JW please help me to understand my new friend

[cantthinkofausername26]

I've got a lovely new friend, we have children the same age and they get on fabulously. My friend is a Jehovah's Witness. I understand she will not celebrate Christmas or birthdays but I'm nervous about offending her. For example, would it be weird to invite her to my house that's a Christmas grotto? How do I not leave her children out when DD gives out little gifts to her classmates at Christmas?

2 of my children had JW friends when they were at school. IME, the parents were friendly and hospitable but there were clear lines that couldn't be crossed, eg no gifts at Christmas/ birthday. They didn't accept birthday party invitations. But one mother made a point of holding a party every year to which my son was always invited, it just wasn't a birthday party (so no gifts, birthday cake, etc). I didn't like the situation but what can you do?

With regard to your child, you just have to explain that they can't give their JW friend gifts or cards for Christmas. I shouldn't imagine they would want to come to your house when it is decorated for Christmas.

My mum was brought up JW, my grandparents were very devout. I was also brought up JW until my mum wanted to leave my dad because of DV. The elders told her she should submit to her husband, but she disobeyed and left him anyway. She was disfellowshipped but thankfully her family came round and didn’t abandon her. I had JW friends growing up, and still have JW relations. It’s a cult, nice as some of the people are they want to convert you, and you are worldly so they will not be your friend. I would steer well clear if I were you.

Why can’t your children go to the parties they are invited to?

@librathroughandthrough because they don't celebrate birthdays.

1. I don't hate JWs. I feel desperately sorry for them. A lot of them are extremely miserable and isolated, and desperately want to leave, but know they will lose everything if they do.

2. The person I've referred to is one case, yes, but there's another on here where a parent booted a fifteen year old kid out onto the street, and several other stories of abuse. The JW organisation is notorious for its extremism and abusive practices within the organisation are extremely common, including covering up child sex abuse. Read around, you won't have to look far.

3. Yes, I'm having therapy. But my experiences have given me a lot of knowledge. The JW organisation is far worse than what I got mixed up with - trust me, you don't want to go there. Really. You don't. And you really don't want your kids getting involved either, unless you're happy with them developing a very paranoid view of the world.

There is a massive amount of false information in this thread that would be classed as hate speech if said about Muslims/Sikhs for instance.

I am a former JW and although I no longer am I still have many friends who are and who aren't simply friendly to try to convert me.

OP I would suggest not inviting them to Christmas related events or giving Christmas presents but I perhaps ask if they would like to catch up socially another time..don't worry they won't kidnap you and force you into a cult

@cantthinkofausername26 I was saying that as a compliment. The evil cult we both shared was our workplace! I don't think it's evil, but I certainly don't agree with it. Not that I'd ever say so. Unless they are knocking on my door.

Sorry I misunderstood! So much hate on here

I agree, it is hate speech and it's not acceptable

The term “cult” means different things to different people. However, consider two common perceptions regarding cults and why those perceptions don’t apply to us.

Some think of a cult as being a new or unorthodox religion. Jehovah’s Witnesses have not invented a new religion. On the contrary, we pattern our worship after that of the first-century Christians, whose example and teachings were recorded in the Bible. (2 Timothy 3:16, 17) We believe that the Holy Scriptures should be the authority on what is orthodox in matters of worship.

Some think of a cult as being a new or unorthodox religion. Jehovah’s Witnesses have not invented a new religion. On the contrary, we pattern our worship after that of the first-century Christians, whose example and teachings were recorded in the Bible. (2 Timothy 3:16, 17) We believe that the Holy Scriptures should be the authority on what is orthodox in matters of worship.

Far from being a dangerous cult, Jehovah’s Witnesses practice a religion that benefits themselves and others in the community. For example, our ministry has helped many people to overcome harmful addictions, such as the abuse of drugs and alcohol. In addition, we conduct literacy classes around the world, helping thousands learn to read and write. And we are actively involved in disaster relief. We work hard to have a positive impact on others, just as Jesus commanded his followers to do.—Matthew 5:13-16

I hope this helps now I must get kids off to school 😂😂 have a nice day everyone 😊

Please report inappropriate comments, I have done

@Ladyj84 With respect, you're just quoting a script there. As a former charismatic Christian, I've done the same myself. Doesn't make it true, I'm afraid.

I'm sorry to echo what pp have said, but know a couple who both became JW and ended up distancing themselves from the whole social group after it was evident no one else wanted to join. Really upsetting as everyone genuinely thought they'd remain friends, prev believed that there had been no 'ulterior motive' to them remaining friendly and hanging out, and worried about the control or ideas that had been told to the couple to make them leave friendships.

edit Reading current JWs comments on here, I’m now curious to know whether different groups of JW vary in their… strictness (?) across areas!

No script needed thankyou and should a script be needed then pretty much everyone uses them every day in work,home life also. Does this mean we shouldn't quote books to? Quote films actually should we quote anything 🤔 because maybe it's never true or do we find out with own experience.

You have just said what you've been told to say, though, and sadly it isn't true.

I think caution is wise until you know what her hall is like and if it is extreme.

It can vary so drastically. DH's Aunt is a JW. She doesn't come to birthday parties, but she does join us for Christmas dinner. One of her friends from the Kingdom Hall, who has no family, has also joined us for the last few years. They door the door knocking and magazines at the train station, but are utterly respectful of their friends and families right to choose and don't preach. His Aunt hasn't been encouraged to shun her children, two of whom have left the religion. His Aunt was actively supportive of one of her adult children being given a blood transfusion when it was needed as that would have been the child's choice. She was once spotted by several folks from her KH helping DH's granny carry a Christmas tree to her car and it caused amusement, rather than scorn.

However, another Kingdom Hall not so far away is known for being much much more extreme. There was a big drama a few years back over a Christmas card that someone's child had been given and kept. They do shun people who leave.

@ARichtGoodDram Shunning is official policy, and it's hard to think of anything more coercive or abusive.

I'm a baptised ex JW. Parents still in. All 3 of my sibling's out.
Shunned by all of my JW friends when I left.

I have a good relationship with my parents and their JW friends who grew up knowing.

Hate the cult.

Don't necessarily hate the worker bees.

I think I have a fairly balanced view.

It is a cult. It ruins lives. It tears families apart.

I left when I was 18 had a different life and not exactly a great one for 15 years, tried various religions in the last 2 years, couldn't believe all the pomp and ceremony in the Catholic and the expectation of money and how everybody gets paid to work for god 🤔 also how far from the bible it was..anyhow that didn't make me hate I just chose to not go back after a handful of times...
Tried a few more very similar. Forget about the abuse in those religions,the fact a catholic will fight another on the other side of the world etc ..I decided to go back to Jehovahs witnesses recently and realised very quicky that quite literally if you can't practice what your preach i.e the claim to follow the bible then that's the bit that's very wrong..and sadly found they were the only ones to do so and make no changes to fit modern world ideas

Really sorry to hear that. Sadly I know how common your experience is.

Amen to that!

Shame there's no such thing as hell.

Yeah, obviously it's a figure of speech, but it does seem an appropriate one.

My auntie uncle and cousins are jw.

I adore them. They're lovely.people. but their cult makes it very difficult to have a relationship with.

They wouldn't attend our grandmother's (my aunties mum!) Funeral unless every mention of religion was removed that could be.

One of my cousins had a relationship out of the cult and got pregnant and ended up a single mum. The abuse she was put through by elders was gross. She managed to avoid being disfellowshipped by thr skin of her teeth and is now bringing up that child as a JW, despite it all.

We maintain a distant relationship with them but it makes me sad because I know they're really lovely, but the cult has taken over.

They’re probably going to try and get you to join their cult, hence the friendliness.

Yup, it's known as love-bombing. They'll lose interest if it doesn't work.