Pregnant and homeless pls help

[Queenxxx]

Hey guys, so basically, my husband, daughter and I live with my mum currently, and I just became pregnant again with my second baby. My mum is not happy at all about this, because I had agreed with her to not get pregnant again until I move out, (because it's so hard for her right now keeping all of us in her house as well as my other siblings.) so she basically doesn't accept my pregnancy and is kicking me out. She has given me two days to leave the house. So I will be pregnant and homeless with my 19 month old and husband😭what shall I do? Me and my husband can't afford to private rent otherwise we wouldn't even be living with my mum right now. I don't work and receive universal credit and carers allowance because I am my mom's carer. My husband does work but only gets minimum wage. And my biggest problem is that my husband is from abroad. And when applying for his visa, the home office asked where he would live after arriving in the UK. We said he would live with my mum, and she was required to give written confirmation of that, which she did. She literally wrote in the letter that he can live in her house. We even had to have a property inspection to make sure there will be enough space for my husband, my baby and I as well as my mom and siblings. So basically, he wouldn't have even got the visa if my mother had not consented to him living here. And now, 6 months after he's arrived, this has happened...she wants us out of her house...will this effect his immigration status or anything? Will they blame us for this? Will they help us? Someone please help I'm so so so so upset and stressed, and I feel like such a bad mom to my babies😭

@Queenxxx which part of the uk are you in? If you don’t mind saying, I know if you’re local to me I can suggest lots of charities/places who can help and I’m sure there may be other mumsnetters on here in other areas who can do the same? Sorry you’re going through this, it sounds so stressful and absolutely the last thing you need with HG!

Presumably you've only had sickness recently? What happened before your pregnancy?

I don't think it's fair to call the OPs Mum a bitch. She is disabled and already agreed to house OP's husband and first child. She may have a disability that is made worse by the tiredness of having small people around, or OP may rely on her too much for childcare, we don't know.

Where’s the responsibility at the top though? The fact is this high standard is only applied to the poorest and least well resourced in society. Rich people get away with extraordinary things and face a fraction of the criticism and shame.

Anyway I’m worried I’m derailing the OP’s thread. But come on people a bit of solidarity is all we need. Why shouldn’t we rely on each other? Why shouldn’t we create fair, compassionate and generous systems where anyone feels able to ask for and receive help at different times in their life without shame? I’ve not got to where I am just by being extra responsible - I had advantages. Parents with a certain level of income, some education, a mortgage. I should share what I have with those who don’t have their advantages.

He's here on a Spouse Visa which means they are married. Whether he is her biological father or not, he is her family.

OPs mother isn't being a bitch. OPs mother has other kids to think about. Why is this all about OP??

It often depends . There's not a clear answer. I was homeless twice. But was always kept local. Both my emgency accommodation and temporary accommodation were self contained flats/houses with at least 3-4 bedrooms.

I don't understand why people keep saying care allowance will stop. You don't have to live in the same house as the person needing care . To claim care allowance as long as your caring for them for x amount of hours.

@Fifthtimelucky

It's not unreasonable of the OPs mum to have boundaries like this. She has other children to consider and is clearly in need of a well and healthy carer. The op is making a choice to continue with a pregnancy that will place an extra burden on the household and has effectively robbed her mother of a carer given how ill the op says she is. If the op continues to stay with her mother, not only is she doing exactly what her mum asked her not to she is preventing her mum from accessing the care that she obviously needs. Whilst she claims carers allowance for looking after her mum, she won't be able to access any outside help.

Op- my heart breaks for you. It is a very shitty situation. You will get through this because you have to. Get as much advice as you can in real life.

It’s not that unreasonable to think there’s a good chance it’s a Muslim country, parental child abductions happen there and most haven’t signed The Hague convention because they say it contravenes Sharia law.

I don't understand why people keep saying care allowance will stop. You don't have to live in the same house as the person needing care . To claim care allowance as long as your caring for them for x amount of hours.

It sounds like that's being extrapolated from the OP's severe illness which prevents her from taking other work.

OP although it’s pushing it for time, could you and your DH look into finding employment that has accommodation with it.

My brother worked on a caravan site and lived in one of the caravans and my friend and her DH ran a pub and loved onsite.

I appreciate these are rare, especially ones that accept families but so is getting a council home.
I think you need to try whatever you can to find somewhere else to live.

Probably not, to be honest.

You say your husband works 12 hour days? Full time? So by my calculation he’d be on at least £1900 a month?
Where do you live you can’t afford to rent on that?

She is absolutely entitled to choose to keep her baby. I think it's shocking the way people casually churn out the "abort it" line - and I am pro-choice! Don't any of you ever think of the years of regrets and what-ifs if she is forced into a termination she doesn't want?

I agree it's a terrible situation. The OP came here for advice though, not judgement. All of the judgemental comments are just upsetting her, as if she doesn't have enough on her plate for now, so if you have nothing constructive to say, then say nothing!

In order for him to be here on a spouse visa, he must be her actual legal spouse - so the OP switching from DP/DH is irrelevant; if she sponsored the visa successfully, they're married

I know, gwennah, but there's a Partner Visa as well and given OP's use of both DH/DP I wondered if this too had been conflated

Exactly. Why should the ops mum not receive the care she needs because the op is pregnant. If she moves out and continues with the pregnancy, her mum is perfectly reasonable in accessing care from elsewhere.

I don't recall seeing her say it was unsafe? She said there wouldn't be good healthcare/education for her kids, but one of her key motivations seems to be not to be separated from her DH because she needs in-person support with this tricky pregnancy.

I understand that especially if she has no other practical support here. The advantage of his home country is he might have more relatives there who are able to help the OP - she hasn't commented whether that might be the case.

If the OP is constantly throwing up, even if the relocation part would be awful, moving for more support would be worth it. The OP's DM needs a carer so clearly is not going to be able to help the OP with childcare herself, and I assume the siblings are younger than the OP and unable to assist, given she hasn't brought them up again.

Really, what the OP needs is a kindly relative able to take her in for a bit and provide some respite care for her and the toddler whilst she pukes her little heart out. She wants this pregnancy, it's definitely not going to be an easy one, and living in temporary accommodation whilst her DH works all the hours in the day at NMW is going to be a fairly miserable experience.

I don't often advocate moving, but it seems like the best of a bad bunch of options open to the OP.

Even if no kindly relatives in her DH's home country, presumably he'd find it easier to find work there, perhaps even for a better pay rate. If he could afford to cut his hours from 12 every day to 8, that would give the OP 4 more hours of respite.

Once again she has said it has NO HEALTHCARE. That is why, not safe for a pregnant women especially one with HG.
She did not say it was unsafe for other reasons.
FGS

Another option will be to look into renting in a cheaper area.

Ok I stand corrected.

I’m not saying parents have no responsibility. I am saying poverty is a societal problem and not just and individual one. Only poor people are scrutinised in this way. No one shames rich people whose kids may be deprived in all sorts of ways beyond the material.

Possible, I suppose, if they'd lived together for 2 years prior and met the other requirements. It didn't seem likely based on the info the OP gave.

First port of call is the council and see what they say.

However you are two able bodied adults so you should be able to find a place to live? I would start with targeting a room in a house/flat share (may not be feasible to find one with a baby) or a bedsit/studio first. Your husbands income will cover that and the food surely. You will still get topped up with universal credit for your current child.

Good luck

It is valid I think.

A partner visa is only for those who have lived together.
I suppose the OP could have lived together with him abroad but that seems unlikely.