Rehomed our dog, so so sad

[Loonaandalf]

I just need to talk, not many people understand the love you have for your dog. We sadly rehomed one of our dogs on Saturday. For no other reason really other than he’s just too big (35kg), he’s a rescue and we’ve had him 4 years. We had a baby in January and the space has just decreased month by month as baby starts to crawl etc. We have another much smaller dog and thought about rehoming her too but chose the big dog in the end as he just seemed to never have space to lie anywhere comfortably. I now regret so much moving into this place, we bought when inflation rates were sky high two years ago which meant we had limited choices on where to buy, our budget was so limited and we live in the suburbs of london so it’s quite expensive. It’s really just a flat with a non direct access garden, we managed quite well until the baby was born and it has just become so difficult space wise recently. Our big dog would just squeeze into any area he could (he’s not into his bed) so I’d constantly be tripping over him with the baby. He was becoming jumpy/ nervous as I was constantly saying things like ‘move’ or accidentally bumping the high chair off him.

Our friends have taken him for a two week trial, although I think they will keep him for good and the term ‘trial’ was more to soften the blow for us. They have more time and much more space, they live closer to countryside but less than a 1.5 hour drive away so we can still see him. He’s a bit nervous in their home but is gradually starting to relax more they’ve said.

We have agreed to take him back for a week end of October as they are going away so it’s good we’ll see him. I am slightly worried that could unsettle him (and us) though.

I’m heartbroken beyond belief and if I had have know I’d feel this bad, I don’t think I would have done it, I felt sort of ok with the idea up until we actually left him. Part of me thought we wouldn’t go through with it. I regret so much moving to a small home, tbh we knew it was small but got a good price at the time when we were struggling to find somewhere, we also thought a baby wouldn’t happen as we needed IVF but luckily it happened very quickly. We sort told ourselves, we’ll manage at the time, and sell in a few years when we grow out of it but it’s been 1.5 years exactly since we’ve moved in and I don’t see us moving to a bigger space at least for 3-4 years. I just feel stupid and guilty that we didn’t consider things a bit more, we probably could have looked harder or moved slightly further out back then, we knew a baby was on the cards so shame on us for not planing a better move at the time. He’s such a perfect dog and I miss him so much. Part of me wants them to call us and say this isn’t working, take your dog back so then I wouldn’t have to make this awful decision. I know that would be silly, they’ll have more time for walks, attention and stimulation. I have barely pet the dogs since the baby was born and I feel so bad about that.

You're getting a really hard time here, OP. Different situation, but we adopted our lovely cat direct from a family where they had had her since she was a kitten, then had a child who became a boisterous toddler, and had another baby on the way. The cat was stressed and anxious with what had become a noisy home and they loved her too much for that.

She lived with us until last year when she got cancer and had to be PTS aged ten, and god she had the absolute best life with us - big garden to play in/quiet surrounding area to wander, no noisy kids, spoilt absolutely rotten. We loved her so much. On the way back from the specialist vets where her tumour was diagnosed, her previous "mum" was the first person I contacted, because we had stayed in touch throughout.

We now have a little boy cat who was born in a shed - the person who found the kittens tracked down the mum cat's owner and they didn't want to know. I know which cat owner is the more responsible in my book.

True. Same with cats. Bit of an upheaval to start with, but they are fine within a few weeks. Dogs take a bit longer, but they usually adapt to a new owner within a couple of months. As you say, as long as they receive kindness, warmth, shelter, companionship, food, and water, they are fine!

I do think though (as I said, and some others have said,) that the OP should not keep seeing this dog.

Not fair on him, and will keep hurting her...

That is true. We were fine in our little 2 bed semi-detached house - DH and I - then within a year of having a baby, we were tripping over everything LOL. Moved onto a 3 bed house with a conservatory! Then No 2 came along, and even then we seemed to be falling over shit everywhere. 😆 So we moved to a 4 bed house! (With a garage and conservatory, and detatched so we could extend if we needed to.)

We never needed to extend though, and once the DC left, we downsized again to a small 2 bed home. Just enough room for us two!

I feel so bad for the dog. And for the dog you kept as well... You don't abandon a family member because a new family member joined. It also sounds like you are giving 0 attention to the dog you kept. Pets are family. Please do not take him for a week when your friends are away. The poor dog will be so confused.

That's just nasty.

Good post! 👏

Yes that’s exactly what she’ll do. As soon as the baby gets too big she’ll give it away. 🙄

It's tricky, I can see why you've needed to send one of your dogs to live with a friend.
In terms of doggo coming for holidays, our extended family at one point had three families with dogs. Dogs visited other families when their humans did, and if someone was going on holiday then their dog came to stay with one of the other family members and their dogs. Our dogs were very used to doing this, but they'd been doing it from being puppies.
I don't know how your dog will do, especially as their 'sibling' is still with you. The dynamic is going to be different too, because they will still see you but not be 'your' dog. I think you're going to be heartbroken all over again every time.
You said about barely giving the dogs any attention since baby arrived. We were similar with our pups when they came home. Our existing dog / dogs didn't get as much attention for a while. I think this would have settled down over time.
If I were you, I would be having my dog back home and making it work.

Dog people are mental, you did the right thing OP the dog will have a happier life with more space and so will you and your family.

Dogs are not "part of the family" any more than a goldfish is. They are sentient beings but not equal to humans - when you take on a pet you have duty of care to do the best by them, and in this case rehoming was the right choice for everyone.

Ignore the dolally posters saying they would sleep in a tent or cut off a limb for their canine companion. And no I don't think you are likely to give up your child for lack of space either. It's a dog and people come first.

If it helps, I rehomed an 8yr old dog, privately, last year. Large family in a 2 bedroom house and they just couldn't cope.

Doggo now has all the right healthcare, insurance, fuss all day long and I love her like crazy. I know her previous owner misses her and I do keep in touch with updates, still. But it was the right decision for the owners and for the dog. Doggo is having a very chilled retirement!

When our youngest son was born 37 years ago we had two big dogs and lived in a tiny house. It never occurred to me to get rid of our dogs, nor did occur to get rid of our eldest son, then 15, to make more room. We only had two bedrooms, but we managed. Now we have four boisterous herding dogs, and I'm raising my grandson from a newborn here. The house is big, but it's still chaotic at times and grandson has been sent flying during a stampede.

Our dogs always considered a baby as a new pack member and it would be absolutely heartbreaking for a dog to be thrown out when he/she thinks it's their new job to protect and love the newest pack member.

No-one knows what the future will bring.

Both the dogs we owned (at different times) came to us from people who recognised that their dog wasn't as happy as it could be, because their circumstances had changed. Both dogs settled with us very quickly, bonded with us quickly, and had very happy and long lives with us.

They were not rejected. They showed no signs of being traumatised in any way by the move, and their previous owners put their dogs first, as any dog owner should.

I knew OP would get a kicking as soon as I saw the OP title. I don't believe it's deserved.

I think you did the right thing, it's unrealistic to expect anyone to never have kids because they have a pet or never to get a pet because you don't know where life will take you in the far future.

We got a cat a couple of years before we had our first child and it turned out he had severe behavioural problems. What started as manageable just grew until we couldn't cope and he went back to the breeder. I didn't know he would turn out like that when we got him and we spent years and thousands of pounds trying to sort it before and after kids but nothing worked. The best thing for everyone was to find him a new home.

I also currently have 4 rats and will have to re-home them when I'm down to 2 because it's the best thing for them. If I kept the two and one died I would be left with just one rat and it's crueler to keep a solo rat than it is to re-home them as a pair and would mean I was being selfish wanting to keep a lonely miserable rat.

Animals are not like children, yes it's important that we do our best for them and we think about how our future might turn out. We got the rats back in 2023/2024 knowing we could give them a good life for their 2-3 years but if 2 months after getting them my husband died or divorced me I would have to re-home them because I wouldn't be able to afford the vets bills. Same with the one cat we've had since 2012. Should we have not had kids incase we got divorced or one of us died?

It's just not practical or healthy to live with such fear of "what if"

Can you please try not to let this make you feel like you have to excuse yourself and explain yourself having a baby! Congratulations btw. I’m really glad it happened for you. Don’t let all of this take away from that. This is a precious time in your life, enjoy it as best as you can. X

This OP, you have 100% done the right thing

Better to rehome now than when you have an older child overly attached to the dog! Congrats on your baby!
It sounds like you chose a really good place for your dog to be rehomed too and he is going to be absolutely fine. Of course you will miss him for a bit, perfectly natural, but ditch the guilt. You did what was right for everyone in the circumstances you find yourselves in.

Do you want sympathy? That poor dog.

Yeah this. I foster cats and kittens and when we rehome them the new owners sign a contract saying they will contact us/return them to us in the future if the circumstances change and they can no longer keep them. Op should have contacted the original charity 1st. Plus I feel so sad she split up 2 bonded dogs. Hopefully the friends can provide a much more suitable and stable home.

I am sorry for what you are going through. But I think it’s better for dog ( considering he settles with new owner) in terms of more space, more activities and attention. I really hope your friends are genuinely dog loving and are not seeing him as their trial of seeing how they like living with a dog.

I think from dogs emotional well being point, it is not good that he comes and stays with you for a week so soon after you have abandon him ( I understand your reasons but at emotional level this is abandonment). Once he is settled and has established that emotional bond with new owners then perhaps you can keep him when your friends travel.

You say you don’t have time to pet your dogs, so it seems like your other dog is also neglected. Would your friends be ok to take the smaller dog as well. I used to have 2 dogs - one big, one small. They were best friends, so I am not sure if your dogs also feel the pain of separation from the ither dog.

If you genuinely believe that a dog is no more a part of the family than a goldfish is, then you are the mental one, not the dog people. There is no comparison between a pet dog and a pet fish.

It is a simple head over heart matter.

Hello, the OP does still have another dog.

I agree. I am astonished by this level of ignorance which give some posters confidence to speak any bullshit. Dogs are not similar to gold fish. That’s is factually incorrect.

For too many people, a dog is their ‘baby’ until a real one comes along. Then the poor dog gets shafted.

Sorry OP, but I absolutely detest people who rehome dogs because they have a baby and suddenly decide it’s too much work/no space etc.
But please make it a clean break for this poor dog. Don’t confuse him by having him back in the house.

I struggle to have time or sympathy for anyone who rehomes a 'beloved' pet because they've replaced it with something or someone else. Don't get any more pets.

And don't let the dog back into your house again - not fair on the dog.