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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

983 replies

Avocuddles · 16/07/2020 18:03

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marmitecheesetoast · 22/07/2020 16:11

Thank you ❤️
I keep worrying what other people must be thinking of me. It’s so hard not to care what other people think isn’t it.
It’s still very early days for me yet but I will definitely explore it and possibly have a confidential conversation with HR to establish the situation if needed

Anon20something · 22/07/2020 16:11

@marmitecheesetoast I am so so sorry (and angry on your behalf!) that your ‘friend’ wasn’t supportive. What a horrendously insensitive thing to say! I’ve experienced similar - Because we knew of Lily’s diagnosis for 7 weeks before her birth, my own mother actually said during that time ‘maybe it would be better if it happened now rather than later if she’s not going to live long anyways’. Ive forgiven her as she was clearly distressed too, but I’ll never forget it. I was so lucky to have 20 minutes with my daughter and every single second was worth it all, I’d do it all over again and I’m glad I gave her that chance.

I’ve just arranged my mat leave; going on the 4th September which gives me around a week before my induction! Thinking I may be pushing it now 😂 but im working from home so it’s not too bad!

marmitecheesetoast · 22/07/2020 16:34

@Anon20something thank you. I get so angry when I think about it. I Mean how
Can it be for the best that a perfectly healthy baby just dies for no apparent reason?! She also sent her birth announcement as a genetic WhatsApp photo without any sort of warning or sensitivity. I just never replied to her last message when she said that, but I keep thinking maybe I should. It was over a month ago now.
I’m so sorry for everything you went through, as you say your mum was obviously shocked and distressed too but that comment will stay with you. So precious that you had 20 minutes with your daughter in your arms ❤️

KerryW87 · 22/07/2020 16:46

@marmitecheesetoast @Seahawk80 @Avocuddles

Thank you so much for your support ❤️ I actually had a funny feeling when I saw there was a thread, half nerves/half hope. Today has been a slightly better day than the last few. We took our boys (10 and 8) a big walk at a country park and we planted a tree with yellow flowers (a colour that quickly became the unofficial-official colour for anything we bought for baby) in our back garden. I do hope to be able to start trying soon. Anyone that did - did your cycles return to normal fairly quickly or did it take a while?

@footprintsintheslow It's so lovely to see you on this thread - your words of support whilst I was in hospital brought me a lot of comfort and it was strange but so lovely to know that another woman you've never met could give you that support and care during a very scary time. I will absolutely join that thread, and I hope to be able to visit this thread one day! 🤞❤️

Anon20something · 22/07/2020 16:54

@marmitecheesetoast Comments like that really do stay with you, but I think sometimes it’s easier to just let it go - they’re coming from a place of naivety and ignorance to the new world we live in where yes, babies die. Those people who have never experienced it can’t possibly understand it, I just wish we didn’t have to either. It’s just not fair that healthy babies die, for no reason or illness - my lily looked so perfect you’d have never known how poorly she was bless her.

Sazzy312 · 22/07/2020 16:55

@MOGMOGMOG85 aww glad you got to listen to baby at the midwifes that much be difficult having an anterior placenta and not feeling the movement, will that change as baby grow? Yes I've heard a few women say 18 to 20 weeks they felt tiny movements but nothing major till later on so I won't hold my breath just yet 😀

Anon20something · 22/07/2020 17:01

@KerryW87 Sorry to hear of your loss and good luck on your TTC journey! Sending lots of positive vibes!

It took us 2 years to get pregnant with our daughter (PCOS) and I only had 2 periods the whole time! With this baby, we got pregnant within 3 months of her birth, it seems my cycle was kickstarted as I had 2 solid cycles which came as a total surprise! I was using some supplements called inofolic to help my PCOS which I think helped!

MOGMOGMOG85 · 22/07/2020 17:04

@marmitecheesetoast Oh. My. GODDDDDD I'm having an aneurysm that is so blooming awful what your friend said!!!! Maybe its better he died????!!!! FFS sounds like someone who is not good at all with confronting difficult subjects and needs to put a positive spin on YOUR babies death to make HER feel better!!!!! The generic whatsapp kinda confirms it. Up to you if you reply, you absolutely don't have to. I think it sends a really strong message. However if you feel you need/want to reply you're definitely able to say exactly how awful it made you feel to receive that comment. It may not end well, she may not react well to being told what a moronic thing she did, but its down to you if you would find it more helpful to say something. We had a big discussion on here recently about whether to be honest with people or not about miscarriage etc (in the context of total strangers asking flippant questions like "is it your first") but generally came to the conclusion that its best to do what feels best to you and there is no obligation to make other people feel less uncomfortable about what is essentially your grief not theirs.

@Knotemma thanks for the link - that's pretty straightforward then, I'll prob use the same phrase I used last time "Well that would be direct discrimination against a pregnant woman then", this time with the added bonus of if I signed something it would be concrete contractual evidence of direct discrimination. I'm glad I am able to check these things out and get invaluable support on here in understanding things - many women across the country might just accept what they're told because they don't know different.

@Whiffle77 thanks, I think it is just my boss, which is a lot easier to deal with than if it was structural. I became very upset about the antenatal appointments thing because I was told it was coming from higher up (which was a lie) and felt like I was being targeted, which to say the least made me feel very insecure and worried for my job security. Sorry about the fibroids, its a lot to take in isn't it! I do think its funny that we're the only 2 who have problematic fibroids on here and we're so close in dates! I'm still hoping for a vaginal birth with mine cos they are high up, but am feeling anxious about the possibility of pph. The first time they told me I freaked out, but since then I have spoken to a doctor friend and calmed down. PPH whilst obviously not desirable is also pretty common and most often easily dealt with with IV fluids, much more rarely with a blood transfusion. I feel more calm about it now.

@KerryW87 for me it took 6 months to conceive but then it took me 16 months the first time so I'm obviously not quick. I felt my body was recovering for that time and my hormones were all over the place. They generally say it can take up to 6 months for your body to settle down and for me it was an entire 6 months even with an early loss so don't panic if it seems to be taking time. Also about your tree - that sounds lovely, and this may be unsolicited advice, but as a gardener - it is a difficult time for trees to establish when planted in summer so make sure to give it lots and lots of water to give it a hand. Maybe that's something the whole family can take part in, to be nurturing it xxx

Sazzy312 · 22/07/2020 17:04

@marmitecheesetoast ah thanks, I'm excited to start feelibg baby but I won't worry if I don't for a while, its just so nice I feel happy and enjoying the pregnancy now as this is the furthest I've gotten 😊

KerryW87 · 22/07/2020 17:07

@Anon20something Thank you so much. I feel like seeing this thread and knowing so many have come out the other side, so to speak, has made me feel like this isn't the end. I hope to be back here for a happy reason one day :)

Oh wow! It's just so strange how the human body behaves...in your case I'm so glad! Such lovely news, congratulations and wishing you all the best ❤️

KerryW87 · 22/07/2020 17:12

@MOGMOGMOG85 Ahh, I am actually so thankful for that advice, thank you! The boys are quite invested in the tree so it's definitely something I can let them share in the responsibility for and we'll make sure to keep it watered, thank you! 🤞💛

Also, thank you for sharing your experience with conceiving again. I had heard it can take a while to settle; by nature I can be impatient but I suppose sadly I'll just need to learn to be like I did last time! It took us 7 months which I know is still within the average time, so I just hope everything goes back to normal and it'll happen again some day. Congratulations on your pregnancy too :)

Knotemma · 22/07/2020 17:26

@KerryW87 my first 3 losses it took me 6 or 7 months to conceive again, between my last loss and this one was only 2 months, so you just never can tell. All of mine were first trimester losses though, so I found my cycle returned to normal fairly quickly. If it does take a while for things to get back to normal try to remember that your body is healing and that isn't a bad thing as frustrating as it is x

@MOGMOGMOG85 glad I could help. I was a people manager for a while and even though it wasn't something I enjoyed it has left me with a really strong feeling about treating people correctly and fairly in the workplace. I still have all of my policy documents so that if anyone I know at work needs a hand we have the reference, though I have to admit I'm blessed with excellent employers, who if anything tend to be a bit too lenient on the side of the employee at times!

Sazzy312 · 22/07/2020 18:20

@marmitecheesetoast that was very unkind of your friend but sadly it happens when someone hasnt lost a baby they say whatever they think is alright but its usually not! I had to tell my mum quite a few times not to say stuff but I knew she didn't mean anything by it it was just her way of making the situation sound better (at least it was early when she died ect) and I said mum they could die at 12 weeks, 20 weeks, once their born or when there 4 and it will still hurt, yea you may know them more at 4 but at least you've had the chance and a bit of time with them, any age is a killer but people who haven't lost a baby or a child for that matter just don't quite get it

Whiffle77 · 22/07/2020 18:29

@marmitecheesetoast I am genuinely flabbergasted by what your friend said! I think as others have said, people don't understand the magnitude of baby loss unless they have been through it before and so don't realise they are insensitive - but really! Dont feel like you need to reply if you don't want to, I imagine your silence has said a lot...
I know it is odd @MOGMOGMOG85 they are apparently so common! I was just taken aback by the PPH as it hadn't been mentioned before, but i guess the fact that they know its a risk means its less of a risk as they will take such efforts to prepare for it and make sure it doesn't happen, or that they are equipped to fully deal with it. Hopefully anyway!
@KerryW87 I managed to conceive in my second cycle after my loss but it was hard and we put too much into TTC...but I would probably do the same again if it came to it. Just listen to your doctor and take on board any advice they may have in terms of letting your body heal. Time passing is hard but your body has been through a lot!

MOGMOGMOG85 · 22/07/2020 18:32

@KerryW87 ok I don't know why but I can't help myself, I have a few more pieces of advice re: the tree but don't worry if it seems too complicated, I'm sure the tree will be fine! First thing is often when you buy a tree from a nursery/garden centre it was only recently been potted up and they have just chucked it in a pot with a load of soil and the soil isn't necessarily at the right level if that makes sense? With trees and woody shrubs like roses it's really important to plant them at the right level, and even planted slightly high with the tops of the roots showing is actually healthier for the tree than planted too deep with soil or mulch up against the trunk as this can cause rot. You can check the correct level by using your fingers to scrape soil away from the base of the tree until you find what is called the "root flare" - 2 or 3 or more thick woody roots coming out from the trunk at roughly the same level. If the roots aren't very well developed you may only find one thick woody root in which case use that as the level. Ignore thin, fibrous matted roots, these will have developed up the trunk if the tree has been submerged for some time but you can pull these off and go down until you find the root flare.

The other thing is when planting dig a hole big enough that the roots have space to take their natural shape, rather than folding or curling them into a smaller hole - this can cause problems.

And finally when planting use your fingers to really pack the soil into all the gaps between the roots, so filling in a little at a time and really packing all the spaces. It may seem like you're going to suffocate the tree, but you're not! A lot of people are anxious about being too rough and just tip soil back in and lightly press it down with a foot, this leaves air spaces way too big and the water will just drop through and not get absorbed by the roots! Your kids can def help with this bit as little hands are even better!

Sorry this may be way too much, I can't help myself but try to help out when I know people are planting stuff, and especially if it's a significant tree etc.

As I say I'm sure it'll be fine if you don't do these things but if it's recently planted it should be easy to get back up and rearrange a bit to give it the best chance xxx

KerryW87 · 22/07/2020 18:59

Oh, I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing. It must be so tiring to try and try so I am just so happy you're expecting and that it only took two months this time around ❤️

I will try, thank you so much. You're right, there's just no way to know, all I can do is just try to be healthy and relax and try to do all that I can to have the best chance. My 10 year old asked me today if we can let him know straight away this time if we ever have another baby and not wait until 12 weeks - it's something he so badly wants too so I do feel for him. Hopefully we can help him be happy after this loss even without a new addition for the time being. Thank you so much :)

KerryW87 · 22/07/2020 19:00

@Knotemma Oh, I can't even imagine. I'm so sorry for your losses. Thank you for sharing. It must be so tiring to try and try so I am just so happy you're expecting and that it only took two months this time around ❤️

I will try, thank you so much. You're right, there's just no way to know, all I can do is just try to be healthy and relax and try to do all that I can to have the best chance. My 10 year old asked me today if we can let him know straight away this time if we ever have another baby and not wait until 12 weeks - it's something he so badly wants too so I do feel for him. Hopefully we can help him be happy after this loss even without a new addition for the time being. Thank you so much :)

footprintsintheslow · 22/07/2020 19:18

@KerryW87 lovely to hear you've planted a tree. We did the same and I love to see it grow.
As for cycles mine came back after just a few weeks.

Shefliesonherownwings · 22/07/2020 19:23

Hi all, I've been a bit quiet and not caught up with all these posts but so glad there is another thread. We are still dealing with the results of the investigation into Isla's death and the failings identified. We had to respond to the report which was hard and we've spoken to solicitors now looking at a possible claim. I'm hoping we can just put it in the hands of the solicitors but I am still really struggling with the unfairness of it all. I feel as if I am back in the early stages of grief again when everything felt so raw and unbearable. It's brought back a lot of 'what if' thoughts. I am so glad I am still having my counselling so I can talk it through with her.

In positive news I am now 24 weeks which feels like a milestone and we had a scan today which showed baby boy is doing great, the consultant was very thorough and said everything looks really good. He was very wriggly again so we couldn't get a profile pic but it was lovely to see him move and actually witness him punching my bladder lol. In terms of growth he is actually measuring big, on the 90th centile which consultant was fine with. It actually reassures me that he is big because of the issues with Isla's growth tailing off. She said it had nothing to do with what I'm eating which is good as I'm being very unhealthy at the moment but she said babies just take what they need. Not sure how much nutrition comes from a McDonald's though!

Welcome to those new to the thread, gentle congratulations to you all. I've updated my weeks below now, I always feel too nervous to do so until I have my next scan!

@Bellsx 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 31wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 31wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 31wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 28wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 30wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 30wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 30wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 28wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 26wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 29wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 28wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 28wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 28wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 24wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 22wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 20wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 20wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 14 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 13 weeks (due 24/01/2021)

Shefliesonherownwings · 22/07/2020 19:25

Actually forgot to update after all that!

@Bellsx35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael32135wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping202031wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou231231wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma31wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS28wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo30wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake30wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles30wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower160828wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout2026wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth29wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes2025wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie1928wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc1428wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster28wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown8718wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums9013wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady124wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings24wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG318wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle7720wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG8520wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow14 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby13 weeks (due 24/01/2021)

Knotemma · 22/07/2020 19:36

@Shefliesonherownwings I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's just got to be so awful, particularly knowing that there were avoidable things that went wrong. I totally understand wanting to hand everything over to a solicitor and be done with it. I have a friend who lost her son on her due date as a result of negligence on the part of a consultant, and she ended up part of a much larger court case against that particular consultant. It was awful but worthwhile as he was struck off in the end. Sending you lots of love and good thoughts, take good care of yourself xx

marmitecheesetoast · 22/07/2020 19:51

Of course @Anon20something, Lily and all the babies should be here. I’m so sorry if I was insensitive there saying that Angus had been perfectly healthy, it’s all just terribly cruel and unfair for all of us. We had an inconclusive PM report which has been very difficult, but there is suggestions from the pathologist it was most likely a sudden very unlucky cord accident 😔 will be interesting to hear the professor’s thoughts tomorrow.

@MOGMOGMOG85 @Sazzy312 @Whiffle77 I know, she actually followed it up with ‘I hope you don’t mind me saying that’. If you have to say that to someone whose baby has just died, it’s probably wise just to not say it in the first place?! She’s so self-involved though I can imagine that she’ll actually not realise what she said was so offensive and will instead presume I’m too jealous of her for having her baby and that’s why I’ve stopped talking to her.

@KerryW87 my baby was born at 28 weeks in April, I had one mega 46 day cycle afterwards but after that it calmed down pretty quickly and I was lucky enough to conceive on the 3rd cycle. If it sticks of course. It’s different for everyone and so hard not to obsess over I know, but try to just give your body a chance, look after yourself physically and hopefully things will come back quite quickly for you.

Loving your planting advice @MOGMOG! We’ve also planted a few things for DS

I don’t know the background to your story @Shefliesonherownwings but that sounds incredibly difficult. Hopefully your counselling will continue to help. Everytime we get some new information about our son it sets me right back to those early raw days of grief too I know what you mean. I’m glad your scan went well.

Anyway I’m absolutely exhausted again and off to bed 😴

KerryW87 · 22/07/2020 20:54

[quote MOGMOGMOG85]@KerryW87 ok I don't know why but I can't help myself, I have a few more pieces of advice re: the tree but don't worry if it seems too complicated, I'm sure the tree will be fine! First thing is often when you buy a tree from a nursery/garden centre it was only recently been potted up and they have just chucked it in a pot with a load of soil and the soil isn't necessarily at the right level if that makes sense? With trees and woody shrubs like roses it's really important to plant them at the right level, and even planted slightly high with the tops of the roots showing is actually healthier for the tree than planted too deep with soil or mulch up against the trunk as this can cause rot. You can check the correct level by using your fingers to scrape soil away from the base of the tree until you find what is called the "root flare" - 2 or 3 or more thick woody roots coming out from the trunk at roughly the same level. If the roots aren't very well developed you may only find one thick woody root in which case use that as the level. Ignore thin, fibrous matted roots, these will have developed up the trunk if the tree has been submerged for some time but you can pull these off and go down until you find the root flare.

The other thing is when planting dig a hole big enough that the roots have space to take their natural shape, rather than folding or curling them into a smaller hole - this can cause problems.

And finally when planting use your fingers to really pack the soil into all the gaps between the roots, so filling in a little at a time and really packing all the spaces. It may seem like you're going to suffocate the tree, but you're not! A lot of people are anxious about being too rough and just tip soil back in and lightly press it down with a foot, this leaves air spaces way too big and the water will just drop through and not get absorbed by the roots! Your kids can def help with this bit as little hands are even better!

Sorry this may be way too much, I can't help myself but try to help out when I know people are planting stuff, and especially if it's a significant tree etc.

As I say I'm sure it'll be fine if you don't do these things but if it's recently planted it should be easy to get back up and rearrange a bit to give it the best chance xxx[/quote]
Oh wow, thank you so much! That's really great to know all of that! I've just shown my partner and he joked about the wealth of advice I'm getting on this forum and how he didn't expect it to be gardening support too 😂 Thanks!

turquoisebaby · 22/07/2020 21:24

Bit of a shock today at work, I'm 13+3 and had a sudden gush of blood. Had a total melt down and told the manager i was going home. Midwife has booked me in for a scan tomorrow at 3.15pm, I feel like tomorrow is going to drag. I tempted fate by booking a 16 week gender scan last night, i knew I shouldn't of done it. It was at the 16 week scan last Aug we found out our little girl had passed. The bleeding has pretty much stopped now. But I don't know what to think. Not looking forward to going alone tomorrow. I just want an answer now.

My "best" friend can join the others in the inappropriate comment bin, she told me during my 2 years of trying to conceive to just borrow her husband as she got pregnant on their first try. She also came over the day after we found about about our MMC in Aug and just sat on her phone all day whilst my DH looked after her kid in the paddling pool. Needless to say lockdown has been great for gently letting her go. I just hate that I feel guilty about it. Why should I !?!

Just thinking about her has put me in a bad mood! Grrrr.

Seahawk80 · 22/07/2020 21:28

Just wanted to say @marmitecheesetoast you are absolutely not a fraud. My colleague's son was stillborn 6 years ago and I had no idea at the time that you still got your maternity leave but when I found out she would my first thought was I'm so glad she does and she absolutely should take as long as she needs. You need time to let your body recover and deal with the grief. Please don't worry what people think 💖

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