Due November after loss

[CloudsInMyCoffee09]

Hi there,
I've started this thread so that mamas who have similar due dates following a previous loss or losses have somewhere to chat and feel supported.

I've been on a November due date thread but I feel there's a huge difference in the mindset of people who have experienced loss and those who haven't - which makes total sense!

We have different worries and milestones to make it past etc, so please join if you need somewhere to chat, rant, vent, or share your worries.

Pregnancy is an anxious time as it is without having previous trauma to contend with. Is it just me, or has all the joy been sucked out of the experience?

Dont think you arent parenting correctly because you're struggling!
Hopefully it does get easier!
Pregnancy after loss is SO difficult.

I honestly dont know how ive not broken yet to be fair this pregnancy has been so hard so far.

Ive had my immediate family arguing over the most pathetic things but ive been dragged in the middle and then his family has seen his sister have an operation on her neck, and now his dads in hospital.
And im having to work full time on my own while my colleagues on holiday and im absolutely exhausted, ive had to pull out of an event because i just cant bring myself to go when im pregnant with other things going on!

Everyone has a struggle, its how you choose to deal with it!

Although you've gained it doesnt mean when little bubba is here you cant try to lose it all again!

Take every day a step at a time, your son will understand when hes old enough you dont have to explain it right now, just say mummy is having a baby and is so excited that sometimes it makes mummy cry!

It doesnt have to be all truth, hes 2😊

I hope you're doing ok though!

You DP needs to realise how hard it is, have you sat down with him in private away from your DS and had the conversation with him about your struggoes? If not, have you got someone else from your support network that you can chat to?xx

Ok im 23 weeks and 4 days and im scared to death now whether baby is ok.

Although i feel movement its down at the bottom of my bump, not higher up so im thinking yep hes moving and wriggling but then the devil or dick on my shoulder keeps saying 'are you sure its not just gas thats bubbling and not baby?'

I have my midwife appointment on 6th of August... and im feeling scared.. what about if we've lost him?🙃

Im struggling with my hips and my back too, its hurting in my waking life too not just my sleep!!

I was sick yesterday, but majority was acid, a little bit of food but literal acid. It was yellow so im guessing its acid😅

Reflux inside and outside of pregnancy is not fun🙃 im chugging milk like its going out of fashion! And im absolutely shattered, i went to bed for the first time without my OH yesterday at 830 He walked in the house at 720 last night from work barely saw him, all i said was im sick, i have a throbbing headache from being sick and im going to bed, love ya bye🙃😂

My pregnancy pillow is doing naff all for me, i woke up on my back other night and absolutely shit myself.

Im usually calm about everything and this pregnancy, but wow its come over me all of a sudden that we wont have a scan until start of september and i dont know whether hes actually okay in there! (thanks to the NHS and my shit hospital midwife for tipping me over the tommys edge i am greatful for it!)

I have a bump and people keep saying omg are you sure theres not twins in there and even when i answer yes im sure theyre like i think you need to get that checked again. Like im sure they would see it at 20 weeks if there was 2 growing in there🙃

Any advice from anyone about how to get rid of this feeling?

I dont want a private scan, to be honest theyre expensive and im also waiting out to get a 4D one done since hes my first baby🤣 i have to wait until around 26 - 32 weeks to have that done!

Hey !

So sorry your feeling this way. As for you worrying about the movement.. is there any kind of pattern yet? Just because gas typically would not have a pattern.. so may help the thought process in that sense? And the fact at this point in time it is highly likely it really is your baby.

I think it’s okay to be worried and scared, it’s normal but if it’s becoming consuming I would speak to your midwife. They should be able to offer some support services. Also, will she use the Doppler? This may give you some reassurance at your appointment too.

You could also do weekly bump measurements or photos to track the change in size ect if you think that a visible change may help you more? Just be aware bumps can obviously change depending on food processing ect too.

I like to write my worries down and reasonings for them or voice them to someone who can speak to me not sympathetically but rationally and almost help point out the likelihood and chance which does tend to help me, but everyone is different.

@LER2023 my movements started really low down in my bikini line too now he's pretty forceful and my bump shudders when he gets going. I remember the days when it was really low down struggling to believe they were real too. As baby moves higher you'll get more distinctive movements

Bump size is funny. A cashier in Tesco asked far along I was and replied with "I thought you'd be further along" and I've been asked if I'm nearly due too but when the midwife measured my fundal height it was on the 10th percentile! The same as with my daughter. I do feel bigger but it's been a while since that pregnancy!

Speak to the GP about omperazole for the reflux, I had a week of antiemetics a few weeks ago too because I was struggling with nausea and reflux and both were making each other worse and getting on top of them meant I only needed meds for a short time. At the time the antiemetics helped more but now the omperazole is more effective. I don't take it every day but any day I struggle. Bread seems to be a particular trigger, if I have a sandwich for lunch by mid afternoon I have awful reflux. Toast isn't as bad.

Ah @LER2023 I really feel for you. I’m just slightly ahead of you (24+1) and have felt the same, it’s probably only the last week or so I’ve felt confident that kicks are kicks, and even sometimes now if it’s low down I’m not sure. Definitely speak to your midwife about it though if it’s making you anxious! I’ve had my 25 week appointment today and she listened with the Doppler so hopefully you get that soon for some reassurance x

@LER2023 mine started low down too and I also wondered if it was just gas - very likely it is baby. I’m nearly 25w now (anterior placenta) and I’m getting proper thuds and more obvious movement higher up and to the sides. I’ve read you don’t have a proper pattern until a bit later but we seem to get most movement in the evening and very early in the am (like 4/5am - prob when I’m hungry!)

I don’t notice movement anywhere near as much when I’m in the car or moving around the house - which might explain why it feels
More obvious of an evening when I’m sitting still. Do you have an active job at all?

I’ve had bleeding at the beginning until week 15, PGP, A&E with gallstone attack and a horrible cold the past few weeks. It doesn’t end! but the more obvious movements are really helping me now and we’ve finally started to buy things - starting to believe I’ll actually have a baby in 3 months!

hope you feel better soon and gaviscon is really helping me with acid atm

xx

@LER2023 how are you feeling today? I have been a bit nervous recently too (only 22weeks but had a follow up 20 week scan as they couldn’t check the heart out properly) but it’s scary how much the brain can overthink things! I have anterior placenta, I do feel movements, mostly low or too the sides - but it’s more of a pattern things that throughout the day of that makes sense? If I sit down and it’s quiet, or lay in the bed, I can definitely feel more movements then.

My friend’s swore by omeprozle for their heartburn! I get it a little, but not too bad yet - only if I have something with raw onion in! Then the pain is ridiculous - so I have been giving onions a wide birth at the moment!

bumps are so weird too! My bump feels huge to me - it is definitely bigger than my other pregnancy, as one lady at school said (she is not know for her tact) “you are all bump this time, last time you went puffy all over very early on” 😂🤦🏼‍♀️ and yet bubba is smaller than her older sister was at this point! Makes no sense!

are you able to contact your midwife? In some trusts, the community midwives will let you come in/go to you with the doppler for reassurance x

Thank you ladies, ive been taking some.time for my MH.
ive still been on here just not as often.
Theyre definitely kicks and movements as theyre so strong now, baby boy thinks its play time at 11oclock at night🙃🤣

My heart burn got a lot better when i was sick! Its just the hip and back pain im now working on, ive got a ball, got a pregnancy support belt, got my pregnancy pillow (ive had that since the first trimester to help with back sleeping)

Now its about trying to breeze through pregnancy, i got my OH to try and feel a kick other day, it was wickedly strong on the inside, thought he was going to go come through it was so strong, but my OH said it felt like a flutter🙂😅

All in all, im doing ok, just needed to realise its not gas, it is baby moving and kicking😅

Trip to triage to listen to baby, i started feeling very strong kicks!
And even DP could feel little bits of it on the outside.. for the last day i havent felt a thing from him not even a swish!🙃

Not going to lie when i say i almost cried on the phone to this lovely midwife! Im hoping and praying all is good with him!

God pregnancy is so fucking hard!
I see my midwife next week so i might just tell her how hard its been and that my anxiety was through the roof since around 22 weeks🫠

Its horrible that they literally leave you until baby is born with no scans, yes i have scans at 30 weeks and 37 weeks but fuck me, in order to see baby i have to pay🙃

Ive got loads on today as well, i have training 9 - 1, then physio at 2.30 for my back and hips. And now i have to go into hospital to listen to his heartbeat to make sure hes ok!

I'll keep you all updated when ive been, but i am so scared right now.

Ive given gentle pokes and wiggles and NOTHING.
Especially since sunday and monday he was so active at night! Thought ah hes probably asleep monday night. Not felt anything since then!😬

Sorry to hear about this @LER2023 , please do let us know when you've been in.

sounds like you've got a lot on today regardless...!!

it really is hard going .... I too have scans at around 30 weeks then 39 weeks but it feels so long away.

ive got a telephone appointment with a doctor regarding mental health this afternoon. Not sure what will come of it. It's because I mentioned being on anti-depressants (last year ) it at my booking appointment and due to pregnancy loss as well . Would be worth mentioning to midwife about how your feeling to see if you can get some support?

Thankfully hes just being a lazy baby, his heartbeat was still very strong, and she said he seems like a happy baby😊

Ive been told i have pelvic girdle which is why im struggling with my hip and back pain lmao i just bloody knew it😅

Nothings ever straight forward, well we get to listen to his heartbeat next week because i have a midwife appointment and then i have a 30 week scan in september, sure its like the 8th of september🤣
Theres so many appointments to remember!

But i said i wanted a 4D scan after the 30 weeks, because we kinda get to see what hes going to look like😁
My OH is slowly coming round to the idea of a 4D scan, he just thinks there weird haha!

Sorted out when im due to go on mat leave and i'll be starting it on 31st October😅 going out with a bang on halloween apparently and then its just the waiting game but i just need to get there first, when i sit and think omg its not gar away, my brains pulls me back to earth and says wait... thats 14 weeks away🤣

How is everyone doing?

I have the anniversary of my first miscarriage tomorrow, it feels a bit odd this pregnancy is just starting to feel real then there's the reminder of what can happen. I'm now 32 weeks so in a very different place pregnancy wise to a year ago when I was 10 weeks.
I had my first growth scan today and it was good to see his little face again. He's head down which is good, I'd been getting movements at both sides of my bump at the same time so I'd been dreading him being transverse so that was reassuring.

I took my daughter to the shop this week to pick out a little outfit for him from her. It's the closest I've come to buying something. I picked up something for a friend who had a little one recently at the same time as my second miscarriage was due. I'd been putting that off too.

@Superscientist that scan sounds lovely - so nice to see your little one growing!

I'm doing ok. 34 weeks now with a c section planned for between 39 and 40 weeks, so hopefully getting close!

Got through the work deadline and feeling massively less stressed now. Also still quite active - biked to work today and we were away on a trip last weekend and did some lovely (short) walks.

On the other hand, one of my grandparents is really not well and moving to a care home this week. My mum is handling most of this, but it's a lot of complicated and emotional decisions that have come up quite suddenly. Such is life I suppose.

I'm glad that work stress has calmed down @InvisibleDragon I'm sorry to hear about your grandparent, it's a hard decision to move to a care home but they can be the best place for support. My mum cared for my gran at home until she was unable to do so anymore. She then went into residential care for the last few months and she was well cared for and she had a dignified death in a place of calm rather than potentially in an a and e corridor had she continued to stay at home. She had had a few hospital admissions prior to moving to the residential care home.

It's exciting that you are getting close, when do you get your c section date?

It looks like I'll be giving birth early. On Monday I developed an irritating itch mostly on my hand and feet but spreading everywhere. I mentioned it to the consultant after my scan yesterday and they ran some liver function tests. The results have come back today and they are raised so it looks like I have intrahepatic cholestasis of pregnancy. I've got to see a consultant and the main hospital tomorrow to discuss. A bit of googling suggests my levels are "moderate" at the moment which would mean an induction around 38 weeks but if they increase it could be as early as 35 weeks....eek! I'm trying to hold off overthinking before I see the consultant tomorrow.

Hope you’re ok @Superscientist i know anniversaries can be tough 😢 I found a card today from the EPU saying sorry for your loss and it brought it all back, I’m 26 weeks now but still don’t think I’ll believe everything will be ok until I actually have baby in my arms (and maybe not even then, I was so paranoid about SIDS with my first i developed PPA).

hope the consultant appointment goes well and you can hold on to 38 weeks!

@InvisibleDragon hope you’re ok too, sorry to hear about your grandparent x

I think the wee fella could be 42 and I'll be still worried something might happen!

I had pnd with my daughter, it's hard having time to have poor mental health, are you getting any support this time around @Jade3110 ? How are you doing?

I've been seen in maternity today. They gave us the once over and had me on the ctg monitor as well as the usual urine and BP checks. All looks ok. They've diagnosed me with ICP/OC. I'm in the moderate category so if things stay as they are they will induce around 38 weeks. I have to have weekly bloods to monitor the situation if my levels start increasing significantly they will bring the induction forward. Today was the day the miscarriage was confirmed by scan. It was a bit odd being one floor below getting mixed news. Annoyingly due to other medication I'm on there's nothing I can take for the itching which is a pain.

@Superscientist I’m not at the minute, the midwife said she’s keeping an “extra eye” on me but to be honest I’m so busy with work/home/life I barely get a minute to think about anything. I didn’t really sleep last night, it was definitely 1am before I dropped off and then up every hour, today we have a big audit at work so I’ve no idea how I’ll get through that. Everything my husband does is annoying me at the minute too, I can’t help but snap at him. I’ve got two weeks off from Friday so hopefully some time to rest.

Glad you've got a plan in place! I’m 27 weeks today and realised I still have done nothing to prepare and I wonder if that’s because I don’t actually believe it’ll all be ok!

Im here again having a bit of a moan because im just annoyed😅
PGP how the fuck do people cope?! Im struggling so bad. Im so in need of some relief!! Its just horrendous🙃
Ive managed to get through to a GP that my pgp is just horrendous, they've given me a very low dose of cocodamol that is safe in pregnancy! Ive been told i can have a week off work but im just so bloody nervous of taking a week off when i have annual leave coming up! I only have to get through this week and next and im off for a whole week, but im in the mindframe that i just cant do it, i can barely walk, i have good days and bad days with it. I just feel like im letting people down because of my pain, im letting down my employer (i absolutely love my job) and i feel like im letting down my family because im struggling to travel to see them even in a car let alone public transport, and worse of it all i feel like im letting down my OH, as we cant have sex because my back and hips are just saying no, i can barely sleep at night because i cant lay properly, let alone have sex🙃
My OH has the another ear infection and is awaiting surgery but wont have a consultation until october and then surgery possibly next year, so hes grumpy and in so much pain! I feel so bad for him and just want to try and help as much as i can! But i cant do anything for him and neither can a GP! since hes allergic to all the antibiotics on offer for his ear infection.
I keep trying to push myself to get stuff done and my colleague is pushing for me to do stuff as well, but i just end up in excruciating pain, i could barely move saturday after cleaning an office down!!
I feel like i need some kind of break from pain, im loving being pregnant and i dont want to imagine not carrying my baby, but this pain is putting a lot of strain on for sure!

Sorry to hear you are in so much pain, I had PGP in my last pregnancy and it was horrific. Speak to your midwife about it and let her know you are going to need something to help with the pain. You can get belts to help and may be able to get crutches if you feel like it’s getting unbearable.

Ive got a pregnancy belt and some kind of bandage that the physio gave to me.
But its just pain, dr also mentioned obstetrician? But im not too sure whether they would help?

It’s worth seeing them to see what they say. You can also ask to be referred for physio. Hopefully the pain killers will help you and do take the time off if you feel it will benefit you.

It sounds awful @LER2023 I hope the painkillers help. Lack of sleep is no fun, I was awake half the night with the itching from my liver.
Do think about taking the time off, and if not think about what adjustments might make things easier on you. The only persons needs that are important right now are yours.

Sorry I thought I had replied to this, how are you doing? I hope the time off gives you the rest you need.

Such a shame there is nothing they can give you to help @Superscientist. Hope you are doing ok! Are they giving you regular blood tests?

Just when you though cocodamol would help (prescribed from a GP.. a low dose of 8mg of codein that i can just buy over the counter but hey its free so im happy🤣)
It doesnt help and ive been up and bloody down all night🙃
God i need the strength..😪🤔
I think if its this bad and you get it in multiple pregnancies well hes definitely going to be my first and last baby🤣