November 2008 - Two, too soon !!

[Oblomov]

Someone had to do it. Witty thread titles, not my forte, but no one else seemed willing.

Sorry X-posted with Jars. Hope you can talk DH round to the idea of no 2 if the house doesn't sell quickly enough.
Mummynic Abusive relationships are hell, your sister probably is too weak to do anything because her DH has ripped her confidence to shreds. It's hard for people outside the relationship to understand what is going on and how someone could allow themselves to be treated like this, but it sounds as though she needs help. Could you try to persuade her to speak to someone? She'll need help to get out of the relationship and then to stay strong and avoid all contact with her DH because otherwise she'll just end up going back to him. It's a horrendous situation and it sounds as though she's becoming increasingly isolated, which is another key aspect of abusive relationships. Please don't ignore her, try to talk to her again and get her to seek help

Thanks jars - neither of htem are frail or elderly (XMIL had EXH at 17 so is still youngish) Part of me thinks 'bugger them' BUT it's not all about me, me, me and I am trying to do right by J

impala - am liking the new name actually and thanks for hte advice. Seems like I will be composing a letter this evening. J can also pick E out of the pictures we have and says 'ding dong, E' whenever he hears a clock chiming!! They pick up on the strangest things!!!

mummynic - what a tough situation, really sorry you have to deal with this . I would second impala and say to not ignore your sister - she is probably so isolated already and just needs to hear you are there if she needs you. Abusive relationships batter people's self esteem so just to know that you have kept the lines of communication open may help her in the future if she decides to change her situation. Must be really hard though

DH has promised me Gap skinny biker jeans and tequila slammers this weekend.

I do love him really and am very shallow.

Mummynic, that's terrible. I'm glad your DNs have such a lovely aunt and you WILL have a relationship with them again. I think it takes abused women so many goes (on average) to leave their partners. She will, hopefully, get there in the end and in the meantime you are doing all you can, just be there for her and the kids.

aww jars sorry for your -ve, hope you enjoy your tequilla

autumn will read your post very soon.

mummynic hope it works out with Dsis.

Lovely to 'see' everyone again, so nice to catch up on how our not so little ones are coming along.

so much chat! Bravo ladies!
Sorry jars - it will happen and I'm sure when it does, both you and DH will be thrilled.
Choc thanks for posting on my sleep thread.
Another 4am start today. at a bit of a loss TBH.

Autumnlady will read your thread now - glad things going well for you.

Impala glad that E settled well with your parents. Good news indeed. My younger niece (aged 9) still gets into her parents bed in the night every night, and yet when my folks (her grandparents) have her for the night, she stays in her own bed all night long. Oh the inconsistency of it all!

mama your hip pains sounds terrible - ouch. Poor you x

I got my jeans, am off out on Saturday night and DH has promised me that if we don't get any interest in the house by Xmas then we are FINALLY doing the kitchen.

He's very nice and is making soothing noises with beer and chocolate as we speak. Bless him.

Thanks for all the support on here. I feel like the worst kind of drama queen but this place is so supportive.

Autumnlady, I think you are being a fab role model and showing J how to rise above it all graciously. He won't recognise all the crap you put up with for years but he is a lucky boy to have such a thoughtful mum.

jars have a slammer for me. Very envious of both the tequilla and the fact you unlike me can fit in anything skinny.

hip pains thanks for your kind words ladies. It isn't the hip as such that hurts but "down there" as if clicking out/in the joint IYSWIM. It is a quick pain but more horrible to hear and feel than anything.

Both kids were in bed and settled by 7.15pm . DS loving his "reading corner" before bed I set him up. Must admit it is really cosy just us reading, under a blanket with his lamp on . DD REALLY kicked off at bed again tonight but for a change after I left her to scream was asleep within 5mins. Although I have JUST sat down after a very busy night. My feet are killing me. But on a good note just got tomorrow left to work this week. But until 5pm so not picking DS up from school which I love.

Night, night.

Wow so much chat.. Good going girls!

Jars amazed at your physical jar opening strength! I am hopeless but never worked out how to actually use said jar opener! Am at the negative result as it did sound so promising symptom wise but I just know you will get your wish very soon.. big hugs - I do remember that feeling of disappointment and have had little 'scares' up to quite recently and felt the same (even tho the timing would have been awful). Another wee virtual Mojito for you..

MonkeyM wish I had better advice for you I really do.

Will read the other threads too..

So sorry for what Mummynic is going through, again no advice but thinking of you all and really hope your sis works things out

Hope I didn't miss anything there am soooo tired, waves to all xxx

Mama, hugs. SPD sucks. You'll be doing star jumps to entertain your youngest son this time next year, in your skinny jeans. Rest up if you can. R's reading corner sounds like a lovely place. What a fab idea (which I am going to steal!).

Re A screaming: that's exactly what we have to do with Fin every single night, otherwise we spend all night settling him. We leave him to scream, he's out in 5.

Funny thing is, if we stay with him to settle him, he wakes at every little thing. We leave him to get on with it and you could drive a tram through his room by half eight.

Kids, eh?

Aww, thanks jars for the nice comment :) Sometimes I wish I could just tell them all where to go in my best fishwife's voice complete with navvy-like swearing , but I know I would then have lost the moral high ground I have maintained thus far so I keep it buttoned!!

my new boss is fab and has never met exh but thinks very, very little of him and calls him a twunt whenever we have cause to slag him off mention him!

mama - hope you had a better night and I love the sound of R's reading corner. I have similar visions for J's new bedroom and may well steal use your idea as inspiration.

waves to everyone else xx

[Grin] Very proud you all like DS "reading corner". But sounds grander than it is. Basically the end of DS bed, in a corner, set of drawers on the open side IYSWIM with a lamp on. On the bed into the corner extra pillows with spare pillow slips of his fav characters and his buzz lightyear blanket. It's sooo cosy. I could fall asleep there by the light of his lamp (£2.99 Argos - nice touch & saves electric). DS wanted to sleep there last night (made me ) but he slept at the opposite/normal end of his bed so it could be his special reading corner.

On a weekend when he has more time we let him watch one of his fav disney video's in his little corner. His cosy, quiet time away from lil sis. But just wait until babe when older is in with him. GULP!

sleep thanks for kind words about SPD. Always sleep well, always still tired in the morning though but had another "click" when went to loo in the night .

Mama I had SPD with J and found the pain unbearable at times. I used the lift to go up & down 1 floor at work but it really helped - living in a bunglaow helped too.

Thanks for the support everyone. I text DSis last night as I had wound myself up about it (again..).

Upshot is: He is back as he 'wants' to stop drinking and be near his family (but not his step son...). DSis has told him that she won't have her DS1 back until he has been sober for a year (that was my rule / suggestion to our parents as it's just too cyclical with him not drinking, C going home, he starts drinking, C has to escape...). So I am glad she has taken my rule onboard.
My personal recommendation is that he stays with his Mum, she drops the kids off for 1 day at the weekend, picks them up and that's all there is contact -wise until the year of sobriety is up. Sadly, she started to do this but then she started 'talking' with him, then he came home to look after the kids during the holidays (he's on disability as he now has Chrones - forgive me for sounding nasty but when I first heard this my initial reaction (and secret wish) was - hopefully it'll kill him). Because he has been around so much they are very much back together - although she claims to not like him and thinks he's a prat... Hang on - so WHY are you still with him?!!!

I moaned about never seeing the other 2 children and her never seeing J. She has promised to come 'round every week - I was like 'yeah, won't hold my breath'. But she has arranged to come tomorrow after collecting the other 2 from school and take them & J to a play park down the road. I have no doubts that she will. I just want her to see the madness of it all. That none of her family go to her house because of that waste of oxygen she married!!!

I reiterated that he is NOT her responsibility but her son is. Get rid of him (forever) and have her son back. So simple to a sane outsider, so difficult for a mentally abused woman.
She is so lovely too, she's gorgeous and fun, a million times prettier and 3 stone lighter than me. Yet I am the one with the 'perfect life' and she's had nothing but drama.... Wish I could swap places with her - 10 mins and the whole lot would be sorted out!!!

And relax...

mummynic glad you spoke with your sis and hope you do end up seeing her and the kiddies more.

feel so for her forgotten son though. I would like to think no matter what I was going through I would NEVER forget my child like that. I know she is going through a lot, albeit self inflicted on herself and her children, but just feel very at her behaviour and I dont even know her. I dont think her forgotten son will ever move back home (soberity or not) and they will have lost whatever they had. also any relationship with his siblings .

i've ordered DS a surprise halloween outfit hee hee

Afternoon ladies

Autumn just wanted to echo what Jars said that you really should be very proud of how you have handled yourself through the problems with your dickhead of a exH - I am totally amazed by your strength

Jars you sound a bit brighter today....enjoy your slammers

Mummynic so for your nephew. At least you know he is in the best possible hands and being brought up by people who totally adore him. Your sis is in a difficult situation and only she can get herself out of it....just be there for her and hope one day she sees sense - personally I can't imagine ever giving up my boys for any man!

Have decided to change Hamster birthday presents - he is now getting this and this The lad is totally obsessed with cleaning and his fave toys are our mop and bucket, dustpan and brush and sweeping brush so what better than a little cleaning trolley he can take wherever he wants to and have everything to hadn I can't wait to see his face now - roll on Nov eh?

Daily nursery tears watch....oh yes, we had them again this morning!

Also love the idea of a reading corner - we kind of have that idea but it involves actually tucking myself up in DS1's bed with him which is lovely

ceebee love DS's pressies . My kids are the same about cleaning. But havent managed the concept of put a toy away before you get another out. LOL! Just like their dad.

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't posted in a long time. It looks like I've missed a lot of chat so will try to catch up.

Mama sorry to hear of the SPD pain, I hope you're keeping well

Ceebee love the present :) We have bought A a JCB workbench and tools for her birthday as I'm sick of her trying to pinch DH's

MM much sympathy for the early waking. A typically wakes between 5 and 6 and has done for ages but she's never been a great sleeper. I did get her to have a nap in her bed today for the first time in about 6 months. I usually just let her fall asleep on the settee

A is doing really well, she's a real little chatterbox now. Still a tiny little thing at 21lb 5oz compared to N's 19lb 8oz at 7.5 months old. They even share some clothes! It's so much fun watching them play together now he can follow her around.

He's not sleeping at all though. I've stated a thread on it here if anyone can help

I hope everyone else is well and will go and catch up properly now

Ooh I forgot to say, I'm starting a course with the OU tomorrow, The Arts Past and Present. I'm working towards an English Language and Literature degree so I can hopefully do a Primary PGCE when the kids start school. Very excited but also very nervous

Hi all, will catch up properly later but just wanted to share that DH and I had a chat last night and we're going to start trying for DC2 in April!

Woooohoooo!

As you were.

Good stuff jars. Why April out of interest?

Phew96 nice to see you here. Wow - Noah is a big boy! Will look at your sleep thread now.

jars . Really happy for you.

Hi all, will catch up properly later but just wanted to share that DH and I had a chat last night and we're going to start trying for DC2 in April!

Woooohoooo!

As you were.

So excited I had to tell you twice... not sure why it did that.

April because of DH's work and something to do with the new financial year.

BTW, anyone else bricking it about The Cuts to be announced this month?

i so wish i could think baby names through before saying them to DH as dropped in another DH family name and now i'm not sure again. no doubt you ladies wish i made a decision too so i would stop ranting about it . i also wish i heard a name i liked as much as my dad's for first name and a hubby that would agree to it!

i honestly amaze myself with my own lack of control and thinking. i think this babe is going to end up being the only one when born that we dont have a name for or a name DH likes but I dont. and very stupid cow!

Aah how exciting Jars!

What is it about boys and mops Ceebee?! Mine are the same! Obsessed with cleaning! (yet not very tidy...)

Ah Mama the whole naming thing, it is such a responsibility eh? Am sure you will think of something tho I don't think you should put so much pressure on yourself maybe wait til baby arrives and think about it again? It is not like you need to make a decision right now. My DS2 had no set name before birth just a list (which incidentally didn't even include the name we chose!).

Hi Phew that is great about your course. Wish I could think of something to do too..! Great news.

MummyNic hope everything sorts out with your sis, awful situation. Thinking of you.

Haey Autumn glad u r doing ok too. Hope you can sort something with the ILs that suits you all.

Sorry have to post and run catch up again soon... xxx

Jars yay, that is great news. At least you know that it is going to happen now and April will be here before you know it...amazing what a few tequila slammers can do eh?

Phew lovely to hear from you. No help with the sleep issue but really hope you get it sorted as sleep deprivation really is the worst thing!

Speaking of which, I took the side off Hamsters cot yesterday...he fell out 3 times in about 2 hours before me and Dh even went to bed last night and then not again for the rest of the night Heard his footsteps on the landing at some point in the early hours but I assume he ran back to his bedroom and put himself back to bed when he discovered our bedroom door was shut So far, one 'bump' tonight....