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Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

AIBU for expecting a surgical abortion?

270 replies

Georgeoftheinternet · 22/10/2020 23:01

Due to this virus I will have to terminate my pregnancy at home. This scares me because I don’t want the whole process and flushing everything down the toilet, plus bleeding for weeks. 3/100 don’t fully terminate.

Apologies if you are struggling to get pregnant. Everyone’s lives are different.

OP posts:
Original poster
Georgeoftheinternet · 23/10/2020 08:18

@yogurt2090 it’s not a d and c

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Original poster
Georgeoftheinternet · 23/10/2020 08:23

@Kalula you can find whatever you want offensive, not my concern. I’m allowed to have a certain thought pattern and I’m allowed to do certain behaviour that doesn’t have an affect on your life.

You realise that the majority of people with multiple pregnancies do so by choice?

So take your offence elsewhere.....

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Houndabouttown · 23/10/2020 08:26

I wasn’t allowed surgical management of miscarriage after the initial surgery failed in the first lockdown. Had to have an MVA, which was fine. At 4.5 weeks I don’t think it would be too horrendous having medical management to be honest.

Sorry you can’t choose but it is for everyone’s safety including your own. I felt worse after the Initial surgery compared to the MVA. Also surgery isn’t always 100% successful as I can prove!

Original poster
Georgeoftheinternet · 23/10/2020 08:33

@Ugzbugz where you in pain during the procedure?

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Original poster
Georgeoftheinternet · 23/10/2020 08:34

@Houndabouttown what about my safety? I’m telling you it’s not safe for me to do it at home.

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RedVelvetDreams · 23/10/2020 08:35

My cousin had a surgical D/C last week. I had to miscarry at home back in June due to lockdown

Original poster
Georgeoftheinternet · 23/10/2020 08:38

@lborgia lots of women with bipolar have medication that’s safe to take. You have no ideas about my treatment and you are also not a psychiatrist. So please stop with the arm chair psychiatry.

I’m not having a medical termination in hospital. Couldn’t think of anything worse than doing it in hospital and they wouldn’t offer it. It can offer me surgical if I want.

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Original poster
Georgeoftheinternet · 23/10/2020 08:39

@RedVelvetDreams how awful for you, hate this stupid virus. Xxx

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Original poster
Georgeoftheinternet · 23/10/2020 08:45

@lborgia “you decided in the middle of a manic episode to get pregnant” lol you haven’t read all my posts. If you had, you would have read that I’ve not had a return of my periods and doctors said I wasn’t ovulating. Do not sure why you can deduce I got pregnant on purpose when I was under the assumption I couldn’t. Ps we were using condoms at the start and then stopped. What about the guy, was he bipolar to not pull out in time?
If I decided to get pregnant I would be keeping it now.

Again, arm chair.

OP posts:
Houndabouttown · 23/10/2020 08:54

All I can tell you OP is that surgery isn’t necessarily safe. It didn’t work for me. Why isn’t it safe at home?

TripleSeptic · 23/10/2020 09:07

I've had an ERCP, surgical removal of the products of conception after a missed miscarriage.

While it does seem like the easier route, get knocked out and it will all be over, it's no cakewalk.

If you are struggling with mental health difficulties, I'd recommend taking the tablets and being in the comfort of your own home.

The anaesthetic left me feeling suicidal, my whole body ached from head to toe, and I still bled afterwards. It wasn't a quick fix. It was a massive procedure for me, my body and my mental health.

You don't have to flush anything down the toilet, if you can identify anything, you can dispose respectfully.

As a woman in NI we haven't had the choice to have an abortion until recently, but I would choose to take the tablets if I needed to, because I know what the surgical procedure is like, and as much as it is essential in some circumstances, it's not something I'd recommend if there was another option.

It's not a quick fix in my experience.

farfallarocks · 23/10/2020 09:08

This thread is depressing. It shouldn’t be a choice between helping women with cancer or offering abortions. We should all be furious at the lack of investment in women’s health. Total lack of understanding around menopause, infertility, childbirth, prolapses.
That’s before we start on mental health. It’s clear the op is in a horrible position and some posters are being utterly vile. I suspect they are anti abortion and too chicken to just come out with that. Op offering nothing but love and support, I hope you can get the treatment you need.

halfmoonfullmoon · 23/10/2020 09:09

OP, you literally said Bipolar, had sex as I was sure I wanted to get pregnant earlier in the thread. In the gentlest way, do you think you need to speak to someone about your bipolar even if it means going to a&e?

Coralista · 23/10/2020 09:10

Yanbu
You absolutely should have the choice 100%
Yet again though seems to be women suffering / maternity care issues and partners not able to attend some or all of births/ mc or termination care etc it’s not fair at all

ThatLibraryMiss · 23/10/2020 09:14

Do not sure why you can deduce I got pregnant on purpose when I was under the assumption I couldn’t.

Because you said, at 00:07:17,

Bipolar, had sex as I was sure I wanted to get pregnant.

Are you under the care of a CPN or a local psychiatric team?

Chuggington2 · 23/10/2020 09:17

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naimechainge · 23/10/2020 09:17

Is your consultation with BPAS? I'm two weeks post-medical termination arranged by them, and in my phone consultation they asked me at least a couple of times whether I wanted the 'pills by post' service (which I opted for), pills in the clinic or a surgical procedure. I was told that all of their services are available as normal, just that the 'pills by post' system was an added option. I was 6 weeks when I first contacted them.

You can and should advocate for yourself, especially if you have good reason to believe one particular course of action would be very harmful to your mental health. Whilst I'm not doubting that you know your own mind, there's probably no harm in accessing some counselling through BPAS as well if possible, which they can arrange.

For what it's worth, my medical at just under 7 weeks was really ok. I had a couple of hours of severe cramping and chills whilst I was passing the main bulk of things, but after that it was exactly like a period.

Ugzbugz · 23/10/2020 09:18

@Georgeoftheinternet yes it was fucking agony, they inject your cervix to numb it and in all honesty was horrific, I was literally screaming and crying.

Chuggington2 · 23/10/2020 09:31

If they do give you surgical OP you’ll need to be prepared for being in hospital a while.

You’ll be at the bottom of the surgical list and could end up getting bumped off each day as more urgent cases come in. When I had to have a ERPC/D&C I was in there 5 days. Had the procedure on the evening of the 4th day. Lots of periods of nbm. It was horrific. They looked after me and I had a private room but that was sheer luck. You might end up on ward for days. You need to weigh that up as well.

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 23/10/2020 09:45

@Roselilly300

@Georgeoftheinternet when the vacuum part was happening the nurses were pushing down on my stomach they said it was part of the procedure. I’m not entirely sure why

I watched a few surgical terminations when I was a student nurse; the surgeon pushed on every woman's stomach, and explained it was to ensure that the vacuum got everything out and there were no retained products of conception left in there. It made sense, but was awful to watch and I very nearly fainted (the only time I felt faint while watching any procedure).

Personally I'd choose a medical abortion over a surgical one, based on seeing how both are done.

Kalula · 23/10/2020 09:46

[quote Georgeoftheinternet]@Kalula you can find whatever you want offensive, not my concern. I’m allowed to have a certain thought pattern and I’m allowed to do certain behaviour that doesn’t have an affect on your life.

You realise that the majority of people with multiple pregnancies do so by choice?

So take your offence elsewhere.....[/quote]
There is no need to be so nasty!

Kalula · 23/10/2020 09:49

These talk of 'signs' is silly, why isn't you being pregnant at all, in itself, a sign? And you say your family has a history of twins, so why do you need to add to it? Sounds like your family has enough twins and doesn't any more.

BreatheAndFocus · 23/10/2020 09:52

The new community mental health service has assessed me and I’m waiting for the psychiatrist to speak to me. That was 2 weeks ago and I was at crisis. I asked my GP for help as I can’t leave messages for CMHT. Doctor said to go to A&E. I’m sick of going around in circles and repeating the same information

Was it when you were in crisis that you spoke to the GP? Have you spoken to them recently about your pregnancy? If not, please do phone them. They should be able to support you in getting the help you need, and in getting the right abortion for your needs. Sometimes you have to push a bit and emphasise your needs.

I can understand your frustration at having to repeat yourself a lot of times, and having to jump through hoops to get help, but now you’re pregnant you have additional needs and they should prioritise that. If that means you need to have the abortion in hospital, then that could be something they can help with.

You should have support if you feel having the tablets and the abortion at home is going to cause you emotionally harm or isn’t safe.

Kalula · 23/10/2020 09:52

[quote Georgeoftheinternet]@lborgia “you decided in the middle of a manic episode to get pregnant” lol you haven’t read all my posts. If you had, you would have read that I’ve not had a return of my periods and doctors said I wasn’t ovulating. Do not sure why you can deduce I got pregnant on purpose when I was under the assumption I couldn’t. Ps we were using condoms at the start and then stopped. What about the guy, was he bipolar to not pull out in time?
If I decided to get pregnant I would be keeping it now.

Again, arm chair.[/quote]
I have went through the entire thread, even done Ctrl-F for ovulating/ovulate and you never even MENTIONED the word. You said you wanted to get pregnant. You don't seem to even realise what you are saying.

HoppingPavlova · 23/10/2020 09:54

I’ve been unable to get anything apart from a guy shoot his load inside me when I was in my bipolar manic state.

Bipolar, had sex as I was sure I wanted to get pregnant.

Do not sure why you can deduce I got pregnant on purpose when I was under the assumption I couldn’t.

This is why people are flagging you may need assistance at present as there is concern some things don’t make sense.