hello all... just popping in to say hello.
things no better with DH. I've not spoken to him since friday at 4pm, when he told me about sunday night working. He didn't come home, and has not answered a single call or text either. I go a random text this arvo saying he was not in a mood, but did not like the message i left him last night!!!! I was fuming when I read it! I've sent him about 8 messages, and left 3 voicemails.
I've said everything I possibly can, with no response whatsoever. I just feel so unloved. I can't stop my self thinking it could be the end of the road for us, which fills me with utter sadness and dread. I don't want to leave him, at all. however, I don't want to feel like this again its far to familiar to me, to feel like this now, i've had enough. I can't seem to get him to understand that it's not because he cocked up the dates this weekend, but that he's ignored me, and made no attempt to make it up to me. the ball is in his court now. I'm not making any further contact. Its destroying me, again. BLoody bastard men. I just have to put up with it and shut up, or leave. I have no options at all. I can't change him, he wont change. He manages to justify his behavour in his head, and turn it round so that I feel bad and end up saying sorry for getting so upset and angry.
I just don't know what to do. I've had to turn my phone off, to stop me calling or sending any more texts, which are falling on deaf ears, and upsetting me even more. I keep thinking of things I want to say to him, since he won't answer the phone, i have no choice but to text it.Argggggggghhhh, I'm so frustrated! I dont need this on top of everything else. Its making me so self absorbed. I hate being self absorbed! what do I do now??
LTH: So sad about your friends mum. life is just so bloody shit and unfair sometimes. I can only begin to imagine what she must be feeling. I would just be destroyed if I had to see my mum going through anything like that. It must be even harder being so incredibly far away.
The thought of losing my mum, is something that upsets me and worries me so often, I just don't know what I will do without her. She's my BF, such an mazing support, I'd not be the person I am now, if it were not for my mums support and love. As someone has said, we just take it for granted I think. I don't know how people cope, watching their mums go through such pain, and not be able to do anything to help. puts all my stuff into perspective.
DH: Thats is fantastic! you are apparently supposed to feel them move so much earlier, the more you have. the thought being that feeling them as early as that is possible with al pregnancies, but you just don't recognise it as that first time round... but i'm sure you know this already
PC: Also incredibly sad about your sister. Days like tomorrow must be so hard to cope with, when you have lost either your mum or a child. I wish it wasn't so over commercialsed as it is. Misses the whole point of it really. much like christmas... makes me annoyed.
e&H: do hope you are feeling a bit better now? I hate being ill, but one of the worst things for me is nausea and the runs. I always get horrible stabbing pains with bugs like that. So debilitating
vino: the bin saga continues hey! We had 3 recycling bags and boxes here. one week they ALL went missing. Me and my neighbour went to library to get new ones each, and the next week, some one pinched them again! Someone round here obviously has a penchant for white recycling bags! I don't understand it, they are free!
Wilkie: don't give up lovely, the house of your dreams is out there somewhere, and I have a feeling its near huddersfield I really hope you ind something soon, so you have one less thing to worry about. Wish I could help in someway, I know I can't, but I'd love to be able to I know how much it prays on the mind, every night, and day! IYSWIM
2happy: How do you find the slow cooker? I've been told i ought to have one as you can do such easy tasty meals in them. Is it worth the money do you think?
I thought of you this evening when I could hear the wind out side, throwing things around the garden, no sign of sheds flying off her though!
so sorry its so long again. Also, apologies to anyone i've missed out, and for being so selfish and going on about me so much.
I can hear a little girl talking in her bedroom... at 02:45, I can't believe she's reading to her animals in her bed at this time of night! I think i'm going to have to take her books out at bed time. Although it gives me an extra half hour or so in bed in the morning as she wakes up and 'reads' until she gets bored! Hmm, not sure what to do about that either! She's perfectly happy, so maybe i should just leave them there...
Hope you are all well, and the LO's too. Have a lovely day with you Dc's tomorrow, and I hpe your DH's are better behaved than mine, and treat you how you deserve to be! Take care all of you.