Pregnant After Loss and Dreaming of Rainbows - 4

[Avocuddles]

Thread 4 already! New members very welcome to our friendly and supportive team.

Latest roll call....

@Bellsx. 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Rachael321 26wks (due 20/08/20)⁣
@Pugmum19 18wks (due 31/08/20)⁣
@UrsulaSings 17wks (due 07/09/20)⁣
@Hoping2020 19wks (due 13/09/20)⁣
@SammiLou2312 22wks⁣ (due 17/09/20)⁣
@Knotemma 21 wks⁣ (due 23/09/20)⁣
@LilMrsS 20wks (due 24/09/20)⁣
@didslysquiddlydoo 20wks 26/09/20)⁣
@TunnocksTcake 19wks (due 26/09/20)⁣
@avocuddles 20wks (due 27/09/20)⁣
@Sunflower1608 20wks with twins (due 28/09/20)⁣
@SunStruck 19wks (due 28/09/20)⁣⁣
@Scout20 19wks (due 29/09/20)⁣
@Littlegoth 20wks (due 30/09/20)⁣
@HighHopes20 16wks (due 03/10/20)⁣⁣
@Treaclepie19 18wks (due 07/10/20)⁣⁣
@Aria2015 10wks⁣
@tmc14 17wks (due 11/10/20)⁣
@Hagster 17wks (due 12/10/20)⁣⁣
@seaduck 12wks (due 17/10/20)⁣
@DressingGown87 13wks (due 20/10/20)⁣
@rachelrainbow 11wks (due 1/11/20)⁣
@teaandtantrums90 13wks (due 05/11/20)⁣
@AnxiousLady1 14wks (due 07/11/20)⁣
@Shefliesonherownwings 13wks (due 09/11/20)⁣
@MysteriousSheep 12wks (due 21/11/20)
@Whiffle77 11wks (due 04/12/20)⁣
@MOGMOGMOG85 10wks (due 09/12/20)

@MOGMOGMOG85 sorry to hear about your scare and continued pain, along with the somewhat rubbish treatment from the hospital.... will be thinking of you this morning and hoping for another positive scan.

If they haven't already it might be worth asking for a Covid test, i did have some bad abdominal pains when I was ill but not until about 5 or 6 days after the initial symptoms.

I've just given consent for my medical records over the next two years to be used as part of a research study into the impacts of covid in pregnancy, going to be a long time before we have any conclusive results but good to know that there are people working to better understand this horrible disease. Pregnancy is a scary enough time without having to throw a pandemic into the mix!

@MOGMOGMOG85 so sorry to hear you are having such horrible pains and bleeding but glad they are able to see you. Will be thinking of you.

@MOGMOGMOG85 sending positive vibes your way today and hoping you’re feeling better soon xx

Thinking of you @MOGMOGMOG85 let us know how you get on

Thank you so much everyone for your messages. Unfortunately the hospital just called and said they aren't going to scan me after all - they're sticking to their policy of no scans unless emergency. To be fair my bleeding has been mild so I do recognise it's not an emergency but just when it arrived amongst all the pain yesterday I so badly needed reassurance. They would 100% have scanned me if it wasn't for covid. Can't really complain. Trying to stay positive. I am still in pain coming up to 3 days now but it's 100% related to my bowel/digestion and I don't think there's anything I can do but wait it out, drink lots of water and be careful what I eat. I've been in touch with a friend with IBS for advice and she recommended a fodmap diet - the doc suggested lactulose but I looked it up and it actually increases the water content of your stool so I def don't need/want that! Lots of mint tea and this yoga pose kinda like downward dog but on my knees really helps.

@Whiffle77 omg that made me laugh despite being in pain lololol there must be people who get confused between their vagina and their bum, bless them!

@Avocuddles I wasn't offered a test despite having a temp in hospital! I will bear in mind what you said and be on the lookout for other symptoms, hopefully it is just a straight tummy bug. Sadly I think if anything sitting in A&E for 3 hours yesterday has put me at the most risk of contracting it out of anything I've done so far! And all for nothing - oh well, the power of heinsight.

@Avocuddles forgot to say that's great that you and your baby can be part of something positive for the future, despite all you went through contracting covid!

@MOGMOGMOG85 I tried the fodmap diet briefly. There is a phone app you can get (I think there's a charge). It gives you everything in a traffic light system. And there are loads of recipes in there that you can use. One thing I will say is fodmap is a bit of a commitment as most of the things that you might use to flavour cooking are prohibited (onions, garlic etc).That said, in your circumstances I'd be willing to try anything. xx

@AnxiousLady1 thank you - I'm hoping not to have to do it long term but at the moment yes anything to try and help!

So yesterday I spoke to GP, Midwife, A&E doc and then today had a phonecall from Gynecology and I have to say I am amazed that everyone you speak to says something different! I found the midwife most reassuring with practical tips on how to make myself more comfortable, whilst reassuring me that my gastro issues cannot affect baby. The GP was very thorough but a bit out of her depth I think and was mainly focussed on the worst case scenarios and ruling them out (appendicitis, ectopic). The A&E doctor said she was surprised they let me try to conceive with my large fibroids which is not the first time I've had unwelcome comments from people who are not specialists! I find it annoying when docs make comments on stuff that they don't know much about as I've seen a specialist who said although my fibroids are technically large he'd describe them as more medium as he's seen far worse, also that they will have low impact on pregnancy because of their placing. The A&E doc also said that if I don't solve the constipation problem it could cause problems for the baby if it doesn't have enough space. I thought that sounded unlikely and also if you're not going to offer me a solution to my problem what is the point of saying that to me? It's also the opposite of what the midwife said. Then this morning the gynaecologist described my bleeding as "threatened miscarriage" which I just ignored - what an awful term! How does he know over the phone that it's threatened miscarriage? I have just looked it up now and seen that it's the term used for any bleeding beyond spotting outside the first trimester, but I'm still in first trimester and I still think it's an awful term that is unnecessarily scary! Humph.

This is only my second pregnancy but I'm already becoming a pro at throwing out and totally discounting certain things that certain medical professionals will say. If you took everything they said on board you'd be a nervous wreck, and some of them are much worse than others!

xxx

@MOGMOGMOG85 That made me think of a couple of instances of unhelpful comments from GPs. When a friend of mine was pregnant she caught chickenpox (never had it as a child). GP immediately went to telling her all the potential birth defects her baby was going to have!! Baby was completely uneffected and was very healthy. But mother on other hand was a nervous wreck and devastated following some off the cuff remarks by GP.

I also remember going to GP for dizziness. Later diagnosed what the cause was. GP suggested (without tests) that it might be an STI (I'd no symptoms other than dizziness). When I said that was unlikely and I was married etc they suggested that I couldn't be sure of partners fidelity and sexual health 🙈🙈

@MOGMOGMOG85 glad the tea and yoga are providing some relief. You're right around learning to maintain a healthy scepticism around health professionals - whilst the vast majority are brilliant at what they do, there are certainly some who lack the sensitivity / tact gene, and others who paint a worst case scenario picture in circumstances that really don't warrant it. It's always worth getting a second opinion when we're unhappy with the quality of what we're being told. @AnxiousLady1 I can't believe they made those suggestions around your sexual health, it's shocking and funny at the same time!

I have a positive medical experience to report on this morning, I had my first (telephone) appointment in 9 weeks with my obstetric haematology consultant and he did a really good job of putting my mind at ease. I've had a lot of anxiety over the past few weeks thinking about the possibility of another blood clot and he reassured me that with the meds I'm on the likelihood of that happening is far lower than in the general population and he's not aware of anyone in my hospital trust ever having had one whilst on the injections. He also reassured me around my lack of weight gain - I'm coming up to 22 weeks and still weigh the same that I did at the outset (having regained the weight I lost well I was ill but nothing more), but he said that it's nothing to worry about as my 20 week scan was measuring perfectly, everyone is different and it may well be that I pile it on later in my pregnancy compared to others. I do have a sizeable bump so guess that in spite of cakes, biscuits and crisps being a daily feature of my lockdown diet my (overweight) body doesn't need to store any extra fat yet - hopefully that may also provide reassurance to any others of you who have been feeling a bit paranoid about weight gain or lack thereof.....

@MrsMGE apologies for not being very active over the past couple of days but just wanted to say that it's great that you've got a scan booked and are feeling comfortable about it. It will be lovely for you to both see the baby together.

@KRender I hope you're ok today, bleeding is always terrifying but hopefully the recent posts have shown you that it can be a (scary, unpleasant) feature of a healthy pregnancy.

I can't remember who was asking about antenatal classes but I'm signed up to NCT from mid July. I signed up just before lockdown started and it's now planned to be a zoom course, it won't be the same but hopefully it will still be helpful for us both.

I think adding gender onto the roll call is a lovely idea, I'll add Girl on next time I update my dates

@MOGMOGMOG85 that must've been so disappointing today having the scan cancelled. How are you feeling now?

Hi all. @MOGMOGMOG85 sorry your scan was cancelled, that is frustrating. Hopefully the tea and yoga poses are helping. I suffer with Crohns and although I've not had problems in my pregnancies I've been in agony in the past so you have my sympathies. Keeping very well hydrated is my best tip. Can you take paracetamol to take the edge off the pain?

I had my consultant appointment with the mental health team today. Apart from being kept waiting for an hour, the consultant was so lovely. She said she is going to get my notes from my previous hospital so I didn't need to tell her much about my previous labour and birth. I did prepare a written letter but she just asked me a couple of factual questions which I was fine with.

Unfortunately when she asked me how I'm feeling with this pregnancy the water works came out! I just couldn't help it and told her how anxious I am. She was very kind, told me this is all normal and they will do whatever they can to support me including ensuring my current counselling continues indefinitely which is a great relief as I find it very helpful. She told me I'll have regular growth scans as one issue I had with Isla is that she was on the small side which meant she struggled more during labour so they will do regular scans. She also told me I am high priority so I shouldn't worry about appointments or scans being cancelled with coronavirus, she will make sure they go ahead. My lovely midwife popped in too and asked if I was ok. I feel a lot better and well taken care of so far. Thank you all for your advice and support as well, it really helped.

Sorry you didnt get your scan @MOGMOGMOG85 but I guess it is potentially reassuring they aren't worried. Hope you are feeling a little better today!
@AnxiousLady1 I can't believe how awful those comments are!! I think sometimes people dont think, and I guess doctors see awful situations every day and perhaps forget about how the people experiencing them must be feeling. But still!!
I am shattered today, but I have been to the shops for the first time since lockdown started! When they originally told pregnant women to stay home, my DH took it very seriously once I became pregnant and did all of the shopping. Which has been great, but it really cleared my mind getting out somewhere different!
Also made it to 12 weeks today, so had a celebratory dinner. Very anxious about my scan next week buy it will be here soon enough.
Hope everyone else is ok

Cross posted @Shefliesonherownwings but I am very pleased you've had such a positive experience! Hopefully it has really helped getting your feelings out, and sounds like you will be well looked after which is so reassuring.

Having a wild night with anxiety so just needed a little brain dump and get it out to someone! 22 weeks, i think the fact that baby is fine and there’s no reason why he won’t come home is really unsettling me if that makes any sense at all! Everyone seems so sure it’ll all be okay. I still find it hard to believe, I’m almost waiting for something to go wrong. He’s had a quieter day than usual (still felt movements!) so I’ve convinced myself they’ve missed something and he has the condition lily had. We only found out with her because her movement stopped at 30 weeks which is clearly why I’m obsessing over them! I just feel like this pregnancy is lasting forever I just want him here and miss my girl so much. :( I’m sorry for the pity party, I just needed to get it out! Anyone else finding things just especially tough right now? X

@Anon20something although I haven't been through the trauma of late loss, I sympathise with how you are feeling. In spite of being told by my consultant and midwife that everything is fine and no cause for worry, I still feel constantly nervous that something will happen either to the baby or to me and although I've bought a couple of little bits for the baby now, I'm still terrified at the thought of making a start on the nursery or ordering a pram as if it would be cursing things. Your heartbreaking experience with Lily will be something you carry with you throughout this pregnancy and always, and even though the stats (and scans) tell you that things should be ok this time round, it is only natural that you will experience many more ups and downs before your boy arrives.

I'm preparing for a 'down' day tomorrow as it will be one year since my first miscarriage and that will no doubt bring a rush of emotions. Thankfully we've got so much support on this group, I've no idea how I would have got through the past twelve months without the communities I've found here on MN, the TTC after loss group and this group never fail to make me feel a little less alone.....

@Anon20something of course you feel like this you poor thing. I envy women who can just enjoy their pregnancy in utter naivety of what can and does happen. Just take one day at a time and try and busy yourself for some of each day. You are best placed to monitor the situation and seek help. I imagine you are your own expert now after your horrific experience.

@Avocuddles take care this anniversary day. We all understand those days and the mixed feelings they bring. I agree about mumsnet I don't know how I would've survived without it. I commented on a thread last night when a woman had lost her baby at 12 weeks yesterday. She already can't live without the. Mumsnet support. I said before you realise you'll be one of those giving advice to the next woman as thats how it works here. What a great community it is.

@MOGMOGMOG85 hope you’re doing ok, very frustrating to be offered a scan then have it taken away! Sounds like your diet is healthy, could you have a few days of just a few types of food items, really simple things (not sure what!) to seek if it settles?

@Shefliesonherownwings really pleased the counsellor was helpful & you are being looked after well. They will be tough sessions I’m sure, but perhaps what you need xx

@Whiffle77 congratulations on reaching 12 weeks!

@Anon20something I’m sorry you were feeling so anxious last night, I hope you managed some sleep & are feeling a little better this morning. You will absolutely have bad times (I ‘only’ had one loss at 10 weeks & im still anxious at 20 weeks!) but I think more so around those important dates, such as when you had bad news with Lily. Sending hugs and hope you can have a restful day xx

@Avocuddles thinking of you & your first Angel Bean today xxxx

I’ve got my 20 week scan this morning. Feeling the usual anxiety but am doing ok & keeping everything crossed for everything to be ok.

@tmc14 good luck at your scan today, send pictures later to give us all a smile. 😀

Hi @Anon20something I'm sorry you feel rubbish at the minute. I think things are especially hard at the minute with lockdown as nothing is normal, we cannot distract ourselves in the same way we normally would, and our support from the outside world is hugely decreased. You would be worried anyway, but if life was "normal" I think it would be far easier. I am really struggling too at the minute, I feel like there is a line of anxiety bubbling in my chest down to my stomach at all times - I also have no real cause for concern! My scan is next week and my friends who know I am pregnant are so excited but I am dreading it and I feel like I cant explain why. Try not to be too hard on yourself, you have been through a big ordeal and it's natural you will think of Lily more and more as the weeks move on - that's a good thing, not just an anxious thing! I echo what everyone else has said on here, I would've gone mad these last few months without the loss threads on mumsnet - please dont ever think it is a pity party or that you dont want to write your feelings, as there will be so many people who understand and want to help. I think it will be a rollercoaster for everyone until these babies are here - just try and enjoy the highs, and weather through the loss
Thinking of you today @Avocuddles hope that you are ok xx
Thanks @tmc14

Oh and good luck with your scan @tmc14 ! Yes please upload a pic, we will def all be pleased to see it

Sorry my spelling is awful - weather through the LOWS not loss

Good luck on your scan today @MrsMGE , thinking of you and rooting for you ❤️

@SunStruck ❤️

Good luck @mrsmge !