JW please help me to understand my new friend

[cantthinkofausername26]

I've got a lovely new friend, we have children the same age and they get on fabulously. My friend is a Jehovah's Witness. I understand she will not celebrate Christmas or birthdays but I'm nervous about offending her. For example, would it be weird to invite her to my house that's a Christmas grotto? How do I not leave her children out when DD gives out little gifts to her classmates at Christmas?

It’s not hatred to say it’s a cult, it’s just that it fits the definition of one. A lot of people who say that have nothing but compassion for the people trapped in it (probably excepting the ones who consider that child abuse isn’t a crime and if there aren’t two witnesses it didn’t happen).

Definitely a cult. I know someone whose 15 year old son questioned the faith and said he no longer believed. The Dad physically threw him out of the house and never spoke to him again. The family were forbidden from speaking to him either. The poor kid slept rough for weeks until some (non JW) family found out and took him in. "Loving God"?? Really??

@Narkacist Exactly. Ordinary members of the organisation are usually victims of it, who will have been repeatedly gaslit, manipulated, coerced and scared into compliance.

There is, however, a special place in hell for the leaders, who know what they're doing.

That's weird to have 'spoken to the class' and singled the child out. Did they also identify any Muslims or Sikhs to explain why they don't celebrate Xmas either?

The parents probably wanted the teacher to do it.

My relative and her family are JW. When one of the adult kids late teens/early 20s decided she would no longer be JW, the organisation encouraged her parents to cut her off. So they did. Even when it meant they had a GC they didn't see. There is a reason that people are telling you to be careful re JW faith. You can either proceed with caution or decide that people like me are bigoted - your choice.

@AgileGreenSeal be careful of what?

You need to understand what you're dealing with here, and especially if you want your kids exposed to such nasty doctrines. Because if you befriend these people, your kids WILL be exposed to it.

No I haven't been. I have friends from all walks of life who respect my beliefs and life choices and i respect theirs.

I obviously hate to hear the negative/hateful comments but it's to be expected as we actively preach...can't expect people not to have an opinion.

On reflection I don't usually post anywhere about my faith. But I notice on threads if someone knows a jw it's often an ex jw is has had an awful experience or situation and those voices will shout the loudest. @PrimitivePerson I believe your concern to be genuine and it's a shame your friend has had such a devastating experience with his family.

We do follow the Bible...which is not extremist. Only people can be extremist. Just as you know someone shunned by their family, I know countless families who choose to have their own relationship/contact with family members that decide not to be jws anymore.

As a side point I don't try to convert all my mates. I answer questions if they have them. And i do listen to them talk about their beliefs. So you probably don't have to worry about that from the school mum My kids do RE and share a bag of sweets with their class on a random day when I happen to remember. I think ive covered all the possible questions that might come up, so I'm going to name change back now

Be careful that you don’t get sucked in to this organisation. It is a cult.

@tellmesomethingtrue I don't think it's weird, the children learn about all faiths, the teacher was explaining why this child wouldn't be in the Christmas play etc. Why make EVERYTHING into a drama??

@AgileGreenSeal I think I'll be ok!

@Namechanging88 Again, with respect, you don't follow the Bible, you follow a deliberately mistranslated version of it.

It's probably not helpful for me to say any more, but I've been a victim of spiritual abuse, and sadly, so have you.

Again, because the parents would have wanted it pointed out.

Oh give over. I worked with two JWs, and they didn't remotely bring their religion into their relationship with any of their colleagues (a couple of whom became friends with them outside of work too).

They were both TAs, and they were perfectly prepared to sit and help children making Christmas decorations etc. Their religion didn't impact any of us, colleagues or children. It feels really odd to read all these posts demonising them.

OP you really shouldn’t be shocked by it. It’s not like people are attacking a faith they don’t share - this is not a normal religion. They’re sharing their experiences and, as someone with several family members who are JW, I will join them in saying please be careful. This doesn’t mean they can’t be lovely people, but a soft version doesn’t exist, they are actively encouraged not to have friends “from the world” and they can be very very patient and subtle indeed. You’re of course free to ignore the advice given to you from people who have knowledge.

Just talk to her.

Being friendly is the norm regardless of any ones faith and yes that includes JWs.

JWs are in all walks of life like teachers, nurses, carers and in ever wake of life there are good and bad.
They have friends of the faith and not of the faith.

I have a good friend who is a JW. She has quite a lot of non JW friends. I don't think she is hugely strict tbh.

I just ask her about things like Christmas and how much she is comfortable engaging with it. I don't think she would want to engage with anything overly Christmassy but she would still visit if I've decorated, she just wouldn't comment on it. As for the gifts at school, my friend would accept a gift if it was given as a "winter" gift or "just because", but I wouldn't wrap it in Xmas paper or give it with any expectation it's opened on the 25th.

Looks like those of you saying they can't be normal and have friends outside of JW are completely wrong. There are at least two posters on here proving otherwise. The 'be careful' 'you don't know what you're dealing with' comments are very dramatic! If she starts talking about JW with me I'll know to take a step back. But as other posters have commented, I don't think you can judge a whole community just because "my aunt is JW" or "I worked with a JW"

There we go, so it is possible to be friends.

You have abusively misrepresented a faith you clearly know nothing about throughout this thread.

The New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures is the one that hasn't removed God's name, Jehovah, unlike the King James Version which used to acknowledge the fact but no longer does so.

The garbage some people spout on this site is beneath contempt.

Are you a Jehovah's Witness?

For balance, I had a Jehovah's Witness friend for many years, married to a Catholic, and the first I ever knew about her religion was when her DH asked some of us to give him a hand with their DS's birthday party, as she couldn't attend. She literally never mentioned it to me, or made a big deal about attending anyone else's birthday parties - she just didn't organise them for her own family.

Am sure other's experiences will differ, and clearly, we didn't discuss the requirements of her faith but it certainly never impacted our friendship (which only tailed off when I moved away).

Further to what everyone has said here, I stand by my comments. I do actually know a lot about religions, cults, extremism and abuse, quite a lot, unfortunately, from first hand experience.

As a Christian, I go to the JW website when I want actual information about them. I've been attacked on here before for saying this so I think I'll probably namechange after this thread. I find their children's Bible stories really good and read them to my children.

My mum had a disability social worker who was a JW many years ago and she was the best social worker she had. She literally gave me the coat off her back when I was a child and all our possessions had gone up in a fire. I am ashamed to say I made an offhand comment about JWs in front of her from a place of ignorance (I didn't know she was a JW at that point). She was very graceful about it (my mum wasn't).

OP I think it's lovely that you're so open minded and have made a new friend. Your children can learn so much about people's differences and similarities. It's funny how many posters on MN adamantly bash private schools and claim they want their children to go to state schools (outstanding ones in leafy suburbs only, of course) because they want their children to "meet people from all walks of life," but obviously have lots of exceptions in practice.