Due November after loss

[CloudsInMyCoffee09]

Hi there,
I've started this thread so that mamas who have similar due dates following a previous loss or losses have somewhere to chat and feel supported.

I've been on a November due date thread but I feel there's a huge difference in the mindset of people who have experienced loss and those who haven't - which makes total sense!

We have different worries and milestones to make it past etc, so please join if you need somewhere to chat, rant, vent, or share your worries.

Pregnancy is an anxious time as it is without having previous trauma to contend with. Is it just me, or has all the joy been sucked out of the experience?

@LER2023 I had this with my first pregnancy - my foot started to swell somewhere between 20-30weeks and by full term I looked like one of the human characters on the film Wall-e!! My midwife said if you have an old injury then the swelling is to protect that area. It hasn’t happened with me yet..but I’m only 19 weeks!

Scan did go well thanks! Everything looked as it should, and it's a girl!

Had whooping cough vaccine too.

haven't planned / decorated or bought anything for baby up until this point as have been just too worried , but now I think it's time !

Im so sorry my message didnt send! Was wishing you luck with your 20 week scan! Bloody signal in the hospital is ridiculous!
(Where i work btw.. all is good hahaha)

its so nice to hear that you're having a girl and that all was well!! We started decorating when i was around 16 weeks, but i become a little obsessive with it and was getting pissy and stressy with it so had to step back..

im turning 21 weeks on saturday and we have finally bought his furniture.. which should be coming at some stage next week!

We're planning on finishing the painting this weekend as the blinds are going back up on Tuesday! They all need drilling back up😅

I had my whooping cough vaccine on Monday, ive felt a little shabby since, the nurse did say it may make me groggy.. they werent lying! Now ive just got a headache that comes first thing in a morning. If it was to persist i'll probably speak to the GP.

@KT199 its definitely a hard one that they dont opt to listen to them anymore until you're 25 weeks. Definitely go for a scan before you go, put your mind at rest!
Ive definitely grown a little podgy bump now

Ive not had any injuries to my ankles/feet as far as im aware, theyre just fat🤣 i think its more heat based as they feel ok this morning. I can fit into my shoes😂

Thought i might have had to take a mental health day today, ive been struggling this past week, the scan lightened the load a little but jesus ive felt so down and wanted to cry but i dont know why!! (Ive not cried since my 7 week scan when they told me all was ok!) But that was happy tears rather than just a break down🙃 but lately i feel like having a full blown break down and i dont know why... i dont know whether its hormones, im putting it down to being tired and achey so its straining me even more esp with working full time too!
Theres some stuff going on between my brother his girlfriend and my mum since they all moved back into 1 house, theyve been bitching about each other and things arent going right and blablabla. My brothers in the process of buying his house and my mum cant wait for him to leave. But im getting the brutal end of the stick with them both coming to me to piss and moan about the situation... (i have another brother whos the eldest.. im the youngest and pregnant.. its getting exhausting) so i dont think thats helping much either.

My colleague who i work with tried to say i dont have depression or anxiety 'because everyone has bad days and put it down to anxiety and depression.. you dont have that unless you've been diagnosed with it' so i kinda flew off the handle and said well unless you know my medical records you wont know what i have. But yes i have been 'diagnosed' with severe depression, anxiety AND PTSD.
She was like why PTSD? you have nothing to have PTSD over... shes 62.. it pissed me off since i opened up to her not too long ago about my mental health struggles.. that doesnt help when i already feel hormonal, tired, hot and stressed😂

I had a good night sleep though last night with no pain thankfully! So i do feel better today!

I'm sorry things are hard @LER2023
Do you have any support for your mental health in pregnancy? Here if you need to talk. Pregnancy can be hard on your mental health, the pregnancy symptoms, discomfort, hormones, change and dealing with vaccines isn't a good mix!

The family situation sounds hard too. I'm the family "fixer" so get the brunt of that when family are rubbing one another up the wrong way. I will say, if you aren't up for the call you don't have to answer. Give them a call back when you have the capacity for the call x

You have reminded me, I really need to book my whooping cough vaccine!

How is everyone doing?

Hey @Superscientist

I'm doing ok ish, very tired! 22 weeks now. I had two scans a couple go weeks ago, one to check the blood flow from my placenta (my son was SGA) which was fine so next scan for that at 32 weeks. Second scan was to measure my cervix which came back on the cusp of being too short, so back for another scan tomorrow to see how it’s looking and decide if any precautions needed! The sonographer wasn’t concerned but the consultant wanted to check again. She said it was her first day back after mat leave herself so hoping she’s just being extra cautious and tomorrow will be fine!

How are you doing?

Good news about the placenta and hopefully tomorrow you'll get answers on your cervical length and she's just being cautious. The fatigue is awful, I'm not sure if it's the weather but I don't recall having as much fatigue with my daughter at this point.

I'm doing a bit better, I have a little more energy than I have had so I'm not feeling quite as flat and unmotivated.

I had my assessment with the perinatal team last week and they are taking me on and I'll have regular appointments with the consultant and I'm being put on the list for a community nurse too

I saw one of my Obstetricians today, an hour wait for a 2 minute appointment! Everythings ok or being managed by others so there wasn't a lot to discuss. She'll see me again after my growth scans at 32, 35 and 38 weeks. I've got my 28 weeks midwife appointment tomorrow so hoping to get my bump measured and to have a listen to the heartbeat then.

How was your midwife appointment @Superscientist?

Scan was good, they’re happy so don’t need to be seen again till growth scan at 32 weeks!

Hows everyone doing in the heat? I feel super emotional today, my little boy (almost 3) is very clingy and whingy and i feel on the edge of tears! Was supposed to be potty training but he’s so clingy he isn’t trying so I’ve put his nappy back on. Feel like such a failure 😩

Gosh i was ok when i was in work but ive stepped outside and i feel SO emotional because its so warm! I have a dress on and i still cant cope with the heat😪

Think when they dont know what to do with themselves its even worse and it makes them super clingy!

I feel clingy towards my fan that isnt doing anything for me so thats amazing🤣

@Jade3110 don’t worry abiut the potty training! There is still plenty of time :) my friends that had boys all said they tried but ended up stopping and trying a little older and it went much quicker and smoother! I feel your pain with sticky clingy children though - I teach Reception and they (and I) have struggled this week in a 28.3° classroom 😩 my job share was ill so I didnthe whole week amd it wasn’t fun!

I had my anomaly scan yesterday at 20 weeks - all was good although she was so curled up they couldn’t check the heart chambers so we have to go back in a couple of weeks! I’m slightly confused as my 12week notes said I had posterior placenta and this one said anterior - so I have no idea which is correct. I have been feeling movement - particularly at night time when I’m lying down. That seems to be her active time lol!

All good here though - just plodding along trying to be tonstay hydrated in this weather 😂 slightly annoyed that I have been told I’m only going to be needed 1 day a week in school next year though - I’m sure that is because it saves them money on my mat pay!

@Jade3110 potty training is a good day activity and if he's tired and clingy you are best admitting defeat and trying another day. We took an unconventional potty training path and slowly introduced nappy free time starting at an hour at a time. It was way less stressful than any of the methods in the books I read. The whole just commit to 3 days in the house and they will crack it isn't the way my daughter learns and it wouldn't have been right for her. She's learnt everything by learning, understanding and processing. She has to master things in her head before she will do them routinely so we tried to mimic that with our potty training method. When we did commit to full time potty training she took to it really well.

My midwife appointment went well thanks, got the hear the heartbeat again and she measured my bump. 10th percentile just the same as my daughter even though everyone has commented on how big I am!

I'm so sticky! I've had to remove my bra as it was so damp. I've spent the day on the sofa with a wet flannel.

@Bellabubble I'm glad the scan was ok and I hope they are behaving next time to get the heart images. I think the placenta can position a little bit as the uterus grows maybe it's on the edge of posterior/anterior? I've got an anterior placenta and I think I feel more movements than I did with my daughter, I don't recall being told if it was anterior posterior so always assumed it was posterior but I am fairly sure it was on the top left hand side as I never felt any movements there. This time around there's a patch on the bottom on the left where I don't feel movement but lots of movement across the top of my bump

That's annoying about your work days next year @Bellabubble, when are your qualifying weeks? What do you normally work? it might be worth checking with acas or pregnant then screwed if there is a significant drop. They can't reduce your hours to reduce the mat leave pay you are entitled too. Doesn't hurt to check your legal position out.

Yeah that doesn’t sound great @Bellabubble but hopefully if you’ve already had your 20 week scan your qualifying weeks will be soon and wont affect your pay! What are you contracted to?

I had issues at my 20 week scan with finding the heart chambers but they sent me off for a walk and came back and they got it straight away. I was very anxious though, was convinced they were going to say something was wrong.

I also have anterior placenta and was worried I wouldn’t feel much movement but I can, I think from the scan I had yesterday it’s at the front but high up so i can still feel it round my belly button area! My husband felt it for the first time last night too!

well we had another crack with no nappy this afternoon and he was much better, a couple of accidents but once he realised he was weeing he took himself off to the potty! We’ve been doing bits of introducing the potty and sitting on it before and after bath time etc and if me or my husband go to the loo he likes to copy so hopefully he’s on his way! Although feel weirdly sad that he won’t be in nappies anymore! I’m sure I’ll be thankful for it when baby comes though and there’s only one lot of nappies to change!

@Superscientist @Jade3110 thank you! I checked out the qualifying weeks last night and it is far more promising!! I was on a 0.44 contract (2 days plus extra to plan lessons at home) but for the last half term I have been put up to 3days to cover someones sick leave - and it just so happens the 2 pay slips that count are my biggest of the last year (also helped by a back payment because they made an error in my wages where they had underpaid me for the year - I chased and chased but now I’m pleased they took forever to actually sort it out lol!)

great news about the potty training too - I used reusables so was pleased to be out the nappies in one way - but missed the cute prints and huge bottom she had 😂 I actually sat her on a potty from 6mths for number 2’s as she was so obvious when she was going - and it made them much easier to clean lol!

@Jade3110 funnily enough - they made me walk around and do star jumps as they needed to get her spine too 😂 it was exactly the same as my daughter before - and it was also the heart I had to be re-scanned for! Very strange how similar they have both been. My placenta is high - so that would make sense for the movement - and why it might have “moved” between scans

That's good about your qualifying weeks @Bellabubble

We did cloth nappies too and once she could sit up we started putting her on the potty. She did really well until we went into hospital at 10 months and we lost the habit and refused to sit on the potty after that until we started potty training at 2.5. I think we will definitely try it again this time around!
I'm quite excited to get my cloth out again this time. I sold some of the newborn wraps to my friend and was slightly upset I wouldn't be able to use them again this time around but she messaged in the week saying she still had them if I wanted them back! So happy!

Feeling very thankful for the cold weather today!!

I have a question though, babys born in November... what tf do i need for him🤣

What do i need for myself?! Feel like i need to get a move on because i'll run out of time. I have a few trousers, a few long sleeve tops, 2 cardi's, would i need a snow suit for him?

What do i need for myself in the hospital? It dawned on me yesterday that im going to need some big pants and all that jazz🫠 i dont want to go over the top with it though if i dont need it🤨

For knickers you want full briefs, in black, half to a size bigger than normal. I'm usually a 6-8 and 8-10 were right. You don't want the waistband too high, I had some with a lace band at the top which meant the seam sat lower down and they were good.
Maternity pads, I used cloth and they were so much better then disposables!

I wouldn't buy too many clothes in advance as you don't know what size and shape baby will be, my friend had an average size baby but with long legs and big feet and didn't fit in any of the sleep suits she had bought and the size above were too big in the body. She had to get two pieces that she could mix sizes of or footless sleep suits.
I always recommend Asda first size to start with. A lot of the newborn/tiny baby /first size clothes are up to 7lb and can be too small for some babies and the upto 1 months are 7-10lb which are then too big for smaller babies. Asdas first size is 6-9lb which I find covers most newborns. We had a summer baby and had 2 multi packs of short sleeved vests, I'd get one each of short and long sleeved vests for a November baby and 5-6 sleep suits. This will get you through the first few days and once you know the size you can pop an order in and get what you need in a day or two. My daughter was 6lb13 and Asda was perfect for her so we got more from their and then once she was 4 weeks and over 7lb we got some upto 1 month clothes from Sainsbury's. If she has been a bit smaller, under 6lb8ish, i probably would have topped up with upto 7lb clothes and if she had been 8+lb the 7-10lb clothes.

Try not to get all clothes from one shop as you can blink and they outgrow clothes having a mix of companies mean that they don't out grow everything on the same day. For us Asda ran small and Sainsbury's big so we've always used a mix of them for the bulk of our clothes plus then nice things from m and s and similar. We get quite a lot of frugi stuff on eBay.

Some people love sleep suits and their kids live in them day and night for the first 6 months. I hated them with a passion so did clothes from quite early. Mixes of leggings and dungarees with vests and tops, cardigan or hoodie if it was cold. I didn't have a car so walked everywhere so got quite a bit of use out of the snow suit we had. If you are driving more you might be better with blankets as it can be a pain to take them in and out of the snow suit every time you get in and out of the car. If you are unsure don't buy it wait to see if you miss not having it! This is basically my message for every child related purchase! There's very few things that you can order and get within a couple of days. Also always look second hand first!

We did cloth nappies which aren't for everyone but if you are interested I can talk you through them. I really would look into cloth wipes though the packets ones are rubbish! We'd use 6 plus disposable wipes on my daughter poos and just 2 cloth wipes on similar nappies plus better environmentally etc.

On my list I have short/long sleeve vests, footless baby grows in newborn and 0-3, cardigans in newborn and 0-3, mittens, socks and hats. I’m going to get a footless snow suit also.
I prefer footless as if it’s a little snug if baby is big it won’t be pulling on their toes, can also be rolled up a little if too big but that’s just my preference.

For hospital you want big pants, maternity or maxi night pads, slippers, dressing gown, a nighty for labour, pjs or a nighty for after you have given birth. Mini shower gel and hairbrush.

I’m so glad it’s cooled down, I’ve not been coping well with the heat. Hope all mummy’s and babies are doing well!!

Well ive been feeling him move so much more, so i think he may be a wriggler so anything easy to put him in🤣🤣

I cant see or feel it on the outside yet though🙃

Im 22 weeks is this normal?

Yep. I'm 29 weeks and it's only been in the last week you can see movements and probably it was around 24-26 weeks that you could feel them when you put you hand on the bump.

If your waters go before you are in hospital you want some shoes that can be hosed down or burnt! Mine went before I went into labour with my daughter and what is didn't expect was every time I stood up having been sat down there was another big gush!

For overnight the zip up sleep suits are much easier as you don't have to worry about matching up press stud's. We had a couple of movement sensor cupboard lights that were good for overnight nappy changes so I had a little light to see what I was doing but not so much light I was fully awake and it just took a wave of the hand for it to come on! I'd recommend a dimmable light for the bedroom too. I have a lumie alarm clock and being able to only put the light on a little bit helped overnight

Lots to catch up on!! We’ve been away on our baby moon, which has been wonderful. We had the 28-30 degrees but it’s very different when there’s a pool, a lounger, shade and relaxing involved along with an air conned room.

I’m 18w4d now and pretty sure I can feel movement when laid down at night, it’s been happening for around a week and is definitely getting clearer. I was unsure that it was movement for sure initially but definitely progressing into more “kicks/taps” that’s for sure. My scan confirmed posteria placenta too so feel that makes it a little more likely it’s him! I have a consultant appointment next week followed by 20 week scan a week later.

@LER2023 With it being winter we have the following on our list: a few cardigans for if the house feels abit chilly, thick hats and a snowsuit so that if we brave any winter walks we’re prepared, a few 2.5 tog love to dream/sleeping bags. As for myself absolutely not thought that far ahead, but my friend did recommend the spritz for bits for post birth if not having a section so I have that written in my notes🤣. Useful to see other people’s recommendations who have done this before as I think I am falling into the I need everything trap with it being our first, so thank you for that @Superscientist @Pumpkinspice13

How is everyone doing this week? 🙂

Sounds like a lovely trip @KT199 .

I am 31 weeks and 2.5 weeks away from a massive deadline at work that I really really cannot be bothered with anymore, but which is really important for future employment.

Baby is pretty active now - I'd say I generally feel some movement every hour, but with some quieter stretches interspersed with loads of wiggles and kicks.

On the not so great side, my DS is going through a phase of asking lots of questions about death. Including "Is the baby going to die?" And "Did the brother die?"

I ended up telling him that there was another baby that died when it was still inside me but very very small, which he looked quite upset about. Not sure if that was the most age appropriate conversation, but I was caught off guard and quite emotional. I reassured him that this baby is not going to die though and he told me that "we can take her everywhere with us" which is pretty cute.

Ah that must have been a difficult conversation to have @InvisibleDragon i hope you’re ok! My little boy is not interested in the baby in the slightest, hopefully that changes when they’re here!

I’m 23 weeks now and had a hectic few weeks at work, I have a long weekend off this weekend though and we’re going camping (booked before we knew I was pregnant) so I’m half looking forward to that and half dreading it. My little one is so excited though so it’ll be worth it!

@InvisibleDragon it's hard when one of a multiplet passes. My sister was a twin but my mum lost the other one. She didn't know until after she had given birth though so we didn't know in pregnancy.
I think some reassurance about how early pregnancy is tricky and how some times there are problems that would mean that it's not a healthy baby and can't survive. Once they get to the moving stage the risk of anything happening is low. Talk about what you are doing to support baby being healthy and active, monitoring movements and so on.

@Jade3110 I'm going camping next week too. I'll be nearly 31 weeks! Eek! We booked it at Christmas after my last miscarriage thinking that if I was to be pregnant I'd only be coming to the end of the first trimester so it wouldn't be too bad. Conceiving straight away and being 7 months pregnant was not part of the plan! Same as you half dread, half excited. My little one loves camping so I'm sure it will be fine just maybe not one of my best ideas !

Thanks @Jade3110 and @Superscientist . This wasn't a twin pregnancy - I had a MMC before this pregnancy. I didn't know how much to share with DS at the time because he was only just 2, but he's seen me tearful and overwhelmed quite a few times, which is really unfair to him.

I'm actually really struggling at the moment. Had a really big argument with my DH this morning in front of DS, where he said sone harsh but sadly true things about me being angry and emotionally dysregulated too much of the time.

I've also already gained about 15kg in this pregnancy - lots of baby yes, but also lots of emotional eating too. I feel so ashamed of myself and my bad parenting recently and I'm so overwhelmed by everything.

Yes I have a lot going on, but I'm not dealing with it well at all.