The 12th Gemini Bus - the journey continues

[AGnu]

Looking forward to seeing where this thread takes us!

[peardrop2]

DH is being super nice and helpful today. I think this is part of my frustration I feel like I've got to get to breaking point every time to have a better day I'm sure I'm not the only wife who experiences this but I also don't feel like it's a healthy way or the norm?!

[peardrop2]

Did anyone go to a bonfire event? We did. Big mistake! Bpear talks about it all year round so we thought we would take him. Apparently watching new year fireworks and going to an actual firework display is two entirely different things It doesn't help that our local event is huge. Well, we've lived and learned on this occasion!! Ridiculous to think that we made this same mistake last year but I won't do it again. We need to find a "no bangs" event next year!

We're at the moment trooping round all the local schools before making the big decision in January. It's quite exciting! Such a responsibility and I am enjoying having something to focus on other then lack of sleep!

Last week we saw the paediatrician. He has ruled out reflux since no medication works. He thinks it could be a dairy intolerance. I've been dairy free for about 5 weeks and I have not seen any difference. He has referred me to a dietician to see whether I can improve my diet etc. Personally I feel Dd just has a really rubbish digestive system and will grow out of it in time. Probably by 6 months. In the meantime we just have to settle for her sleeping on us and constant wind issues. Honestly, I've never seen a baby fart so much in my life She can't settle because she is always woken up by an unsettled tummy, even when we put her on her front Obviously this is really hard for us. We've admitted what pressure it's put on our marriage and family as we're literally tearing our hair out. There's just no break. Like our experience with bpear we can't even put her down to eat at meal times. The only thing that's keeping me going is I do know it's going to get better in time I think what doesn't help is that we just don't have a family support network. We have family but not the support of a "normal" family. My mum continues to say "soon I will take bpear swimming every week". Geee I wish she just wouldn't say anything or offer any help because I know it's not true. She can't ever commit. Anyway, it's taken a while but I think DH and I are starting to talk and that is helping a lot.

Bpear on the other hand is sending us to breaking point. He's really regressed in his behaviour. I've upped the discipline from the naughty step to his bedroom which is a bit more effective. The naughty step means nothing to him now I Love him to bits and I'm trying everything to help him settle into our new family life as 4 but he is suffering terribly from He now tells DH to give dd back to me so that they can play. Certain things don't help us...like the fact that I often need to catch up with sleep when DH is around so that means we miss out on family time and DS has little 121 time with DH It will pass though. We're sending DS to nursery 3x a week now and that will help me a lot. The house is a mess and everything is incredibly dis organised but we're surviving...just

How's everyone else doing? Can you believe it is November already and that Christmas is just round the corner...eeek!

[peardrop2]

Where can I buy a grow bag? I reckon Dd is sleeing less because she's cold

[peardrop2]

Where can I buy a grow bag? I reckon Dd is sleeing less because she's cold

[bringonthetrumpets]

Hiya ladies. Apologies for the long AWOL. Back in the States after being away for a month and feeling bittersweet. We've made the decision to move, now it's just a matter of "when" and no longer "if". Really missing MIL, DH is really missing her. Every family member we speak with is really missing her. We're just struggling with the grief still and it still just doesn't feel real. Kids did well on the trip, but regressed due to lack of sleep and routine so now we're having to work extra parenting shift it seems. M is a fucking monster sometimes so yay for 3 year olds.

Pear, I also second what Agnu has said. There are bumps in marriages. It's very normal and I've been in your situation before. Especially when it comes to feeling overwhelmed and underhelped with the kids. Communication is key. I would also recommend some outside help to just get those channels of communication open. Your family has had to deal with some extraordinary circumstances this year. Having someone non-biased to speak with can work wonders. Hugs for you, lovely!

[AGnu]

I can't sleep. The election is keeping me awake. I jokingly told DH I would stay up to watch it & it's starting to look like I actually might! Really didn't actually intend to! How are you feeling bring? Got your flights booked for the morning?

You guys both have such huge things to be dealing with right now, I just want to wrap you both in a big blanket & keep you safe until it gets better in a non-stalkery way!

pear try eBay for cheap grow bags. For now though you could try just putting her down in extra layers, but be careful it's not too much! We used swaddle wraps with blankets over the top when they were little but I'm guessing a gassy baby might want to wriggle more than they might allow!

Hope all the 3yos settle down soon. I think it must be a phase - Runt's going through it a bit too. I tell him to do something & just get a flat "no" as a response! Both DC are currently obsessed with killing. Pretty much all their games will involve someone wanting to kill other people. No idea where they've got the idea from but it's clearly something they need to work through, although I'm a bit disturbed that they frequently seem to side with the toy with the murderous tendencies! I'm torn between letting them play through the phase & hoping it'll resolve naturally & having a zero-tolerance policy & coming down hard every time we hear it. DH favours the latter & I'm inclined to go along with it because I can't stand hearing my babies talking about killing as if it's funny but I also can't help but wonder about the psychology behind it. Maybe they've overheard something on the news that's playing on their minds & they need to deal with it in the only way kids know how. If that's the case then us stopping that process could lead to more internalised anxiety & Calf has quite enough of that already! Maybe I'll start a thread about it in parenting but I'm fully aware that lots of parents see it as fine for their DC to play with "guns" etc. We've always discouraged that because we're concerned about society's apathy towards violence but to hear such young children laughing about killing is really disturbing. I was trying to talk Runt through his phobia of dogs & asked him what he thought he should do if a friendly dog came over but he didn't want to play - "kick it so it's dead" said with a big grin. He said it in front of my aunt. Her face was a picture, I cringed. I swear he doesn't hear these sort of things at home, other than from Calf. They don't even watch any TV with violence in - it's all Bing & Trumpton here! I tried introducing them to Brum the other day but had to turn it off because it was upsetting Calf. His play is much more disturbing than anything he'll tolerate watching on TV!

I'm waffling now, I know! Still don't feel at all sleepy. Perhaps I'll go finish Calf's DLA form I've been avoiding because it makes my brain fuzzy - brain-fuzziness always puts me to sleep! Doesn't help that Runt kept me up half the night yesterday after he had a nightmare & came into our bed & just stared at me for the rest of the night. As if that weren't creepy enough I heard really weird noises coming from their room about 1.5 hours ago, it turned out that Calf had woken up & decided to sing in the voice he puts on while pretending his favourite toy is talking - creepy & high pitched! Don't even get me started on "I wasn't talking about killing, it was [toy]. I was telling her to stop." If it wouldn't create epic drama that toy would've been "mis-placed" ages ago! I'm sure it's a bad influence on him! I'm raising serial killers, aren't I?! Too scared to sleep now, I think I might open my eyes to find that toy inches from my face...

[AGnu]

Sorry, that really was a lot of waffle! I went to sleep shortly after that which was probably for the best - I certainly wouldn't have slept if I'd seen the result!

[bringonthetrumpets]

Hey Agnu,
Yes. I've told DH he needs to get his freaking ass in gear on the job search. I can't just idly wait around anymore. I'm disgusted with the fact that I'm an American. Embarrassed. Mortified. I cried. I'm planning on applying for British Citizenship whenever possible (and no, I'm not being a sensationalist, I've been contemplating it for a while). I can't even get my head around what's just happened. I fucking hate everyone who thought this would be a good idea. Like HATE them. My poor 8 year old asked me this morning if he and his dad will be kicked out of the country now b/c Trump said he hates people from other countries (per something an older child on the bus whose parents clearly voted for Dump ). My heart broke. And this is a kid who doesn't have brown skin or a specific religion. I can't even imagine what folks of color or other creeds were having to explain to their children this morning over breakfast. It's sick, wrong, so fucking messed up.

And on that note:
Yes, little boys are obsessed with this kind of stuff no matter how much you try to keep away from them. They somehow are just programmed to know what killing means and how to pick up a stick and beat something with it. You're not alone and it's definitely a little boy thing.

[peardrop2]

Morning ladies!! Hope you all had a good weekend My house is plagued with coughs and colds and the two kids (can't get bored of saying two) played tag going down with temperatures Still, DH was off most of the weekend which saved my arse and we caught up on a lot of TV!! I've carted bpear off to nursery this morning as he's on the mend. I think after a boring weekend he will appreciate the stimulation!

We have our last school to look round this week. We could look around more but I feel. 4 is probably enough. I'm finding the whole thing quite confusing as none of them have that "the one" feeling and I appreciate it's all down to postcodes and the amount of kids who apply next year. Pot luck really. I did wonder whether there was a way of finding out how many babies were born in 2012/2013 compared to other years in my area but then I realised that's a bit crazy and pointless as it won't help us

Dd is doing really well. She learnt to chuckle last week. Very cute. Obviously she's now sicky poo but asides from that she is thriving. I seem to have an answer for her feeding issues. Hallelujah! The tongue tie clinic feel that I need to loosen her scar tissue by doing mouth exercises and teething gel massage 3 x a day. The cranial massage lady says her jaw is tight so I need to massage her cheeks. As soon as she's feeling better I'll start on all that. I drank a cup of tea last week with milk and the world didn't end so that was nice. This morning I had porridge with milk. Sooooo good. I'm just slowly going to have the odd bit of dairy but not go mad. I've always felt that her bad colic is related to her feeding issues and I also think that she has a bit of a sensitive tummy that will get better in time. It's nice to finally have some control back. Giving up dairy has definitely helped with her wind issues but it hasn't solved it and BF hasn't felt 100% normal yet which is why I've been able to put all the pieces together!

And...DH and I are talking. I've been doing a lot of googling about the pressure on marriages post 2nd baby. A lot of what I read makes sense and I see now that A) I wasn't prepared for so much change and B) It came as a shock as nobody in RL that I know with two kids talks about it. One friend mentioned it a long time a go but didn't really share much detail. Finally, C) I've definitely been more hormonal 2nd time round (perhaps linked to having a girl?!)

Anyway, I feel rather relieved to know that everything I'm going through is normal. I've been feeling very resentful towards DH's new found relationship with DS and that I've lost that part of my relationship with DS. Last night DS asked to come in my bed and immediately I said yes let's do that and he was so happy. We went to bed at 10pm and when I turned the lights out he said to me "mummy's its like a midnight feast" He slept until 1:30am when DH brought up Dd for her next feed and DS was happy to be moved back in his cot. I think I worry too much about parenting consequences and discipline too much sometimes. I just need to have fun and live the moment more like DH does. It's hard to do as mummy when routine, feeding schedules and discipline is very much your job. I'm sure you can all relate to what I'm saying

[peardrop2]

Oh and Bring...I'm keeping my fingers crossed that a UK post comes up v soon for your family. You deserve a break

[peardrop2]

You know you're having a bad day when ....you've fallen down the stairs and fainted, somehow bitten the gum next to your wisdom tooth, pissed off the nursery teacher by booking a holiday the week of the Christmas concert, you find yourself sharing a bed with a toddler and a baby for the 5th day in a row and you're having to explain to your sister why you can't drive 2hrs to celebrate her birthday at her chosen destination because she is young free and single and you're not Roll on tomorrow that's what I say

[peardrop2]

I read an article this week that says when you're going through tough mummy times list two positive things you managed to achieve in your day. Well I got bpear to nursery despite baby pear screaming her head off and bpear ate 2 vegetables....tis all good I would say that I managed to get bpear to complete a Alphabet puzzle but I'm not sure if it was the best achievement Basically I made up a game that every time he found the right piece he got a chocolate drop (the kind you put in cookies and muffins).

[Loraline]

Hi. So sorry I've been quiet. It's so hard to find the time to post properly. I've been reading everything but you've all had a lot going on so I keep telling myself I'll post when I've time to sit at my laptop and reply but haven't! I am still here though. How you're all OK.

[AGnu]

I'm still here too! Also keep thinking I'll post when I get a chance but life just seems so crazy busy at the moment! How's life Lor?

[Loraline]

Good. E's sleeping is finally, finally settling down. He's also allowing DH to settle him in the early part of the night which he wasn't before. He's loving his food too.

We've pretty much decided on schools to apply for for C so project find-a-job begins in the new year.

[peardrop2]

Eeeeek Christmas new toys to play with is nearly here

I'm dealing with round 2 cough/cold brought back home from nursery. Dd is suffering the most

However, I am in a jolly mood despite being stuck indoors a lot to help get them both better for Christmas. Why you ask? This time last year I was in floods of tears and moaning to you all because I was beginning to loose hope that I would conceive again. Forward a year and I'm now knee deep in baby sick, snot, poo and teething... wouldn't change it for the world

[Loraline]

That's a lovely bit of Christmas cheer pear. I love Christmas. I spent the evening wrapping Santa presents for the boys

[peardrop2]

Happy Christmas ladies XxX

[AGnu]

Happy Christmas!

[Loraline]

Happy Christmas! Hope it's been a good one

[bringonthetrumpets]

Hiya ladies. How's the new year treating you?

I've been AWOL for a long time, and I'm really sorry about that. I've been trying to deal with anxiety and depression that's really taken a toll on me. Counselling every week, on the waiting list to see a GP for some meds to help- which feels eternal as nearest apt isn't until early Feb. We are still stuck here with DH now working out some grief issues and I'm having to just wait it out while he decides when he's ready to get gung-ho about job searching. The loss of MIL has just sucked the life out of everyone and we are trying to work our way out of the murk that is grief. Really missing nice weather to get outside as it's been below 0 degrees F for weeks. Not a lot to get excited or be positive about.

So... kids all great here, for the most part. DS1 has some crazy issues with eczema so we are having to get him into the GP for creams to stop the itching and get the skin to heal again. So that's an on-going battle. DS2 is obsessed with Xbox and is being his infuriating 6-year old non-listening-contrary self. And M is being a 3 year old girl. Angelic one minute and a freaking demon the next.

So that's the summarized update of life here. Just taking it one day at a time.

[peardrop2]

Awww bring ** Lovely to hear from you now though I smiled when I read your Dd is angelic one minute and a demon the next... I can really relate to this with DS right now although I'm not seeing much of the angelic angel in him

I'm so sorry to hear it's so tough for you all right now. Nothing I can say to make it better but I do really think you're amazingly brave and strong to face each day and seek the help you've been seeking. Don't give up...you will get to that better place

My news isn't that exciting. However, Dd was finally diagnosed with CMPA non IGE last week. As you all know it's been a battle to know what triggers her really bad wind and even though giving up dairy has helped it hasn't solved it 100%. I've now been advised to give up mainstream soya products like soya cheese, milk and yoghurts and also all green veg. So I'm giving it a go and it should take 3 weeks for Dd gut to heal...apparently.

It's 4am and she's drifted into a deep sleep finally (still feeding every 3hrs day and night). Gotta go to sleep..will continue later

[peardrop2]

Back already Dd has a really bad cold and cough so my nights are extra fun at the moment She now weighs 14lb2 and is just the smiliest baby despite her tummy issues. DS still has days announcing that he wants his baby sister to go back in mummy's tummy but we're in a much better place now compared to 5 months a go. I was naive to think the transition would be easier in our circumstances (DS having my sole SAHM attention for 3 years). It's been a massive challenge for DS to get his head around and it's not been easy at all since I can't just place Dd down for a nap. She requires rocking but not for as long as DS (certainly not long enough to give me tentidnitus again) did but she also requires more sling days which he wasn't interested in so there are differences between them. She is an easier baby but not by much. I have now come to terms with the realisation that I produce high maintenance babies. I thought this age gap would be easier but somehow DS requires more attention then ever and just refuses to play on his own EVER which makes life hard. I have this week joined a new music class. I had given up on all classes due to DS lack of interest but I can't seem to entertain him on my own without the TVs help at this stage so I am pleased to have found a class that I can take them both to. It's an easy drive with ample parking...perfect. It was our first class today and he spent the first 10 minutes rolling around or playing dead on the floor which was cringing but he eventually warmed up. I just pray he does continue to enjoy it as I'm about to spend £86 for the term

I am really enjoying being a mummy of two but I am finding it surprisingly lonely. It's weird because I thought two children would occupy me more but I seem to just crave friendships more. I think it's because DS's recent behaviour has alienated us a bit and play dates have gone out the window as we're still in nap transition hell. I have recently turned my mind to thinking about the near future when I can start a photography course and fitness class.

We still don't know the reason why my FiL passed away but there is talk of an inquest happening soon. It's incredibly hard for DH and I think my MIL is having a breakdown as her behaviour is just extra crazy weird at the moment. Her lack of interest in the kids is at it's very lowest and she now has zero desire to help out as she says she lives too far (it's only a 45min drive). My feelings towards her are not in a very good place at the moment tbh

Ok...3rd time lucky. Going to try and put her down again. Please please please sleep on your own child!!

[bringonthetrumpets]

Oh pear lady I can relate to your situation when DSs were young. My eldest is "gifted" (there's a book, you need to read it! Google!) and his behaviours were very similar to what your describing for your eldest. He's mellowed out (at 8) and now his gifted tendencies are helping him excel in school. He's super advanced in his reading and maths. My DH and I were always saying that he's too smart for his own good. It was like he wanted to figure it all out at the age of 2 but couldn't communicate it and didn't have the dexterity to do what he wanted but he had an image in his brain of how it worked so he was just massively frustrated all. of. the. time. He found other children incredibly boring, toys weren't interesting enough, social behaviors weren't his thing so A LOT of temper tantrums. Annnndddd.... we seem to have produced a female version of this as well and we are paying dearly during this YEAR 3 period. Ugh. Love that girl, but Jesus Christ on toast she is a lot of work.

You've got a lot on your plate! I'm surprised they haven't figured out what happened to your FIL. I thought it was a heart attack? Yikes on the MIL-front. Also something I can relate to- we really don't get help at all here either. It's a lonely place sometimes with kids on your own and very little help by way of the village to help raise them. Hugs for you mama!

[Loraline]

I think we've all been AWOL for a bit bring. Sorry to hear you've been struggling. It must be so difficult trying to keep yourself ticking over and functioning but also supporting your DH with his grief. Glad the kids are good though - as crazy as they can be.

I think we're all dealing with 3 year old split personalities! C is generally good but if very tired or hungry, can switch. On Monday he was 'sunshine of the day' for his fantastic behaviour all day. Today, he had an epic raging meltdown with kicking and scratching of his teachers and lots and lots of tears at the end. They couldn't believe what they were seeing. They've never seen him that bad at nursery before. Poor lamb. Not sure what was up with him but it was just before lunch so he was probably hungry. He was also a bit tired. He and E are sharing a bedroom (C has bunk beds now) and E disturbs him a bit sometimes. I try to get in as soon as E starts to wake but it's too late.

pear I know what you mean about loneliness. If I don't get out much in a week to meet other mums I end up in terrible form by the end. I've been going to yoga and fitness classes etc. but E is finally commando crawling (seems so late since C crawled super-early) so he's too much work to take to mum and baby classes now. I'm really going to miss them. Fortunately I've been able to get out and see some friends in the evening recently which was great.

Sounds like you're managing your two really well though. I feel guilty about it but I do appreciate the break I get on C's nursery days!

Sorry to hear about the inquest for your FIL too. Must be very unsettling for your DH.

Things with us overall are good. E is a happy little baby. Eats like a monster. Honestly, he puts away SO much food now! It does mean he's really cut back on day time breastfeeding which gives me a bit more freedom. That also means that I can start thinking about looking for a new jobs. I got some careers counselling sessions as part of my redundancy package so the first one is booked in for Tues week. Hoping they can help me figure out what to do with my life! Now, if only E would sleep a bit better that would be great. He's mostly down to 2 naps a day now but when he goes to sleep he's often up again around the time I go to bed. DH settles him then and I'm on duty from 1am-ish. He's getting up twice most nights and I feed him then as it's easier. He wakes anytime from 6am for the day. I'm averaging just over 6 hours sleep a night but so is DH so he's doing what he can. Just hoping his sleep starts to settle soon.