Jelly and ice-cream and candle shopping here we come for our amazing ONE year olds!

[beaditAli]

Hope this covers it! Not sure what cakes we'd all be making so kept that out

hi

We´re off to PIL tonight. Although FIL won´t be there so he wants to come here next weekend as he´ll miss seeing the kids [tired and fed up with PIL emoticon]. we´ve been promising to go this weekend for ages now as there is a special festival on in the village so cant get out of going.

Never mind, on the up side I do get to have a lie-in as they get the kids in bed with them at 7:30 am and read them stories .

Have a good weekend all. Be thinking of you sassy.

Tried to change my name to grumpygrumps but someones already got it!!!!!

Hi all, not been around as blackberry have had issues and the laptops broken! Also having a few issues at home, things a very tense with me and dp and I'm having a really tough time dealing with everything, I feel totally drained and a bit numb to be honest! I'm so scared I'm going to end up as a single mum and I'm really really frightened. I haven't told anyone in real life as that makes it too real but I can't cope keeping it all to myself! We've had a million crisis talks and sworn that we'll try harder and stay together but we're at each others throats again within days! I'm terrified of everything, of raising grace on my own, of having no money, of her going without stuff and losing the house or not being able to pay bills! I don't know what to do, I just feel so sad! I do not want grace growing up in a house filled with tension and arguments but I don't want her family to split up either!

Hi all, not been around as blackberry have had issues and the laptops broken! Also having a few issues at home, things a very tense with me and dp and I'm having a really tough time dealing with everything, I feel totally drained and a bit numb to be honest! I'm so scared I'm going to end up as a single mum and I'm really really frightened. I haven't told anyone in real life as that makes it too real but I can't cope keeping it all to myself! We've had a million crisis talks and sworn that we'll try harder and stay together but we're at each others throats again within days! I'm terrified of everything, of raising grace on my own, of having no money, of her going without stuff and losing the house or not being able to pay bills! I don't know what to do, I just feel so sad! I do not want grace growing up in a house filled with tension and arguments but I don't want her family to split up either!

I'm so sorry newmum001! I was with my ex for 6 1/2 years and we were not happy probably for the last year of it, we both knew it but it took until when we were going to buy a new house to force him to leave me. I was gutted when it happened but when I met dh I knew that it was totally wrong for me but I'm not sure I would have been brave enough to end it and I didn't have a child to worry about. It took a lot for dh to leave his ex-wife as he didn't want to leave dss but he know has a better time with him than he had before, he avoided being in the house when his ex was there and they both fought and drank a lot. Having said that my parents split when I was 7 and I will always be sad for that, I don't know if they did all they could but I also don't remember any fighting at all so they obviously hid it well. You have to make the right decision for you and not so much for Grace, you will both always love her and do the best by her and as long as she knows that she will be fine, especially if it's soon as she won't remember anything any different. Have you thought about councelling to get to the bottom of why you are fighting a lot? As far as money is concerned I'm sure you will be fine, it may not be in the same house but we are fortunate in this country that we do look after people and you would be entitled to a lot of help I'm sure. Perhaps saoirse86 can help as she said her sister is a single mum. Being a single parent is not something I like to comtemplate but I know several people who do it and do it well as I'm sure you would if you were put in that circumstance. Take some time to think about what you need and talk to your dp about it, make him realise how serious it is this time. I hope you find a solution that you are all happy with and feel free to discuss/ask/vent anything here x

Aw, Newmum! There's nothing that tests a relationship like having a baby!!! Even a year on! what exactly are you arguing about? What are the issues? Is separation a real possibility????
You're a fab mum and whatever happens, Grace will grow up being loved. Thats what counts.

Thanks cinnamon! I'm just really really scared of the unknown and I do really love him and I know he loves me. We're arguing cause I feel like a skivvy and I'm jealous he gets to go to work and I'm just plodding along being little miss housewife and I'm fed up but he doesn't do anything to help me out and I feel really unappreciated all the time! Plus I feel really really down about my weight, I'm about 2.5 stone heavier than I was when I met him and I have pretty serious body issues (have had an eating disorder) and I feel utterly hideous! I just feel old and drab and boring and trapped in a routine of doing everything on my own and getting no help ever! We're so nasty to eachother, we talk like we hate eachother and it's killing me! Thank god it's not around grace I would never let that happen but when she goes to bed we either sit in silence or we argue all night! I know I've only outlined my issues but it really is both of us that are causing this and I am really really sick of it!

I'm looking for a job atm but we'll end up being worse off if I'm working what with nursery fees etc but I honestly think it will help if I'm working. I'll appreciate my time at home and have something to talk to dp about at the end of the day and will feel like a human being again instead of just a mummy (which I love being but think I need a bit more to myself than just that)

Why does life have to be so fucking hard sometimes!

Thanks cinnamon! I'm just really really scared of the unknown and I do really love him and I know he loves me. We're arguing cause I feel like a skivvy and I'm jealous he gets to go to work and I'm just plodding along being little miss housewife and I'm fed up but he doesn't do anything to help me out and I feel really unappreciated all the time! Plus I feel really really down about my weight, I'm about 2.5 stone heavier than I was when I met him and I have pretty serious body issues (have had an eating disorder) and I feel utterly hideous! I just feel old and drab and boring and trapped in a routine of doing everything on my own and getting no help ever! We're so nasty to eachother, we talk like we hate eachother and it's killing me! Thank god it's not around grace I would never let that happen but when she goes to bed we either sit in silence or we argue all night! I know I've only outlined my issues but it really is both of us that are causing this and I am really really sick of it!

I'm looking for a job atm but we'll end up being worse off if I'm working what with nursery fees etc but I honestly think it will help if I'm working. I'll appreciate my time at home and have something to talk to dp about at the end of the day and will feel like a human being again instead of just a mummy (which I love being but think I need a bit more to myself than just that)

Why does life have to be so fucking hard sometimes!

Lumpy x posts, we argue about everything! Literally everything! I'm hoping we can work thought it but we've been at this point so many times over the last few months that I really don't know if it's fixable this time!

had to go to the hospital again today for my pre op. was able to get my dad to take me. twins led him a merry dance in waiting room! decided to see if i could get a sweep then and there. luckily the same midwife was there from wed, who knew the consultant was going to do it wed and she agreed. umph- cervix was central and soft but firmly shut........damn.

newmum im so sorry to hear about your troubles with dp. i hope that you can resolve them. ive had my fair share myself. i know someone with 4 kids who use to work with my mum years ago and she worked full time for about £20 a week after childcare was taken off, but she just couldnt contemplate being a sahm. its not for everyone. it feels like a thankless task most of the time. i know my dp thinks he has it hard compared to me. id love to leave him at home for a week or two while i go off and see how he copes. it might happen a bit whilst i have the c section.
is grace sleeping through now or not? cos sleep deprivation is a bugger for making things 10 times worse. x

The body issues only you can deal with newmum001, but I feel best when I'm with dh as he compliments me all the time (usually nice arse etc, but good to know you're attractive to someone). It's hard for me to comment on the rest as I'd love not to work and just be at home with my boys doing housework instead of as well as!! But I do think you need boundaries, I do a lot around the house- all cooking, washing, ironing, often shop without dh and clean the majority of the house (he has some to do due to previous issues). He does clean up the kitchen and load dishwasher after dinner, put bins out, do gardeny things and is pretty tidy. I don't mind doing it all but I do get irritated at times tidying up after him but its not often and he wouldn't dream of leaving clothes on the floor (as I know others have mentioned). Have you told him how you feel, not whilst arguing? Sometimes it doesn't seem like a real problem if you're screaming it at each other instead of saying it in a I'm really unhappy way? Do you get out and meet other mums? I go to groups and have a couple of good friends I see regularly which really helps with sanity when spending all day with children.
With my ex he was working on site and drive about 200 miles a day when we started having problems and we said once he's back it will be ok and it wasn't. Just a thought that perhaps a job won't change everything, just add a bit more stress into your life it's often not jut one thing that will fix a situation. Really big hugs to you!

Hope the sweep did something sassy34264! At least it's soft with ds1 mine was thick, hard and really high :(

no, cinnamon i meant i had no sweep. she couldnt get in.

Oh no rubbish, mine gave it a go anyway!

Hi all me and dp have had a talk this morning and agreed that we both need to make more of an effort with eachother so hopefully that's that! Our problem is that in an argument I get really nasty very quickly but also calm down quickly and would just let it lie 5 minutes later where dp take ages to get annoyed but when he does he can brood on It for days! He did agree that a job might be a good idea, I've always been very independant (moved out at 19 always worked and had my own money etc) and I think staying at home is really bothering me more than I wanted to admit so I shall start looking!

Thank you for listening to me last night though, I was in a pretty shit place and was very upset and sometimes speaking to rl people makes things seem so much worse as they tend to pick a side and dp really is a wonderful guy, just irritates me more than anyone else on the planet

It is such a beautiful day, really cold but beautifully sunny. This is my second favourite type of weather (snow is my favourite) so it's all good!

On the subject of shoes, grace is a 4G. I'm a 7 and dp is a 10 and her feet looked enormous when she was born considering she was so tiny so I think she's going to take after me!

Hi all me and dp have had a talk this morning and agreed that we both need to make more of an effort with eachother so hopefully that's that! Our problem is that in an argument I get really nasty very quickly but also calm down quickly and would just let it lie 5 minutes later where dp take ages to get annoyed but when he does he can brood on It for days! He did agree that a job might be a good idea, I've always been very independant (moved out at 19 always worked and had my own money etc) and I think staying at home is really bothering me more than I wanted to admit so I shall start looking!

Thank you for listening to me last night though, I was in a pretty shit place and was very upset and sometimes speaking to rl people makes things seem so much worse as they tend to pick a side and dp really is a wonderful guy, just irritates me more than anyone else on the planet

It is such a beautiful day, really cold but beautifully sunny. This is my second favourite type of weather (snow is my favourite) so it's all good!

On the subject of shoes, grace is a 4G. I'm a 7 and dp is a 10 and her feet looked enormous when she was born considering she was so tiny so I think she's going to take after me!

Newmum glad you talked. My friends dh thought my dh was awful "making me go out to work" until i set him straight and told him that it was ME who wanted me to work, not dh and no one makes me do anything!! I moan like mad about work but its what keeps me sane. Its somewhere I can be myself. I'm not the boys mummy, dhs wife, i'm just me! I like to feel like i'm contributing to the finances so don't feel guilty when i treat us all!

Hey everyone,

I haven't been on for ages as I've had a really busy week (lots happening at work, and DP's been ill again - I had to call MIL and get her to come and stay to look after Louis on Fri as I couldn't take the day off and DP was in no fit state to be running around after him..) Haven't had chance to catch up properly yet..

Sorry to hear you've been having problems with your DP again newmum. Although as cinammon said, a job may not fix everything, I've found going back to work part-time has given me a real sense of balance, and it makes things that I was struggling with at home seem less annoying/important. It might also make you feel better about yourself, which in turn might make you more tolerant of your DP (at least that's how it seems to work for me). Good luck with the job hunting

lumpy "making you go out to work"! Which centuary does he think we're living in?!

Lucy is still having a bad time so we are off to drs tomorrow. Her temp is raising on a night, she was boiling last night, and she has a rash on her back. I've done the tumbler test and I'm pretty sure it isn't meningitis, it looks more like a heat rash. She does have 2 spots on her face so am thinking chicken pox now. Anyway hoping for a better night's sleep and a good drs visit tomorrow

Hope your dp is feeling better soon mapletrees, hope your busy is a good busy though. We were in cambridge today, I so love it there but dh really doesn't, moans about everything probably something to with 27 years working there!

Luke hasn't been very well the last few days, just a cold and ibuprofen has been keeping it mostly under control but he has been waking up from his daytime nap crying his eyes out for no reason and I have had to feed him to settle him. He didn't cry Friday but did yesterday, I put him in the pushchair and that seemed to settle him better. He's also been crying when I put him down for a nap which he hasn't done forever really. It's sad seeing him like that but the rest of the time he's a happy chap even if he is really snotty! He was better today but we were out so he slept in the car. So I know how you're feeling Debs75 and I hope Lucy is well soon.

Hope you've had a good weekend after your talk with dp newmum001 and that your job search goes well this week.

Morning all! Does anyone have experience of chicken pox lasting longer than it should??? As you know, Olly had it about 4 weeks ago now. He hasn't been right since but is also teething & ds1 has had a cold. Anyway, I noticed another spot on his back last week (he didn't get any on his body, just arms, legs, bits & bobs & a couple on his face. Its now scabbed! could the pox have been lingering???

Well, we had a lovely weekend. It was my neices christening yesterday. Got some wonderful comments about how cute & lovely & good the boys are ds1 even managed to fall of the pew as we were saying the Lords Prayer! Classic! The night in the hotel on the Sat wasn't quite so good. Olly decided to wake up screaming at 4.45am! milk didn't settle him, he woke ds1 up & dh ended up driving round durham for an hour at 5.15am! Ds1 was fully awake by then so we were all shattered!

Hope everyone has a good week. Anything exciting happening for anyone........................................................................

My last full week at home before I start back on Thurs next week. Making the most of it by having coffee out with my little man. Decided to park at bottom of hill and walk up to cafe with Arlo. Think I misjudged that one. He can walk really well now but trying to get him to go in the right direction is another matter! Knackered now and not looking forward to walk back down...!

Hi everyone! Things have been busy here but when are they ever quiet. Just keeping up with the laundry & other routine stuff seems to take a lot of time but hey. My mum has had her op (lumpectomy) and is recovering well - we went to see her & Dad this weekend and while obviously having a little baby around can be tiring I know she appreciated the visit and the sight of Aphra's jolly little face.

Sorry for the poorly babies and the relationships under strain (if perking up when heartfelt discussions are had). newmum, I second mapletree's thought that while going back to work might not be a magic bullet it will give you a different perspective on things. It has meant that I am a lot shorter of time to do things but I am definitely enjoying being at work with other grownups during the day! I'm sure everyone's views vary but even if it won't bring lots of money in I think it should still be seen as worth it overall. If that's what you want of course!

I haven't yet bought any proper shoes for Aphra. I'm going to Abingdon today (half an hour by bus - can you believe that Oxford doesn't have any decent fabric shops!) and might see about getting her feet measured up for some. She is walking much more so it makes sense to think about getting her some shoes she can use outdoors I think, but other than that, surely the soft suede shoes will let her feet develop naturally? Not that I've researched it much!

I have heard before that if you get chicken pox very mildly it can come back lumpylumps but it could be an urban myth!! Ds1 gets a viral rash when he has a cold that looks like early chicken pox (I may have mentioned it before after being to the dr several times with it!), could it be something like that?

I know the feeling Dixiebell, Luke is so good at holding my hand until I go somewhere he doesn't want to!!! Enjoy your last week, is Arlo more settled with the childminder now? Are you working full time when you go back?

Glad to hear all went well for your mum comixminx, I think grandchildren will always cheer grandparents up even if they are tiring! My washing is never ending so I know where you're coming from, next week is half term and dss will be here for 5 days so it becomes a mountain, don't envy Debs75 with the amount she must have! With shoes, nothing is best for their feet! It depends how long you put them on but if it's just a few hours a day well fitted shoes are fine even if they are harder. Have a look at the healthy little feet page on fb, I only put Luke's on if I know he will be walking or to keep him feet warmer as he's in a phase of kicking the cosy toes off :( so he doesn't have them on every time we go out.

Hi

newmum sorry to hear about your troubles with DP. I hope you´re able to move on through this. I am a STAHM and often had the feeling that when DP got home he had much more to talk about (my contribution being Ive been to the playground and done 3 loads of washing). I then tried to focus on what I was doing and value that. Its taken me a while but I realised that I am that childminder that I would have been paying for and therefore am doing a job. Like cinnamon mentioned going out to groups/clubs etc might give you that sense of out of mummy role. Whatever happens I hope you find a solution that makes you happy.

Debs hope Lucy feels better soon and its nothing too serious.

Just a quick one... going to do a catch up tonight!
What are all your lo's sleeping in at the mo? Since Jack stopped wearing his helmet I'm struggling just as much to know whether or not I think he has enough on at night. He has a vest, pjs and a fleecy all in one on and if I think he needs it I add a small blanket but it NEVER stays put as he wriggles so much. I don't have the heating on his room and the temp the last few nights has been 18-19