Totally's Grads Part Deux - Let's handhold through pregnancy after MC

[LeeWT]

So many threads by so many names but this thread is a place to come after TTC after MC..

Deposit your worries in the box by the door and grab a cuppa! :-)

oh no. i just can't believe this.....i am so gutted for you. PLease don't rush off this thread. Let us try and offer some support through this.....i am so so so sorry.

cheepz I'm lost for words. I was just about to post something me, me, me, decided to read through today's posts and found yours.

I feel miserable now. It's horrible and you don't deserve what's happened. I'm actually crying. I'm so, so sorry.

I can't believe this.

CHEEPZ what a big pile of shi*e sorry,sorry,sorry.Not that it makes it any difference but sending you all my love.X

Dear Cheepz, I was thinking of you on and off today at school. I am so so sorry, SB

MrsR Hope you are ok, it's nice to hear from you...

LEE how did you get on?

BOODLE hope things improve for you soon X

cheepz so sorry to hear that, be kind to yourself

my thoughts are with you xx

Cheepz...Im so sorry

thanks ladies, without your support i don't know what i would do. will let you know how things go. can someone deal with the list next time its done. thank god for Ted (DS) he is a godsend

cheepz Im so, so sorry.X

Hello, can I join? I am between 9-10 weeks and terrified. I have my nuchal/dating scan on 8th April, although I had a private one last Monday which put me at 8+1, making me 9+5 today? I had a miscarriage in January, and amazingly got pregnant straight away. But I am unable to relax and have convinced myself that it is going to be bad news at the next scan.

Cheepz, I just read your posts and am really sorry too.

Cheepz I hadn't been on all week and I am gutted to read this, absolutely astounded at how unfair it all is.. It's just not right.

Your Ted will see you through this, I don't know how I'd have gotten through my two mmc's without Ella being the gorgeous vivacious brightness that she is..

As others said and I think you know, stick around here if it's not too painful, we can be here for you.

I didnt have a scan today, my 12 week scan was moved forward to week or two ago and I forgot to update the stats. That said, i've had very very very light spotting today.. like someone had drawn a red biro on tissue when i wipe if that makes sense. if it continues over the weekend i will get it checked out..

great news louise and welcome domesticgoddess.

Sad wave to everyone else

Amy - BOY - 38 wks - ELCS scheduled for 30 March
Hoops - BOY - 38 wks - due 02 April - IN VERY SLOW LABOUR!!!!!!!
Memorylapse - GIRL 34 + 3 wks - due 4th May, induction scheduled for 37/38 weeks
Jacanne - GIRL - 34 wks - due 29th April/6 May
Becky78 - baby#1 - ??? - 33+2 wks, due 12th May
Meita - baby#1 - ??? - 19+3 wks, due 17th August - 2nd scan 1st April
Boodleboot - baby#3 - 1DD {10} 1DS {5} - 15+4 wks - due 16th Sept 20wk scan - 4th May
TFLS - baby#1 - 14 wks, due 29 Sept
LeeWT - baby#2 (DD1 2yrs) 13 + 1 wks, due 30th Sept - 20 week scan 24th May
Louisesh - baby#1, 13 wks, due 1st Oct
MrsRigby - baby#2 (DS 15 months), 12+2 wks, EDD 7th October
Effilump - baby#5 (ds 22,15,16mnths. dd13) 10+3 wks EDD 18th Oct
SamanthaB123 baby#3(2x DD's 11 & 9 yrs) 10+2 wks, EDD 20th October, dating scan & nuchal test 13.04.10, 20 week scan 07.06.10
Freezing - baby#2 (DD 18 months) 10 wks, EDD 21st Oct
Sarahlou8 - baby#3 (DD 11, DS 9) 9+5 wks, EDD 23rd October
emmielou81 - baby#5 (DS 6, DD 3) - 9 wks, EDD 28th October

We share the pain and mourn the loss with:
Jollster - one DC, two babies lost, recent MMC w9/@11, 26th Feb
Cheepz - one DS, recent MMC w9, 26th March

The babies are arriving! Huge congratulations to:
Totally with daughter Faith Juliet, 9lb5oz born Tuesday 16th February 2010

Oh cheepz I'm so sorry to read your news. Sending you virtual hugs and thinking of you.

Love to all, might be awol for a while as I work through this but will be in and out and certainly want to keep 'in touch' with all of you. xxx

Hi all.Just a question if anyone can give me their experience/thoughts please.

I ve got my nuchal scan on Wed but leaning towards cancelling it? feel if my risk comes back as high [which i have a feeling it will as a contributary factor my age ;39] REALLY don t want the cvs or aminocentsis [sprry, if thats spelt wrong] as know it can carry a slight [1-2%] risk of MC and these tests still can t give you a 100% definate result.

So., my dilemma, is if i wouldn t be having any further tests is there any point to having the nuchal scan in case i get a "bad" result and then have 5 months of that on my mind?

What has everyone else done or thinking of doing?

Oh, know my age wont be the only factor!!!!

Cheepz, you do what you need to do. We will be here if and when you need us, anytime.

Amyboo, not long to Tuesday anymore now.

Louise, that's a tricky one.
Given that you know that your age puts you at risk, the likelihood that the test gives you bad results is no better or worse than the likelihood that your baby will have a problem. If you see what I mean? So, might it just be hanging over your head for the next 5 months anyway, because you know your at risk due to your age? On the other hand, if the test gives you a low risk, you'd be rid of the worry (though they can't give you guarantees, obviously).
For me it was a case of distinguishing between high risk as the NHS defines it (1 in 150 where I am) and high risk as I see it. I think there are worlds between 1 in 4 and 1 in 100, but for the NHS it is the same. Before the test I was convinced that 1 in 100 would not worry me. At 1 in 50 or so, it would have meant for me that I would have scrapped any home birth plans, as I would have wanted medical assistance on hand for the baby, just in case. And maybe, maybe, if the test would have come back 1 in 4 or so, I would have gone for further tests - simply to prepare myself for a high risk of miscarriage (30% of DS babies don't make it as far as birth).
Mostly though, I confess, I had the nuchal scan because I figured I would get to see my baby for longer .
I would say that if a result such as 1 in 75 would make you worry more than you do anyway, then don't do the test. Because, a) the chances that you get such a result are quite high, and b) if you do get such a result, it wouldn't change anything for you except make you worry more. If, however, only a very high risk, such as 1 in 10, would get you to really worry; and if you would want to know in that case in order to prepare yourself; then you could take the test, because a) the chances that you get such high risk are small, and b) if you do, it might help you get prepared.
On the other hand, you've seen your LO a few times now... and in any case, at the 20 week scan/organ screening, they would most likely pick up on anything that's wrong, thus ensuring that you wouldn't be totally unprepared in any case.
At the end of the day, I would say go with your feeling. I had it all sorted out in my mind, but when it came to it and I realised that I would be higher than average risk, I did become very tense and worried and wasn't so sure about my decisions anymore.

I hope this helps a little. Mostly, I think it's worth remembering that a nuchal scan won't make a healthy baby ill, nor a ill baby healthy. Like a gender scan doesn't make a boy into a girl or vice versa. So if you truly don't mind either way, you might as well find out...
On and one more thing to consider. At the moment your baby is in a very intimate, bodily relation to you. All you know about him or her is how you feel. Any extra, abstract knowledge (or half-knowledge) you gain about your baby changes that relationship - you might lose access to that intimacy, because the figures and numbers might just be too overbearing. So that would again be an argument against "knowing" too much - trust your feelings instead.

Oh, and welcome to DomesticGoddess. I'm sorry to say you have picked a sad moment to join, and everybody is a bit downcast. But I'm sure if you stick around, you'll see that we are a nice and friendly crowd.

I won't say "don't worry" as of course we all do. But what I will say is that whatever happens, you will make it through it; and people here will be happy to celebrate or commiserate with you - the former being more likely than the latter, mind!

I didn't want to know lou....i have enough to stress about with this pregnancy as it is without introducing more odds into it....

whatever will be will be.....

[peeps round door and waves shyly]

Hello, can I join? I've been on The Other Thread for a little while now, and i recognise some of you from there.

I am pregnant again. And I'm so scared it will all go wrong again. And it's brought everything back emotionally (damn hormones kicking in - I was alright before!) And I have to go through those awful first three months again - sickness, lack of appetite, hot/cold flushes, etc., not knowing. I m/c at 14 weeks in January (baby was 10/11 weeks, they were not precise).

Apologies for starting with (small) rant. I'm a bit nervous about joining because you're all so much bigger than me - it's a bit like going to Secondary school after primary. My uniform is a bit big and my shoes are all shiny, but I'll try my best to scuff them by the end of the day.

I've brought some Jaffa cakes and an apple for teacher.

Evening everyone.

What's the point of having a digestive system? Went the toilet before and whole peas came out. Couple of weeks ago I went (I have been inbetween these times, don't worry) and red peppers floated up, after discovering I was pregnant again and having had a miscarriage I saw red and you can imagine what I thought.

Constipation during pregnancy - my arse, I've had diarrhoea for the past couple of days. 5 times I've been today, almost didn't get there twice - very close call (did have to inspect my trousers carefully).

And when I say trousers, I mean PJ trousers and a T shirt (currently wearing an I LOVE SHEEP T shirt). I don't see the point of getting dressed when I'm just sitting in the house and besides, PJ bottoms are so much more comfy. Can't wear PJ tops though, my boobs are too big - 36I in case your wondering.

On a happy note, I'd like to inform you that I've somehow lost weight and am now a size 18 bottom and 16 top.

Not suprising I've lost weight, yet again I've caught a bug. Seriously, I'd have a better time of it if I had morning sickness. Not counting the norovirus or pulmonary embolism, I've been sick 5 times since December 2009. I've had to cancel meeting my Jewish friend, her Jewish husband, their Jewish son and new baby (I'm presuming Jewish also) 4 times. We're due to meet up next weekend. Yeh, we'll see.

Mother-in-law is still getting to me, we see them very infrequently now, which suits me fine. Went round to theirs last Sunday I think, even though we take toys for DS ot play with, she has to go one better and bring out a whole box. Pisses me off big time and I'm sure she knows it. And she keeps asking me if I've had morning sickness every time I see her - NO, YOU STUPID FUCKING WITCH, I DIDN'T HAVE IT WITH DS, DIDN'T GET IT WITH THE ONE I MISCARRIED AND I HAVEN'T HAD ANY WITH THIS ONE - I'M REALLY FUCKING SORRY, BUT I'M JUST ONE OF THOSE VERY LUCKY WOMEN. NOW SHUT IT.

And breath.

louisesh I only had the dating scan and anomaly scan with my last pregnancy and the same with this one. DH and I would never abort under any circumstances so having the further tests (which are (a) not reliable and (b) pose a risk to the unborn baby) for us is a waste of time.

And age is only a number!

meita what do you think about having a pulmonary embolism (yes I'm still banging on about it) in early pregnancy, taking fragmin and wanting a homebirth?

Welcome domesticgoddess and unbuffy. cheepz I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry.

DH is reading all the Thomas The Tank Engine Stories as I sit here posting, eating fighting DH for cheesy doritos and watching Dancing on Ice. He's up to Duck (that's no 21).

Okay, me, me, me time now.

Cried myself to sleep last night (again) after lying awake for hours (again). Not enjoying pregnancy because I'm falling ill every 2 seconds, but more over because I've been told I've got to have a hospital birth. I'm worried (that's putting it mildly) that I'm going to go through everything that happened last time, to say I had a traumatic experience would be putting it mildly (see below) and also DH is no support whatsoever. I feel like I'm on my own with no support. I can't talk to DH about this because he doesn't seem to care or understand.

With DS, attempted a homebirth, but after making a mistake trusting the midwife took entonox, lost it and started screaming for an epidural within seconds. Up until this point I'd been coping with the pain okay, I was 7cm and the midwife said she'd never seen anyone look so calm and serene (I suppose she could have been lying). Anyway, she immediately had me transferred to hospital and things went from bad to worse. I was completely out of it with the drugs they gave me and labour was prolonged. When he was born, there was no rush of love. I wasn't allowed to breastfeed DS and they actually took him off me and had some helper feed him formula. They subjected him to a test he didn't need, twice, because they wrongly thought I had diabetes. We had to fight for a private room. I felt like a criminal and was treated like such. They kept me in for 3 days. On leaving, I attempted breastfeeding again at home, but the midwifes basically accused me of not feeding DS (he was never off my breast), they never measured him against the breastfeeding chart and forced me to give him formula after a month. Suffice to say I still kept breastfeeding him as well as formula. By about 9 months I'd stopped altogether as he was eating 3 meals a day and no longer needed me. I had PND for 7 months and every day was a struggle, I didn't love or want him. DH and I were talking about having him adopted things were that bad. We still haven't bonded now, but at least I love him. Hopefully when the baby comes along, he'll get jealous and want mummy.

Hi and welcome to UNBUFFY and DOMESTICGODDESS yes, we re "bigger" but we ve all been where you are so can totally relate to you.Thanks for the gifts , wish it was wine!!!! [mmm.....a period of reminising for louise!!!!]

Thanks boodle and Meita for your thought out and caring reply.

After talking it through with DH and my mum i ve decided to cancel my nuchal scan.I know utlimately i wouldn t want to go ahead with the further diagnostic tests if the risk was high and would spend the next 4/5 months worrying about the same and ultimately i wouldn t be able to terminate if there was a major problem identified after going through soo much to get here.I m trying to rationalise if there had been any major chromosonal problems my little bubs wouldn t have made it this far.As you say i ve had 3 great scans, all well, theres the blood test at 16 wks for downs, the scan at 20 weeks for abnormalities but soo far all the measurements are good

Also feel i ve got to "let go" a little and put my trust in something else [don t know what] that all will be well.

Will speak to epu tomorrow to see if i get a scan on wed or just see the consultant,don t mind either way.i ve decided i can have my private scan for abnormalities in a couple of weeks.

Feel better now , thanks X

MrsR was so struck by your post; I sensed "depth" to your situation in the past, but did not presume to guess at the detail. It sounds like you have been through A LOT. I trust you have or are seeking appropriate RL support. I am not qualified or experienced to give any advice, but I do send love and best wishes.

Look after unBuffy; her gym knickers have slightly loose elastic, but am sure she'll settle in fine... (actually that sounds rude... did NOT mean it that way...!).

Lou the decisions are always so personal. Am glad you have reached your conclusions and are feeling relieved.

A big wave to everyone... am tipping my glass to you all x

lou..I chose not to have any diagnostic tests as given everything Ive had with this pregnancy..I couldnt have coped with anything else.

Im going into hospital tomorrow for an iron infusion..I need it..I feel like death..