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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

983 replies

Avocuddles · 16/07/2020 18:03

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SammiLou2312 · 17/07/2020 12:42

@Anon20something we both need to keep our legs crossed for a few more week yet 😂

Sazzy312 · 17/07/2020 12:51

hi everyone, I would really like to join but just wondering is this group is for women who have lost babies early or later in pregnancy or doesn't it matter? , Im 15+6 and never got this far before so in unknown territory, Im trying to keep postive as I believe my problem was keeping a baby up to 12 weeks but after reading and talking to other women obviously women do loose at any stage so I'm now in a new world of worry that my baby will still die. Most days I'm ok but I do have a wobble now and again, I talk to the same midwife quite a lot and she's very reassuring, I hope this comment hasn't upset anyone or been not right.

SammiLou2312 · 17/07/2020 13:21

@Sazzy312 welcome to the group, gentle congratulations and sticky bean vibes to you... This group is for anyone who is pregnant after a loss. We have a number of ladies who had early losses (personally I'd had 5 previous losses before 8 weeks), we also have ladies who lost their babies later on. There is no judgement here, we are just trying to support each other as we have been through similar journeys to get here. I know it's easier said than done (I still have my moments at 31 weeks lol) but try not to worry too much. Remember this is a new egg, new sperm and new pregnancy...today you are pregnant! We are here to help if you are having a bad day or are struggling and to celebrate the good days with you too (got to love a scan/bump pic) 🥰
Wishing you all the best xx

footprintsintheslow · 17/07/2020 13:25

@Sazzy312 @Baileys123 @turquoisebaby
Welcome to you all. You've found the most supportive thread on mumsnet (in my opinion).

Sazzy312 · 17/07/2020 13:35

@SammiLou2312 @footprintsintheslow thank you for welcoming me, I've always been such a postive upbeat person but after my 3 losses I changed and had to have counselling after my last one to be able to be happy again, but during this pregnancy I have been quite low and not hopeful due to a hemorrhage, I also don't like people to be to happy about the pregnancy but I am better now and allowing myself to be happy, my midwife told me on monday you'll be just as sad if baby dies and you hadn't thought of it or if you'd told the whole world about your good news, and I think that's true, I used to think if I don't allow myself to be happy if it dies it won't hurt so much but of course it would so I'm now embracing my pregnancy and taking bump pics ect, this was little peanut at 12+3, I wish you all lovely pregnancies x

Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5
footprintsintheslow · 17/07/2020 14:59

Oh @Sazzy312 you've just typed up my exact thoughts. I hate being congratulated or people asking me about things as I don't want to get into conversations about it. I haven't taken any bumpies yet but you've inspired me to start embracing the pregnancy. Thanks for being so honest and I'm glad you are coming out of the low feelings.

I've been so low but I feel a lot better today so maybe this is the day for a bumpie. (Probably should wash though as have fully embraced lockdown this week🤮).

AnxiousLady1 · 17/07/2020 15:03

@sazzy312 Welcome and gentle congratulations. You've come so far already. I know the first 12 weeks are incredibly slow moving and worrying. Like you, I had a similar detached approach in the first trimester. Self preservation. Once I got passed that point I still worried about letting myself think too much before the 20 week scan. But then I started to think that for the babies sake I wanted to be excited for them and try to enjoy the pregnancy as much as I can. I know that once baby gets here safely I will only be on the start of another path of worrying about every little thing when it comes to caring for them! We all have days where our anxiety gets on top of us, and feel free to come and vent on this thread when that happens you. These ladies have talked me through several wobbles already. In a way that is supportive and understanding and comes from shared experiences. No concern is too big or too small and there's always someone on the group that will likely have experienced similar at the same stage of their pregnancy. Xx

JuniperAndRose · 17/07/2020 15:45

@MOGMOGMOG85 the unsolicited opinions are SO annoying! I think it comes from just about anywhere when you are pregnant, people seem to think that your decisions are now a matter of public debate! When I was pregnant with DD1 my mum and mother in law both decided that we needed to move house (we live in a very non-fancy area of London, which they both decided was completely unsafe). I don't have any advice (I just did my best to ignore the more ridiculous judgements) but can share the fury!

@Littlegoth that's great news that the movements are back to normal. Well done for going straight in to be checked though.

@footprintsintheslow I hear you on the scan anxiety. I don't really know how to cope with it at all, so am just sending you a handhold.

Welcome @turquoisebaby and @Baileys123, gentle congratulations on your pregnancies.

Sazzy312 · 17/07/2020 15:50

@footprintsintheslow haha you made me laugh about washing, I've been the same due to lockdown but also as I was so nervous what products I could use in pregnancy so I've finally treated myself to some lush soap bars :) aww well I'm glad I could help, I've found talking and listening to others have really helped me, and yes definitely have a nice wash and take a lovely bumpie and know today you are pregnant, happy and living life 😊

Sazzy312 · 17/07/2020 15:54

@AnxiousLady1 thank you for your kind words, its surprising how many of us have felt the same and probably worry about the same things, and yea your right this is only one part of being a mum, once there here its a new challenge again and a different worry so yea I'm putting my faith into my body and into baby that what will be will be and I can get through it all 😄 I'm glad you've had the support you needed and that your pregnancy is all going well x

Anon20something · 17/07/2020 19:21

@SammiLou2312 definitely! I have nothing sorted either 🙈😂

@Sazzy312 welcome to the group and gentle congratulations on your pregnancy. All we can do is keep positive and try and enjoy each day because today you are pregnant! I’m glad you have the support you need, this group is great for just getting things out and the ladies are so lovely!

Hagster · 17/07/2020 21:07

Welcome to those who have just joined. It really is a little haven here, I have felt so valued and listened-to. I love to think we'll have 'graduates' soon and still have new joiners and it'll just keep going.

Had a weird one today - I'm nearly 28 weeks now (!) and someone at work commented on how big my bump was for a first pregnancy. I didn't know what to say and I'm a manager in the team so it didn't feel appropriate to call out without embarrassing the person but it has stayed with me a bit.

I'm also so clearly still in denial that this pregnancy might work out - I made some work plans for 3 months' time and then had to cancel them when I remembered I won't be in work then. However I'm basically ok with thinking like that because I'm far enough now that I'm entitled to mat leave no matter what happens. Honestly, when will I stop thinking like that?!

Whiffle77 · 18/07/2020 09:08

Its hard to reset your brain @Hagster I have thought similar when reading my mat leave policy...I do feel a lot more positive than I did but I still don't actually believe that I will be taking this baby home yet. It is getting better I think, and I have been realising that whether I feel excited or not, it won't change what outcome I get, and it won't change how I feel about it - so I'm best off just trying to let myself enjoy it and be excited!
People are very odd how they comment on tour body whilst pregnant, they would never comment on your size normally! I think people just run out of things to say...(in which case they should keep quiet!)
Thanks for the new thread @Avocuddles I am a bit behind on everything as worrying about my scan next week.

didslysquiddlydoo · 18/07/2020 10:45

Welcome to the new members of the group! It's so lovely that we continually have people joining, and that we represent all stages of pregnancy - I think it shows how supportive and helpful the group has been and continues to be throughout any stage!! 🥰🥰

Rachael321 · 18/07/2020 10:47

Morning all hope everyone is well!!

I'm at the stage of feeling fed up, sore and uncomfortable all the time. Braxton hicks for a few days now and period like pains aren't helping. I know they are signs that my body is getting ready for birth but the fact this could go on for weeks!!!! 33 days until due date!

I know I shouldn't really moan as I've managed to get this far and there are so many that struggle to. Just feel like utter shit right now and need a moan

didslysquiddlydoo · 18/07/2020 10:51

Just updating my weeks - 30 weeks, how and when did that happen?!!!

I kept thinking it would seem more real once I hit 30 weeks... well, the aches and pains definitely seem more real, that's for sure 😂😂

At what point do people intend to start actually looking at anything to do with birthing our little rainbows?! I have bought the positive birth company online package to work through but don't know when to make a start on it - maybe after my 32 week scan?!

@Bellsx 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 31wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 31wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 30wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 28wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 30wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 28wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 29wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 28wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 26wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 29wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 28wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 27wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 26wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 23wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 22wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 19wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 19wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 14 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 12 weeks (due 24/01/2021)

Whiffle77 · 18/07/2020 11:24

Jusy updating mine too

@Bellsx 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 31wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 31wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 30wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 28wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 30wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 28wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 29wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 28wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 26wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 29wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 28wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 27wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 26wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 23wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 22wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 20wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 19wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 14 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 12 weeks (due 24/01/2021)

Hagster · 18/07/2020 12:20

Thanks @Whiffle77, appreciate that. And such a good point about not being able to influence the outcome.

@Rachael321 sorry you're having such a hard time of it at the moment. As you say, hopefully good in the long run but hard to deal with now!

hypernova · 18/07/2020 17:16

Can I anxiously join you? I'm 5 weeks today. We lost our baby at 10 weeks back in January and have been TTC since late February. I don't have many symptoms at the moment which is causing me to worry a little as I had virtually no symptoms with the baby we lost. I have a scan booked in for when I'll be 6+2 to hopefully offer me some reassurance.

Knotemma · 18/07/2020 18:03

@hypernova welcome and gentle congratulations on your pregnancy. It's still very early for symptoms, I had nothing but the weird taste in my mouth until after 6 weeks, at which point sickness kicked in in a big way. Try to remember that a lack of symptoms isn't necessarily a bad thing, there are ladies here who haven't had much their whole pregnancy.

Today you are pregnant and this is a brand new pregnancy and egg (2 of our favourite mantra's here). Take good care of yourself, sending lots of sticky bean vibes your way x

marmitecheesetoast · 18/07/2020 18:08

Hello, I’m wondering if I can tentatively dip my toe in? I’ve been on the ttc after loss penguin huddle thread for the last few months.

I’m only just about to turn 5 weeks so incredibly early but my anxiety is absolutely through the roof.
My DS was stillborn at 28 weeks in April. It was incredibly sudden, had been a textbook 2nd pregnancy to that point. The post-mortem showed he was absolutely perfect, healthy and a good size which is all the more heartbreaking. It was inconclusive but they think most likely cause was a cord accident.
I have a DD who is 3 and is heartbroken And confused thar her little brother didn’t get to come home so it’s been a very hard few months.

This seems like such a lovely inclusive supportive group. I need to catch up on the thread properly but wanted to say sorry for everyone’s previous losses and gentle congratulations that we are here.

I’m finding it a complete headf*ck already. I found myself vividly planning this baby’s funeral last night, thinking how it would be the same coffin and how I could ask the florist to make the same flowers as for my DS’s funeral and how we’d have the same reading but different songs and wondering what they be.

Anyway yes sorry very long first post, sorry about that!

Need to read back through a bit more thoroughly but for what it’s worth @didslysquiddlydoo I did the PBC online course with my DS (well I was only part way through when I was induced and had to give birth) and found it incredibly helpful. Much better than the hypnobirthing book and CDs I’d used with DD.

footprintsintheslow · 18/07/2020 19:02

Welcome to @hypernova and @marmitecheesetoast I was on that thread with you so totally thrilled to see you over here with us! I've changed my username a few times since then though.

It's absolutely terrifying being pregnant after loss but we have to just carry on as we have no other option. We are all doing a great job and you'll find this thread bloody marvellous!

marmitecheesetoast · 18/07/2020 20:41

Thanks @footprintsintheslow I actually did think I recognised the name from maybe just as I joined the ttc thread!

hypernova · 18/07/2020 21:05

Thank you very much for the warm welcome and your reassuring words. Congratulations to you all. Wishing you happy and healthy pregnancies.

MOGMOGMOG85 · 19/07/2020 07:22

Welcome @Sazzy312 and congratulations on getting further than you have before! I'll just reiterate what others said in that you don't need a certain number of "points" for your losses here, everyone is welcome. I only had one early loss, but after struggling with my fertility for 2 years it was very hard for me. Trying to conceive and failing is in itself a trauma when it takes longer than "normal". I'm well aware that there are people here who have had to endure far worse than me but we can all be kind and supportive to each other, and we all understand what loss feels like xx

@marmitecheesetoast and @hypernova welcome, and we've all been through the early stages of pregnancy and remember how painfully slowly time passes! @hypernova I tortured myself every day over symptoms, and was regularly on here worrying and stressing about it. You'll quickly realise from other peoples stories that everyone is different, every pregnancy is different, and there is no way to look at symptoms and "know" what the outcome is going to be. I had no soreness of breasts at all with this pregnancy where I had had cripplingly painful breasts with my loss, and this worried me a lot at the time. Apart from nausea I had pretty much nothing this time, and there are plenty of people who don't even get the nausea. Even though I was nauseous, every moment of every day I wondered if I was nauseous enough, and because it tended to fluctuate it meant I was either miserable because I was so nauseous or miserable because I wasn't very nauseous... its a minefield and we all know what its like to be paranoid and waiting. The best you can do in the early days is just try to zone out from it, disconnect, and give yourself permission to do anything that helps you forget. I spent hours and hours playing a computer game (FF7 remake) and found that it was really helpful in making me totally forget I was pregnant whilst I was playing. Different things might work for different people, playing piano, or just watching trash tv (I also watched a lot of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills). Its a shame not to enjoy your pregnancy but in reality I don't think I could have relaxed in those early days and so that was my coping mechanism xxx

@marmitecheesetoast I'm so sorry for your loss, that must have been so awful for you. We're all here for you if you're having a bad day. There are many here who experienced stillbirths and late losses, and we all know what its like to approach a milestone in your pregnancy where something bad happened previously xx

@Rachael321 sorry you're feeling rubbish! I had no idea that contractions etc started so early! Good to know as otherwise I might have freaked out totally when I get there. I've never been in the last stages of pregnancy but am trying to view it as natures way of making childbirth actually seem favourable to you rather than carrying on heavily pregnant. Probably not much use to you now though! Is there anything you can do to feel temporarily comfortable, like taking baths? xx

I'm having a bit of a nightmare at the moment, I'm waiting on my OH to sort out some of his crap so that I can run a load of stuff to the charity shop and start deep cleaning the house to get the photographer round for selling the house, but he's procrastinating majorly, majorly stressed at work and also trying to do job applications. Then yesterday the pub next door to us started playing incredibly loud music outside our window in the daytime. It is so loud even with the window closed that I can't read, think, or even watch tv or even listen to my own music (we have mega speakers but no matter how loud I set them it still sounds like a sound clash not to mention deafening). Its basically like having a band in my living room. They are not licensed to do this, as their license strictly says they can only do outside music on festival days, 3 times a year. On festival days it is very loud but I don't mind as its part of the local area and its nice to be in the fray of things, but I phoned them yesterday and they said they're going to do it all day every weekend day and refused to change it. This just as we're putting our house on the market, can you imagine if someone came to view??? The pub can be loud from our living room at night, but not usually until around 10pm when we're pretty much heading to bed (our bedrooms are sheltered on the other side and very quiet). The idea that I won't be able to enjoy anything in my own house all day every weekend is torturing me. Anyway we will complain to the council of course but I'm worried about how long this will take :( I've downloaded a decibel thingy today and am going to test it. It just seems to have pushed me over the edge between coping with uncertainty in my job and trying to move house, and not coping.

Updating my weeks also, as I am now halfway through!

@Bellsx 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 35wks (due 20/08/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@Hoping2020 31wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 31wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Knotemma 30wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 28wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 30wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 28wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 29wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 28wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 27wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 26wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 29wks (due 30/09/20)⁣ BOY
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 28wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 27wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 26wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 23wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 22wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 18wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 20wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 20wks (due 05/12/20)
@footprintsintheslow 14 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby 12 weeks (due 24/01/2021)

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