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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

983 replies

Avocuddles · 16/07/2020 18:03

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Knotemma · 20/07/2020 15:38

@AnxiousLady1 congratulations on 24 weeks, viability is such a massive milestone. The HG had mostly subsided, however now that my heartburn is really ramping up again the acid reflux that comes with it (which I've always had a problem with) has started making me throw up again... At really convenient times like 2am 🙈 It's funny because DH and I were just talking the other day about the fact that other than all the vomiting I've had a pretty healthy and good pregnancy... Then I started throwing up again and remembered how miserable throwing up is 😂

JuniperAndRose · 20/07/2020 16:03

@Knotemma that comet photo is amazing!
@Rachael321 lovely bump pic!
@marmitecheesetoast I can empathise with thinking about things that you did in your last pregnancy and whether do to them again or not. I think about this a lot (even tiny things like whether to use the same face cleanser that I used in pregnancy) as if each decision will have an effect on whether we get to bring this baby home. I don't have any magic tricks for getting through this I'm afraid, in fact I will admit I am struggling a lot. It's perfectly reasonable for you to feel overwhelmed especially as you are also having to cope with the post-mortem at the same time. Is there a perinatal mental health team at your new trust? You might be able to ask the consultant to refer you there when you have your next appointment? I had some bereavement counselling after DD1 died and found it very helpful. In fact I have just requested another appointment with the counsellor.

marmitecheesetoast · 20/07/2020 16:47

Thank you @JuniperAndRose yes I’m luckily already having counselling from a perinatal maternal mental health specialist which is massively helpful. So at least that’s something. It’s all just bloody hard though isn’t it?

MOGMOGMOG85 · 20/07/2020 17:38

@Knotemma i really want to see that comet now, thank you! I'm on furlough so up for some late night stargazing but oh not so much as his work mega stressful atm... might have to drive into a field by myself but thats a bit terrifying! Re: noisy pub we called council and they said we have to do a 2 week noise diary. I said would it not be easier to send someone to see and try and have a chat informally to resolve it, but no apparently. I did say "so to be clear I can set up my massive speakers by the window and play at full volume out the window 24/7 for 2 weeks and be confident nothing would be done in that time?" Yes apparently.

@marmitecheesetoast I had shabby vagina pains in the early weeks with both my pregnancies so have concluded it means nothing.. Definitely ask for help from your partner, you definitely qualify for asking for help! Even more so because of what happened last time xx I'm sorry you're finding it so hard, it simply is so hard.. sometimes it helped me to think that my worrying about it would make zero difference to the outcome. I was 100% committed to total mental distraction in the early days, but then I don't have any kids to look after so could kind of do what I wanted. Also some days are worse than others xxx

@Avocuddles the heartburn sounds awful I'm so sorry! Can you not ask them to turn the music off at night??? I guess you were prob not feeling great and had enough on your plate :( xx

@footprintsintheslow no one needs r n b lololol

@Hagster I think some hospitals in England are allowing partners in now? Just not all. My MIL posted something to my Facebook wall about huntingdon (i think) maternity hospital and outed me, annoyingly! Can't see my hospital being forward thinking enough to take that step tbh, it doesn't help that most of their scan rooms are ex-cupboards. When I went for an internal scan to have my fibroids investigated the room was so small, my partner came in and they were like "oh, you'll have to sit here" gesturing to a seat at the bottom of the bed i.e. he had to look directly at my vagina at the same time as being able to see the screen! Obviously he's seen it before but in this context with the scan women there he felt really embarrassed and just didn't look at the screen instead looked at the wall the whole time! My friend who's a doctor immediately asked me which hospital I was at when I told her my news, and then when I told her there was a long pause, and then "oh..." haha!

Welcome @valeriesparx - I think a lot of us here went through the early weeks feeling absolutely doomed. I was miserable. I didn't enjoy it one bit, and didn't feel any sort of attachment to the "baby" (I couldn't even think of it that way) at all. I just had to binge watch trash tv and play computer games in order to zone out every waking second I wasn't working, and try and distract my mind from the negativity. It's too hard to hope... I really hope your scan goes well and gives you some reassurance. I had stabbing pains, right in my womb, early this pregnancy. It was really painful and disturbing and I was sure it was a bad sign. But it turned out it was just stretching pains combined with bad digestive problems (thats the conclusion i came to). I also had I think 5 or 6 bleeding incidents in the first trimester, and was absolutely convinced it was over, but it wasn't. It won't help you relax (because its impossible to relax) but please try to reassure yourself over symptom spotting in the early weeks, literally anything and everything goes in pregnancy and only heavy cramping/bleeding is a bad indicator xx

MOGMOGMOG85 · 20/07/2020 17:39

@marmitecheesetoast I didn't have shabby vagina Blush I meant STABBY vagina pains!!!

Knotemma · 20/07/2020 18:43

@MOGMOGMOG85 I'm sorry but shabby vagina pains has me bad laughing!

AnxiousLady1 · 20/07/2020 19:29

@MOGMOGMOG85 I also laughed at the "shabby vagina pains" sorry! 😂

marmitecheesetoast · 20/07/2020 22:31

@MOGMOGMOG85 shabby vagina 🤣 love it, so funny!

Ah thank you, I know you’re right, I’m just finding it difficult not to be hard on myself.

I’m hoping I’ll feel slightly more settled after the call on Thursday when hopefully I’ll know a bit more what’s going to happen

marmitecheesetoast · 20/07/2020 22:39

Also meant to say, I’ve not had so many shabby/stabbing vagina pains today so feel a bit better about that.

Sorry @MOGMOGMOG85 the council are being so useless that’s so disappointing

Hagster · 21/07/2020 08:43

@marmitecheesetoast glad you're feeling a bit better. Ah the ups and downs of this!

I have a question for you ladies. I have a friend who is also pregnant after loss. She would like an outlet like this wonderful little haven we have here. She is being very sweet and saying this group can be 'mine' so to speak (ie I don't 'know' anyone here and she doesn't want that to change), which I am grateful to her for even though I also feel guilty/selfish for not pushing back harder on that. I think she probably would also want it to be anonymous for her too, so probably also wouldn't work for her either. However I do want her to also have this sort of space ideally. Do any of you know of any other similarly supportive groups I can signpost her to?

Seahawk80 · 21/07/2020 09:40

Aghh, just posted on old thread 🤦‍♀️

Hi everyone, sorry I've been a bit rubbish at posting / keeping up. Just so hard in these early weeks and the wait feels so long. I had an early scan and saw a heartbeat which was great but am still so anxious and feel sick thinking about the 12 week scan. 3 weeks from today. I am off work for 3 weeks after this week so I hope the time will go a bit quicker then.

Hope everyone is well and enjoying the sun if you have it where you are!

Welcome @turquoisebaby I remember you from before. @marmitecheesetoast I'm so sorry for your loss, I can imagine it's terrifying for you. These early weeks do drag don't they.

I'll have a proper catch up now, sorry to anyone I've missed.

Anon20something · 21/07/2020 11:23

Hope everyone is okay.

This week is tough. On Friday it’ll be 1 year since I had to stay overnight at hospital as Lily’s movements had stopped, and after very nearly getting induced at 32 weeks (horrific experience with the magniesium!) and getting her diagnosis. It’s also our friends daughters first birthday. We were obviously pregnant together and envisioned our babies together with just 6 weeks between them. I wish I didn’t feel this way, but in all honestly I’m finding all her milestones really rough - they got their girl and I couldn’t keep mine 😭 life has changed so much in just a year. Feeling really lucky to be pregnant again but I’m absolutely terrified that something will happen to baby boy this week. Little pep talk much needed, sorry! X

Knotemma · 21/07/2020 11:48

@Hagster I'm not sure on any other threads I'm afraid, once I found this group I stopped looking if I'm honest.
@Seahawk80 sorry that you're struggling. That early period is so long and difficult, but I'm pleased you saw a heartbeat at your early scan. Everything crossed for a good outcome on your 12 week scan, I know it's an awful wait.

@Anon20something sorry that your having such a tough time, milestone and anniversaries are so hard especially when your friends little girl is so close in age to Lily. Take extra good care of yourself and DH this week, I'm sending you all of the positivity and virtual hugs xx

Anon20something · 21/07/2020 12:04

@Knotemma thank you. I wish I didn’t feel like this, I just wish I still had the hope and optimism I had a year ago. I can’t stop thinking of what could’ve been, it’s just such a tough time!

Knotemma · 21/07/2020 12:14

@Anon20something you're so incredibly strong and you're doing amazing. Losing Lily like you did is always going to have an impact on your outlook on things. Try not to beat yourself up that you've changed, because you had a life changing experience. You're an absolute warrior and I'm constantly in awe of you and the other ladies who have experienced late loss.

Anon20something · 21/07/2020 12:40

@Knotemma ❤️ I think today is one of those days I just feel like I’ve gone to bits and everything hits me all over again. I think seeing my friends celebrate this little ones birthday has really triggered me and now all I can think of is what lily would be like now, Im finding it hard to picture her as a little squishy newborn any more. And throw in thinking about what happened with us a year ago, and normal pregnancy after loss anxieties which are at a peak today I think I need to just sleep the day away!

Thank you for being so kind. As well, I don’t ever want to seem like I’m making late loss or neonatal death seem ‘worse’ if that makes sense, because all of us here have lost babies and no matter when that was it’s just as hard and life changing so I’m sorry if anyone reading this thinks that (I may just be hormonal and slightly paranoid/anxious)! X

Knotemma · 21/07/2020 12:53

@Anon20something there's definitely no "worse" in our situations, just different. I think for me, my babies were all very much in my head and heart, rather than being something I could touch or feel and I just think it's a different type of pain. No one here would ever think that you were making light of what others have gone through, we've just all had different experiences. Please just be kind to yourself. You're absolutely allowed to have bad days as well as good ones, Lily will always be part of you and of your life xx

Anon20something · 21/07/2020 13:04

@Knotemma definitely agree with you there, thank you for being so understanding ❤️

Hagster · 21/07/2020 16:00

@knotemma thank you and no worries, that's the same issue I have - I don't need anywhere else!

@anon20something I'm so sorry today is so hard, I can absolutely understand and imagine how hard it must be having all of those milestones so visible in your friend's child. I saw a good post just the other day from Tommy's about how getting pregnant again should be seen as totally separate from the loss of a previous baby, even though we're told by so many that it will fix our grief. Like @knotemma said, it's completely reasonable for you to have good and bad days, you've been through something so hard, and you're also going through a second very difficult (if also lovely) thing now! ♥️

@seahawk80 congratulations on the early scan, lovely news but I also understand your nerves for 12 weeks. Fingers crossed for you ♥️

Whiffle77 · 21/07/2020 16:05

Hi @hagster has she tried Tommy's or Sands? I think they both have forums to use, as well as the miscarriage association. I also read a lot of The Bumps forum when I was in the aftermath of my loss, there is a lot of support there.
Oh @Anon20something please don't think that talking about Lily means you are saying other losses aren't important, no one would ever think that! Everyone has been through a terrible time of this group, even though each experience is very different. That doesn't mean anyones feelings are any less valid than anyone else's! You are allowed to grieve, both for Lily and the life with her that you lost, especially at times of anniversaries. Getting through the first anniversary of everything will be the hardest but you will get through it, and you have lots to look forward to. Definitely take a duvet day if that's what your body says it needs!
I'm very far behind on the chat at the minute, I was panicking over my scan so took some time out. All fine but fibroid still blocking cervix so still some risks around that and will need more scans, but I'm just relieved baby seems OK!
Welcome to all the newbies, and @Avocuddles I really hope you are feeling much better today! You poor thing.
Hope the next few weeks fly by @Seahawk80 the first trimester is without doubt the slowest and the hardest

Anon20something · 21/07/2020 16:19

@Whiffle77 and @Hagster thank you so much (deffo crying now at how nice everyone is!) ❤️

Sazzy312 · 21/07/2020 16:48

@Anon20something thank you for the welcome, yes it does seem a lovely supportive group 😊 hope your day is going well?
I've just had my 16 week midwife appointment and all went well, I'll have to see if I can start feeling baby soon, at what time did most people feel their baby move?

Sazzy312 · 21/07/2020 16:53

@Anon20something sorry to see your having a tough time at the moment, I'm a bit behind on these message as been away but you just do what you need to do to get through those difficult milestones x

Sazzy312 · 21/07/2020 17:03

@MOGMOGMOG85 thanks for the warm welcome, yes I think it doesng matter when you loose them as from day one you love these little babies and you plan your next 9 months and the babys 1st year at least so its always devastating when that gets taken from you, I remember with Olive I felt robbed that my little girl wasn't going to have her life but after counselling I've learnt to let her go and I feel very happy with it now and I can move on, never forget her but ok with what happened, and yes taken ages to conceive is also hard as you put your life on hold, we had to wait a year after Olive but when I look back it all worked out well for us and I'm looking forward to this baby all being well I'll have my rainbow baby 👶

Seahawk80 · 21/07/2020 18:47

@Anon20something it must be so hard seeing your friends child have those milestones that Lilly won't have. No wonder it is triggering for you and it's also so true that grief comes in waves. There are 2 women I know who had babies close to my due date of the first baby I lost and I find it so hard to see them. They aren't friends but my sisters sister in law and my best friends sister in law and they both live a couple of streets over from me so while I'd never meet up with them one on one they will always be connected to me and I bump into them a fair bit.

@MOGMOGMOG85 that sounds awful about the pub. Is there an owner / chain you can complain to? I think you mentioned you are about to sell? It could be worth just hoping you get away with it for viewings rather than go down the council route as if you open a dispute with the council you will have to declare it when selling. Sounds like what you've done so far doesn't count - I got sent a noise diary by the council but it wasn't enough to make it official. Luckily our awful neighbours moved on but you have all my sympathy.

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