AIBU for expecting a surgical abortion?

[Georgeoftheinternet]

Due to this virus I will have to terminate my pregnancy at home. This scares me because I don’t want the whole process and flushing everything down the toilet, plus bleeding for weeks. 3/100 don’t fully terminate.

Apologies if you are struggling to get pregnant. Everyone’s lives are different.

@Sevo7 I don’t believe a scan is offered. Hence the whole process I would find too much.

You are not being unreasonable in any way shape or form.
I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Please talk to people you trust about it, if it helps you process the situation I’m sure they love you and want to support you.

People on here can be quite harsh sometimes, ignore that.

@ChronicallyCurious how much was it?

[quote Georgeoftheinternet]@CoffeeNeeded2019 thanks. I’ve paid for a scan on Saturday which I’m also confused if it’s going to pick up anything. I’ve said if it’s twins I’ll keep. Sounds selfish but the line was so strong and I feel so tired. If not, I’ll abort.[/quote]
This comment, regarding keeping the pregnancy if it is twins and not if it isn't, sounds illogical. You sound as though you're going through a lot mentally and that you are lacking in support. This comment for me only demonstrates that you're struggling mentally. You have said you are not able to access MH services - hopefully you will get some success getting through to someone if you feel you're in a mental health emergency. I think you can ring 111. May help you to get the treatment you need for your mental health?

In terms of the abortion, I think you're getting a rough ride because of the comments you're making regarding paying into the system and how the nhs can and will give it to you. However I think perhaps people are overlooking that you've mentioned your mental health and that you're going through some trauma, which for me comes across in your posts.

I cannot practically help but am sorry you're dealing with this

@Elm32 I have no one I trust. I’ve spoken to a few people, housemate wants me to keep and she’s dead against abortion.

[quote Georgeoftheinternet]@MitziK it’s less risky to have a surgical IMO because more chance of complete removal and not weeks of bleeding which it’s bad for someone with low iron like myself.
Plus mental trauma for me.[/quote]
STOP carries a significantly higher risk of infection, blood loss at the time and damage caused during the process, unfortunately. As does MVA, which many people find traumatic due to the pain.

I'm sympathetic, but I do feel that they're making the right decision in providing the safest option for you, even if it doesn't sound particularly pleasant.

You may not understand this thought process and I’m thinking you don’t by suggesting I abort one
I never suggested you abort one.
I asked why you'd go ahead with twins but not a single pregnancy.
Now I know why.

The NHS is not a bottomless pit, that can provide anything anyone wants at the drop of a hat. Your demand that you want a surgical abortion rather than pills won’t get you anywhere if the policy at the trust is pills to a certain stage. Not to mention Covid, hospitals trying to catch up with appointments for cancer patients, those in constant pain as they need new hips etc
Is there a Marie Stopes clinic you can use?

If not the choice is get on with it, or go private

@ChronicallyCurious

I’m not sure I will try and find out. I do know it was with Marie Stopes clinic, she rang up and got a next day appointment.

The NHS services usually are patchy and over stretched, it's even worse now.

it's terrifying when the NHS can't offer the care you need, makes us realise how vulnerable we all are.

@Georgeoftheinternet

Whoops dunno how I ended up @ myself

It’s really frustrating and scary that NHS services for women have reduced. No one can judge how you’re feeling about all of this and somehow suggest you’re not deserving of the treatment you need. Sorry to hear you’re going through this.

As a woman who lives in Ireland I like many other women here had to do before abortion was legal have had a self administered abortion at home.

It was fine, really and truly. A few hours of cramps, heavy period type bleeding for a few hours then just like a normal period. I never saw anything other than blood and a few clots. Your housemate doesn't need to know when you are doing it. On the slim chance that something goes wrong you have medical care available to you.

I understand that you might be scared, it is scary doing something like that by yourself. My experience was very positive though and the relief that it was all over far outweighed anything else.

HAving had both, the medical procedure is less traumatic physically and,as long as you are fully on board with it, easier mentally long term. If you are doing it because you feel you should, then neither will be ok long term.

I don’t understand the twins comment OP. Can you elaborate?

I should add that the pain was worse and the bleeding more prolonged after the surgical abortion.

@Newmumatlast hi thanks. I find it annoying when people think the nhs actually offers mental health treatment. It’s no reflection on you but when you’ve done as much as I have, and still getting no help, it’s just demoralising.

I don’t understand why people get so uptight by “our nhs”. It’s a service I have to pay into. So when I need something, people become gatekeepers and deem a service I need as irrelevant.

If I need any mental health support I have to go to A&E and tell the receptionist what my issue is. I then have to talk to the triage nurse who asks me the same questions and considering they won’t treat me it’s pointless. I then wait around for ages to speak to a mental health nurse. The nurse again asks pointless questions. I get sick of repeating the same information. I also moved house so I wasn’t able to be cared for by the community mental health team because my gp practice was out of area. So I then lost me 2.5 yearly referral to psychotherapy. The new community mental health service has assessed me and I’m waiting for the psychiatrist to speak to me. That was 2 weeks ago and I was at crisis. I asked my GP for help as I can’t leave messages for CMHT. Doctor said to go to A&E. I’m sick of going around in circles and repeating the same information. Everyone bleeps on about how we are all spreading the virus so why do I have to spend 4 hours going to a and e for mental health services.

[quote Georgeoftheinternet]@Chuggington2 hey lady I don’t like your tone.

NHS is there to provide a service, I’m asking for this service. It would have been offered before and if I choose to have a service why should my needs not be considered. It’s a very fast and quick procedure. Cost isn’t a factor.[/quote]
Unfortunately the NHS doesn’t have to provide the service everyone would like; they can decide at any time which services they offer and which they can’t.

@LolaSkoda

I don’t understand the twins comment OP. Can you elaborate?

Because twins run in her family (as they do in mine) and she is worrying if she is carrying twins and therefore having to deal with a "double" termination.

Not hard.

If your 4.5 weeks past point of Assumed conception the scan on Saturday is unlikely to pick anything up at that stage? Normally it’s at least 6 weeks if not 7 preferably to detect heartbeat and sac to accurately date. Therefore unlikely to find out if twins or not?

I’m sorry your going through this

Push for it . I've had surgical . Would never of had medical .

Speak to your doctors explaining. Also call Marie Stopes

OP I just name changed and came here.

I am having a surgical abortion on monday. I am 6 weeks. It was my choice over the pills for the same reasons as you. It is costing me £2500 in total.

I have also had missed miscarriages in the past where I have had them "naturally" at home and it has been awful. One I was haemorrhaging, ended up in hospital anyway, became anaemic, another time got bits of it stuck in my cervix, had to have them pulled out with tweezers, then emergency surgery. I just know that's how my body is and I don't want to do it again.

I can't believe some of the posters' attitudes on here

she is worrying if she is carrying twins and therefore having to deal with a "double" termination
No OP said if it was twins she'd continue with the pregnancy.

@Newmumatlast which is why it annoys me when people become gatekeepers to services and tell me to pay for it. If it’s less risky to have the procedure done at a private clinic, the nhs can use the same procedures to reduce the risk. Nhs medical staff aren’t being made redundant, surgeries aren’t being performed. Lot at the stats. 1058 patients admitted to hospital, 7458 in hospital and 711 on ventilators.

65 million people in the U.K. we Can’t cope with 1000 extra patients dispute the huge reduction in clubs/pubs related violence on the weekends where 3/4 of people are in a and e due to booze.