July 05 babies: towards two

[merryberry]

HAPPY 2007!
Erm, we had a quiet one, thank gawd. I am no good with booze nowadays. Went out every night for 8 nights before Xmas eve and could not handle a single drink by the last two nights.
How are you all feeling as the new year opens up? I quit my job end of the month, and start the next one pretty much straight off. Have house stuff to sort out, I hope we can exchange soon. DP is away a lot this month as well, business trips up north. I wonder how'll well get on, this is new for us.
DaF, how's new motherhood going this time round?

oh yes, i remember. sleep. i think dd is getting ready to drop her nap. arrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh. if she sleeps at all during the day, she doesn't go down in the evening until 9ish. this is too late. but then, i do like her having a nap in the day. dunno what to do really.

laughing at hc's dp's middle sister

Congratulations MB

Hello hoxtonchick, how nice to hear from you. It is lovely when they play together isn't it? ds2 has started to play really well with ds1 and dd and they disappear off upstairs together quite a lot now. It certainly makes that bit after school and before tea just that little bit better I find .

I can't believe your dd is 2 next week . It really doesn't seem that long since we were all waiting to give birth.

everything is rosy here atm, dd is asleep next to me on the sofa .

how're you feeling mb?

sick and sorry, hc. have to stay awake for business call while ds sleeps. want to be asleep too. am heading down to do housework til call comes through. blergh.

Congratulations MB . Lovely news.

Dragonhart - I do shamefully little with DD. She goes to a childminder once a week, who looks after another child the same age and they go to a playgroup together. I take her to a swimming class (waterbabies) which she loves.

She has turned into a hair puller which makes me less inclined to take her to activities. Also, I don't particularly like that thing of mothers-sitting-around-drinking-bad coffee-and-talking-about-sleep/husbands/poo etc. She gets loads of company with her brothers and the school run, so I'm not really worried about it.

Chicken pox didn't happen. I guess it was some other virus. Oh well, I guess she'll get it some time.

Now I have a vague sort of query. I am all in a dither about whether or not I want to try for another baby. All 3 options (ie (1) positively try to get pregnant, (2) use contraception so I don't get pregnant, or (3) leave it in the hands of fate) leave me feeling uncertain so at the moment I'm just steering clear of DH . This clearly isn't a satisfactory state of affairs. Did any of you feel like this and how did you deal with it? I'm a bit bashful about starting my own thread...

congratulations merryberry!

ok MrsD ..... I think you need to do a list...pros and cons...but ultimately, once you get that broody thing going on, it is very hard to dismiss it....

Is DH happy to have more ?

would you need to do anything complicated like move house etc...

or would baby just slot in ?

Thanks Lulumama. I think DH is quite keen but he will leave the ultimate decision to me.

Pros
I like babies!

Always wanted 4 and like the whole idea of a big family (for the children's sake, not just uber-Catholic-mom competetitiveness!)

I see the boys together and would love DD not to be the odd one out - 2+2 seems friendlier than 2+1, especially with a 4 year gap between DS2 and DD.

Cons
Terrified of another difficult pregnancy

Terrified of having a disabled child (wouldn't have triple test etc) and there is something stopping me making that leap of faith where you just hope and trust everything will be ok. I need to embrace the idea of having whatever sort of baby God gives me, instead of the peachy perfect baby I want, and I'm not brave enough to do that.

Very old (36), basically healthy but recently feeling rather old and creaky so worried about how my body would cope with pregnancy and another baby.

More years would go by before we could do things like take them all to concerts etc. DH has taken the boys to a concert today and we decided DD was too noisy so I'm home with her now.

Don't know how I'd cope with 4. DH's job is v demanding and he isn't very hands-on. I do nights, nappies, vomit clean-ups etc.

Because of my age and the children's ages, I feel under pressure to make a decision soon.

If we had another girl we wouldn't need to move house. With a boy we would be fine for another 5 years or so.

Maybe I have missed the boat with the thought of DD not being the odd one out. She would be about 3 years older than any new sibling so it wouldn't be 2+2 but rather 2+1+1. I'm a bit sad about not having churned out 4 v close together - I know that's a fruitless line of worry though.

Blimey, I've spouted. I'm going to hit Post before I regret baring my soul!

ok

36 is not old

I just doulaed someone , for her 5th baby, and she is over 40 .. textbook pregnancy & birth

a lot of women don't start having babies until they are in their 30s...and you already have 3 !

a friend is expecting her 4th baby at 39.....she is blooming !

would you be able to afford any help with the children? ie mothers help, post natal doula, au pair?

and factor in things like the children going to nursery, pre school & regular school

How about taking each decision in turn for a week and see how you live with each one? So one monday its (1), next monday its (2) etc. See how you and dh feel at the end of each, do a big review at the end?

Glad it wasn't CP mrsd

dh and I are kid of in the same boat now re: more kids. I can't make up my mind either. Let me know what you decide .

Thanks everyone.

Lulumama - yes, I can factor in some help (not live-in though). We have a cleaner and gardener anyway and DD will be with the childminder 2 days a week from September. God, that makes me sound like such a lady of leisure doesn't it .

It's the 3pm - 8pm shift that does me in (and everyone else I'm sure) and that's the shift that is notoriously hard to get help with.

I'm not so worried about the immediate post-natal phase as for DS2 and DD my in-laws stayed for a few weeks and were marvellous.

It's the other "cons" that I have most trouble with.

Bagpuss, I thought your DH wasn't keen on more. Have you been working on winning him round?

MB, good idea. DH may be a bit unreconstructed for such emotional articulacy, but it's certainly worth a go

advertise for a tea time girl..?

sorry, we are kind of in the same boat. It seems that I can't type or make my mind up.

mrsd, dh is quite broody at the moment and is almost resigned to the fact that we may end up with one more in the future. The size of our house is the sticking point, as you know, he is not keen on room sharing.

Actually, re-reading you earlier post, our cons are pretty much similar, although I'm not really worried about the age thing at present. Would like another before I'm 35 if possible though.

Lulu, good idea. If we have another one then focusing on someone to help at that time of day might be useful. When the boys were tiny I had a childcare student from a local college - someone like that to help with the littles whilst I prepare supper and do the boys' homework with them - generally spend time with them too.

Well done, that's one of the cons much tidier in my head .

Now, how about the other cons? Bagpuss, I suspect that you and I are coming from a similar place regarding the fear factor? How on earth does one deal with that one?

mrsd, I hve no idea . dh (it is he who has these fears the most) was happy enough to take the chance with dd so that ds1 could have a sibling. With ds2 we were really rather petrified of something awful (mainly another CHD). Having one child that will most probably require both financial and physical help in the future is enough for us. My desire to have another baby was a lot stronger then and I do suspect my heart really ruled over my head in the end. Sorry not much help really but you are right, we are coming from a similar place on this .

CONGRATULATIONS merryberry!

I'll just repeat that you aren't old MrsD. I had dd at 36 and everything about the pregnancy and birth was easy. And of course was touching 40 when I had ds2. Again easy except the birth went a bit wrong at the end but was told it could happen to anyone. How did you score with the ante-natal blood tests - any high risks associated with age?

I do all the bedtimes too and the thought of 3 is bad enough. ds2 is just breastfed to sleep but will have to get him into a routine soon....

I think we are having a family party for ds2's birthday and hoping to just take ds1 to the pictures for his birthday. dd is annoyed its not her birthday soon - April already seems so far away.

End of term next Friday!

Hi Eulalia . I have never had the ante natal blood tests (do you mean the ones for risk factors for chromosomal abnormalities?) so don't know how high risk I am.

My mother had her children at 38 and 40 and we are both fine. I guess I'm just aware that statistically things are more risky for me now than when I started having children.

DD and I were singing Happy Birthday this morning. She loved it! I think she'll really enjoy her birthday this year. We don't know many 2 year olds and anyway, she'll only pull their hair but I'll definitely do something for the family on her birthday.

cheers!

I'll be 40 when this one is born, if all goes well - am obviously deep in that first trimester need to preface every baby shaped plan with the 'if...' caveat.

DS is downstairs with our 17 year old ex-neighbour childcare student from local college MrsD! She does 4-6 with us 3 days a week so I can get some work done.

Better get of mumsnet then, hadn't I?

Just getting whiff of a blue test but haven't read thread Congrats MB. Anyway, daddy's taking her to the zoo today, wanna come ? Will phone at sensible o'clock.

ooh H2d, thank you. Zoo - sorry no, have gp appt to get thyroxine bumped up - it collapses in the face of a wave of hCG you see...

would have loved to otherwise, sounds like today is our rain free day for the week! we will go again next week. And week after...

Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.
Mama, zoo.

I see... long may the wave continue. You were about to get my dulcet tones. I can usually only take the zoo every other week, but let's see if we can co-ordinate a dry day / availability soon !

just got this...think she will wear it for her birthday party! cannot believe 2nd birthdays are almost here...quite astonishing how quickly it has gone!

lulu, that's nice . Awww, I really want another little girl now

Hope you have a nice time at the zoo today Hub, we are off to tumble tots at lunchtime (sensible for a bunch of 1-2 year olds, eh?). Might brave somewhere else while the sun is still out though.

she's really petite, so will be a maxi dress on her !

thanks