Pregnant and homeless pls help

[Queenxxx]

Hey guys, so basically, my husband, daughter and I live with my mum currently, and I just became pregnant again with my second baby. My mum is not happy at all about this, because I had agreed with her to not get pregnant again until I move out, (because it's so hard for her right now keeping all of us in her house as well as my other siblings.) so she basically doesn't accept my pregnancy and is kicking me out. She has given me two days to leave the house. So I will be pregnant and homeless with my 19 month old and husband😭what shall I do? Me and my husband can't afford to private rent otherwise we wouldn't even be living with my mum right now. I don't work and receive universal credit and carers allowance because I am my mom's carer. My husband does work but only gets minimum wage. And my biggest problem is that my husband is from abroad. And when applying for his visa, the home office asked where he would live after arriving in the UK. We said he would live with my mum, and she was required to give written confirmation of that, which she did. She literally wrote in the letter that he can live in her house. We even had to have a property inspection to make sure there will be enough space for my husband, my baby and I as well as my mom and siblings. So basically, he wouldn't have even got the visa if my mother had not consented to him living here. And now, 6 months after he's arrived, this has happened...she wants us out of her house...will this effect his immigration status or anything? Will they blame us for this? Will they help us? Someone please help I'm so so so so upset and stressed, and I feel like such a bad mom to my babies😭

@GrinAndVomit

Have you never heard of a place called The West Midlands?

Yes it's common in the West Midlands to say Mom & not sure it's relevant to the thread 🤷🏻‍♀️

Speak to your Mum - 2 days seems a little hasty.

Which country is your husband from? Can you not stay with his family?

I don't think people should be encouraging you to have an abortion - it's a really personal decision. However I worked when first was only 4 months as husband was newly qualified as a teacher & we had very little money. It never occurred to me to not go back to work. I think being SAHM is a bit of a luxury nowadays (sadly as I think it's good to have a parent home). You should be contributing in some way if DH only earns minimum wage.

So then OP is going to be homeless with a young baby and a newborn.
How is that a better alternative than finding somewhere to live now?

The mum has been kind enough to house OP, her DH and their child.
I can absolutely see why she’d not want a 4th extra person in her home.

MNs is weird sometimes.
Half of the posters think you should kick your child out at 16.
And half of them think you should house them as adults as well as their DPs and kids.

I know! I've been seeing this a lot recently on mumsnet. And guys as well sounds very American.

@Downatthefarm

Completely pro choice btw. The mothers choice.

Agree with you. People are being quite insistent on this & it's unpleasant.

Well because PP assumed that OP's worry for her daughter meant it was a Muslim country. To which I pointed out that OP could have said 'daughter' just as a turn of phrase, not that she was worried because of her child's sex.
If she had a son and a daughter, but mentioned she was worried about her daughter, then it is obvious the country has issues with women's rights.

I'm also not sure why, apart from lacking reading comprehension skills you took it upon yourself to be the tone police . Why don't you have a go at PP instead who, erm, presumed that OP's husband might treat her badly because she , erm presumed that he is from a Muslim country, despite this post being completely unrelated to that?

@Treesinmygarden that’s my point.

Asking her to leave so fast seems out of character given what she’s already done to put up her daughter. It suggests there’s more to it and it’s perhaps a culmination of a lot of poor choices which are now impacting OP’s mum significantly given she’s disabled.

Her mother is probably at the end of her tether. I'm imagining she thought allowing the husband to stay with her would mean that the pair of them would work together to earn money to eventually get a place of their own, move out and give the mum space finally. But instead, the OP ended up pregnant and stopped working, which now means there is no way they can afford a place of their own, and are going to be stuck at home forever with even more kids.

Mum is like, "Fuck this shit. Get out."

It wasn't explicitly clear to me from what the OP had written at that point. It's a shame that a number of posters haven't listened to OP's very clear statement that she considers this to be out of the question.

My parents were in a very similar situation with me and my younger brother, so I can relate somewhat. My dad got another job at the weekends, working nights, so that he could provide for us. Could your husband work 7 days a week to bring in more money? Or could you work nights while he looks after the toddler? Or could you find a weekend job? Assuming that you can get your sickness under control, of course.

You say your husband is from another country. Is there a church, mosque, temple etc that could help you out? At least until your baby is born, then you both could work.

My point was there could be 8 months to organise an alternative accommodation in this scenario not 2 days

No they're not.

They're upset that a woman in financial hardship is exercising her right to choose to continue a pregnancy.

I'm surprised there hasn't been more "what were you thinking getting pregnant to an immigrant" which is exactly what was said to me 6 years ago when me and my DH was in a difficult situation.

I hope the daily mail is taking screenshots. I might take some myself. This forum is absolutely disgusting. The admins and mods allow this to happen time and time again on a weekly basis. How dare any of you, stuck up your own arse judgemental people, have the audacity to try and bully somebody into aborting a pregnancy they've made clear they won't be aborting.

You're no better than the abusive arseholes we hear about on here bullying their partners into a termination they don't want to have, but worse.

You're worse because this woman's situation has absolutely no impact on you or your life and yet you have the nerve to get annoyed and double down when she says NO!

Good dig may

That she has to choose and consider the full picture.. like others have done. This won’t be her last unexpected pregnancy, what happens with number 3,4,5?

@Downatthefarm oh come off of it. People have resorted to calling OPs mother a bitch, they have stated she is unreasonable giving her daughter 2 days notice, people have said she should even pretend to have the baby adopted and others have suggested that she just stay at her mother's and get her mum to go through the court systems if she wants her to leave. I think you have selected reading if you've missed all this on the thread.

Like other PPs have said the council will rehouse you. Temporarily. However your husbands visa is fucked due to 'no recourse to public funds'

The visa isn't an issue yet, and it's certainly not "fucked". She can claim public funds for herself and her children; all the note "no recourse to public funds" means is that he can't get them in the first place.

The only way the visa eligibility would change is if she stopped getting a fund which allows the couple to demonstrate reasonable maintenance as opposed to meeting the minimum income requirement AND if her husband doesn't make enough to meet that requirement in the future, as his income will be counted towards the income requirement where it would not have been on the initial application (unless he was already in the country on another visa which allowed work.)

I'm not interested in any of that.

What I cannot get past is the continuous pushing the OP to have an abortion.

If somebody has decided to continue a pregnancy and makes that clear then it's fucking repulsive for people to try and convince her otherwise.

As an aside - the mother could be called worse for giving her adult child and toddler granddaughter two days notice for eviction, even landlords are expected to give atleast 4 weeks. What the hell is that about? The costs of housing the pregnant OP don't rise exponentially overnight when one receives a positive pregnancy test. There is 7 months left until the baby is born. It is pure spite to give the OP two days.

Disagree with the pregnancy, refuse to bankroll the OP, give a fair notice period. Fine. Just don't make your toddler grandchild homeless with 2 days notice.

She sounds horrible, the grandmother, a lot like you lot.

I've always known it as Mom so has DH - born and raised in the Midlands

Your username suits you perfectly :)

Thank you for jumping on my supposed lack of comprehension skills. I disagreed with how you said what you did - I didn't need to leap to insults, but if that's your comfort zone...You do you.

I think you were being unkind. Reading back, I still do.

Have a lovely evening.

@DownatthefarmYou dont know the OPs mother from Adam. At the end of the day OP is a GROWN woman and OPs mother has OTHER kids, OP needs DO NOT Trump her mothers other kids...... how immoral are you. OP has caused severe over crowding and in her mums house and your moaning that her mum has thrown her out. Let's not forget OPs mother was kind enough to put her DD up and her husband up...
In the first place you have a God dam cheek.... People like you aren't interested when a situation no longer benefits you!

I'm not sure which part of OPs mother has her own health and her OWN kids to worry about. The audacity of you, you sound like a nasty piece of work to me.

How was that an insult? You were baffled at something really simple, and then wading into a conversation not relevant to you call other people unkind. The irony! But yes, I am having a lovely evening having been suitably amused by you and I hope you are too.

You sound charming 😍Wading in on a conversation that had nothing to do with me?Aww...you're right...I am simple...thought this was a chat forum where the point is to support people.

Must have missed the memo.

😂😂

I could be the nastiest piece of work around and still not have reached the level that people like you stoop to. Trying to coerce somebody into ending a pregnancy that they want to keep is lower than a snakes belly. If you tried that crap IRL you'd have your arse handed to you.

You're in an overcrowded house with multiple (probably adult) children. Who do you throw overboard? The pregnant one and the toddler grandchild?

I don't buy it.

Personally I'd live in the most overcrowded conditions (I'm from a country where "overcrowded" and tiny properties are in a different league to here in the UK anyway, so I know what I'm talking about) than kick a pregnant woman or a toddler out of my home to be homeless. The husband, maybe.

Deliberately making a pregnant woman homeless is not ok. It's the most retold story in the bible for a reason. It's just breathtakingly unacceptable.

As some others have said, Shelter can give expert advice and should be familiar with visas, eligibility etc. They have a free phone helpline available during the day including weekends.
Hope they can provide some useful advice and sorry you are facing this stress while pregnant.
https://england.shelter.org.uk/get_help/helpline