AIBU for expecting a surgical abortion?

[Georgeoftheinternet]

Due to this virus I will have to terminate my pregnancy at home. This scares me because I don’t want the whole process and flushing everything down the toilet, plus bleeding for weeks. 3/100 don’t fully terminate.

Apologies if you are struggling to get pregnant. Everyone’s lives are different.

@Chloemol

@BirdNoise hi can you reread my past posts where I’ve tried my whole life to get help and the nhs is a shit show. I find it so demoralising when people say “get help” when I’ve been trying since I was 14.

I meant privately. That’s why I said invest.

Women's services are horrific. I believe that a woman should indeed have the choice. Yes the NHS is on its needs but it needs an overhaul of the system, not for us all to suffer in silence about the shit treatment we get.

I'm currently sat with my endometriosis pain reading mumsnet to distract myself while my drugs kick in. The hospital don't give a fuck about treating it properly.

OP- I have had the tablet option and operation for missed miscarriage. I don't want to upset you but be prepared for the tablets to be a difficult experience. Plenty of women say it's fine. I found it the most painful experience of my life. I wish the hospital had better prepared me for it. I was given morphine in the end because, thankfully, they allowed me to take the tablets in hospital as they wanted to test the tissue.
I truly do feel so sad for you that you've had to make such a difficult decision and then have the difficulty with the process.

@Georgeoftheinternet agreed entirely!

@Pollypockett23 as I’ve explained many times my reasoning.... if you don’t understand, no worries, we are all different

There’s some particularly unkind comments on here, thinly veiled judgement.

I think these are legitimate concerns OP. I have an early medical termination, I was in absolutely agony, passing large clots, palm sized, vomiting profusely and felt more nauseated then I’ve ever felt in my life. It was a truly miserable experience.

I was certain that with how much paid I’d had, and how much I’d bled, it must have worked.

Only 4 weeks later I randomly vomited all over my drive way one day, and thought to myself “oh shit, what if it didn’t work?”, went upstairs to do a test and lo and behold, I was still pregnant.

I absolutely could not face an MVA after having gone through all of that, so BPAS got me back very quickly for another scan so they could refer me for a surgical procedure. Not only did I have retain products, the baby still had a heart beat, it was an entirely viable pregnancy, had I not taken potentially teratogenic drugs.

I got my surgical procedure a couple of weeks later, and all seemed well.

Two weeks after that I woke up one morning feeling absolutely dreadful, feverish, shaky, and passing profuse jelly like discharge. Went to the OOH GP and got immediately referred up to gynae, was examined and swabbed and confirmed to have an intrauterine infection.

This is one of the most traumatic events of my life, second only to losing a sibling.

*had an EMT.

As someone who has gone through both d&c and medical termination (pills) due to multiple miscarriages, my experience with the medical termination was much more 'pleasant'.

With d&c, it can cause scars in your uterus which mine needed another surgery to fix. Worst case scenario, it can also affect your fertility.

Just sharing my experience with you so you can weigh up the pros and cons. At such an early stage like yours, I was told that medical termination is the better option.

@QueenOfPain and @OhBogAwf I’m sorry for both of your awful Experiences x

@yogurt2090 it’s not a d and c x

Have you tried Marie stopes? I think that’s what the name was. I used them in 2018 and they are good. Nhs funded. I had to in 2008 have a tablet procedure when I was only
Young in a drs office, and apart from being very young I just wanted to be at home the whole
Time. It wasn’t much worse than a heavy period (im talking physically not mentally before anyone jumps on me) and if you buy some large pads, dispose of them without looking, and pain killers your room mate wouldn’t really notice. I lived with my mum at the time and she didn’t notice a thing. However in 2018 I had to have the surgical option as because of xmas 2017 the dates were very limited pushing me slightly out of the date where I could have the tablets. This experience was much worse, Not only was i further gone so the emotional side of it was worse, but the physical side too. I bled heavily for around a month, I felt so tired and weak the first few days after maybe because of blood loss or being sedated, I’m not sure. I then had to travel home feeling like that from the clinic that was about 40 minutes away, all I wanted was to be at home in my own space. I would say the surgical side is more daunting, makes you feel guiltier and generally was a lot worse on my mental health. I’m not saying everyone is the same, just sharing my personal experience to make you see both sides of it. There’s no easy option here, it’s a hard emotional thing which I would never wanted to go through ever again, however if I did, I would chose the tablets every time. Hope your okay! I hope if you tell your dr about this experience it might push them into sorting your counselling out for you! Mine took around 7 weeks wait but they did offer a phone counsellor while I waited which helped (for non abortion related issues btw) all the best xx

I wish you all the best through this difficult time
I’m concerned you have no support network.
Were you in a relationship with the father and have you spilt? Does he not agree with abortions, or is he upset you deliberately got pregnant, or?

I had to travel to England for a medical one (initially booked for surgical) but as I was staying a few days I had the choice. I opted for medical and I would still pick it again if I could go back in time.

Just being realistic It was painful and I lost a lot of blood, I was young & all alone in a foreign country. It was much worse than any period I’ve ever hard before.

I’m sorry your going through this OP ❤️

What’s a m/c?

Recurrent miscarriages. Many. 10 - 16 weeks. 1 'let it happen naturally', 9 surgical interventions. I would NEVER choose the 'at home' option if I had another choice. And I do believe it is physically, therefore mentally, easier so I do believe you should have a choice.

"I wouldn’t want child without no siblings"

Why not? As an only child (and happily so) I find that quite offensive.

OP the reason I'm concerned about your comment about having twins and/or changing your mind if you leave it later is that I've read ALL your posts and you do not sound as if you're in a good place.

If you hadn't mentioned the bipolar, I actually would've been worried that there was something going on that was undiagnosed.

You decide, in the middle of a manic episode, to get pregnant by a guy who you can only contact via an app. You have no support structure, you've moved so your mental health plan is broken, and you are too impatient (which I understand) to jump through the hoops to get back into the system/ access psychiatric care.

Where, on this entire earth, would anyone think this was a good time for you to be having a baby?

Why do you even want a baby? It sounds like a whim. Meanwhile, having twins doesn't absolve you from daily grind of looking after them for 15 years.

Meanwhile, many drugs used to treat bipolar are not compatible with pregnancy.

Please please PLEASE just wait next time until you have a plan, or at least a psychiatrist.

Meanwhile, I absolutely think you should be kept in hospital while dealing with a medical termination. If you can emphasise your present state, and say you just need to be watched/ monitored whilst going through the process... Present at Emergency and say, I'm bipolar, I'm just coming out if a manic episode, and I'm pregnant. I need help. Repeat, and repeat.

Good luck. You do sound very unwell, and as if you have nothing helpful in the way of support. I hope they get their act together an give you the practical and compassionate support you need.

[quote Georgeoftheinternet]@yogurt2090 it’s not a d and c x[/quote]
A surgical abortion at this stage is almost always a D&C - why do you believe differently?

OP, I am also concerned that you are not feeling mentally well. The bipolar is neither here nor there. You first said you are insistent on a surgical abortion and seemed very keen to get it done. This implies you neither want or can handle a baby right now, which is a valid choice. But then you said if the baby turned out to be twins, you would keep the pregnancy. This implies you would be happy to care for two babies at once. It's at odds with your entire original post. Can you provide for two babies, or even one? Are you unsure about having an abortion? You implied that twins would be a 'sign' you should keep the pregnancy. Can you elaborate on this and what it means for you?

I think seeking help from a counsellor at Marie Stopes or similar might be good if you are conflicted about your options.

Have you tried BPAS and MS op? Honestly the earlier the better so maybe take the pills if you feel you can. It may take a few weeks to book in for MVA or surgical.

I understand everything you’re saying re accessing services at the minute but it’s the same for people with cancer diagnosis etc who aren’t getting Timely appointments In regions either. Such a shame when we all pay in and believe in the service.

Don’t worry about your flat mate, you need to think of you right now. Her being judgement isn’t helping, it’s a hard enough situation. I hope you get the service quickly x

Just take the pills and get it over with. Your not going to be offered anything else right now your barely pregnant so will just be like a heavy period. And for the love use some contraception

OP, I had a surgical at 9 weeks, very heavy bleeding and pain after for a couple of weeks. In hindsight, I'd rather have gone for the medical option. I think you should have the choice but your assumptions about what the surgical option will be like may be wrong.

Not sure why people think that it’s weird that I would keep twins as I would think it’s a sign..... and I’ve explained many times.

Really disheartening to be called mentally unwell.

@DivGirl ummm I’m 4 weeks post conception and also the procedure is different, plus it states it here www.bpas.org/abortion-care/abortion-treatments/surgical-abortion/dilatation-and-evacuation/

@HumptyD it’s corona times so they make a lot of excuses