HI all, so sorry about my moan. Not feeling any better tbh. He's still ignoring my calls. I've not tried for an hour or 2 now, and switched my phone off, as i was getting more and more upset.
UD: I agree with you in part, but, sadly in his defense, ( I know, he doesn''t have much of one ) but, he literally spends his life either on the motorway in his car, at a railway station building site and office, or asleep in a hotel. He honestly, really doesn't enter into civilization ever, unless he's here with us.
He does need an almighty kick up the arse you are right. He's treating me like shit at the moment. I feel. He is obsessed with earning enough money to support us all etc, I understand his fears, of course I do, its a huge responsibility, however, my salary started again recently, so we have t incomes for the next few months. we are better off than we have been for over a year.
I just feel like I'm bottom of the pile again. I'm never a priority, and he only comes home to see Izzy. He denies all this, and is realy upset that i think this way. Its just that I love him SO much. I express it to him, show him, tell him every day and get F all in return.
He's never been 'any good' at that, but its beginning to get really wearing and damaging, as he's not able to make up for it in other ways, being so far away, and not being her every weekend. It used to not bother me so much, as he showed me his love in many ways, without having to tell me. Which is something he has only said about 3 times ever... something I have accepted as just being him, its never been a problem until now. not sure i'm explaining why it is a problem now, very well
Sorry, im waffling. the bottom line is, I just done feel at all loved. I feel really quite worthless and am losing what was left of my self esteem really rapidly. At times like this, I wish I didn't love him. unfortunately, I do. I absolutely adore him, which makes it all the more difficult to cope with.
I dont think it helps that i'm in alot of pain tonight, Izzy is not well either and I think AF is on the way for a visit I was looking forward, not only to seeing him, and falling asleep next to him, with his big furry arms around me, but, to having a little break from caring for isobel. He takes over completely when he's home. She loves it, he loves, and I get to rest completely.
I really am going to stop now. I'm being incredibly selfish, and self absorbed. I can only apologise, but, it does help to get it off my chest a bit. htanks if you've read on....
lots of love to you all, and the LO's