Page 14 | Pregnant and homeless pls help

Queenxxx · 2023-07-29T15:42:37+00:00

Hey guys, so basically, my husband, daughter and I live with my mum currently, and I just became pregnant again with my second baby. My mum is not happy at all about this, because I had agreed with her to not get pregnant again until I move out, (because it's so hard for her right now keeping all of us in her house as well as my other siblings.) so she basically doesn't accept my pregnancy and is kicking me out. She has given me two days to leave the house. So I will be pregnant and homeless with my 19 month old and husband😭what shall I do? Me and my husband can't afford to private rent otherwise we wouldn't even be living with my mum right now. I don't work and receive universal credit and carers allowance because I am my mom's carer. My husband does work but only gets minimum wage. And my biggest problem is that my husband is from abroad. And when applying for his visa, the home office asked where he would live after arriving in the UK. We said he would live with my mum, and she was required to give written confirmation of that, which she did. She literally wrote in the letter that he can live in her house. We even had to have a property inspection to make sure there will be enough space for my husband, my baby and I as well as my mom and siblings. So basically, he wouldn't have even got the visa if my mother had not consented to him living here. And now, 6 months after he's arrived, this has happened...she wants us out of her house...will this effect his immigration status or anything? Will they blame us for this? Will they help us? Someone please help I'm so so so so upset and stressed, and I feel like such a bad mom to my babies😭

Newshoess · 29/07/2023 23:08

@Downatthefarm I have not even told OP to abort. Please take your manipulation else where. Your entitled to your opinion as am I. All I have said is that OP is responsible for her life and her life choices. I'm sorry but I don't see why her mothers health and her siblings should suffer.

@Mummy08m there's probably a HUGE back story. If OPs mother was that wicked why did she put all 3 of them up in the first place??? There is a difference between someone being nasty and someone reaching breaking point. OPs mum told her adult daughter not to get pregnant that alone screams back story....

Teder · 29/07/2023 23:20

Downatthefarm · 29/07/2023 22:31

I'm not interested in any of that.

What I cannot get past is the continuous pushing the OP to have an abortion.

If somebody has decided to continue a pregnancy and makes that clear then it's fucking repulsive for people to try and convince her otherwise.

As an aside - the mother could be called worse for giving her adult child and toddler granddaughter two days notice for eviction, even landlords are expected to give atleast 4 weeks. What the hell is that about? The costs of housing the pregnant OP don't rise exponentially overnight when one receives a positive pregnancy test. There is 7 months left until the baby is born. It is pure spite to give the OP two days.

Disagree with the pregnancy, refuse to bankroll the OP, give a fair notice period. Fine. Just don't make your toddler grandchild homeless with 2 days notice.

She sounds horrible, the grandmother, a lot like you lot.

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You’ve completely disregarded a disabled mother who has housed her adult child, son in law and grandchild for some time.
The OP has zero right to a notice period, she’d be so much better in private rented or housing association/council housing. She would have so much more power on her side.

There are 2 unpleasant types of nasty people on here - the ones who are pushing a pregnant woman into a termination (when she clearly does not want one) AND those slagging off a disabled mother based on a few posts by the OP who has - understandably - not returned for a while.

@Queenxxx I am sorry you’ve been subjected to insensitive comments. It’s not productive. Please contact Shelter, they are very helpful. Citizens Advice should be able to either help or point you in the right direction. I know you say you cannot afford private rent but if you claimed Universal Credit and you are clearly too poorly to work, it may be enough money (with your husbands income) to afford a very small privately rented place. Don’t panic, it is worth crunching some numbers. Try this website; https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

Benefits Calculator - entitledto - independent | accurate | reliable | www.entitledto.co.uk

Check what benefit entitlement you are entitled to. The entitledto benefits calculator will check which means-tested benefits you may be entitled to e.g. tax credits, universal credit, housing benefit …

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/

Shoulddomore · 29/07/2023 23:20

Mummy08m · 29/07/2023 23:00

You're in an overcrowded house with multiple (probably adult) children. Who do you throw overboard? The pregnant one and the toddler grandchild?

I don't buy it.

Personally I'd live in the most overcrowded conditions (I'm from a country where "overcrowded" and tiny properties are in a different league to here in the UK anyway, so I know what I'm talking about) than kick a pregnant woman or a toddler out of my home to be homeless. The husband, maybe.

Deliberately making a pregnant woman homeless is not ok. It's the most retold story in the bible for a reason. It's just breathtakingly unacceptable.

So is it better to kick a newborn baby out? How about if OP got pregnant with her third DC straight away, is that not OK either? The OP is 8 weeks pregnant. Maybe PM the OP and offer for her family to come and live with you if it is such a simple thing to agree to.

PomTiddlyPom · 29/07/2023 23:21

IHadTheLasagne · 29/07/2023 22:59

You sound charming 😍Wading in on a conversation that had nothing to do with me?Aww...you're right...I am simple...thought this was a chat forum where the point is to support people.

Must have missed the memo.

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Yeah to support the OP. Against people trying to kick her unnecessarily, as well as those making prejudiced accusations. My conscience is clear, as I hope yours is too.

Downatthefarm · 29/07/2023 23:29

Newshoess · 29/07/2023 23:08

@Downatthefarm I have not even told OP to abort. Please take your manipulation else where. Your entitled to your opinion as am I. All I have said is that OP is responsible for her life and her life choices. I'm sorry but I don't see why her mothers health and her siblings should suffer.

@Mummy08m there's probably a HUGE back story. If OPs mother was that wicked why did she put all 3 of them up in the first place??? There is a difference between someone being nasty and someone reaching breaking point. OPs mum told her adult daughter not to get pregnant that alone screams back story....

Sorry you're not holding my attention. I have only one thing to say to you, leave distressed and upset pregnant women the hell alone.

kkneat · 30/07/2023 08:01

@Newshoess sorry to hear about rents rising a lot could be to do with so many families being placed up North, think the borough they are placed from continues to pay for a certain about of time and £800 pcm is way way cheaper than London. I’ve had two of my families (I work in social care) been placed in Northern cities & the displacement to the family is very difficult & will push up rents for locals

PumpkinSoup21 · 30/07/2023 08:11

Kisskiss · 29/07/2023 21:32

That she has to choose and consider the full picture.. like others have done. This won’t be her last unexpected pregnancy, what happens with number 3,4,5?

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Oh I see. It’s advice for a future hypothetical situation instead of a response to the question asked. That clears it up.

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/07/2023 09:02

We all make choices. If OP really didn’t want to get pregnant she would have used two condoms, etc etc. how do you think other women keep their fertility in control? OP has made the decision to keep the child. I don’t think OPs mum is unreasonable at all. She was probably forced to house the OP, husband and child in order for the husband to stay here. She made an agreement and op broke that agreement. It’s not all about the OP as there are other people whose lives are continually being disadvantaged by the OPs behaviour.

Feverly · 30/07/2023 09:30

@IhaveanewTVnow 'use two condoms'? You do know that increases the risk of being impregnated?

Mayhem3 · 30/07/2023 10:05

Mummy08m · 29/07/2023 23:00

You're in an overcrowded house with multiple (probably adult) children. Who do you throw overboard? The pregnant one and the toddler grandchild?

I don't buy it.

Personally I'd live in the most overcrowded conditions (I'm from a country where "overcrowded" and tiny properties are in a different league to here in the UK anyway, so I know what I'm talking about) than kick a pregnant woman or a toddler out of my home to be homeless. The husband, maybe.

Deliberately making a pregnant woman homeless is not ok. It's the most retold story in the bible for a reason. It's just breathtakingly unacceptable.

So when is it acceptable to ask them to leave?

Does the mum just have to suck it up and have 5/6 kids running around.

Why should the mum house 2 grown adults and 2 kids (which is going to turn into more kids soon enough).
As a PP said what happens the next time she gets pregnant or the time after that or the time after that.

OP has known that the consequences of getting pregnant is to leave her mums home but she chose to anyway.
She knew that if she got pregnant she would need to terminate or leave the home.
And she’s made her choice.

Mummy08m · 30/07/2023 10:09

Mayhem3 · 30/07/2023 10:05

So when is it acceptable to ask them to leave?

Does the mum just have to suck it up and have 5/6 kids running around.

Why should the mum house 2 grown adults and 2 kids (which is going to turn into more kids soon enough).
As a PP said what happens the next time she gets pregnant or the time after that or the time after that.

OP has known that the consequences of getting pregnant is to leave her mums home but she chose to anyway.
She knew that if she got pregnant she would need to terminate or leave the home.
And she’s made her choice.

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As I've said upthread. She could give op 3-6 months (say) to find a new place. That's realistic. And the baby isn't due for another 7 months.

Not sure where you're getting 5/6 kids from. There is 1 kid. And a pregnant woman in her first trimester.

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/07/2023 10:11

Feverly · 30/07/2023 09:30

@IhaveanewTVnow 'use two condoms'? You do know that increases the risk of being impregnated?

Worked for me.

Mayhem3 · 30/07/2023 10:12

PumpkinSoup21 · 30/07/2023 08:11

Oh I see. It’s advice for a future hypothetical situation instead of a response to the question asked. That clears it up.

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But it’s a fair question.

The OP’s mum allowed OP to live there. Then she married someone from another country and he moved in too.
Then she got pregnant and had a baby and still didn’t move out and so the mum has put her foot down and rightly so.

Posters are saying it’s unfair of the mum but OP already had 1 child and has now got pregnant a 2nd time.
If the mum lets her stay it’s obvious they’ll be a 3rd soon, just like what happened with the 2nd child and then posters would be saying it’s unfair to kick out a pregnant women with 2 kids.

If OP and her DH want more kids then they need to provide for them and stop expecting them to be everyone else’s problem.

Mayhem3 · 30/07/2023 10:19

Mummy08m · 30/07/2023 10:09

As I've said upthread. She could give op 3-6 months (say) to find a new place. That's realistic. And the baby isn't due for another 7 months.

Not sure where you're getting 5/6 kids from. There is 1 kid. And a pregnant woman in her first trimester.

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But if they’ve not found somewhere to live in the 6 months he’s been living here, then they’re not going to find somewhere in the next 3-6 months.

OP has said they cannot afford private rent, so it has to be done through the council.
But finding a council place can take years so they’ll have to be put in temporary accommodation whether it’s in 2 days or 6 months.

OP knew exactly what would happen if she got pregnant a 2nd time and it’s up to her and her DH to make the choice whether to get pregnant or not.

OP is now worried about his immigration status but they both knew the situation before getting pregnant a 2nd time and it’s not fair that some posters are acting like the mum is the one in the wrong here.

Also OP’s mum needs a carer and it sounds like OP is unable to do it because of her sickness so the mum needs to get a new one asap.

Feverly · 30/07/2023 10:20

@IhaveanewTVnow it's obvious that wearing two condoms at once increases the chance of them eroding each other, even teenagers know this 🤦🏻‍♀️

Kisskiss · 30/07/2023 10:21

PumpkinSoup21 · 30/07/2023 08:11

Oh I see. It’s advice for a future hypothetical situation instead of a response to the question asked. That clears it up.

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Since you are being obtuse, let me restate plainly. She says she cannot afford to house her own family, how is she going to feed , clothe and educate two children?
it’s entitlement to expect others ( the state, random
strangers on the internet) to sort out or suffer ( her existing child, her mother) for a choice, yes a choice she is making herself.

Nobody is forcing her to have a second child. If she decides to do it then as every other person and adult, she needs to live with her own decision and it’s resulting consequences.

and actually, the way she is acting now does mean she’s likely to have more children she cannot provide for in the future

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/07/2023 10:22

To be honest I wonder if the OP allowed this to happen on purpose to force the council to house her and her family. However she was very naive if she thought she would get a lovely shiny house. More like a B&B I’m afraid in an area she is not familiar with.

Ds16dv · 30/07/2023 10:24

With the posts about mum kicking op out for being pregnant and only giving a couple of days notice . I do get where mum is coming from. She simply can't do it. She helped whilst she could and the situation has now changed. And she can no longer help.

With the situation of the 2 days notice ok not the best. But since it seens op can't rent and may have to go to the council/homeless route. The council won't help until the day op is homeless anyway. And it's probably better to do it during early pregnancy rather than trying to deal with it when heavily pregnant.

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/07/2023 10:32

Ds16dv · 30/07/2023 10:24

With the posts about mum kicking op out for being pregnant and only giving a couple of days notice . I do get where mum is coming from. She simply can't do it. She helped whilst she could and the situation has now changed. And she can no longer help.

With the situation of the 2 days notice ok not the best. But since it seens op can't rent and may have to go to the council/homeless route. The council won't help until the day op is homeless anyway. And it's probably better to do it during early pregnancy rather than trying to deal with it when heavily pregnant.

Exactly this which is why I’m wondering if OP and her mother planned this to get housing. The op can’t afford to rent anywhere from the sounds of it. So her mother has to evict her to get assistance. Sad but ultimately op has to be homeless to get homeless help.

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/07/2023 10:33

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/07/2023 10:32

Exactly this which is why I’m wondering if OP and her mother planned this to get housing. The op can’t afford to rent anywhere from the sounds of it. So her mother has to evict her to get assistance. Sad but ultimately op has to be homeless to get homeless help.

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But now OP has realised there are implication’s regarding her H and it’s not that straightforward.

Ds16dv · 30/07/2023 10:47

IhaveanewTVnow · 30/07/2023 10:32

Exactly this which is why I’m wondering if OP and her mother planned this to get housing. The op can’t afford to rent anywhere from the sounds of it. So her mother has to evict her to get assistance. Sad but ultimately op has to be homeless to get homeless help.

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Councils often try to secure private rentals now. They help out with 1st months rent /deposit of rent give the landlord a cash incentive. But if they can't find a private rent then end uo in longer term temporary accommodation.

I'm not sure if it was planned. If it was way would op Need to ask for advice on MN. If you plan something like that then you really need to look into it

I have been through the homeless system . Its not easy. It took 5 years to get housed. And then mine was sped up due to my situation. Had it not been it would have been around 10 years wait . The conditions of temporary accommodation is pretty run down as well. So op is mot in for an easy ride.

diamonds2023 · 30/07/2023 13:25

They will not help your partner - and if he tries with you then it will break his visa conditions.

Leave your partner at your mums like agreed in the visa requirements, that's the wisest option.

Go to the council with your child for emergency housing and let them know you are also pregnant.
Don't claim the "homeless" route as that will take longer - it would be easier if you can say your staying at your mums but she wants you out asap which is the truth then they help you as a priority.
A homeless case is very long and in-depth case.

Ds16dv · 30/07/2023 13:36

diamonds2023 · 30/07/2023 13:25

They will not help your partner - and if he tries with you then it will break his visa conditions.

Leave your partner at your mums like agreed in the visa requirements, that's the wisest option.

Go to the council with your child for emergency housing and let them know you are also pregnant.
Don't claim the "homeless" route as that will take longer - it would be easier if you can say your staying at your mums but she wants you out asap which is the truth then they help you as a priority.
A homeless case is very long and in-depth case.

Her mum wants her out now . She has no choice but to go homeless route.

How would homeless route be slower ? If op stays at her mums ( which mum says she can't) she would be classed as housed. So she won't be prority.

diamonds2023 · 30/07/2023 14:03

@Ds16dv It doesn't work like that.
I have been though the homeless route myself with a child and it's very long because they have to do a lot of digging and investigating into a homeless case and at the end it is taken to panel to decide if they are really homeless or not - that takes about 4 months while they are in a hostel.
Thats why as mentioned in my previous post to tell the truth on how the situation is currently and to explain your mum wants you out asap that way they can find a way to house you wether it be with a private landlord working with the council or put you as a priority to be housed and take it from there.
Good luck OP 💐

PumpkinSoup21 · 30/07/2023 14:11

Kisskiss · 30/07/2023 10:21

Since you are being obtuse, let me restate plainly. She says she cannot afford to house her own family, how is she going to feed , clothe and educate two children?
it’s entitlement to expect others ( the state, random
strangers on the internet) to sort out or suffer ( her existing child, her mother) for a choice, yes a choice she is making herself.

Nobody is forcing her to have a second child. If she decides to do it then as every other person and adult, she needs to live with her own decision and it’s resulting consequences.

and actually, the way she is acting now does mean she’s likely to have more children she cannot provide for in the future

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In your first post you talked about people who stopped at one. The OP is pregnant with #2. So she hasn’t stopped at one. Then you talked about hypothetical 3,4, 5 kids.

The bit I missed is that you were still, despite all the comments on this thread asking people not to, discussing abortion. You’re not pro-choice if you criticise someone for not being able to contemplate an abortion. Move on from suggesting this please.