide which you didnt mention. I tried the others and it didnt work. That one did. X

I actually feel safer and more reassured in hospital. It's quieter, I can focus on myself and not a boisterous 4 year old or the bloody hyperactive spaniel we have, I'm giving anti sickness regularly and made sure I'm hydrated. At home I have to try and fend for myself and everyone else while trying my best not to be sick. If I do 'nothing' at home I'm made to feel very guilty, lazy and a bad mother. I wish I was like this just because I want to be lazy.
It's mainly been severe nausea.
Is it likely to last all the way through seen as I'm 18 weeks now?
I contacted pregnancy sickness support and they were nice, just gave me a suggestion for tablets although I'm already taking them and someone who I can text.
I just want this to be over or to go back to January and for it to have never have happened and have my life and health back. Right now I really feel this might be the death of me quite literally.
Dp likes to remind me he has a job and my parents like to remind me of their age and how they should be enjoying life, not looking after my child.
I don't want rid of the baby but I can't cope with this pregnancy x

I had HG, I wanted an abortion too, I was hospitalised with a suspected blood clot in my lungs, I didn't have one thank god, I'm totally pro choice but I'd go through the agony of pregnancy again for my ds, he was worth everything but if you don't want a baby then you need to do what's best for you and your physical and mental health

Sorry you are suffering. But this will be very very traumatic. It doesnt sound likd you are getting adequate treatment.

You've not said how your previous pregnancy was. Did you feel the same?

Sounds do very awful for you

My previous pregnancy was absolutely fine, I worked all the way through, went abroad, no problems at all x

@Bluntness10

I suffered from hyperemesis which was absolutely horrendous - numerous hospital stays, IVs, every sickness medication you could imagine and steroids. However at around 19/20 weeks it suddenly got much better and the second half of my pregnancy was relatively normal. You're almost at the point where it starts to improve for a lot of people, and as PP have said I think you'll regret terminating a longed for pregnancy.

Did you find the steroids helped? x

I was sick every day until my son was born and anti emetics were not helping. I remember feeling exactly like you.

Id tried everything and people kept suggesting the same things over and over like they were being helpful but it just made me feel like they thought I was stupid because who, in this situation, hasn't already hit Google to find every possible remedy.

I was pleased as punch when they said my son was breech and organised a C section because the moment he was out I felt normal. Literally that very second.

But I remember feeling like you, and considering abortion.

I have no practical advice. You need to do what's right for you. But you're not the first person to have felt like this and you won't be the last. Solidarity.

I will say. I'm glad to have had my son. I did have some postpartum depression and didn't really feel bonded to him when he was here but he's made my world infinitely better.

At the time it didn't feel worth it. But seeing him now, it is.

In a years time, where do you see yourself with and without a baby? And which option makes you happier?

It's hard to think about the future when the now is so shit. But don't make this choice rashly. Have a good think about it. Talk to a counsellor. Write down ways others can be more supportive to you. Don't be scared to ask people for help.

Wishing you all the best.

I really feel for you op. Feeling so sick is awful. I had very bad 'morning' sickness which lasted all day. But it didn't last my whole pregnancy, so I can't even imagine how awful that would feel.
Have you sat down with your partner and explained you are not being lazy, and how bad you feel? Ie bad enough that you'd rather this pregnancy be over than put up with any more of feeling this way? What does he say about it, about the fact you'd give up your baby?
In saying you want to terminate did you hope it would make your dp sit up and understand, and maybe say oh you are feeling really bad, how can I help you?
I hope you are able to talk this through with someone soon to help you decide what to do. I also hope your dp really realises what it is you are telling him

Must be so hard when you've had a good pregnancy.

Hope you get some support

Oh this sounds hideous. I had severe nausea for my pregnancies- like you, very phobic of vomiting (hard to even write that word) not been sick in 20 years.) it was absolutely hideous.

It did ease for me around 18 /20 weeks, so you just might find it improves in the next couple of weeks. (Then I actually felt great). What was your experience with your first pregnancy in this respect? (I've had 3 children and it was noticeably worse with each one). Really feel for you, I hated it so much, it was relentless but it definitely wasn't as bad as your experience.

Did you find the steroids helped? x

Yes, they seemed to work really well but I didn't yet them till about 19 weeks so wasn't sure if it was the steroids or if it was easing off by itself.

@willowtree81

Oh this sounds hideous. I had severe nausea for my pregnancies- like you, very phobic of vomiting (hard to even write that word) not been sick in 20 years.) it was absolutely hideous.

It did ease for me around 18 /20 weeks, so you just might find it improves in the next couple of weeks. (Then I actually felt great). What was your experience with your first pregnancy in this respect? (I've had 3 children and it was noticeably worse with each one). Really feel for you, I hated it so much, it was relentless but it definitely wasn't as bad as your experience.

It's awful isn't it. How severe was your nausea and did you find it eased off quickly or gradually? I'm 18+4 today and this past week or so I've felt worse then I ever have.. I just don't know what to do anymore x

I know this question wasn’t for me but in my experience the sickness gradually got better over a week or so and then disappeared completely to the point that I felt like a new woman. As bad as I’d felt before, that’s how much better I felt once it eased. Was shocking in a way. I went from deaths door to going back to work after being essentially bedridden for 3 months. I really hope and pray that you can get more support/meds and that this tapers off for you sooner rather than later. Gosh I remember how bloody hard it was. Having flashbacks now just thinking about it!

Is there anyone in this position who actually went ahead with a termination? x

@ChickaboomZoom thank you. What week did you find it getting better? I think because I've held out so badly for 12, 14, 16 weeks.. with each one that passes and I don't feel better I just get more and more scared. I honestly feel like I might die from my organs shutting down or something. I just don't see any way out of it and no one seems to care because no one can do anything. x

You have to take care of a 4 year old, cleaning/cooking/washing and the dog? Also the schoolrun?

How much does your 'DP' do normally? Is he an involved parent? I would really talk to him. Ask him why he thinks you are suddenly lazy instead of ill? And what does he expect? That after just giving birth, you would do the household, the dogs, the schoolrun and everything? He would have to step up then too. You'd have a baby to take care for and your body needs some time to recover.

Is he working from home? Can he have some flexibility? Walk the dog etc.? Can you get a cleaner for the time being?

@ChickaboomZoom

I know this question wasn’t for me but in my experience the sickness gradually got better over a week or so and then disappeared completely to the point that I felt like a new woman. As bad as I’d felt before, that’s how much better I felt once it eased. Was shocking in a way. I went from deaths door to going back to work after being essentially bedridden for 3 months. I really hope and pray that you can get more support/meds and that this tapers off for you sooner rather than later. Gosh I remember how bloody hard it was. Having flashbacks now just thinking about it!

I was the same. From being so ill and hospitalised for 3 months to attending a wedding and a concert in the final few months it was so strange. So you never know OP it could turn around for you in the next couple of weeks.

@Bluntness10 what week did you feel better? x

I started to improve about week 19, and more or less back to normal by week 22 x

@intheloudhouse
With my last pregnancy it started to ease at 16 weeks but up until that point it was so severe. I was vomiting so much I bled from my nose and mouth, etc. By 19/20 weeks I was back to “normal” so to speak.
With my other HG pregnancies I was nauseous until around 28 weeks but not as severe. With those pregnancies things start to settle at around 20 weeks. This seems to only happen with my girl pregnancies. With my son I didnt have a single day of sickness! Do you happen to know if baby is a girl? Just curious if there’s a correlation.
There are definitely stories of women who terminated for HG - I read up on them when I was at my lowest. Some terminated later and most were much wanted pregnancies also. HG was about 90% of the reason I terminated a few months ago but I wasn’t very far along.
One thing the nurses reminded me when I was admitted with HG last pregnancy was that if I was getting to the point where my life was in any danger then we’d have to look at options like terminating. I felt at least that I was safe in that knowledge especially as I’d lost loads of weight and couldn’t function, etc. But it does seem like the level of care and understanding varies from hospital to hospital. I feel some degree of luck that I was taken seriously from the start and very well looked after by the docs, didn’t have to fight for meds etc like some other women have had to sadly. I would 100% ask for steroids. Will you be seeing a midwife/GP soon? Can you make an urgent appointment? X