The 12th Gemini Bus - the journey continues

[AGnu]

Looking forward to seeing where this thread takes us!

[peardrop2]

Hello ladies! Happy bank holiday Monday.

Bring - happy belated birthday Sorry it sounds like it wasn't the best timing though I hope things have got better in your household since? Nearly back to school time...yay for you

Agnu - any exciting TTC news?

So, tinypear is now 3 weeks old. She last weighed 5lb 10 so she must be 6 something now. She looks so well and I am so so grateful that this week will be my due date and she is already here in perfect form. Sadly the Gaviscon medicine hasn't helped her and we've had some rough nights. Last night was particularly bad and I had to pass her to DH at 4am as I just couldn't stay up any longer. Thankfully I already made a doctors appointment for Thursday so I will be asking for more medicine.

On a happier note I took her to the hairdressers yesterday and managed to have a full head of highlights and cut. She was happy just being held TG and she pretty much slept through the whole afternoon which was great and I have new hair to help me face the next challenging non sleep days

[peardrop2]

Ooooh and I forgot to update you on potty training bpear! This week he (out of the blue whilst I was bathing them both solo) asked if he could do a wee wee on the toilet. Woohoo!!! So I suggested he used the steps & loo seat adaptor that I brought (think I showed you the link weeks a go) and he absolutely loved it. So now we've gone from using the potty at home to using that. I actually think he's going to be able to cope at nursery now TG! However, I realise I have spent a lot of money on potty training!!! £100 to be exact That includes 2 X Babybjorn pottys £30 (a bargain as one was in the sale and one was ex condition unused from FB site), the oxo portable potty and refil bags, the step ladder seat adaptor and a new loo seat for downstairs. Oh and a £6 toilet seat adaptor unused because he didn't like it so I need to sell it. Wow that's a lot isn't it We've clearly paid for the speed of progression though considering he only asked to start using the potty 6 weeks a go. Now we just need to get over the fear of poo's! Nothing I can buy for that

[bringonthetrumpets]

Ooh congrats Pear- on all fronts! New 'do, potty training, a baby who is gaining weight. Nice! You are right though, not much can help with the poos other than bribes :) ("2 for a poo" is the motto at our house).

Yes, everyone is finally healthy again around here. DH ended up with a sinus infection so he was pretty miserable for a while, thankfully after some antibx he's all better. MIL is touch and go right now. They are planning on going forward with treatment- so at least we know that it's not the absolute end of the road (yet). Looking forward to just seeing her in Oct. and just being over there. We really miss the UK!

And... no new on DH's CV or cover letter. still just waiting on that one.

How's it going Agnu? Anyone heard from Kitty or Frus lately?

[peardrop2]

No, they've disappeared Think we may have lost them for good!

[AGnu]

Kitty's eldest had a birthday the other day. Not seen much from Frus on fb recently.

I'm ok, Runt started preschool today so I had a little wobble earlier. I think Calf was more nervous than Runt about going in there again! He positively skipped home!

No TTC news & probably won't be at least for a few months. We're hoping to visit family abroad next year so I'd need to make sure I timed it so I could fly. I'm feeling ok about it now, I may eventually come to terms with not having any more but I feel like I might always have a little pang of "what could've been".

[bringonthetrumpets]

Aww, tough stuff Agnu. There's still lots of time and plenty of time to think and decide on what you want to do. Is your DH still on-board?

Took the eldest two to an amusement park today and they were both finally tall enough to ride the huge rides. I hadn't been on roller coasters since I was pre-children so it was a whole new experience of watching them on these crazy fast-high-terrifying machines. We didn't realize how crazy the first ride we went on would be and DS2 who is 6 just squeeked by with his height and sat between DH and I. Lol, DH and I had our arms across his seat with this totally unrealistic expectation of somehow keeping him in his seat during this stupidly terrifying ride with him just screaming his little heart out. Then the ride ends and he goes "that was AWESOME" DS1 got on the huge roller coasters with me so it was again equally fun getting to do the ride but also terrifying that something could happen to this fragile little being sitting next to me strapped to his seat. Phew. And now I'm exhausted!

[peardrop2]

Agnu gosh that's a bit of a turnaround for you I highly recommend having a baby in September...maybe aim to accidentally fall pregnant at Christmas Have you given up on Home Ed then?

I've got to say...how you do it with 3 Bring i just don't know! I was so sure I wanted 3 and now the thought of handling another one sends me into another head zone!!! I guess having older ones at school helps but still...!

Sounds like a lovely day Bring and very cute to read about your protectiveness! I would be super protective too You're so good at giving your children individual attention with special outings. Fab mummy!

So, today I invited a mummy friend over for tea and cake. Her DS is the same age as bpear and now she has a 14 week old daughter so that's quite nice for me. I handed her one of our fairy cakes from baking with bpear yesterday and she asked me whether I am supermum. I guess baking with a 4 week old and a toddler does make me supermum but also what else am I meant to do? I realise now that I was far more active with bpear then many of my friends so now I'm experiencing guilt that we don't get to do so much fun stuff everyday. Bpear is begging me to paint but that is where I draw the line. I was tempted the other day but then came to my senses. Sharing time is hard. I guess after 3 years of giving all my time as a SAHM and throwing myself into all the fun everyday...it's hard to not be that person anymore. Still, I've given bpear a sister who he adores and kisses 1000 X day to the point that it is driving me bonkers but it's super cute and he loves her so long term I know it's great that I'm giving him the gift of a sister. Let's just hope nursery have painting on the agenda when he starts again next week

[bringonthetrumpets]

MIL has had a turn for the worst. We got a call at 12:30a from DH's step dad saying that her condition has deteriorated very quickly and that she's in ICU. Dh booked the first flight he could find for tonight and he's leaving for a week as his DSis says it won't be long. She has a blood infection that's causing everything to shut down so she's on a breathing machine and is non-responsive. My heart feels broken right now. Kids start school on Thursday and DH will be gone. We haven't even had time to comprehend what's happening or what the next couple of days will look like. It feels so hard right now.

[peardrop2]

Oh bring I'm so sorry to read this Your poor poor DH having to jump on a plane knowing this could be it. Loosing parents is so incredibly sad I'm sorry you have to be alone this week too. That's really really tough.

Funny enough I was thinking about you today because my mind was cast back to when you shared how desperately crazy M was making you and your DH feel with her night owl awakenings.

I'm going through a rough patch. Last night was our lowest point when both DH and I felt really frustrated and didn't sleep for one second. She happily has her last feed for the night and then we keep her upright for an hour after. We put her down to sleep and just when you think that maybe you will get 30 minutes shut eye she then wakes up making chocking and gagging noises that are so scary. Something isn't right. Whether it's her being un developed or her reflux not being treated right...hopefully this week will give me an answer!

[AGnu]

Oh bring that's so hard! It must be awful for you all right now. So sorry it's happened like this.

That sounds scary pear! Fx you get some answers soon!

We've got a meeting to discuss a diagnosis for Calf supposed to be starting in 15 minutes but we're stuck in traffic. As if the meeting wasnt stressful enough!

[bringonthetrumpets]

MIL passed away this morning before DH could make it. He knew it would be a possibility so he's just trying to focus on driving up from Heathrow to be with his family. I got the news from my FIL whilst paying for shopping and just started bawling in front of everyone. I couldn't keep it together when he started crying over the phone. I nearly left a bag of everything at the checkout counter as I just wanted to get out of there. I had my boys with me too. Gah this is just hard. So so hard. Everything just hurts right now. It's like losing my own mum as we were close (so much closer than with my own mum). Our trip in October is going to be tough. I'm just rambling, sorry. Everyone is saying "I'm sorry" but somehow that even doesn't seem to help. I just wish I could be with DH right now with this.

[bringonthetrumpets]

pear I'm sorry to hear about the lack of sleep. Have you been able to start the meds for her reflex? It sounds like the gagging is totally what it is. I hope you're able to find some relief for the both of you soon!

How'd the apt go despite the traffic agnu?

[AGnu]

Just adding to your list of unhelpful "sorry"s! I know nothing will make this better but we're here for you.

Appt was ok - the paed talked at us for an hour so we came out feeling like our brains were saturated but we got the diagnosis we wanted.

[peardrop2]

Oh bring ** Such sad news. I can totally relate to how you're feeling right now and I wasn't even close to my FIL so it must be triple hard for you. It's such a shock to loose someone even when you know they're critically ill. I know it is so tough right now. Just stay focused on getting through this week. Your DH will be back before you know it xx

So, I've had a bit of a breakthrough today. I went to see the BF lactation consultant that helped me with bpear and she spotted right away that tiny pears tongue hasn't correctly been snipped at the hospital So, I've now booked to take tiny to a private clinic tomorrow to have the whole procedure done again for a whopping £140 Its worth every penny though. I am just kicking myself that I didn't go to the breastfeeding group two weeks a go when I wanted to but I've had the stupid useless HV and midwifes visiting me so much that I haven't been able to fit it in before. I should have put my foot down Still, it's done now and I've been lucky enough to get help tomorrow. The consultant said to me "you must be suffering in pain with a suck like this"! YES!!!! I've been blinking telling everyone how sore I am but nobody wants to listen! She feels this is 100% the cause of triggering off DD's reflux and my low milk supply. I am praying that things will improve as two days a go I told DH that I can't carry on with BF and for me to say that it's serious .

Bring DD is now on Renotidine medication. I don't feel it's the solution and I would like to stop if I see an improvement tomorrow from the second tongue tie snip. I think I may have mis diagnosed her reflux as I didn't know the cause. She definitely has it but I feel medicating her isn't going to change her as its not the root to her problem. I don't want to change too many things all at once though. Thankfully I have a doctors appointment on Friday so I can ask for their opinion. It's the nice male doctor who I went to when I had problems conceiving. Here I am now going to him with my 5 week old baby I need to cherish these days dispute wanting to rip my boobs off because it feels like they're on fire!

[peardrop2]

Whoops...my message wasn't meant to be bold!

[peardrop2]

Agnu great news that you have got the diagnosis you wanted. Do you and your DH feel relieved?

[bringonthetrumpets]

So, having a minor freakout over here. Funeral is on the 22nd. We have to switch our tickets from leaving in Oct to leaving in a week and with all the additional fees, we are looking at $5312 just to change our tickets. That's on top of the $2800 that we've already paid for the original trip. If we can present a death certificate then we get a whopping $275 per ticket refund for the change fees. Right now with all of our bank accounts, we can't even cover that much. This feels like a completely dire situation. Dh's friend thought it would be a good idea to go visit a Centre Parks back before all this happened and we looked up the cancellation policy- they retain 100% of the fee if you cancel after 4 weeks arrive date, and at least 75% if you cancel between 4-8 weeks. So we are just screwed right now. This whole thing feels like a GIGANTIC FUCKING mess. I don't have a husband to consult with right now so I just have to tell someone, so hey! Thanks for reading.

[bringonthetrumpets]

What a mess of a day. So we are not in fact going to change our "holiday" (if you can even call it that anymore) and we'll be going in Oct. But... now it looks like I'll be flying over for a few exhausting jet-lagged days for the funeral and then come home. At least the tix are a hell of a lot cheaper! Neighbors keep saying they'll gladly take the kids for us so thankfully we have that kind of support. My dad is being shit and I'm finding that since it's inconvenient for him, he's not inclined to provide a lot of help. Been on the phone all day with one person or another and if it's not phone calls, it's been texts. My brain feels fried and I haven't slept properly in almost a week. Pear please tell me this gets better. This feels so hard right now.

[peardrop2]

Awww Bring ** I just came on to see how you were doing. That sounds like a very sensible plan to fly solo wow that's going to be a crazy quick flight without the kids!! How lovely of your neighbours to help. I wish I lived closer. Although, what on earth could I do with a newborn...your kids could live in our madness and entertain my son though ha!!

I suspect you will now go into auto pilot to survive. In Fact I know you will. You'll have to focus on something like packing yourself and the kids. Of coarse you will get through this and yes your loss WILL start to feel more manageable in the weeks ahead. Right now it's so raw and shocking. The shock of loosing someone is always so hard to deal with, I find. Even if you know they're leaving soon...I still find it a shock when they've gone. I'm still really sad that my FIL has left us so early and that my children have been robbed of their only grandfather and it's still so frickin unbelievable (especially as we don't know the cause still) but that sadness where you just cease up in tears thinking about it...that's easier to deal with now. Easier because having your own family to look after is just the biggest distraction because you have to hold it together. So yes, the pain doesn't go but somehow it's just easier to manage on a daily basis. Also, when I'm angry or sad I think to myself that there are old people out in the world today suffering and wishing they could end their life and I'm happy that FIL is not one of them. That's really depressing isn't it Anyway, you'll be OK...you know you will Somehow you will get through this shitty shitty time Hugs!!

[peardrop2]

Just as a distraction I'll post where I'm at.

I'm at the crap junction...that's where The tongue tie experience was just horrific second time round and DD seems to be in a lot of pain from it Thursday night she was up all night screaming. Last night is a blur and I think I slept upright with her for at least 3 hours I'm meant to be doing mouth exercises 5 times a day and massaging the wound 3 X a day. I am failing big time as she won't let me go near her mouth and it's just so hard to fit it in between juggling bpear, naps and feeding. Feeding is a bloody nightmare and I mean a nightmare!! She's completely lost and confused with what to do with her new tongue and screams for approx 30 minutes every time before finally falling asleep or latching on. It's so heart breaking to watch and wow this is tough!!! I feel like it's not going to get better So, I drove to my mums today to show her how crazy nuts DD is going and I think it scared her enough to offer childcare for bpear tomorrow At least tomorrow I can just focus on treating DD and I'll feel less guilty.

On top of that my MIL is severely depressed and it's having a real knock on effect on DH. He just can't cope with what's going on with us at home and it feels like he is literally falling to pieces I've told him not to worry about helping at night because I can see it's not working at the moment as he just can't cope with DD crying and actually that worries me so I find it un-relaxing to sleep whilst that is going on anyway! I need to get my MIL more involved with helping us but I've been keeping her arms length because she is just so difficult to be around and right now most of the time I'm walking around with my boobs out and I just don't want anyone around...let alone her

[bringonthetrumpets]

Oh god. Poor baby! Poor you! I'm sure that was traumatic for her and it's taking a bit to get used to how to use her tongue properly again. Is the feeding feeling any better though? Has the pain and pinching sensation subsided since the second snip? I'm happy you'll have more time just you and her tomorrow with the little guy busy somewhere else. Maybe skin to skin time in bed and just relax and snuggle together? It could be really soothing for both of you to just focus on comforting her and feeding. I hope it all gets better for your family. Also just heartbreaking news about your MIL too. I can sympathize her lost feeling and the depression that's following. Must be really hard for your DH right now (and you of course too, darling). Are there any options for family counseling for all three of you? There's so much on your plates right now! Does she want to be more involved in your home for you? Can she come and even just sit and watch TV with BPear and help with lunch a couple of days a week whilst you nap and hang out with the wee one in your room? Hugs for all of you. I'm thinking of you and can empathize on so many levels on what you're going through.

My anxiety has been playing up and feeling the way I do about losing my MIL I feel anxious and terrified all the time now about DH going. Morbid and horrible, I know. My counselor has been on vacation this week (bloody WORST TIMING EVER) and I'll see her on Tuesday. I don't think I've ever felt like I've needed her more than I do right now. I just feel like I need to unload on someone who's not close to me for guidance. I was very sad when my grandfather died and I've been to funerals for people I knew from school or older relatives and of course it's been sad... but I've never lost someone this close before and this is an entirely new level. This is like gut-wrenching level. I'm so nervous about how I'll be when I get over there. Self-conscious to the fact that DHs whole family has had that together time and that ugly cry in front of each other time that I haven't had yet. So I'm worried they'll be on a different stage by the funeral and it's all going to be a big adjustment to be around them all for the first time as they will remind me of her so much more than what I have here by myself. I'm not looking forward to this, but I would never forgive myself for not being there either. So many big horrible feels right now. GAH!

[peardrop2]

Bring - snap! I have that feeing too. I worry now all that time that I'm going to loose my husband now that his dad has gone. I thought maybe I was just being dramatic. Maybe it's a common thought!

I wouldn't worry about the others being in a different stage to you. They will embrace your arrival as a distraction and they will be so pleased to see you. One thing times like this does is bring you all together.

So, my MIL is coming to look after bpear on Friday mornings for the next 6 weeks whilst I go to baby massage classes. I've suggested she takes him to the library rhyme-time or the park. I really hope she takes him to the library as that would be really easy for her and she can sit down on a chair by him. They're both musical so it could be a really fun thing to bond over because my goodness she needs to learn to bond!!! It's really kind of her to say yes. I know I've pushed her away since DD was born but I've been going through so much myself, I just haven't had the patience or strength to deal with her at all. I've been so hormonal that the slightest thing can make me angry or upset.

Talking about being upset. DH and I are in trouble We're not getting on at all. Bpear is now telling us both not to be grumpy which is really sad and I don't think normal for a 3 year old is it? DH is just driving me crazy all the time. Everything he does it just totally loopy in my eyes.

For example...like when I nag him to take the washing out and then he throws it all in a basket so it just sits getting creased or he gets home at 5pm and says he wants to mow the lawn which means bpears routine goes out the window as then he also wants to go out in the garden. I tell DH that we need bananas for bpear to take to nursery tomorrow. He then turns round to me and says can't he take these (the black bruised bananas). He never helps me cook. So at 5pm I am running around the kitchen with a baby strapped to me like an African women and I'm hot and sweaty and trying not to burn us both. Does he offer to help? No. He always walks in with his own agenda and plan. I'm not saying he's lazy at all but he just doesn't show any sympathy towards helping me get through whatever I'm doing to get through the day. It's like we're two teams. Does any of what I'm saying make any sense? Am I being selfish? I'm even doubting my only sanity now! I know all these things are so little but they mount up really quickly

[peardrop2]

One more thing... He just can't get that I struggle with his working lifestyle. Walking in at different hours everyday is just so hard to adapt to when you have a baby. I thought it was hard with bpear but now it feels like it's on a different level

[AGnu]

I remember that phase pear. For a while after Runt was born I was freaking out thinking I would have to leave DH & become a single mum! It was just a crazy hormonal phase, but it might be a good idea to explain to him how you're feeling & calmly ask him to be a little more sensitive. My DH still hasn't quite got the working hours sorted even now but he does try a lot harder than he used to!

Hope you're doing ok bring

[bringonthetrumpets]

Yes. It totally makes sense. Being the sole provider for small children all through the day and then being the one to make sure the rest of the house is running smoothly is TAXING and it's a lot of work. I agree with Agnu said, in that being very specific about what would be helpful and explaining what you're feeling at that moment. I.e. "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now with dinner and the baby, could you please help me by taking out the wash and hanging it up for me? BPear would love to go in the garden with you to help" just in a basic "I'm feeling X way, it would be really helpful if you could help me with X). Men can be so literal and single-minded (not in a negative way, more in a single-thought, single action with no regard to what comes next way) that you ask him to take out the wash, he does exactly that, nothing more without a thought of what you might do next.. leaving you infuriated. Hormones aren't fun with all of it either. Talking. Being vulnerable about how you're feeling and being open to just listening to him explain how he's feeling without there being a competition about who's had the harder day (trust me, we've been there SO MANY TIMES). You are not alone. This happens to many couples with small children. Hormones are bitch. You will get through this. And communication is the best thing that you can do to make sure you're on the same page and working as a team.