Staying posifrickentive- Thread 9 for ladies pg after mc

[sundayraspberry]

Right that wasn't so hard! Let's hope everyone finds us still

Oh wow! I'm so happy to see you here Loki and Spiltthetea! I hope these pregnancies go really smoothly for you xxxx

Cheeky scan's at 9am. Hoping I'm first in and won't have to wait long. I've just had a complete meltdown with DH about so many anxiety induced random things - the plane that went down, how i would feel if that happened to us and how you would comfort DS if he was there too, the fact that three people this week have said that DS is big (he's 4, the height of a 6 year old and VERY stocky, and at the top end of his weight for his age) so now I'm worrying he's overweight, the fact that I'm putting on weight quickly myself etc etc.... It's basically all erupting out of me because I'm so scared about tomorrow, but I'm placing my worries elsewhere! Feels like I'm going mad!

Aw akp can totally appreciate the anxiety. Any tips on how to get through the early stage

I don't know how I got through it to be honest, which isn't helpful. it's felt like a very long 3 months. I'm really busy at work and having DS helps as a distraction, and then I've actually gone to bed not long after DS has and slept a lot! All of a sudden you'll be at 12 weeks and wonder how you got there!

This will be our first scan since finding out about the MMC at Christmas, just can't get that awful moment out of my head!...

That's exactly what was going through my mind when I booked scan today. I'm really struggling to decide whether to have an early scan. They said the baby stopped growing at approx 8 +4 today but they say it can shrink once it stops growing so I could've been a bit further on. If I did have one it would be after that point I think. But I just don't know whether it will give be false hope.

We were the same and ummed and ahhed for weeks. I just couldn't make a decision. In the end we decided against it with the thinking that if we get to 12 weeks and it's a positive scan our risk reduces. I'm not sure I would relax after an early scan.

No, I wouldn't either. It was just that last time I wanted a scan around 8 weeks and DH didn't agree And then when the fate was discovered I just felt I could've saved myself the heartache of thinking that everything was ok for those 4 weeks. Do you know what I mean?

Welcome to everyone joining. I am reassured every time I read this board that I'm not the only one feeling the way I am. I have no clever ideas for the early weeks. I pretended it wasn't happening and carried on the same as usual. Not the most adult thing to do but I still think it would've been easier to deal with a very early loss that way.

So sorry to read of your losses, Butterfly. I cannot imagine going through what you have . I hope this pregnancy will be a smooth one for you.

Thinking of you for your scan tomorrow, AKP and also thanks for your advice. We have discussed the scan issue and my partner now understands that he needs to be there with me. There is a bit of me that feels like I should be able to handle these things alone, but on balance I think this time I need the support.

Did the antibiotics work any magic for you Cheeky?

Everything crossed for you tomorrow AKP

Yes I do feel better with the antibiotics. The lower back ache I had has eased considerably and now I just feel really exhausted which is probably both pregnancy and body recovering.

Hope all goes well tomorrow AKP x

Hi to all the newbies, I get a warm glow when I see people moving over from the ttc after mc thread

Woke up at 4.30am got the embarrassing problem of the trapped wind! Also lieing here trying not to be sick, surely it's a bit early for that to be kicking in.

Anyway got a works night out tonight that I'll have to find an excuse for not drinking.

Good luck today AKP. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through the next few weeks. Like Cheeky, I had a missed miscarriage so I just do not trust my body right now. We have decided to tell our parents tonight. We didn't last time and it was awful having to tell them after the fact. I just need them not to say anything like 'well it was obviously meant to be' because that will give me the rage. I can't stop worrying about the clearblue giving me a 2-3 result after only ever having 1-2 in the past. I'm scared my hcg levels are too high. I might phone to book in with the midwife and unleash all of my crazy onto her.

Cheeky I know exactly what you mean. If it doesn't go well this morning I will be wishing I had the early scan for sure.

Thank you Mac Sunday and Mike. And mike I'm so glad DP is going with you, you need him there for sure.

Whatser thank you as well. We did the same as you last time. We had our private scan on 23rd Dec so we could tell family on Christmas Day, mainly because it was my first without DS (he was at his dad's) and we wanted something cheerful to take our minds off things. Worst Christmas ever telling everyone I'd had a MMC when I was supposed to be 10 weeks. I'm so glad I told family early this time, I've really needed the support.

We found out on the same day as you. I'm glad you have been supported by your family. I hope mine are the same and don't try and give me 'advice'. Really hope all goes well today, will be thinking of you.

Akp ill be watching the thread intently. What time is the scan?

Morning ladies, just checking in to wish you all the best this morning AKP. Not long now til you know. Everything crossed it's all looking good in there xx

Whatser I guess there is the possibility of multiples?!

I know what people mean about the headfuck nature of having had a MMC. This was a major source of stress to me when I was pg with DD after my 20 week mmc. I felt sick and appalled and like a total failure of a mother/woman that my baby had died and I had no idea. How could I not have realised? And that I had been wandering around accepting congratulations on my bump whilst my baby was possibly dead. I was certain it would happen again. I know midwives hate it but I bought a doppler that I used at home after 20 weeks and it really helped keep my anxiety in check, but I would wake up in the mornings and lie there waiting for her to move, refusing to get up until I'd felt her, and if she was being lazy/hiding behind the sodding anterior placenta there were days DH found me sobbing and hyperventilating in terror under the duvet because I thought she was dead. It just got worse and worse as the weeks went on. It's horrible not knowing what's going on inside your own body

macauley can you just buy your own drinks? Coke could be vodka and coke, tonic water gin and tonic etc? Or just say you don't fancy it if anyone asks? I don't really drink anyway so never have this problem! I have in the past just accepted a glass of wine and wandered around with it in hand and eventually just left it somewhere.

Glad you are feeling a bit better Cheeky

I've got a good feeling akp.

My scan has been booked for 6th July (all being well) but the 6th and 7th could be Eid (religious celebration - equivalent of Christmas if you like). I said to DH that's far too much pressure as we would need to tell my mil where we were going and if it was bad news it would be spoilt. Thought we might have an early scan a couple weeks before that but again that's no guarantee - a lot could change in that time.

6 July also falls when I'll be 12.5 weeks according to lmp but probably only 11.5 according to ovulation so I didn't want to book the scan any earlier.

Anyway I phoned the midwife service and asked for the date to be changed, they've changed it to the 8th now. The celebrations should be finished by then. It will be tough getting through the celebration but I think that's better. If nearer the time I want an early scan (just for myself , won't be telling anybody) then I'll have it maybe two weeks before so that if it's bad news I'll have time to deal with it.

It's horrible thinking like that

I know I've sounded like I've just contradicted myself but anyway let's see what happens.

6 weeks today according to lmp

Bless you cheeky, it's complicated isn't it. I felt very guilty as we had our lethal diagnosis on Christmas eve last year, way to ruin Christmas! We were supposed to be travelling up to PILs the night before to stay for Christmas. As it was we had to phone and explain we couldn't come until after the appointment (and explain about the pregnancy & abnormalities as they didn't know...). MIL drove over the night before and stayed with us to look after DD whilst we went to the consultant. We then went for Christmas anyway, having to fake normality for DD who knew nothing about anything whilst my head was reeling... we escaped a few times for a walk down wet and windy lanes and to cry noisily. I didn't answer the phone to my parents when they phoned to wish us happy christmas, I just wanted someone to be able to enjoy the day, we told them a couple of days after. I think we all worry too much about the effect on the rest of the world though. Put yourself first in this.

I will (if I get that far) have a slightly early scan because I will have the Harmony prenatal test after what happened last time. We were actually very "lucky" that DS's structural problems involved his neural tube/skull/brain, as they were visible at 12 weeks. Usually T18 & T13 are not detected until 20 weeks (if bloods don't flag it properly which is not uncommon) when the soft markers are visible and the organs are large enough that the problems can be seen. We could very easily have ended up having to make the TFMR decision further down the road and having another 20+ week loss. The thought appalls me. I have got to know, so Harmony it is, should know for sure if baby is genetically ok, have had an early anomaly scan and know the gender by 12/13 weeks, and without any of the risks associated with amnio/cvs. That's worth £500 to me!

Good thoughts for AKP this morning. Let us know how it goes

Glad you're feeling better Cheeky and good news that you've got your scan booked in, albeit a few weeks away.

I second suggestions above for not drinking Macauley. This makes me feel massively self conscious, maybe its because no-one would go out for a drink and not... well, have a drink in my circle of friends. Rounds are awkward if that's likely. Try to avoid getting into that if you can.

Whatsername I don't know much about HCG levels but calling the midwife might be a good idea. If you explain why you're extra-anxious, I would hope for some sympathy? I hope it goes well with your parents later.

The when to scan / tell people thing is a proper quandary. I didn't have an early scan but now like others I will so wish I had if its not good news on Wednesday. Equally, 12 weeks is supposed to be the time after which it's not unreasonable to relax. Would I have spent the last few weeks any differently having had a scan? We haven't told anyone at all and don't plan to yet. All being well, we have a big family holiday booked for early June. I can't see how I'd be able to get through that without them knowing but ideally I'd wait til the 20 week scan. If there is bad news on Wednesday, I can't see that I'll be sharing it with anyone IRL. I think I must have some kind of emotional deficiency because I have always been this way - the idea of someone recognising some failure on my part, the pity that that engenders is utterly intolerable to me. I am quite envious of those who feel able to seek support.
There is another factor in this for me which is the unplanned nature of this pregnancy, and the fact that we will be the first in our circles of friends to go down this road. I am not expecting particularly positive reactions on the friends side so I'm putting that off for additional reasons. Sorry, all that is so not in the spirit of this thread. I shall try to be more positive.

Bad news ladies. I am 12 weeks, but we lost our baby a few weeks ago.

I am so sorry AKP. This is so unfair. I am so so sorry.

Oh I'm so sorry AKP, how awful for you all. Big hugs

I don't know how I'm going to through managing the miscarriage again. Feel like I can't cope. It's so unfair. Can't stop thinking about SIL due 2 weeks before our due date.