Just Mumming Viroids 6 - some of us have time for JSing, some don't, but we're all grad grads!

[JuniDD]

Just shagging grad grads thread! Roll call below please...

Oh La it totally does. Keep that knowledge in your head and hang in there. I think around six weeks is normally the time when things start to slot into place a bit.

Even two weeks in la, it's better. It's still scary and shit and knackering but those first two weeks were so horrendous, I had no idea. You expect it to be tough but not like this. But the post I wrote about a week ago about how down I was and how I wasn't sure I could do it is different to how I feel now. I'm hopeful for the six weeks being the turning point like wil says.

I'm so scared all the time that I'm going to hurt him by accident, or that I'm a shit mum

You won't and you're not. Do you think it's your anxiety playing up? Quite hard to keep on top of that with so little sleep.

You're not a shit mum. You're tired and hormonal and sore and newborns are hard work. It does get easier xx

Don't worry about being supermum... "good enough" is the best thing for now. You're both still figuring each other out. It took me frigging ages to learn Isaac's sleep cues which resulted in a lot of screaming.... If in doubt - boob/ sleep.

Sore tummy/ wind Dulce?

I think the main attraction of water babies seems to be that underwater picture you get at the end, from what I can gather!

Oooh no don't do the photo shoot. It's not pleasant and the photos look weird.

LaLa

shit mums don't worry about being shit.
ergo : you can not possibly be a shit mum!

don't let the voices in your head ruin your confidence.
being a mum is tough.
it's exhausting.
don't beat yourself up on top of it!

and about it getting easier - yes, some bits are going to get easier, some bits will get harder, some things just simply cange and be different.
As soon as new mums realise that they will feel happier - nothing lasts forever! even if it feels like it now, I promise you in a few weeks, few months, few years time everything will be different.
(and a lot of stuff won't actually matter in the long run)
be kind to yourselves!

Oh my god he's asleep!!!!!!!!

He cluster fed last night to the point where I thought he'd never sleep. Every time I put him down he'd want feeding again. At one point though I got 2.5 hours sleep! Amazing.

Today he was doing really well, then I had the bf support person over to help show me how to wind him etc and answer questions. Went really well so me and dh thought we'd brave town with buggy. First off the sodding buggy hardly fits in car. It said on specs that it fits our car. Yeah as long as you don't want to put anything else in it.

DS slept round town like an angel so we were really pleased. Got home at 4 and I started feeding him. He fed, winded, started to look sleepy so I'd put him down, he'd cry, I feed, wind, he then did the sore writhing thing fur ages and screamed, then did a load of huge poos and farts, then wanted feeding again. He has literally just gone to sleep at 8pm. So it took 4 hours in total. Oh my god. For the last 2 hours I've been silently weeping whilst seeing to him, desperately trying not to let him sense I'm upset.

This is normal though isn't it?

Thing is everyone keeps saying sleep when he sleeps but I'm too scared to in case the cats sit on him. One of my cats no longer comes near me which really upsets me. The other one doesn't seem to notice him and has already walked over him twice. I'm scared I'll wake up to find cat has suffocated him. I also really really miss having time with my cats. Is that stupid? They don't come for cuddles anymore.

People say that it gets better around 6-8 weeks. Is that true? I love him to pieces of course but my god this is fucking overwhelmingly hard! Dh is being incredible. He does everything else around the house so I can take care of No

Oh my god he's asleep!!!!!!!!

He cluster fed last night to the point where I thought he'd never sleep. Every time I put him down he'd want feeding again. At one point though I got 2.5 hours sleep! Amazing.

Today he was doing really well, then I had the bf support person over to help show me how to wind him etc and answer questions. Went really well so me and dh thought we'd brave town with buggy. First off the sodding buggy hardly fits in car. It said on specs that it fits our car. Yeah as long as you don't want to put anything else in it.

DS slept round town like an angel so we were really pleased. Got home at 4 and I started feeding him. He fed, winded, started to look sleepy so I'd put him down, he'd cry, I feed, wind, he then did the sore writhing thing fur ages and screamed, then did a load of huge poos and farts, then wanted feeding again. He has literally just gone to sleep at 8pm. So it took 4 hours in total. Oh my god. For the last 2 hours I've been silently weeping whilst seeing to him, desperately trying not to let him sense I'm upset.

This is normal though isn't it?

Thing is everyone keeps saying sleep when he sleeps but I'm too scared to in case the cats sit on him. One of my cats no longer comes near me which really upsets me. The other one doesn't seem to notice him and has already walked over him twice. I'm scared I'll wake up to find cat has suffocated him. I also really really miss having time with my cats. Is that stupid? They don't come for cuddles anymore.

Is it true this gets better around 6-8 weeks? I love him more than anything but oh my god this is fucking overwhelmingly hard!

la it does get better, it's just incredibly hard to start with. You're new to it and so is he! H always was a Velcro baby and still is really. I found it helped to stop thinking what babies 'should' be like or 'should' do and just go with what worked for my baby, they're all different.

We do water babies and it's lovely :). We just did the photo shoot and did buy a pic, but.. To be fair the lessons are far and away the best bit! Our teacher is ace :)

The cats will get used to it, honest. It's just a big change for them too. Why not give mrla the baby and spend half an hour with them, go search them out and sit quietly with them somewhere? h never went to sleep before 10pm for ages, so don't worry about times, his tummy is tiny and just needs little and often for a while. He will settle down and you'll both get more efficient at it. Big hugs xx

Wise words from the Master Zing there.

It is totally normal La and great MrLa is being so good. We used to have six hours of screaming in my face every night before I cut out dairy. It was fucking torturous but I can barely remember it now. She still takes a long time to go to sleep though.

Your photos must have been better than ours zyla.

Can you just shut the cats out of whatever room you are both sleeping in?

Sorry for the me me me there, I just had to vent. He's just woken up again

wil some of them were rubbish, one of them she looked like she was flying which was cool. But they are a rip off, I'd be happy with just the lessons :)

la vent away, we've all been there!

Totally normal. I used to spend most nights crying for about 3 or 4 weeks. I had no idea clusterfeeding was a thing - I'd feed him, try and stealth manuver him into the bednest and 5 minutes later he'd be crying and "hungry" ... I just literally could not believe he was hungry again. Its intense. But it ends.

I also felt upset a lot about not being able to cuddle my puppy or DH.

"Sleep when the baby sleeps" is the ultimate in bullshit baby advice.... All well in theory but eating/ drinking/ peeing/ showering are pretty high up on my list of things to do when I don't have a baby glued to me!

Yeah whoever made that line up clearly had a cleaner, chef, personal assistant and nanny for their crazy toddler.

Cry away! I sure as hell did and still have the odd wobble!

Please be kind to yourself, not only has your life totally changed overnight, but you've had bits of you taken out and put back in again, and you body is going through preggo hormone cold turkey!

All I can promise you is that it does get easier, it really really does. And this is such a teeny weeny part of his life, I'm only able to appreciate this second time round but I promise you my first nights home with ds1 seem like a blink ago.

Thanks guys it's nice to know it will get better. He's just fed again and is asleep in his sleepyhead.

I love the idea of water babies but it's very expensive. We have a photo session this thurs and that was £150. Been sent a list of requirements by the photographer, quite detailed! He has to be recently fed so that he'll be sleepy. Christ! Tall order. Not as bad as getting my dh to have 'clean and short fingernails'

Dulcet how are you doing without mr dulcet? Pleased to hear you're feeling a bit better a few weeks in. I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling after effects of the CS. I think in my head I think I should be healed by now, but dh keeps reminding me its major surgery and I need to stop trying to do too much. It hurts to sit up in bed or twist at all and today I have sharp pains.

Dh has reorganised house today to make it easier for me to bf in different locations. There are also changing stations dotted about. Love him.

B is a week old today, that is weird!

The CS gas (ha! It certainly smells toxic) is still going. My bump is deflating daily and is very crumply.

Pis well done on the car assertiveness!

I'm keen to take B to classes - they have baby massage here. Dh is skeptical but I think anything that helps me make him more comfortable.

Fleur I wonder whether the woman is trying a tit for tat approach. I'm ashamed to say I used to get annoyed at neighbours baby crying, whereas now I desperately hope mine are tolerant.

The 'too hot/too cold' thing is definitely challenging Fleur! I put hat on b to go to town but it was warm in car so hat came off, the warm in shop so hat came off. Hat came off more times than it went on!

I was told the car seat stuff when I bought it, but he said majority of folk have no idea you're meant to leave handle up to act as crash barrier and also use the sunshade as it protects against broken flying glass.

I'm hoping the second baby will be easier just because I won't be so brutally unprepared for the whole thing!!

Hope he sleeps a good while La. I think there are baby massage vids on youtube to try it out before you book a class.

I think a lot of people see c-sections as the "easy" way out of birth.... which probably doesn't help with women's perceptions of how long it should take to be back on their feet. Major abdominal surgery. Be kind to yourselves girls.

How's things going with O Kato? Is he back on the boob?

Popz I'm finding the second baby harder but to be fair he's had a lot more wrong with him and I know when he's not quite right a lot quicker, plus having only had P last year and not much of a gap between them is pretty exhausting. I don't know what's better- having them really close together like me or leaving a few years gap, I'm not having anymore now, I've done my bit for the human race. It's a shame to think ill never be on the other Fred again though.

Really hope you get some sleep La, the first few weeks are incredibly shite and all I did both times was cry (a lot) but I can promise it gets easier and as Zing said other bits get harder but everything clicks into place and you'll get through it xx
I agree with (sorry can't remember who!) p viroid that taking half an hour away with your pets will probably do you the world of good. Do it sooner rather than later.
I've heard that there's a "magic weight" it's when babies hit around the 12lb mark that their stomachs can hold a good amount of milk and so should start sleeping for much longer stints. Since R has changed milk and he's over 12lb now (big baby at 7 weeks!) he's sleeping for 4 hours+ before needing a feed again. I don't know whether it's true but I was having a look in Ps book and saw that she didn't get to 12lb until she was 13 weeks and I do remember her only needing one feed during the night at around 3 months and her sleep being a lot better so there may be some truth in it.
Oh and one more thing La you are not and never will be a shit mum. Shit mums don't care about their kids and you clearly do x

Fed fine through the night, and slipped one in at 0930. Went to BF group and had a good chat with some other mums and the staff nurse who suggested maybe he's just not that hungry? So I offered breast when he cried, which I had convinced myself was every two hours... He refused and fussed so I gave dummy and a cuddle and both times he fell promptly asleep! So I'm thinking I need to stop forcing it! Sneaked a few in as he's been rousing from naps and we'll see how tonight goes!

Second baby is easier when the first baby is old enough to make you cups of tea, cook a meal and wash up a sink load of dishes (rarely all on the same day though)! It's easy enough that I want #3. However I'm getting a bit lonely only hanging out with BabyPis all day everyday. Even though I see other people most days, it's mostly me and her. Apart from the meal out a couple of weekends ago, the only baby free time I've had is half an hour here or there to run DS to and from the train station. I feel bad for wanting time away from her.... It's not like I want to run away and join the circus, I just want to get my hair cut or something like that! DP is good with her at the weekends but doesn't really take on responsibility IYKWIM? He is happy to give her a bottle of EBM but it's me that makes up the bottle. The one time I left it to him, he gave it in an unsterilised bottle if I go for #3 I'm afraid I might just end up even more isolated from the real world.

I say go for it with the baby massage La - we had a freebie course nearby which got us out of the house on a Thursday morning and she loved it.

Sounds good Kato

I think the way you feel is perfectly normal pis - how can you spend day in day out with same LO who, whilst adorable, is demanding and takes all your time and energy - and not feel cut off.

Speak to dp and tell him how you feel. Arrange a babysitter and go out together. It's important you get a break

Hats off to you pixie doing this so close together but it will e so worth it when they are playing with each other in the future,

We tried swaddling for first time last night - oh my god what a difference! He went straight to sleep with a bit of rocking and let me have a whole 2.5 hours of sleep each time!