Pregnant after Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 5

[Avocuddles]

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Hope Finn gets out if scbu soon @Anon20something I get what you mean about not feeling right posting here about your worries etc now baby is here,I feel the same. But I don't know where else I'd do it!

I'm struggling. Feel so useless and hopeless almost lost. Times i feel like there's no bond or connection but times I'm paranoid and overprotective of Henry

@Rachael321 Don't be hard on yourself. You only need to look at half the other threads on Mumsnet to see that almost every new mum experiences those feelings. Even when babies are desperately wanted and loved you still have to contend with major life upheaval, lack of sleep etc. It can be a confusing time. Throw the health issues you've had in on top of that and that's a lot for anyone to have to deal with!! xx

Haven’t read all the updates.
@Rachael321 wanted to reply and say please talk to your midwife/health visitor/gp (as well as here). There’s a lot of help available for new mums if you go looking. From my experiences of friends, I think often the harder your journey to become a mum, the higher the expectation you have that is going to be so wonderful & amazing. Which it is, but that expectation can then manifest itself in being overwhelming and a mum struggling. The experience has such a high bar to live up to as it’s been wanted for so long. The reality is hard & relentless & exhausting, as as well as the good bits.
Hope that makes sense, but do ask for all the help you need, i think your feelings are perfectly normal xx

@Anon20something sending you lots of strength too. It must be so hard being away from Finn. He is off course in the best Place but that doesn’t make it easier for you to deal with. Keeping everything crossed you’re all home soon x

Have we got a graduates thread for us mams who have had a baby after previous losses? I love reading the updates but I'm wondering if people would rather a different space. This isn't me saying please go at all honestly. Eventually we will all be graduates so this thread will evolve anyway.

Morning all. @Anon20something I hope you and Finn are doing ok today?

@Rachael321 your post resonated with me and I would echo what @tmc14 said about expectations. I haven't got there myself in terms of bringing a baby home but I have spoken to my counsellor a bit about expectation vs reality when that time comes. Slightly different but I feel as if some people think we will be ok and 'better' once this baby arrives, as if magically all our grief will disappear. My feeling is actually, as wonderful as it will be (hopefully) it will also be really hard because I suspect it will be a reminder of all the things we didn't get to do with Isla. I suspect it will be a very bittersweet time, not to mention I am sure I will be very paranoid, nervous and over protective.

Anyway, my counsellor was clear that all of that is understandable and completely normal. It is hard enough dealing with a new baby and the huge upheaval in life, but for those of us who have had losses, there is even more riding on this experience because of what we have been through to get here. I imagine similar for those with infertility struggles, I know from friends they certainly felt this way. I would echo speaking to your DH, HV, midwife, mum, someone to help you process all these feelings and help you see this is all normal and help you to be kind to yourself. You're doing a great job. X

@Rachael321 I wanted to add... with my first I had conceived quickly, had an easy pregnancy, had a traumatic birth but it wasn’t completely awful & we were both fine. I couldn’t stop talking about my birth for about a month! It’s such a huge thing, and I just needed to keep going through it, asked my midwife loads of questions, asked my husband what had happened, over & over until my brain had in some way started to process it. It’s a massive deal, even though millions of women do it. And that’s without previous loss, or infertility issues. Let yourself be nurtured & looked after and do whatever you feel you need to begin to process what you’re experiencing xx

I’ve got loads to catch up on!

Quick update - baby was born on the 9th by c section. Surgery went really well, delivery and closed up on the way to recovery within an hour. Today my scar is healed nicely, best and tidy and I’ve not even thought of pain killers in the last couple of days.

Baby was quite poorly after birth, and for each complication that resolved another quickly developed. However happy ending - after 5 nights in hospital we are both home and to look at him now you wouldn’t know he’d had such a shaky start. Enjoying lots of lovely baby cuddles xx

Oh congrats @Littlegoth!!! You kept that quiet!! Was it a planned section?? Thanks for sharing the details. Good to know for any of us on here that will be having a section (planned or otherwise). Glad baby's issues are resolved. That must have been very nerve wracking for you. Enjoy all the cuddles! xxx

I just went through all the baby clothes we've picked up already, with a view to putting on a wash in the coming weeks. I was getting a little excited about the sheer size and cuteness level of things.

Hi all
Had my 39 week appointment today, with a stand in midwife who was very blunt and as a result I ended up quite on edge. It was definitely just her manner of speaking (she's German and very blunt) but I had a bit of a wobble, then calmed myself down. Decided to go ahead with a sweep as I'm about 50% effaced and 1-2 cm dilated, so we shall see. By my fundal height measurements my belly hasn't grown in the past 2 weeks (though she did say it could be because it was 2 different people doing the measurements) so going for a scan tomorrow at 4 just to check. I'm honestly not worried as goblin is kicking up a storm, has mega hiccups at least twice a day and is generally seeming very happy with and excellent heartbeat. DH is home now, so planning on lots of nice feel good stuff over the next few days to hopefully get things going.

@Rachael321 Baby boy has arrived
@SammiLou2312 Baby girl has arrived
@Hoping2020 Baby has arrived
@Knotemma 39wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 37wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 38 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 37wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 36wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth (csection booked 09/09/20) BOY baby boy has arrived
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 35wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 36wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 33wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 32wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 31wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 28wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 28wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 28wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 23 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby* 19 weeks (due 24/01/21)BOY

Just updating my weeks. Congratulations @Littlegoth!

@Rachael321 Baby boy has arrived
@SammiLou2312 Baby girl has arrived
@Hoping2020 Baby has arrived
@Knotemma 39wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 37wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 38 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 37wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 36wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth (csection booked 09/09/20) BOY baby boy has arrived
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 37wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 36wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 33wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 32wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 31wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 28wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 28wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 28wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 23 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby* 19 weeks (due 24/01/21)BOY

@Littlegoth congratulations that's lovely news and a relief to us all as I suppose any of us could have a section.
So exciting that all these precious babies are making an entrance.

@Littlegoth congratulations!! So sorry you had a stressful few days but glad you’re both home & safe now xx

@Knotemma sorry your appointment was stressful. Yes the recommendation is the same person takes the measurements, and the measurements are so hit and miss anyway. If they’re moving loads, I’m sure everything is fine. Glad you’ve got the scan tomorrow just to make sure x

@Knotemma sorry I realise you said you weren’t worried. I think I’m in anxious mode just now so projecting!! Sounds like things are happening, fingers crossed not too long now!

@tmc14 thank you, I'm not too worried but it's always lovely to get support from all you lovely ladies, especially because I ended up a bit flustered.

@Littlegoth I don't know if I actually said this but massive congratulations on the arrival of you son. It sound alike it's not been an easy few days but very glad that you're all home and safe xxx

I had my midwife appointment today... was actually lovely talking to a midwife as I’ve only had Dr appointments up until now! Talked through all the birth things, felt a lot better afterwards. I think my main worry at the moment is pain relief with the induction if I have to end up with the drip. I know the contractions are supposed to be more intense and so they recommend the epidural. My hospital doesn’t do the epidural where you can move about, and I’m trying to avoid being on my back due to tearing badly last time so I’m faced with just trying to tough it out 😬 not sure how realistic that is.

@tmc14nnot sure if you've looked at positive birth company stuff, but they have a private Facebook group and there are lots of positive induction stories in there, particularly where women have done lots with tens and breathing/relaxation to get through, so it's definitely possible. Pain relief is always going to be a biggy to discuss but try not to get yourself too wound up x

Cheers @Knotemma ah, I’m not on Facebook very much, will check it out. I’ve got the positive birth book which I’m finding really helpful. Yeah I feel I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole of trying to get info & should probably just stop!! I did hypnobirthing with my son & found it really valuable. Probably should be practising that more than reading about syntocinon concentrations that don’t mean much to me!! I believe the induction is the best thing for the baby this time but it is causing me anxiety...

@tmc14 I was induced last time and I had gas and air. You could go really quickly and hardly need a thing. It's just something you can't plan for really. Not sure how likely it is that you tear again, I don't think things down there ever go back exactly the same if you know what I mean.
With my first I had lots of stitches and the second just flew out.... make of that what you will!

Thanks @footprintsintheslow I’m hoping it’s quick!! I think I’m trying to prepare myself for the worst... also in a real control freak and the lack of control is getting to me. I was so lucky in how I healed last time, I think part of my anxiety is feeling I’ve used all that luck up!! The chance of a third or fourth degree tear increases from 1.5% to 7% I think, or similar, if you’ve had one before. So it’s still actually a small chance. I need to get some positive vibes going!!

@tmc14 also think out of the box for pain relief...distraction is good. For me that meant great music, card games and my crochet. For others that could be a film on the laptop or whatever.

Also there's no saying you have to have the epidural for the majority of the time. So you could move around in the early parts and then try other pain reliefs. My favourite is pethidine.

@footprintsintheslow they’re great suggestions, thank you. With my son I was up for two nights, in labour for 4 days so I think sleep deprivation and exhaustion worked as both distraction & pain numbing. I feel like it’s my first time since I will hopefully not be using the same technique this time!

@Rachael321 Baby boy has arrived
@SammiLou2312 Baby girl has arrived
@Hoping2020 Baby has arrived
@Knotemma 39wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@LilMrsS 31wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 37wks (26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@TunnocksTcake 38 wks (due 26/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@avocuddles 37wks (due 27/09/20)⁣ GIRL
@Sunflower1608 32wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣ GIRL & BOY
@SunStruck 36wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 31wks due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth (csection booked 09/09/20) BOY baby boy has arrived
@HighHopes20 25wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 37wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣ GIRL
@tmc14 36wks (due 11/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@Hagster 33wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣ SURPRISE
@DressingGown87 18wks (due 20/10/20)⁣ GIRL
@rachelrainbow 23wks (due 28/10/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 32wks (due 07/11/20)⁣ BOY
@Shefliesonherownwings 31wks (due 09/11/20)⁣ BOY
@MrsG3 28wks (due 16/11/20) GIRL
@MysteriousSheep 19wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 29wks (due 02/12/20)⁣ SURPRISE
@MOGMOGMOG85 28wks (due 05/12/20) BOY
@footprintsintheslow 23 wks (due 10/01/21)
@turquoisebaby* 19 weeks (due 24/01/21)BOY

Even more babies!! Huge congratulations @littlegoth! Hope you are doing well, and all the other babies on the group - thank you for your c section comments as it seems likely I'm heading that way. @Anon20something hope Finn is feeling better today. @rachael321 I think how you are feeling is completely normal, the first few weeks must be tough. Take it easy on yourself and get as much rest as possible.
@knotemma maybe things will get moving now DH is home!

Little Finn update - CPAP is off which is great news but his chest drain is still bubbling every now and then so we can’t get that out just yet :( I feel like we’ve been here forever and I just want a cuddle and to get him home. I feel like I’ve lost that new mum experience that I should’ve had again and I’m feeling really sorry for myself!

@Anon20something I think you have every right to feel sorry for yourself. It's such a rubbish situation and isn't fair at all. You will still get a lovely at home newborn/new mum experience once you're home, you'll still get the times where you're figuring everything out and learning about each other and getting to know each other. Sending you loads of love and hugs because it's such an unfair thing to go through. Really good news the CPAP is off though, keeping everything crossed for a continued improvement so you can get home with Finn soon xxx