Rehomed our dog, so so sad

[Loonaandalf]

I just need to talk, not many people understand the love you have for your dog. We sadly rehomed one of our dogs on Saturday. For no other reason really other than he’s just too big (35kg), he’s a rescue and we’ve had him 4 years. We had a baby in January and the space has just decreased month by month as baby starts to crawl etc. We have another much smaller dog and thought about rehoming her too but chose the big dog in the end as he just seemed to never have space to lie anywhere comfortably. I now regret so much moving into this place, we bought when inflation rates were sky high two years ago which meant we had limited choices on where to buy, our budget was so limited and we live in the suburbs of london so it’s quite expensive. It’s really just a flat with a non direct access garden, we managed quite well until the baby was born and it has just become so difficult space wise recently. Our big dog would just squeeze into any area he could (he’s not into his bed) so I’d constantly be tripping over him with the baby. He was becoming jumpy/ nervous as I was constantly saying things like ‘move’ or accidentally bumping the high chair off him.

Our friends have taken him for a two week trial, although I think they will keep him for good and the term ‘trial’ was more to soften the blow for us. They have more time and much more space, they live closer to countryside but less than a 1.5 hour drive away so we can still see him. He’s a bit nervous in their home but is gradually starting to relax more they’ve said.

We have agreed to take him back for a week end of October as they are going away so it’s good we’ll see him. I am slightly worried that could unsettle him (and us) though.

I’m heartbroken beyond belief and if I had have know I’d feel this bad, I don’t think I would have done it, I felt sort of ok with the idea up until we actually left him. Part of me thought we wouldn’t go through with it. I regret so much moving to a small home, tbh we knew it was small but got a good price at the time when we were struggling to find somewhere, we also thought a baby wouldn’t happen as we needed IVF but luckily it happened very quickly. We sort told ourselves, we’ll manage at the time, and sell in a few years when we grow out of it but it’s been 1.5 years exactly since we’ve moved in and I don’t see us moving to a bigger space at least for 3-4 years. I just feel stupid and guilty that we didn’t consider things a bit more, we probably could have looked harder or moved slightly further out back then, we knew a baby was on the cards so shame on us for not planing a better move at the time. He’s such a perfect dog and I miss him so much. Part of me wants them to call us and say this isn’t working, take your dog back so then I wouldn’t have to make this awful decision. I know that would be silly, they’ll have more time for walks, attention and stimulation. I have barely pet the dogs since the baby was born and I feel so bad about that.

But you said you don’t have space for him. Stop buggering about with his life. He should be rehomed via rescue who hopefully have a much better idea of what they’re doing than you.

You just have rehomed him because it didn't work out! Or am I am missing something here?

The dog will adapt, in nature the members that belong to a dog pack change and dogs adapt. Ignore all the messages saying the dog will be scarred for life, it won't. That is people anthropomorphising their animals.

The situation was not ideal, it's very regrettable that you had to re-home the dog but you took it in and gave it a home as long as you could and it will adapt in time.

It sounds like you found it a good home, which is great.

I really wouldn't bring it back to your house for the holiday though, it will confuse it.

In time the dog will be happy in it's new home and come to cheerfully greet you when you visit. It will be fine.

I'm really sorry that your dog had to go through this.

I'm sure the dog will be better of with someone else who maybe think things through.

At least it helped you waddle through covid!

That doesn't make sense. If you signed a contract as @DangerousAlchemy describes, then you have to stick with it and not make up your own rehoming system. Their rules are based on what works best for the animals and they know what they're doing because they do it all the time. Your way is based on what's best for you and you don't know what you're doing as evidenced by the bad decisions so far. Now you're doing it this way to suit your wish to have the dog back if it doesn't work out, which is madness as it's not worked out at your house so why on earth would/should you have the dog back. It'll be the same house, the same dogs and baby, the same issues, either you needed to rehome or you didn't, but this in-betweeny way is not what you signed up to, for good reason.

Yeah that’s a good point, it will be familiar at least and it’s in 6 weeks time so not too soon, not too far away.

That could work too. I’d find it hard to see him and not keep him but we offered to do it so our friends knew they’d have a dog sitter as it’s a lot to take on a dog with no support when you go away/ have an emergency.

Ok, I've tried, I give up.

OP, since you've had rescue dogs before: you DO know that a rehomed dog should be given at least 3 months to settle, right? Or are you just ignoring it because it makes you feel happy inside to know that the dog will not settle at their new home and will be missing you longer than it should?

This!

Look, the OP has bitten off more than she can chew, had a big dog in a small place, had a kiddie, got out of her depth, found herself in a situation she couldn't cope with, and something had to give. And it wasn't going to be her fecking BABY was it. FFS! Sometimes shit just fucking happens! She is not a bad person, it's just one of those things.

We have a rescue cat, and we are her fifth home. (Original owner, Cats Protection, then 2 others who couldn't cope, then us.) She was a nervous kitty, and used to shit over the floor (runny poo) as she was nervous and anxious... She just needed someone very patient and tolerant to put up with the poo for a bit until her nerves settled down.

She was abandoned you see, dumped in an Asda Bag For Life at 5-6 months old, (on the side of the road,) then picked up by a passer by who took her to Cats Protection. They found an owner who was chuffed to have a lovely shy affectionate cat, but they couldn't tolerate the runny poos, and after 3-4 weeks they took her back. A few weeks later, they found a new owner. Same thing happened. Poor baby was sent back after 2 weeks then.

Then when she was around 9-10 months old, we saw her advertised on the website, 'looking for a home,' and we went to see her, and fell in love with her. Cats Protection said we can return her if we can't cope (told us about her issues, and her history.) She got so much love and cuddles and affection from us (and our 2 then young teen DC,) and yes, she pooed a few runny poos a few times on the kitchen floor, but after a week it stopped. A week! The other 2 places she had been at for 3-4 weeks and hasn't stopped. So her nerves and anxiety settled much quicker with us.

Long story short, SHE had been shifted about because of being abandoned, (and because of the 2 people who couldn't cope,) and she settled with us very quickly Still here now, 13 years later! Loving, soft, affectionate, little fluffball she is, and we adore her. 😍

tl;dr, there is nothing wrong with admitting you can't cope, and rehoming a pet. SHIT HAPPENS. LIFE HAPPENS. And at least the OP didn't abandon the dog.

Some people need to get a fucking grip, seriously!!!

@Loonaandalf Please don't take the harsh comments to heart. ❤

As I said earlier @Loonaandalf I agree with other posters that you should not keep seeing this dog. Once you rehome him, it is unfair to keep popping back into his life. He's not a child, and won't understand what's going on.

Alas there is something very wrong about wanting to have the option to temporarily care for the dog again. Not once has she considered the dogs feelings in all of this, it is all about her and easing her guilt. If she had even a tiny bit of knowledge of dogs then she would not even be considering this.

@Lou670 I have to say, the only thing I can takeaway from this thread (and the only positive) is that it has done an excellent job of reminding me why I don’t sell my puppies to young people (who may want to start a family), first time owners or people with young children. 😀

Thank you. I feel awful, I don’t disagree with the posters saying I’m irresponsible etc but I do believe he will like this new more than here if I’m honest. I’ve been lying to myself for many months, convincing myself that he’s happy here when I don’t think he was. He needs more walks, more attention and space where he’s not being tripped over or constantly moved out of the way. I wish I could rehome the house and not the dog.

Is anyone going to tell her that babies also grow and her ever decreasing space will get even smaller! 😅

You must feel awful. Whilst I have to be honest and say I think its a bit of a shitty thing to do to your dog because a new baby has come along you have obviously given it a lot of thought and done what you think is right.

But please, please do not look after the dog in six weeks time. The dog won't be ready and will find it really confusing. Go by the 3x3x3 rule.

3 days to get over the feeling of confusion, feeling overwhelmed and being scared.

3 weeks to start to settle in, think that this may be their new home, figure out their new routine and environment and to start to show their true personality.

3 months to settle into their new routine, build trust and a bond with their new family and gain a sense of security.

Disrupting this half way through by coming back to you could be catastrophic for the poor dog. Going away without him during this time won't be great but he needs to go to a boarding kennels or another person to be looked after. You could perhaps start to have him for them once he is truly settled in at least 6 months time.

Please continue to put the dog first and not put him through the confusion of having week back with you and then back to his new owners. The poor thing won't understand what is happening.

Oh here we go again... The baby came and the dog is pushed out. Same story over and over again.
The poor dog.
How rotten.

Dogs are a man's best friend. Unfortunately it seems babies are a dog's worst.
How many times do we read the same old story. Sometimes the dog goes even before birth.

It's not an unfortunate situation though - it was an entirely likely and foreseeable situation. I don't think many people are saying rehoming was the wrong decision. What most posters are saying is that OP should have engaged her brain, put her wants/needs in the moment to one side, and not committed to get a big rescue dog in the first place. Rescues are absolutely overflowing at the moment, people who work in rescue are pushed to the limit, and this is just another example of an entirely preventable situation

Difficult situation but you did know you had 2 dogs when you decided to have a baby. Not fair on the dog at all to have to move out because he doesn’t ‘fit’ anymore.

How would you feel if one one of her previous owners wanted her for a week while you were on holiday, knowing they wouldn't have time for her, she would be nervous, and may be accidentally bumped into with a high chair.

Are you going to rehome the baby once he weighs 35kg? It is nonsense to say there is no room for the dog when your child and all its paraphernalia will take up so much more space. I feel very sorry for your dog who has been sent away from his home and people. I’m sure he will settle with his new owners but please don’t disturb him even more by having him back for a week.

So on a practical level, what do you suggest she does.

Remember, practical - she can't rewind time, can't pop out and buy a bigger property, can't rehome the child and can't keep the child in a cardboard box with no equipment/toys etc...

What is your suggestion?

If there is no constructive suggestion, you just want to have a pop because this situation makes you angry? Do you feel better now for having your say?

And how has that helped the dog?

Oh ffs stop with the "are you going to do the same to your child" nonsense. Of course the OP isn't going to rehome her child, such a ridiculous comment from a (presumably), mature adult.

Do you not think if they sent him to another dog sitters or kennels that would be more confusing? Would it not be better for him to stay somewhere familiar. I’ll try and see if DH could stay with him in their house instead but not sure it’s possible with his work etc.