December 2011 - crying and grizzling (and that's just the mums!)

[seven77]

FairyBayleaf DC1 EDD 6th Dec BORN 29th Sept Albert Elwyn 2lb 14oz
Tjuice DC2 EDD 21st November BORN 7th Nov Amaya Rose 3kg
Sevensevenseven DC2 EDD 20th Dec 25yo Southwold BORN 21st Nov Eva Rose 5lb 4oz
Girlwiththemouseyhair DC2 EDD 24th Nov Maggie Juliet BORN 25th Nov 8lb 9oz
YBR DC1 EDD 22nd Dec BORN 25th Nov (girl) 6lb 3.5oz
LittleBlueBoat(Cheeptrick) DC2 EDD 5th Dec 29yo S.Yorkshire BORN 26th Nov Hope Brynn Frances 8lb 9oz
Kri5ty DC1 EDD 13th Dec 26yo Manchester Boy BORN 29th Nov Saul Harrison 6lb 13oz
LauraSmurf DC1 EDD 3rd December Girl BORN 30th Nov
BeeMyBaby DC2 EDD 29th November 25yo Scotland BORN 1st Dec Safia Hawwa 7lb6oz
SoTiredOfTheWheelsOnTheBus DC2 EDD 7th December BORN 1st December Boy 8lbs5oz
Iggly DC2 EDD 2nd December South London BORN 2nd Dec (Girl) 8lb 1oz
Girlsyearapart DC4 EDD 6th December BORN 3rd Dec (Boy) 7lb 7oz
HoneyLovesCake DC1 EDD 2nd December Cornwall BORN 6th Dec Rocco Kaleb 8lb 14oz
Mmmmcheese DC2 EDD 25th December 32yo BORN 7th Dec (Girl) 7lb8oz
Itsybitsy08 DC2 EDD 6th December Boy BORN 9th Dec Kieran 8lb4oz
Msbuggywinkle DC3 EDD 13th December 27yo BORN 10th Dec Miranda 8lb6oz
OiMissus DC1 2 December, 39yo, Horwich, Bolton BORN 10th Dec (Boy) Alistair Jude 9lbs
jigglebum BORN 11 Dec Freya 7lbs
Pludophtherednosedreindeer (plupervert): DC2 EDD Dec 10 (Kent) BORN 12 Dec Helena 8lb 6oz (3.8kg)
NorthernChinchilla- EDD 19th December, BORN 12th Dec, Boy, 7lb 7oz
Jomouse DC1 EDD 2nd December 35yo London BORN 14 Dec (Girl) 5lb 8oz
Tyelperion DC1 EDD 3rd December 27yo Windsor BORN 14 Dec (boy) 9lb 8oz
KateM77: DC2 EDD Dec 10 34yo BORN 16 Dec Daniel James 8lb 6oz
BennyBenBear DC1 EDD 5th December Manchester/Bolton BORN 18 Dec Oliver Stephen Bolton 8lb 9oz
Kiteflying DC2 EDD 7 December 44yo Australia BORN 18 December (Girl) Lulu 8lb 14 oz
mopsytop DC1 EDD 25th December BORN 19 Dec 6lbs 11oz
AWomanCalledHorse DC1 EDD 22nd December BORN 21st December 7lbs 6oz (Boy)
Figgygal DC1 EDD 12 December 30yo Bath BORN 22 Dec Daniel James McMillan 9lb 4oz
Kitty5824 DC1 EDD 21st December 33 yo Manchester - Don't know BORN 23rd Dec, Boy, 7lb 14oz, Sebastian John
Aethelfleda DC3 EDD 27th December London BORN 3rd January, Albert Thomas William 8lb 10 oz
hawthers DC2 EDD 22nd December London 33yo BORN 28 December 7lb 4oz (boy)
LittleMissFlustered DC3 31st December BORN 6 Jan (boy)
hopeful1 BORN 6 Jan Noa Francie Kate 10lb 3oz
MissRee BORN 12 Jan 12 Freya Violet 7lb 7oz

No, it's not right, but your 'partner' needs to start being a positive and worthwhile member of your household as that would lighten the burden. He is making out as though everything is your fault while exacerbating the issues. He needs a rocket up his arse because fish slaps aren't working:( Threatening to throw you out is low, dirty and downright nasty:(

I've had a lot of i'm sorry's this morning. He said he's at the end of his tether with it all and is finding it hard to cope esp as his job is so stressful at the moment. I know that and I try my hardest to make sure the house is clean & tidy, dinner on the plate for when he comes in and the girls are all sorted so we can all chill out in the evenings & weekends but that never comes to light because Darcie kicks off when she doesn't get her way and he's fed up of it. I'm trying my hardest but I don't think he sees that. I know I say things at the wrong time and i've got to learn to not do that. He agreed he will try not to be nasty when he's annoyed - he never used to be like this. Its only since Darcies behaviour has been so bad and he's starting to lose the plot now, as am I. He told me I am a brilliant mum and sorry he said otherwise. I've made an appt with my GP as feel so low :(

I agree with LMF on that last comment!

Seven thanks for asking about meltdown but it's all a bit now and even more so when I see what some of the ladies on here deal with! DS is usually a good sleeper at night but is a terrible sleeper during the day - unless I take him out in the car seat when he would sleep for hours if I let him. My pattern has been to go out mid morning most days to get him into a good sleep for an hour and a half and then the rest of the day was manageable. I decided on Thurs that this was a bad habit and he needed to learn to sleep during the day without the car seat - what followed was several days of a screaming and irritable baby as he got overtired but struggled to settle and me feeling like a failure! He was also v unsettled at night probs as he was overtired. This coincided with DH being away with work so just got overwrought and over tired - in the end I gave in, put him in car and drove.

My mum, who's a retired teacher and very matter-of-fact, came to meet me. When I told her I felt like a failure because I clearly couldn't cope on my own and had found myself getting frustrated with him which I thought he could sense, even though I didn't express that to lo (I put him in his crib, went to kitchen, closed door and screamed to vent frustration at one point!), she simply said 'Nonsense, stop beating yourself up over it - all new mums feel like that at some point' - then we went to a garden centre, wandered around and had some rhubarb crumble and coffee and all was well with the world again! I have since decided there is no point setting myself stupid targets and fighting pointless battles - if he won't go to sleep, I'll let him sleep in the car seat - as he has reflux, he has never slept flat anyway and midwife actually recommended I left him sleep in car seat in the early days when he wouldn't sleep at all.

We're both back to our happy selves and I feel mightily silly for the whole thing - I have a gorgeous baby boy!

Apologies for trivial post when DSM is having a really hard time of it.

My sympathies to all of you who are having a tough time. It's so hard and I have no words of wisdom to add, I'm afraid except that old favourite, 'this too will pass'. Not very helpful when you're in the middle of the stress but when I was a total blubbering mess when I was on the bf treadmill it sort of helped me a bit. And keep posting, I'm sure externalising things helps.

Coolhand Good to see your feeling better.

I'm so sorry for all the me me me posts at the moment. i'm such a crap person at the moment. I will be better. Thankyou for listening to me rant on.

Loving all the car maintenance tips & info.

It's so true coolhand, when you identify something as a 'bad habit' that 'must be stopped' and then spend days torturing yourself and your child trying to make them do something they don't want

The moment you think what the actual fuck am I doing this for? and just go with the flow is soooo liberating, and makes for such a happier household .

Glad your OH has apologised DSM, and I think a trip to the GP is definitely in order, as you're right, it's not OK to be feeling as low as you do.

Hopefully you and your family have turned a little corner...

aethel- whilst also in awe of your middle of the night car knowledge, I was just going to say we're having a bit of an issue with bottles. DS used to be fine, but is now turning his nose up a bit (it was part of the problem on Friday, and we wondered if the teat, being harder, was hurting his toothy gums?). We need him to be alright with them as we'll have to move to mixed feeding before I go off to work when he's 19 weeks. Do you then given a bottle of ebm on a regular basis?

Off to bf group, and really hoping grim woman isn't there, then housework for the rest of the day, bleurgh...

dsm so what his job is stressful? Being a new mum is stressful, its harder than any job i've had. Sorry to be blunt but he needs to pull his weight more. If he's going out to work all day (while I assume you're rushed off your feet not sitting on your arse) then gets to come home to a cooked meal and a tidy house it sounds like he gets the better deal. DH agrees I'm not a housewife, my job is looking after the children. I may not bring in the money but my job is just as important. If he helps create the mess he should at least help clean up some it, the same applies to cooking it he intends to eat it.

The car started fine, thanks for the tips though. As long as we can get it to the dealership on Wednesday I don't care.

Seven DP is a software engineer for a telecommunications company and they have a big contract with an insurance company and the big bosses said the product they wanted would be ready 3 mths before it would be and not discussed with the developers if this was possible - they said it because of the cost of the contract so DP has been working his socks of to keep to the target and get it out to them.

I do everything with the girls. making sure they are fed & dressed. Darcie has everything for school and has done all her homework. Make sure she gets to any after school activities. Then making sure Sky is fed, happy & healthy. taking her baby groups, making sure i take time out to play with her. Sterlise & make bottles. make sure both girls are bathed & clean etc. Then do all the housework, making sure each room is tidy, bathroom & kitchen are clean, polish once a week, hoover every other day. washing & ironing done daily. then making dinner. prob doesn't seem alot but not that many hrs in a day. will start to do online food shopping again tho.

dsm, stop apologising hon, it's FINE to post on here. All of us do "me" posts on here, that's what the thread is for. And wittering about car repair and sharing truffle recipes, obviously. Talking of which I've just come back from the Co-op where some dark chocolate and double cream accidentlly jumped into the basket. Whoops...

LMF did Edward settle down into a plain snuffly virus? Albert did his standard two-ish night feeds (2 and 5) but has turned into a snot monster so de-bunging was required to get him to feed. It's probably the same thing Dd1 has, though she perked up with some ibuprofen so will hopefully make it through school OK...

LOL @ dark choc & cream jumping in.

what to do for dinner....what do i fancy???

Ps Dsm, what is this "polish" you speak of? Is it an arcane household skill like the "Ironing" that I hear people talk about? These skills are mythical in my household, along with Ye Olde Dusting. Here spiderwebs on the ceiling coving are considered Modern Art....

Aethel I have slight OCD for a clean house and things being in the right place iykwim. I despise Ironing and i don't have that much per week but DP doesn't know how to work an iron....upto the age of 29 his mother done everything for him

dsm we've all i have extensively used this thread to air/discuss our own issues. Think we'll all have our turn at it in the next year. If it helps you, then that is bloody marvellous and post away. Will be thinking of you today and hope each day gets a little better.

I'm very impressed DsM! (this flurry of posts is brought to you by a monster feed by DS). Quiet day planned at home to catch up on a bit of washing and tidying, some email stuff for the PTA and if DS naps later, mount an expedition into the understairs cupboard in search of the Dyson as the stairs are in serious need of a de-furballing!

thanks to you all, don't know what i'd do without your support at the moment!

Think we are all finding it bloody hard which is a little bit comforting to know its not just me struggling (although obv I don't want anyone to be upset etc)

I'm still trying to find breakfast, i have sent pooly DH out to a cafe to get takeout bacon butties

Hope has ezcema everywhere on her as i had prawncrakers last night and i think shellfish is not good for her so i'm going to look at my diet to help with the excema. She has the "runs" due to eating the gel and the antibiotics in the milk

Aaron is going stir crazy being inside but i think he is a bit better today so hopefully get bact to normal this week. He keeps running and jumping around the livingroom like a lunatic! Now he is 3 he gets to gio to nursary so 3 afternoons so i have to sort that out this week.

Me: i have cancelled homestart as i dont see the point, i'm better but so tired i cant think stright. I have all the housework to catch up on. Creaming Hope up is a nightmare as it takes so long and i have to do it 5 or more times a day and i'm not even stoping all the redness yet. Aaron has regressed with the potty training and only poos in pull up pants gerr. My mum baby sat all night for mmy xbrothers only child on saturday night but i'm not aollwed to go stay for the weekend with my kids - i told her its not fair and she told me to sod off and hung up the phone on me so i have not talked to her for a week now and i will not be calling her again ever until she said sorry. My Dad has not seen Hope yet and she will be 4 months old soon. I hate my x-family - oh well onward and upwards.

DH - is on his 3rd week off sick from work.

Plan for the week:
This afternoon - take Aaron to softplay
Tueasday - play thearpy session in the morning, taking kids to the cinema
Wednesday - Swimming am, Taking tots in pm
Thursday - nursary and baby weightin
Friday - nursary and housework

My plans for the week...

Monday planting, housework.
Tuesday Home ed group.
Wednesday friend coming round.
Thursday weigh Miri, swings and library.
Friday museum with friends
Saturday chilled day, see PIL
Sunday gardening and housework.

air sounds like you're having a tough time too, sorry Hope's eczema is so bad? How is the play therapy going?

dsm sorry if it came across that I was having a go, but my point is you're not superwoman, you can't do everything. If him doing more at home isn't an option could you lower your standards a bit, maybe go an extra day between hoovering? Or even just cook extra portions so you can start getting a stock of easy meals in the freezer that just need reheating?

aethel enjoy the truffles!

Going to brave the rain soon and have lunch at my friends house. It's been raining for over 24 hours here!

Seven didn't think you were having a go..just saying what happens here.

Air Sorry your having a tough time. Sorry to see Hope is suffering badly with eczema. Enjoy Play therapy.

Could just eat a bacon sarnie :)

DSM Just adding my support. I'm pleased to hear you've got a GP appointment.

plu good point, but I've been able to stick with the BF for now. I really don't want to jinx it, but DS has calmed right down on the feeding since last week's growth spurt. He had last one yesterday at 7.15 and was in bed by 8. He then had feeds at 3.30 and 8.30 and has just woken for another now . That's bound to have jinxed things!

Plans for the week:
This afternoon - into town to get DD's feet measured
Tues - DD to nursery. Get DS weighed. Mummy and DS big day out in London.
Weds - DD to nursery. Housework. Swimming with DS.
Thurs - Rhyme Time am. Mums and Tots pm.
Fri - DD check up with her surgeon. Have NCT friends over to play.

Got Bon Jovi blaring out, Sky is fast asleep in her swing i'm and doing my polishing :) must stop for some lunch but what to have?!

Yeesh, it's windy here, and bloody cold.

Went off to bf group and it was all fine, but of course now it messes with DS's little routine, so he was unsettled. So home and into cot for him, lunch for me.

Housework here too; I need to remind OH that although I'm not at work, and am happy to do it, I am (to coin a phrase) neither his maid nor his mother. His parents did everything for him too DSM, and so he's one of these who will use something, and then not put the bottle in the recycling/hang up coat/return change bag to where it lives/put packaging in bin etc.

The fairy would've done it previously...
And I have a far lower tolerance than him for mess.

Meeting MissRee on Tuesday, then DS has got his jabs Friday, and then we're off to Devon for the weekend, for DP and DS to meet my Gran, Aunt and Uncle. They're the only other rellies I've got, and DP has never met them, so should be interesting: my uncle is lovely, but is far more suited to the 1950s (in a old-fashioned gentleman, not old-fashioned views way), my aunt and my Mum have never gotten along and my Gran is 90 and not all there...

Ah ha determined think you've just hit the nail on the head there as to where some of this is coming from with DP......."his mum did everything for him until he was 29".....says a lot!! At least he's apologised today!!

Plans for week so far are:
Monday: 3yr old niece bday party tonight
Tuesday: babygroup am, clinic pm for weighing.
Wednesday: first music with mummy class
Thursday/Friday: to be determined!!!

Feel sorry for little niece her 3rd birthday is today and her party consists of her parents, my PIL and the 3 of us no other kids and her mum is cooking a sit down meal for us . Her 1st and 2nd bdays were the same her mum is a terrible snob and refusing to engage with any other parents, she didn't do ante-natal as "would be full of teenagers from council houses" and doesn't like taking her to nursery as shes decided the parents are beneath her somehow they don't have any friends with kids or actually any friends at all and the poor thing spends her weekends in John Lewis, garden centres and Saturday nights in restaurants. There is only 1 child at her childminder so not met many kids until she's gone to nursery part time recently just think she should have a "traditional" party not a curry with her grandparents. I guess we are lucky that we have friends with kids he can grow up around!!

dsm, I suspect that a lot of these issues in fact stem from your mil doing everything for him so he prob just assumes the woman does everything including all the childcare. Grrrrr! It's hard to change the mentality of an upbringing like that but mothers aren't doing their sons any favours by not training them to do their fair share of housework. I do more now obvs cos I'm at home but I still expect my husband to chip in at weekends, and he does most of the cooking. I don't see why their job should be 8 hrs a day and ours 24 hours. Once he's home from work it's share and share alike. I hope things improve soon and visit to GP helps. And keep posting ! Most of my posts are me posts even when everything is but I appreciated the support on here so much when I was having all the bf stress.