JW please help me to understand my new friend

[cantthinkofausername26]

I've got a lovely new friend, we have children the same age and they get on fabulously. My friend is a Jehovah's Witness. I understand she will not celebrate Christmas or birthdays but I'm nervous about offending her. For example, would it be weird to invite her to my house that's a Christmas grotto? How do I not leave her children out when DD gives out little gifts to her classmates at Christmas?

Ironic really that I'm being told to shun someone because she believes in a religion that shuns people!

And @cantthinkofausername26 will you please stop and think before using the word hate please?

It's another overused word that doesn't mean what people seem to think it means. And you are being offensive to so many PPs who are sharing their experiences. Which you asked for.

And yes, I mean actually offensive , not in the also overused wrong sense of 'someone is disagreeing with me'.

Well, you wanted help to understand them better. It's not our fault if you don't like the answers.

@Ladyj84 wondering what Catholic Church you attended that gave you that impression as it couldn't be further from the truth. The Catholic Church was founded by Jesus Christ Himself, sounds like you may benefit from attending RCIA classes to form a genuinely informed view rather than the muddled view you have unfortunately been left with. Try some of the videos by Fr. Mike Schmitz on the Ascention Presents channel on YouTube for genuine clear answers rather than the strange example you seemed to have. Truly heartbreaking that was your experience as it's not accurate to the faith at all.

I disagree, I think there is a lot of hate here. Would you make these comments about other religions? No, because it would be deemed HATE speech. Maybe you should think more carefully about what you are saying and realise that you're being discriminative and generalising about an entire community of people based on the views of a few nutters on mumsnet

@PrimitivePerson I'm amazed at how you know the minds of hundreds of thousands of people. You're incredible

I'll clarify once again. There's a world of difference between the rank and file JWs, who are usually decent people who try their best, and the leadership, who are absolute scum who know exactly what they're doing.

I don't care if you think that's hate speech.

@cantthinkofausername26 I have only known a few JW in my time and didn't know them well enough to form a blanket opinion. I would ask the friend what they are comfortable with and go from there, obviously listen to your instinct as you go along but that would be the case in any friendship. I do pass a group of JW on my way to work every day, they have copies of their magazine and leaflets but what I find confusing is they literally only talk to each other and never so much as glance up to look at anyone else. This confuses me as it seems counterproductive to be there with promotional materials if they don't seem to want to actually share them, but perhaps the idea is for people to actively ask them. I don't know as I haven't seen anyone ask them in the 4 years they've been at that spot. They don't seem rude or anything, just very insular in a way but I respect that this is my experience and not fully informed.

You're utterly bonkers. I hope you get help soon. I'm leaving this thread now because the hate is making me feel sick. I'd rather have my children interact with JW than some of you with your vile opinions. I hope your children grow up with an open mind and not prejudiced like their parents.

My kids are fantastically open minded! Thanks. :)

I was at school with two girls from a JW family and they were absolutely allowed to mix with other kids. I also have a friend who was brought up a JW and all her friends at school were non-JW. She left the JW church when she was an adult for all sorts of reasons, and doesn't speak at all highly of it, but she was never isolated from other kids or anything like that.

Please all report the hate speech on this thread. Would not be tolerated if talking about a non Christian religion

I live in an area with a high concentration of JW places of worship. If I made a JW friend I would wonder if she had been born into it or had joined as an adult. They tend to take vulnerable people under their wing so if she joined as an adult she might be vulnerable or isolated and be in need of a good friend in the community.

Like others I have experiences and have heard stories, but almost all religions have parts I don’t agree with. I find religious people are in general just normal people who want a community and something to believe in

Exactly this

There's no hate speech on this thread.

Agree with this. I was brought up in it. It’s not an exaggeration to say it’s ruined my life. There aren’t any degrees or any choice. Any friendships will be a prelude to conversion attempts.

There are some extreme views here - some from peoples experience and some are hearsay and happened to “a friend of a friend” etc.

My best friend in school was a JW and they never tried to indoctrinate me. I once went to a meeting with her and admittedly I found it uncomfortable and weird. I wasn’t pressured at all into going again though.

My friend is no longer a JW but her mum still is. Her mum was shunned for a few years for having an affair with a fellow JW (her husband was not actually a JW so strange that people are saying they encourage their fellow JW’s to have no contact with “normal world people”). My friend also still has a relationship with her JW mum and funnily enough she does “presents day” around the same time as Xmas - so she still effectively buys her grandkids Xmas presents!

Anyway, just my outside experience of JW’s which goes against others who are advising you to “tread carefully”.

Also in answer to your question - I would just ask your friend - she shouldn’t take offence and if she does then she probably isn’t someone that you would want as a friend.

Something like “Hi friend I understand you don’t celebrate Xmas and birthdays but are you comfortable with my DC giving a little gift wrapped in non-Xmas paper as I’m worried about her feeling left out - just wondering how best to navigate?” I can’t see how she could get offended at that.

Here we go again, there is no hate speech here. You just confirmed my assertion that you don't know the meaning of the word.

Of words in general, in fact. As demonstrated by the fact that I personally haven't said anything so far (other than agreeing with a PP that there should be a special place in hell for the JW leaders, if it existed), and yet you tell me that I should think carefully about what you are saying .

For the record, I do have a lifetime of personal experience of this outfit, so I will say something now: JW are a cult. An insidious, dangerous one. Insidious should be their middle name. Their beliefs are mysogynistic, homophobic and intolerant. The ordinary members are brainwashed, and the leaders are despicable.

And yet, none of what I said is hate .

You asked about a cult and people have given you their experiences. Not just opinions, but actual experiences. You just don't want to listen, or are one of those people unable to.

In fact, you are sounding more and more like a JW plant. Are you a plant OP?

But there must be degrees, because the two JW colleagues that I worked with were comfortable taking part in making Christmas crafts with our children, while going by this thread, others clearly would not. And they never once promoted their religion or even talked about it with any of us. We worked together for a decade, so if they were going to be problematic, there was plenty of time to show it.

Well, let's just hope your children never have a serious accident needing blood while playing on their premises or in her care, OP.

You've had some good and very real advice here. This cult destroyed members of my family. Once you tell this woman straight you are not interested in coming for a 'look' you'll almost certainly be dead to her.

Protect your kids from that, at least.

@saraclara , I am not sure there are degrees, but they are selective about who to approach with a view toproselitising. Trying to convert a work colleage would be dangerous territory. You need to deal with your colleagues every day, they are probably intelligent people with a good grounding and a support network. It would be stupid to go there. Not a very high chance of conversion.

Weaker, isolated invididuals are most often targetted. Isolated recent immigrants to a new country, older people with no close relatives, that sort of thing. I had two turning up in my doorstep with a Watchtower in my housemate's mother tongue. They had gone through the electoral register to find her (luckily, housemate was not their type of victim). If that is not insidous, I don't know what is. That's how one of my familiy members was captured years ago when she became ill as a recent immigrant to a different country. I have personally seen the same thing repeated personally accross four different countries, so there is an obvious pattern.

Most people on here are telling you about their lived experiences. Those are facts. What you choose to do with that information is entirely up to you.

Exactly!

They aren't lovely - they are a doomsday cult and would rather their child died than got a blood transfusion. Extremely homophobic too.

I am an agnostic so all religions seem nonsensical to me but the only person who tried to convert me to the point that I has to report him to HR was a Jehovah's Witness

And don't forget their rule that there must be 2 witnesses to child abuse before it can be reported or dealt with.

Yet another organisation that protects child abusers