The 12th Gemini Bus - the journey continues

[AGnu]

Looking forward to seeing where this thread takes us!

....and DH and I will be leaving for the UK on Monday for the funeral that's happening on Thursday. Got it all sorted out so I've only had one small wobble with tears when I got my hair chopped into a pixie (woot!) and the hairdresser was really sweet and asked me about how life's been since last I was in. So. I love my short hair. I only cried 1 time today. And I've been making binders for the lovely folks who are taking care of our kids while we're gone that contains like everything you would ever need to know about our children to care for them for a week. It's taken me all day! Jeesh!

Thank you xx I shall work on communicating what I need more from DH DD slept for the first time this week on her own in the night. It was a gift from God trust me! OK so it was in my bed on her tummy but desperate times have approached this household! Not a surprise to have another tummy sleeper. At least I know that bpear survived tummy sleeping (and still does) so it will be OK. Both of them have very strong head movement so that helps a lot. I've had one of those insane days at home when it would have been so much better if we had gone out the house!! Sometimes it's hard to judge these things and being a Saturday there are not that many places I fancied juggling on my own! So, DH is on his way home and the house literally looks like it's been bombed. The kitchen is upside down. Not helped that the water pressure is low thanks to a local burst pipe somewhere so neither the dishwasher or washing machine is working. Someone is trying to push me over the edge DH has tomorrow off so he's bringing home Chinese and I'll probably get an early night tonight at which I am very much looking forward to!! We may go and visit our friends tomorrow who're expecting no3 any minute now. She's having a sweep in the morning though so I said to her that we really don't have to visit. We're going to see how she feels tomorrow. I think she just feels guilty because she hasn't met DD and it's been 6 weeks now. They do live 1.5hrs away though and I spent the first 3 weeks batting visitors away! We also have bpears christening reunion to attend tomorrow. I need to find the candle that is stuffed somewhere at the back of the cupboard. I have a feeling that we were meant to light it this year so I may have to get the matches out

Bring wishing you lots and lots of luck for the next week ahead. I really hope the handover goes as well as it possibly can and that your kids are OK about it. Have you already told them what's happening? I guess M has the boys so that's a little help but it's still going to be very tough for you all. Also, I hope everything goes well when you get to the UK. The whole things is going to feel strange and sad I imagine without your kids and having to say goodbye. You're superwoman though so I have no doubt that you will cope very wel!!

How's everyone doing?

I'm a bit up & down at the moment. One of my friends is unintentionally pregnant. Her DH was booked in for a vasectomy! They're still in shock a bit & being rather wary given that she's had multiple miscarriages in the past. I'm doing my best to support her but also having moments of envy & sadness. It's not fair - she's already got 3 DC & they didn't even want any more! Assuming everything continues healthily then I'll be thrilled for them but every time I picture myself cuddling her baby I want to cry! Doesn't help that I'm PMSing atm & my other best friend is also pregnant, plus another friend... Pretty much everyone but me.

Agnu does that mean you've stopped trying? I'm confused Are you upset because it hasn't happened yet or because you decided you didn't want one? I thought you wanted to take a break because of your travel plans. Or are hormones just taking over everything?

You're still really young Agnu. Time is on your side if that helps

We're taking a break for a few months but I'm not feeling overly optimistic & it just sucks that it's not happened yet but people who didn't want another & already have more than me are pregnant. It's petty, pathetic jealousy!

I see Agnu. Well I did say September babies are lovely I totally understand your frustration though. I don't think it will be long before you're sharing happy news even if it feels like a lifetime to you.

Bring, are you back? How did everything go? How are the children? How are you and your DH feeling?

Suddenly out of the blue my DH shed a few tears tonight as he was charging his dad's phone and started looking at photos. Bless. I really feel for him It is so shit. He keeps saying that as an only child he never in a million years expected to loose his parents in his 30's. I'm glad to see him mourning as sad as it is. Things are still tough between us but we continue to battle through and we both know this is a hard time. Yesterday was pretty bad as I hadn't had any sleep the previous night but today we worked as a team and it was a better day. We've booked a 4 day break away in December so we're both looking forward to that. Bpear has passed on his cold to myself and I think now DD The little angel has been sneezing and rubbing his face in ours constantly. He's driving us bonkers at the moment and is just so incredibly naughty. I know it's normal and it's just a reaction to DD but I really would like it to pass now It's particularly bad at feeding times and phones, tv and games are no longer good enough for him Obviously the fact that he's got a cold isn't helping his mood. This morning I got creative with him and made a "Christmas wish list" poster. His tantrums in shops has hit a new level so now I am saying to him that if he wants it we have to go home and add it to our Father Christmas wish list. I'm not sure if this is going to work but I needed to try something! I've just done a huge online shop and I've brought my 1st slow cooker so hopefully we can avoid shops for a little while

Hi Pear and Agnu. Yeah, we are back nearly 24 hrs now. Absolutely exhausted but home after missing the kids. MIL's service and burial was beautiful and was exactly what she would have wanted. So many tears. Poor DH had a really hard time once we saw her casket and had to sit down. It was his big release moment. Just heartbreaking not being able to fix it for him. She had a green burial and is in a beautiful grassy and hilly spot. We will be able to pick out a tree for her that will be planted this winter. Already have plans to meet up with my MILs best friend and have a picnic near her site next time we're over, we're going to take the kids over... Just really try to go "visit" her. FIL is having a really hard time, so I'm glad we can go and see him again next month. Even though this next visit is going to be a lot of work and we thought of cancelling it- it's been a blessing in disguise that we can spend so much more time with family. Which means... DH is now very actively job hunting. He wants to move back 100% and so now it's just a matter of when it'll all come together. Crazy times ahead, me thinks.

Hi all.

Bring sorry things are so tough for you. Glad the funeral trip went as well as it could. Sounds like you have lovely plans ahead for celebrating mil and supporting file.

Pear sounds like things with your Dh are rough. New babies put such a strain on things. Dh and I have only ever argued over parenting. Lots of that at the moment but at least those fights are short lived.

Agnu you sound unhappy too. It's so hard seeing pregnant women and especially pregnant friends when you really want a baby. It's a very primitive kind of feeling, in our core. Thinking of you.

and all round.

Aww Bring I'm so pleased it went as well as it could for the sad situation that you're in. Loosing your parents just sucks in every shape and form. I really feel for you and your DH I hope the job search brings happiness very very soon!

As for me, well I thought all was going great and then suddenly I find myself in not such a good situation after all I went to the hospital for my post birth check up and it turns out that I definitely won't be recommended a natural birth for my next child so it's a definite c-section and the repair from this recent third degree is not going as well as I thought it was Turns out I've been so focused on DD that the feelings I've been ignoring are actually much worse then I realised and apparently I now need extra treatment to rectify the problem which I am pretty sad about Also-all the prodding has left me rather sore so I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself

On top of that I was meant to have a lovely night away with just DD at my mums this weekend. She was going to give me a little rest bite and look after us for 24hrs. Turns out that DH now needs to work so I've got to take DS with me which is a nightmare because she lives in this tiny cluttered cottage and I just don't know if I can physically handle both of them there at the moment... In fact I know I can't which is why I am upset about it. Originally she told me she would have the weekend free so she would be flexible but now I find out that she's having my other sister to stay on the Saturday, collecting her stupid puppy on Sunday and also she's having some fence installed on the Friday. Basically she's jam packed her weekend and it sounds like complete chaos rather then the calm embracing mother that I need right now

Thanks Lor. Thankfully things with DH have been a little better this week but you're right. Having another baby really does put strain on your marriage. Also, I'm finding now that I have very little to give DH. By the end of the day I don't want to be touched because I've had two very needy people wanting hugs all day long. By the end of the day I just want space.

It's helping a lot that DD has given us sleep this week. Sleep is so crucial.

So, AF has turned up Pretty sure AF stayed away for 2 years after bpear was born. I'm a bit Also, no cramps or anything to signify AF arriving apart from my meltdown about my mother. Looking back that was a bit OTT It's just I am constantly aware that my mother isn't going to be around for much longer but still...I was OTT about it. That's been sorted and I'm seeing my mother tomorrow instead with DD. Bpear is pretty happy that he gets a night with daddy on his own. Win win!

Found you ladies again!! Has our thread officially died?

No. I'm here. Just hard to find time to post. Just up feeding E now.

How is everyone? I didn't tell you about my 40th. About a week before it Dh told me he'd booked a surprise trip for us all to Dublin for a week to celebrate with my family. Then on the Saturday before my birthday we turned up for the family lunch my mum had booked and found all my old friends, cousins and aunts and uncles waiting for me. Had a lovely party. Such a surprise. On the day itself my siblings and their families all came to my mum's for pizza. So much fun.

When we got back to London he'd also organised a surprise lunch with some London friends too. Safe to say, my 40th was well and truly celebrated. And all this just 2 weeks after we got back from our fab holiday in Devon.

Since then just hanging out at home. The dreaded 4 month sleep regression which went on for an almost unbearable 7 weeks is at an end and E is back to 2 night wakings in spite of teeth popping up.

In other news I visited the first potential school for C yesterday. Feeling a bit stressed about it all but good to finally start checking them out.

I'm still here too, just don't have much to say! V tired today, we've been getting some late nights recently because DH is working on a creative project in the evenings. I just want to sleep! Would it be terribly wrong to get DH to take the DC to a party tomorrow where I know Runt will freak out at the sight of a bouncy castle & Calf will be really uncomfortable? I could have a lie in... I'd do anything for a bit more sleep today!

Oh phew... thought I'd lost you all for good

Lor Awww what an amazing DH you have! How lovely. A huge happy birthday to you! How are you feeling about the big 40? Probably quite happy now that you've had fun celebrating Sounds like you've got some lovely family and friends! Eeeek I know... can't believe it's time to look at schools for our babies!! Where did that time go? We haven't started yet but I've booked to see them all in November. I'm nervous but trying to remain calm. Glad you're getting more sleep now. I dread the teething stage! Have you used amber anklets this time round? I might give them a go. I've been told you can buy two for £10 which sounds pretty cheap!

Agnu I hope you get more sleep this weekend. Nothing worse then sleep deprivation! Is DH going to take them to the party? I say go for it! If DH is willing

I've had a tough few weeks myself. Pretty much zero sleep!! OK just managed to put her down so have to go and pee....will return at the next feed!

How many days a go did I say I would post more... Wow this is hard work! My brain explodes with things I never seem to remember on a daily basis!

Well, Dd (keep almost posting her name) is doing really well and now weighs 9lb 14... probably 10lb something by now as that was a week a go. She's smiling and coos for us which is cute Where did the 11 weeks go? We've had such a tough time with her reflux but she seems to be better now that I'm dairy free. Hard to tell though because she has a very bad cold at the moment and we can literally never EVER put her down!

I've just sorted her christening out. This time I've organised it to happen a lot sooner as I've learnt how tricky it gets when you organise it further down the line! I've been sensible too and organised it at a pub so minimal effort and work is required!

Sleep is not great at all. Much worse then bpear and I didn't think that was possible! I am co sleeping with her. I have to admit I'm kind of enjoying it I am also sending her to sleep with the magic boob whenever possible...why else would we go through two tongue tie snips and endless painful feeds and then not use the magic boob!!

Has anyone seen my kind and loving toddler? Nope? Wtf has he gone????? Seriously. It's bad enough that I'm having to wake every 2hrs in the night but dealing with a 3 year old who shouts "I don't want my friends to come" upon arriving at the fun adventure farm is just too much for me to handle Nothing I do helps this child! He's screaming, shouting and pushing other children all the time now I have no idea which proportion has made things worse...dropping the nap or his sister's arrival I would very much like this awkward and stressful phase to end now!!

We have this some days too, usually when C is tired. It's tough going. Definitely found that it can escalate quickly if we try to be tough on the behaviour too. Needs a softer approach. C has always responded better to carrots rather than sticks though.

Hello! Lost you all for a week or so but luckily you're on my watched list.

I have made a few changes for bpear which in time will hopefully help his behaviour. I'm already seeing a benefit. Basically I've stopped all afternoon play dates unless they're outside meeting at a park etc. and I've also stopped feeling guilty about not doing fun stuff everyday (for now).

Like this weekend, he really wanted me to drive him to feed the ducks and go for our usual nature trail walk. Although that sounds relatively easy it's actually discovered it's not with a baby because parking is a nightmare, no public toilets so I have to struggle with helping bpear with a sling on, no where to sit and feed Dd and if bpear decides he's had enough of walking I'm a bit stuck. So instead we went for a walk into the village and visited the library. Oh and I may have bribed him with a magazine for my sanity So, basically I'm just trying to make life a little easier for myself!

It's been a long two weeks but half term finally ends tomorrow! This week is quite busy as we have second round of injections for Dd and her paediatrician appt at the hospital on Wednesday. Her reflux seems to have got a lot better but I'm still left with this unsettled windy baby who's effected by what I eat and I'm just baffled by what it is so I'm hoping whoever we see can help. I need to make time to make a list of questions.

On Thursday we're visiting another school. I'm looking forward to ticking that off the list and next weekend we have a christening to go to.

Hello! Lost you all for a week or so but luckily you're on my watched list.

I have made a few changes for bpear which in time will hopefully help his behaviour. I'm already seeing a benefit. Basically I've stopped all afternoon play dates unless they're outside meeting at a park etc. and I've also stopped feeling guilty about not doing fun stuff everyday (for now).

Like this weekend, he really wanted me to drive him to feed the ducks and go for our usual nature trail walk. Although that sounds relatively easy it's actually discovered it's not with a baby because parking is a nightmare, no public toilets so I have to struggle with helping bpear with a sling on, no where to sit and feed Dd and if bpear decides he's had enough of walking I'm a bit stuck. So instead we went for a walk into the village and visited the library. Oh and I may have bribed him with a magazine for my sanity So, basically I'm just trying to make life a little easier for myself!

It's been a long two weeks but half term finally ends tomorrow! This week is quite busy as we have second round of injections for Dd and her paediatrician appt at the hospital on Wednesday. Her reflux seems to have got a lot better but I'm still left with this unsettled windy baby who's effected by what I eat and I'm just baffled by what it is so I'm hoping whoever we see can help. I need to make time to make a list of questions.

On Thursday we're visiting another school. I'm looking forward to ticking that off the list and next weekend we have a christening to go to.

Bring how are you doing? How is DH?

My DH came home after work last Friday and just started crying. I had my eldest sister and her boys over for lunch and I really wasn't expecting him home, let alone crying. It's the first time I've seen him cry for a long time. He said he'd seen a photo of him and his dad the day before and he was just really sad.

I haven't shared this with anyone else but I'm really concerned about my marriage I know I've mentioned a couple of times with you ladies that things have been tough but I'm really not happy. Having Dd seems to have tipped us over the edge. I feel the responsibility has increased so much on my side and nothing has changed for DH. This leaves me angry and quite resentful. I've tried talking but nothing has changed because you can't change someone. The things I put up with or could handle before I just can't seem to handle anymore.

No1 Like, his job. I hate his job. Always have but now I really hate his job. He works 7 days a week running his own small business. He's not expanded it like we used to talk about when we got married so he is pretty much working every weekend. I was OK about this before kids, it wasn't great but I was OK. Then bpear came along and it was hard but I was OK but now....now I just feel like a single parent managing two children on my own Even worse I see a horrible future. A future where I'm on my own with them every weekend when they're at school. Maybe I'll find it easier because I won't have them in the week so I will enjoy spending any quality time with them? Or maybe I will continue to resent being alone

No2. His lack of connection with Dd. He hasn't even bathed her yet which I find strange after 12 weeks? There's no real wanting to be with her. It's always always me who tries to find ways to pass her over when he's back from work to give me a break.

No3. His zero interest in helping me through this hellish time I am having settling her in the night. After 2 hours of trying in the night I finally broke and took her downstairs at 2am and passed her over. I know he has work in the morning but I just can't continue to do it all

No4 His little comment the other day that I didn't bother to pick up a muslin that had been sitting in the kitchen for 24hr. Sorry I've been looking after your kids all day

Omg the list is just endless....is any of this normal or am I right to feel concern?

If you're not happy then you're right to look for a solution. I think the difference between the end of a relationship & just a rocky patch is both people's willingness to work to solve the problem. I can see from your point of view that this must be a really difficult time - you've suddenly got a whole extra person to prioritise, plus all those hormones, making sure DS feels included, disrupted sleep... it's tough, especially when you're not feeling DH's support.

I can see it from his side too - his dad's just died, he's still grieving while trying to keep his business going & there's this new person there too making demands on his wife so he's not getting to be selfish/mope/grieve at home & may, subconsciously, be resenting DD a little for monopolising you when he wants more attention. It's difficult for both of you.

Would he be open to some counselling? I don't like applying the term "depression" to a grieving person but to lose a parent so close to gaining a baby, those are 2 pretty major life changes! If he could be persuaded it would probably help him to talk through everything with a professional, with some couple's sessions too so you get to work through the things you're not happy with.

For the record, if he can't deal with one muslin being left for a day, he'd hate living with me! My housework skills leave much to be desired! Send him over here for a few days & he'll never take you for granted again!

Agnu - you're absolutely right about DH. I have lots of days when I think I'm being totally selfish and uncaring towards him and his grief. My mum reminded me yesterday that grief can make someone tired. I've brought him a whole bunch of vitamins today. I have no idea whether he will take them... I really hope he does as I think a big part of his tiredness is resulted to poor diet and lack of exercise.

We go away in a months time for a 4 day break. Just need to hang in there!

Ds had his flu vaccine today and Dd had her second lot of jabs. Glad it's over! Only one set to go.

Nursery started back again today...bliss and no tears

Runt had his pre-school boosters & flu spray this afternoon. And my sister's having her flu shot any minute now! Must be the day for sore arms!

Hopefully once you're back in the swing of nursery things will feel a bit more manageable! Good luck getting DH to eat vitamins!