AIBU for expecting a surgical abortion?

[Georgeoftheinternet]

Due to this virus I will have to terminate my pregnancy at home. This scares me because I don’t want the whole process and flushing everything down the toilet, plus bleeding for weeks. 3/100 don’t fully terminate.

Apologies if you are struggling to get pregnant. Everyone’s lives are different.

This thread is heartbreaking to read & I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. It obviously varies between Trusts. I had a missed miscarriage and was offered surgical management which I had. Painful immediately afterwards but the anaesthetist was with me in recovery and prescribed plenty of analgesia. I had had a previous stillbirth & I think they realised I wasn’t able to manage the miscarrige at home.
I was actually working at that hospital at the time so knew a lot of people involved in my care. I don’t know if that made it better or worse.
I hope you’re able to find a solution 💐

Speak to your GP or however refers you for the appointment, this isn't a normal situation they should do it surgically for you if your MH is at further risk.
Tell your flatmate to back off.

@Chuggington2

Having suffered several miscarriages, two of which being ‘missed’ meaning I had to go home and take the Misoprostol - never had a choice, and then had to deal with what you’ve described. I think you need go home and crack on with it.

If it doesnt work you’ll then be offered a D&C. These are expensive proceedures as they require an obstetric surgeon, anaesthetist, and theatre time. I think others in more need of these services probably need to be prioritised first above yourself do you not?

Its not pleasant, but then many things aren’t. Make sure you ideally have someone with you, take the painkillers and follow the instructions to the letter.

What in the worpkr....A pregnant mother who dopes not want to be pregnant should be close to the very top of the list of priorities. Its a 45 minute procedure and there is absolutely no reason why it sh I uldn't be done. OP has the right to services offered.

Are you taking medication for your bipolar? This may change advice given

So far this has happened:
3 years of absent periods from coming of long term contraception.
Went to the doctor. Scan said PCOS.
Blood were ok, some where out.
Went to gyno as the normal medication to induce bleeding didn’t work.
Went to gyno and finally got an appointment for the camera.
Couple of months before the periods stated, but lasted for one day.
Gyno wanted to check I didn’t have scarring and was worried about the lack of shedding (15 years).
All good.
Lockdown happened. Lost 10kg.
My acne chin has gone, but could be due to cream.
Period started to last 1.5.
Periods regular but one was 20 days after the last.

Bipolar, had sex as I was sure I wanted to get pregnant.

Did a pregnancy test 17 days after - like was straight away pregnant, shocked.

Told dad, he deleted the app so he’s not interested. This was a deciding factor.

Mood has now worsened, didn’t Think it was viable as single mum, no support, no dad.

Booked in for the abortion chat, phone died and took me three days to get it fixed at Apple (needed new phone).

Tried to make another appointment online, waited a few days and thought why haven’t they called me back. I probably didn’t get the verification letters right.

Made a new appointment and was expecting a call today.

My builder called me as he hadn’t received payment. Call lasted a few seconds and in that time I had a voicemail from the clinic. Normally if I get a double call I can choose to end either call, this didn’t happen.

I lost battery so went to charge my phone, missed the second call and housemate needed help with something (which I could have said no to).

As I’ve been feeling really sick and tired, the strong evening piss positive line (that was before the positive line), history of twins in the family.... I kinda feel like I’m getting all these signs.

You may not understand but it’s just my reasoning. I feel like this is one last “sign” and if it’s a single pregnancy I will know to abort. Sure it’s harder having twins etc, but leave me to it.

[quote Georgeoftheinternet]@Newmumatlast hi thanks. I find it annoying when people think the nhs actually offers mental health treatment. It’s no reflection on you but when you’ve done as much as I have, and still getting no help, it’s just demoralising.

I don’t understand why people get so uptight by “our nhs”. It’s a service I have to pay into. So when I need something, people become gatekeepers and deem a service I need as irrelevant.

If I need any mental health support I have to go to A&E and tell the receptionist what my issue is. I then have to talk to the triage nurse who asks me the same questions and considering they won’t treat me it’s pointless. I then wait around for ages to speak to a mental health nurse. The nurse again asks pointless questions. I get sick of repeating the same information. I also moved house so I wasn’t able to be cared for by the community mental health team because my gp practice was out of area. So I then lost me 2.5 yearly referral to psychotherapy. The new community mental health service has assessed me and I’m waiting for the psychiatrist to speak to me. That was 2 weeks ago and I was at crisis. I asked my GP for help as I can’t leave messages for CMHT. Doctor said to go to A&E. I’m sick of going around in circles and repeating the same information. Everyone bleeps on about how we are all spreading the virus so why do I have to spend 4 hours going to a and e for mental health services.[/quote]
I'm so sorry you're going through this. The NHS does have mental health services but it isn't good enough, no. A lot of people are failed. Unfortunately physical wellness is still understood better than mental wellness. I know my words are not that helpful but I do understand that when you're not mentally well everything is a lot. To deal with this too is devastating.

Other posters on here being harsh, please remember OP has made absolutely clear that she suffers with mental health issues and has also made clear she is going through something traumatic at the moment. Perhaps if you don't like what she is posting, do not comment. But it is unhelpful to someone who is mentally unwell to write posts in the way that some of you are. I do appreciate some of you may also be going through the mill and reacting as a result of triggers from the subject matter of the post. to you too and I wish everyone well

Twins - they have each other. They can play with each other. I don’t want/prefer to have a single child (I’m one of 5) and although I think big families are hard I don’t want my child to only have me.
Everyone is different:

I don’t think you are being unreasonable, there is a reason you are requesting the treatment.

Maybe you could contact the hospital to explain the poor care you have had for your mental health crisis, and that you are now concerned about the impact of this on your mental health.

Don’t engage with your housemate, if they are unable to be supportive then don’t discuss it with them. It’s not helpful to have the conversations.

Good luck with everything, and focus on getting your mental health on track. When you’re feeling physically well you’ll be able to exercise at home to help your mental health recovery.

Yes, we are in a pandemic but that doesn’t mean that you are unable to access the correct treatment. And I wonder if there is some discrimination due to your mental health and the fact that you are coming across as “demanding”. This is a well known symptom/behaviour of someone who is experiencing a bipolar episode.

This should be taken into consideration, and others judging this is unhelpful.

If your past around 12 weeks it's unlikely you would get a surgical abortion.

Surgical is also more commonly due with a local which I think might be horrific as a friend described it to me.

In other countries they do medical abortions as a day patient which seems kider as they check for you that the baby has passed.

In other countries you can even get a abortion but I dont think our system.is ideal either. I think all the options come with some level of trama.

There is definitely room for improvement in the UK but I suspect if you went private, you might get what you want. I'm not saying that's right btw.

@notthefunkind yes why?

@Legoandloldolls you can get a surgical from 6 weeks

So sorry for your situation OP, it sounds like there is a lot of support at the moment that you need and are not getting. ❤️ Is there anything that can be done about your flatmate, to get away from that stress for a bit? If that’s a significant part of why a home abortion is too much for you, is there any way to change this if you don’t get offered surgical?

I think if you press your case of why you really want one over the other, they might be able to make it happen if they have resources. Unfortunately the situation at the moment with public health is really difficult, many NHS trusts are months behind on really urgent cancer surgeries, etc so it’s just not possible for them to prioritise your sincere desire for that mode of abortion if it’s not judged to be urgently clinically necessary. It’s a bit of a postcode lottery, it depends on the pressures they are under. Many people giving birth or having lifesaving operations are in a similar situation, with medical choices effectively removed from them due to capacity issues. I’m not sure what you mean about NHS staff not being made redundant—the problem is they don’t have enough staff, and due to Covid the regular backlogs have become even more severe. Your medical situation is obviously time sensitive, unfortunately the theatre that you would need may currently be earmarked for equally time sensitive cancer surgeries, etc and sadly that means you might not be able to get what you want, just the bare minimum what you medically “need”.

But it’s horrible for you and just emphasises why this needs to be sorted out, and why the health system needs urgent help.

But again press it with them and emphasise why you want what you want, but ultimately in many NHS trusts it just won’t be possible at the moment. ❤️

@Newmumatlast thanks. The thing about mental health is that it’s not curable and you can’t ignore it. Physical health you can - remember we Just about all die with cancer.

[quote Georgeoftheinternet]@notthefunkind yes why?[/quote]
Because depending on the medication you could have a MH teams support for the termination of your choice.

For any woman on here who is thinking about having a termination using bpas and live in the south of England, use the Brighton branch not the Richmond branch which is Victorian house of fucking horrors.

Op of you want surgical I think you will have to go private, I wouldn’t want to take the medical route either and would happily pay not to.

Have posted about your situation earlier this week? I am sorry you are not any further forward.
Get in touch with Marie Stopes clinic and they will help you.

@12309845653ghydrvj thank you.

YANBU OP I hope you get what you need - yes need - from the NHS including some MH support. They are utterly crap until you actually kill yourself, at which point it's too late.

You poor thing, I can just feel your pain through the screen. No one should have to go through what you’re going through, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with such an unsupportive living environment.

❤️❤️❤️

if you desprtely want a surgical why not just wait till its too late for amedical and go back to a doctor

just to say ive had one wasnt painful but they woldnt let me leave without being accompanied so just to warn you

@Thuglife that sounds awful for you x I find with medical staff they are very non judgemental. I have no idea how they work giving so many abortions to women, up to 20 odd weeks for “choice”. But thankful their work has allowed good medical care for you and other women (and of course males and families who are part of our lives).

OP, your GP advised you to go to A and E.
Please do that.
You will get sound advice there, even if it can seem pointless having to give your history to several people.
The problem with asking for help here is that you invite answers from all sort of randomers who may not have the foggiest idea of what living with bipolar involves.
Good luck.

@GabsAlot yes they don’t let patients leave alone when they’ve had sedation. I don’t know if it’s wise to wait that long....