Pregnant after loss and dreaming of rainbows....

[Avocuddles]

Hi,

Starting a thread for ladies in early pregnancy after one or more miscarriages or stillbirths. A safe place to let off steam and hopefully grow healthy rainbows together......

Hi and welcome @Pugmum19 and @LapsedVeganEgg.

@LapsedVeganEgg do your medical issues impact on your medical treatment throughout pregnancy? I have a mixed opinion re private scans. During my previous pregnancy (which ended in my second miscarriage) I saw a heartbeat at a private scan at 7 weeks however it was measuring significantly behind based on my dates. I knew that it didn't seem right and was very anxious but the sonographer fobbed me off saying that that my dates must be wrong, even though it was impossible for me to be any further behind given how early I had tested. I definitely wouldn't go back to that same place though I wouldn't rule out having a private scan elsewhere at 9 or 10 weeks if the NHS one I'm having at 7 weeks turns out ok.

@Pugmum19 that's fantastic news re having a positive outcome after a bleeding scare, it really gives us all hope. When is your next scan?

@SunStruck I've never felt particularly nauseous but I feel very bloated at the moment, it's like my lower stomach is constantly somersaulting... I have big boobs in the first place so haven't really noticed growth but they certainly feel tender, much the same as my previous pregnancies. I'm with your re feeling tired too. I was at a big trade fair with work all day on Tuesday and Wednesday and really struggled. The rest of the team were out partying until the early hours but I made my excuses to go back to the hotel at 10. They probably think dry January has made me a right miserable one!

@Sunflower1608 so encouraging to hear your story re a healthy pregnancy after a bleed! I hope our pregnancies are uneventful from here on but it's good to know that sometimes things do work out regardless of a scare.....

Hi all, first time poster here..., but this post really resonated with me and wanted to contribute too...

I'm on my 6th pregnancy, 18.7 so far and due 20th June (just turned 37 this month). All in we've had 5 miscarriages over 5 years of TTC. 3 lost at 7 weeks, 11 weeks, and 5 weeks, 5 weeks and 5 weeks respectively. We've had IVF twice now, first was the most recent 5wk loss, and now this pregnancy.

After the first miscarriage we were disappointed but mostly ok, "it happens, we'll keep trying, what are the chances it would happen again" we thought. 2 years later, and after 3 losses within the space of a year, we were much less confident, and beginning the slow IVF process. My husband struggled the most with all this which was hard for both of us, and eventually after some persuading we sought out some support for him.

We had kept our first miscarriage between us (as I didn't want to deal with everyone else's grief and sympathy as well as our own; and then deal with all the follow up well-meaning questions, etc). However after the 2nd a year and a half later we told our families and close friends, as we could see this would be a longer journey than we'd hoped.

With my 11 week loss I had no symptoms other than very tender breasts; and it has been the same for this pregnancy too - what I would have given for some morning sickness (just a few times at least) to make me feel more confident. However the most amazing feeling in the world was at our 8 week scan at the ACS clinic where we saw our babies heart beating.

We've had subsequent scans at 11 weeks (after a fair bit of bleeding - very emotional rollercoaster of a day and we were so elated to hear the sonographer declared she could see a heart beat and we could see the baby wriggling about) and the usual 12 week scan (where baby just did not want to get in to position for the sonographer. Been feeling a few flutters over the last couple of weeks too which is so reassuring and we're eagerly awaiting our 20 week scan.

I've been lucky enough so far that I still haven't had any difficult symptoms to manage, and I am mostly very positive and calm, but every so often I can't help the odd irrational fear from creeping in.

Good grief! Sorry, that's a bit of a ridiculous length for post. I'll try and keep it shorter in future

Welcome new ladies

I cant believe I'm still not even 4 weeks yet 🙈 Stupid short cycles!!

@Avocuddles I originally thought I was further on than I was calculating when my last period had started, however I ended up being 2 weeks behind when I went for my scan at 7 weeks. I thought it was just because my ovulation may differ as I had just came off the pill & wasnt exactly sure on my cycle but could this mean that I may not have a successful pregnancy?

@bwSB it's most likely that you just ovulated later - it's not unusual for things to be out of whack for a while after coming off the pill. I was only very certain on my dates because I have fertility issues which meant that it had been closely tracked. I didn't mean to cause anyone anxiety so huge apologies if that's the case, rest assured that from everything I've read on here it's not at all out of the ordinary to be way out on your dates....
My cycles are long and irregular so by last period I would be at least a week further ahead than I am at the moment.

@RunWild thanks for sharing your story. I'm like you in that after my second loss I told my family and friends about what we were going through, it's a really difficult journey and I think it's easier if people know even if they don't all understand exactly what it feels like. I told my manager at work today as although I'm very early (4 +4), these first few weeks are inevitably going to be tough for me after losses at 7 and 8 weeks and with added medical issues I'll potentially have quite a few appointments as well as not necessarily acting like 'myself' all of the time.
It sounds like your pregnancy is going well and the thought of starting to feel the baby move is so exciting! If you don't mind me asking why did you go down the IVF route after natural pregnancies? I'm interested as I was under the fertility clinic due to ovulation issues but conceived naturally before I was due to start the meds. I'm terrified of a third loss but interested to know what the best next steps would be if things do go wrong.....

@Avocuddles no you didn’t cause any anxiety, I’m already so anxious I don’t think it could get any worse lol! Thank you for your reassurance, any advice is greatly appreciated as I feel I wasn’t given much advice or reassurance from the midwives xx

May I join please?
I just turned 40 and conceived on my first try. Today it was confirmed on my second ultrasound that our baby has become smaller from 5.9 mm to 4.5 mm, basically confirmed our instinct that I'm going to miscarry. A very scary thought for me. I don't know what is to come. I am going for conservative management as much as I can. When we were told today I felt a sense of relief in that we have an answer and is not in limbo anymore and that we can prepare mentally and hopefully physically on what is it come and also to grieve properly. I just pray everything will be alright and I won't be in too much pain and suffer mental and physical trauma, also that when it happens my DH will be at home with me. I am praying for a rainbow baby because this whole experience made me want to be a mum something I did not have very strong feelings before. Although I have always thought and I want to be mum eventually. This is also our first baby, and we have named him/her. Very painful experience.

@mrsmb03 so sorry to hear what you are going through. I've been through a similar experience twice so understand just how heartbreaking and sad it is, and how painfully slowly the waiting process passes. Whether it was first time lucky or took years, the pain is the same as you feel your hopes and dreams taken away. I hope you have some good support around you and are looking after yourself as much as you can x

@Avocuddles. Thanks for your lovely words. Just want to say I admire your perseverance and strength in dealing with your 2 miscarriages. It gives me hope. I hope and pray this 3rd one of yours is your rainbow baby. x

@mrsmb03 what an awful time you are going through and we all understand on this thread what you are saying.

Have you searched for miscarriage threads on mumsnet. I know I found the miscarriage board such a source of support when I was on your position last year. There are women on there in exactly your position now.

Here's a link to one of the many threads.
I think I am Miscarrying http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/miscarriage/3796820-I-think-I-am-Miscarrying

I hope you have real life support

Hi everyone, can I join please?
Just got a bfp this morning as my period was a few days late-left it as late to test as I possibly could as I was so nervous of the result!
I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks in 2016, had my son exactly a year later (he’s now 2 1/2) had another miscarriage last July just before my 12 week scan (the baby hadn’t developed past 6 weeks) Both miscarriages had to be dealt with surgically which I found really traumatic.
These first few weeks are going to be really nerve wrecking for me so it will be nice to know we’re all in the same boat.
DH is excited but I said the miscarriages have taken away the naivety for me as I know now that a positive pregnancy test doesn’t always equal a baby.
🤞🏻 To everyone ❤️

Congratulations @HighHopes20 🤗its a weird mix of emotions isn't it? I got my BFP on Thursday and was so exited but it's really hard not to feel anxious! I'm trying to stay away from googling things and just take good care of myself. Will be good to have this group to share it all with!

I'm feeling quite different from last time. No sore boobs at all, been really queasy since yesterday and didn't have this at all before but I've also been peeing loads and loads!!

How have you been feeling? 😊

Welcome and congratulations @HighHopes20 :) I'm sorry to hear about your losses

@mrsmb03 I'm so sorry you're going through this. Make sure to look after yourself.

@newmum2020 I'm feeling nauseous too and definitely weeing tons. I've had to wake up in the night to go which is a sure sign of pregnancy for me.
Its scaring me that I'm only 4 weeks tomorrow. I've known since thursday which feels forever 😂

@HighHopes20 congratulations and welcome.

This thread is perfect for us all. I don't want to join a normal thread for expectant mums as o don't want to scare or depress anyone.

Thanks for the warm welcome ladies.
I felt really nauseous last week but my whole family had a stomach bug that probably explains that. I normally don’t start with morning sickness around 7-8 weeks so I’ve got a few weeks left to eat all the food 🤣
I’ve had a few unexplained headaches/ pains but that’s all really. I actually woke myself up this morning as I was desperate for a wee which is odd for me, and why I chose to do a test!!

@Avocuddles - thank you, of course I can go into more detail. After our 2nd miscarriage we were told that they don't normally investigate miscarriages until after a 3rd one, but I think maybe because of the time between 1st and 2nd pregnancies (2.5 years) ???, they offered us the Anitphospholipid test - which came back clear. Then the Consultant we met with advised she would recommend us for IVF - I was surprised too, but my understanding now is is that that is the pathway for any unexplained infertility issues after 2 years TTC (certainly up here in the west of Scotland anyway).

We then had various blood tests, sperm sample tests, internal uterine ultrasound, (was also supposed to have the dye-test for fallopian tubes, but that never came about due to my work pattern in the end). Once at the ACS clinic they took more blood samples, etc; and also ran Karyotyping test to check for chromosomal abnormalities in either of us - also clear.

Then we were good to get started - I think it took about 7 months from first ACS appointment to beginning the first treatment. Initial process is for egg retrieval after about 2-3 weeks of injections. To give you an idea; they retrieved 13 eggs, all were fertilised, 9 survived to day 3; then on day 5 only 1 was viable, with a second maybe going to survive. We were implanted with the 1 viable one, and on day 8 they confirmed the 2nd did survive and it was frozen. IVF can't prevent miscarriage, in fact they say there is a higher risk(!) vs. natural. We were given a date to take a Pregnancy test on, and got a positive result, but as mentioned earlier this first IVF pregnancy did not last much longer. The 2nd implantation (frozen transfer this time) was in Oct, and here we currently are at 19 weeks today. Keeping calm, with everything crossed.

I hope that helps explain it a bit. There are many different ACS treatments (we were initially Treatment Plan 4a for retrieval and fresh implantation; then second time around we were Plan 12b - so there are many different treatments available depending on the individuals circumstances.

@mrsmb03 - I'm so sorry to hear that your are going through this. I hope that the fact that we are all here with our stories will give you some comfort that there is hope for the future. As for right now, and what to expect, follow the links as suggested above fore more detail advice. I would say from my experiences of miscarriage, physically I experienced bad cramping and aches in my back, with a heavy flow for about a week or so depending on how far on you were. My 1st miscarriage lasted 10 days and had more discomfort during the middle of this time. The second was a very intense discomfort for a couple of days with a very heavy flow, then the next week or so was heavy flow, but overall it lasted for almost 5 weeks, I was 11 weeks along with this one. Emotionally, everyone is very different, but there is no right or wrong way to feel (my husband and I were very different), or how to handle the situation - I found it easier to keep working and be busy; whereas others I know have taken sick leave. Do whatever works for you.

@HighHopes20 - Congratulations! I wish you all the best. My only advice here is to try and relax and enjoy the process. But you are right having the history we all have does strip away the naivety. Just take it one week at a time.

Welcome and congratulations to everyone who's recently joined the thread!!

I'm 4+4 or 4+5 today and no major symptoms... I have very occasional heartburn and some very mild cramps but otherwise I don't really feel any differently.. no tender breasts and not even weeing more!!

I hate how experiencing miscarriage makes you (me?!) analyse absolutely everything! I'm trying really hard not to get anxious about things, I know there's nothing I can do either way at this stage, but it's so hard!!

How are others coping?!

Hi everyone! Would I be able to join please?

My husband and I have been trying for a baby for 4.5 years, I had a miscarriage 2.5 years ago at around 10 weeks, after going in for weekly scans which was devastating and so traumatic! Because I have pcos and rarely ovulate I was referred for fertility treatment, had letrozole which didn’t work and was then advised to have ivf, so have been through all the awful treatment and injections and egg collection and then wasn’t able to have my egg transfer because I was high risk of hyperstimulation, then after months of waiting they wouldn’t do it because my uterus lining wasn’t thick enough! The whole thing has been really stressful and got me down so much but whilst we were waiting for the next opportunity to try again for egg transfer we’ve managed to somehow get pregnant which is an absolute miracle!! I’m currently 5+2 weeks so really early on but really so anxious about it! I keep symptom checking, checking my boobs are still sore, triple checking when I go to the loo and getting paranoid if I don’t feel ‘different’ etc. Not sure how to stop myself from feeling this way. It almost feels too good to be true because of the journey we’ve had so I feel like I’m waiting for something bad to happen! I’m over the moon that I’m pregnant but can’t help feeling negative at the same time! It sounds like a lot of other people are having similar worries, anyone got any tips of how to get through the wait??

You’re all amazing by the way! This journey has taught me how incredible women are! We really are superheroes!!! 🦸🏻‍♀️

@mrsmb03 I'm really sorry about the outcome of the scan. The TTC after MC group I first came across you has been really helpful for me following my MC and reading different people's experiences and having somewhere to rant has meant so much to me www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3803074-TTC-after-pregnancy-loss-Thread-34-huddle-up-and-bring-on-the-BFPs?watched=1&msgid=93352308#prettyPhoto
Look after yourself, speak to your partner, men struggle to but don't always know how to articulate how they feel or understand how you might be feeling. I think pregnancy feels so more real for the mum. Take time to do the things you love. Our thoughts are with you

Congratulations to all the new people with BFP's. I'm the same as you all... Symptom checking. Google addict over everything. It's my 5th pregnancy (3 children and 1 MC) but everything feels so more vulnerable this time round. The excitement is so tentative and tinged with terror that it could wrong.
This time round I've told people close to me that I'm pregnant, when I MC no one really knew and I found it so hard to be grieving in silence, it made me bitter. I find it crazy this taboo that we are not expected to tell anyone in case the baby dies so to keep it quiet, like our pain would inconvenience others. I've not told my mum though, she is very judgemental and been unkind about all my pregnancies. Don't think I could handle that right now.
I will be speaking to my manager on Sunday about being pregnant. I work in a psychiatric intensive care unit as a nurse, which is quite a high risk environment. So need to discuss risk assessment and potentially being transferred to somewhere else in the next couple of months. With it being my 4th and being quite dainty I show quite early, and worried I would become a target to some of our patients as they are so confused and unwell and many have delusions around pregnancy, babies etc. And at the min with have a lady had been forced into an abortion and another 2 who can't see their children as their mental health is so severe. So I wouldn't want to cause them added distress.

What's everyone's feelings around exercise and activities around early pregnancy. I know the advice is you can carry on as normal and listen to your body. But my new year's resolution was to not put my life on hold after a year of putting everything off TTC and being left disappointed. New year's ever I booked a couples CrossFit competition (which is in 2 weeks time) and and a couple's pole dance workshop 🤣 (in a week's time). I train 4 times a week and have lowered the intensity since I found out. Plus eating everything in sight... Especially all the cinamon and raisin bagels 😍

@waitingforrainbows hi and welcome! I'm another one with irregular ovulation - I was due to start letrozole this month when I fell pregnant naturally. This is my third natural pregnancy in 9 months so although I ovulate infrequently (some cycles are 60+days.... ) I have had a relatively good 'success rate' really. I just worry that whatever it is that makes my cycles irregular may have contributed to my losses, but I'm trying not to think about it too much. 4 +4 or 5 here (we are due date buddies @didslysquiddlydoo!) and counting down the days until I have a scan at 7 weeks, if I make it that far.

I've been obsessively taking pregnancy tests since my BFP 9 days ago, but think it's time to park the FRERs now - took the final one this morning and the test line was stronger than the control line so think it's time to stop literally peeing my money away! I do however have a load more internet cheapies in the cupboard so there might be a few more of them to go over the next fortnight.....

Best thing to do to get through the wait in my opinion is just try to keep yourself busy, but without exhausting yourself! Do some nice things for yourself be it getting your hair done, eating out, going to the cinema or wrapping up warm and going for a walk. The worst times are the ones where you're alone with your thoughts, so try to keep your mind occupied with other things where possible.

@RunWild you really have had a long and tough journey to this point, it's wonderful that you're now at 19 weeks, almost halfway to your rainbow!. I've been through most of the same tests as you + HyCoSy (dye in tubes) and everything has been fairly inconclusive. I don't have PCOS as such but am considered to be borderline due to how infrequently I ovulate - probably only 6-8 times a year. I do however have a history of clotting so am under a consultant for that and take blood thinning injections daily. It's so hard to not assume that things will turn out the same way, but I keep trying to remind myself that this is a different pregnancy, different embryo, and maybe this time the end result will be different too.
Assume your next scan must be just around the corner - are you going to find out what you're having or keep it a surprise?

@HighHopes20 I like the idea of eating all of the food before sickness kicks in - great strategy! If you're a few days late I guess you're another one between 4 and 5 weeks - it's great that we've all got each other during this nervewracking time! I'm with you 100% in terms of knowing that BFP doesn't equal baby. I feel jealous of some of the women on other boards who have recently had their BFP and talk with such confidence that they have a baby arriving in 7 or 8 months time. It's a shame we'll never have that naive optimism again, but I do hope that if I ever get through the first trimester I might start to feel a little more positive.....

@Sunflower1608 I'm in no way someone who trains or goes to the gym but I do like hula hooping at home. I have a weighted hoop that there's no way I'm doing now but I have a little light hoop that I was considering doing but I am unsure.