Rehomed our dog, so so sad

[Loonaandalf]

I just need to talk, not many people understand the love you have for your dog. We sadly rehomed one of our dogs on Saturday. For no other reason really other than he’s just too big (35kg), he’s a rescue and we’ve had him 4 years. We had a baby in January and the space has just decreased month by month as baby starts to crawl etc. We have another much smaller dog and thought about rehoming her too but chose the big dog in the end as he just seemed to never have space to lie anywhere comfortably. I now regret so much moving into this place, we bought when inflation rates were sky high two years ago which meant we had limited choices on where to buy, our budget was so limited and we live in the suburbs of london so it’s quite expensive. It’s really just a flat with a non direct access garden, we managed quite well until the baby was born and it has just become so difficult space wise recently. Our big dog would just squeeze into any area he could (he’s not into his bed) so I’d constantly be tripping over him with the baby. He was becoming jumpy/ nervous as I was constantly saying things like ‘move’ or accidentally bumping the high chair off him.

Our friends have taken him for a two week trial, although I think they will keep him for good and the term ‘trial’ was more to soften the blow for us. They have more time and much more space, they live closer to countryside but less than a 1.5 hour drive away so we can still see him. He’s a bit nervous in their home but is gradually starting to relax more they’ve said.

We have agreed to take him back for a week end of October as they are going away so it’s good we’ll see him. I am slightly worried that could unsettle him (and us) though.

I’m heartbroken beyond belief and if I had have know I’d feel this bad, I don’t think I would have done it, I felt sort of ok with the idea up until we actually left him. Part of me thought we wouldn’t go through with it. I regret so much moving to a small home, tbh we knew it was small but got a good price at the time when we were struggling to find somewhere, we also thought a baby wouldn’t happen as we needed IVF but luckily it happened very quickly. We sort told ourselves, we’ll manage at the time, and sell in a few years when we grow out of it but it’s been 1.5 years exactly since we’ve moved in and I don’t see us moving to a bigger space at least for 3-4 years. I just feel stupid and guilty that we didn’t consider things a bit more, we probably could have looked harder or moved slightly further out back then, we knew a baby was on the cards so shame on us for not planing a better move at the time. He’s such a perfect dog and I miss him so much. Part of me wants them to call us and say this isn’t working, take your dog back so then I wouldn’t have to make this awful decision. I know that would be silly, they’ll have more time for walks, attention and stimulation. I have barely pet the dogs since the baby was born and I feel so bad about that.

My first instinct is to let the dog settle. Also, if he tripped you up enough to lose his home, he'll trip you up on a temporary stay. He's either a danger or he's not.

On the other hand, I have my daughter's dog here while she works and he's quite happy at being shared.
I've learned to adapt my stride in the house while he's here, as he dances around in excitement. Once after he'd left from a month stay, I had to remind myself to pick my feet up again.
Suppose a lot depends on how well the dog knew OP's friends.

Thank you, I am going back and forth a lot, one minute I’m happy he’s in a good home, with space and lots of attention but the next minute I’m ruminating trying to remind myself of the reasons I did this. We had our first discussion with our friends about rehoming 6 weeks ago so I had time to change my mind but I didn’t, I need to remember that.

Ignore these people trying to make you feel bad, the main thing is your dog will be better suited with your friends. And I hope you are OK. I would also say don't keep seeing him but I just don't understand making people feel bad for what was obviously a really hard decision and just because you would never rehome a dog doesn't mean that we all have the same happy circumstances and yes I have a dog that I'd never rehome.

You're tussling with it because you love your doggie. Even though he is a trip hazard!

I’m just coming back to this thread to say that I have been reflecting a lot and think I’ve been suffering with postpartum stress, my husband’s mental health hasn’t been great either and we’ve both struggled with no family support. As a result, we’ve taken it out on our dogs, yeah the space is a huge factor and I think he’s more comfortable where he is now but in hindsight I could have done more and maybe I wouldn’t have been so stressed, maybe we could have moved some things around in the house to make more space, maybe I could have encouraged him to stay in certain parts of the house so we wouldn’t trip up. The stress lead us to rehoming our beloved dog, I see this more clearly now he’s gone. I still needed to do this to gain this clarity though. I needed grief to understand how bad things had got and to realise how frustrated I’d become. I’m just writing so if any other new parents see it they know that they are not alone, maybe another little dog could be saved from being rehomed.

Sorry to hear you’ve both been struggling, but I don’t think you should second guess your decision because actually it was the right thing for your dog.

A big dog needs a lot of space and moving a few things around a small space wouldn’t help, although you might think you could have made it work, the dog would still be getting in the way. Nor do you have direct access to a garden - challenging time and energy wise to be taking several long walks per day to provide the amount of exercise a large dog needs.

You are right, I’m probably going through the what ifs now, normal part of grieving I suppose. We don’t have the space simple as that so nothing would have changed there but I think I could have done more to make him more comfortable when baby arrived. I feel terrible about that now. He doesn’t need much walking due to his health problems but yes he ideally needed more space and attention. I still think it was a good thing to rehome him. He’s got so much stimulation now.

@Loonaandalf hi OP, I’m not in exactly the same situation as you but I’m also in a situation where I am thinking of rehoming my dog. He’s a perfect 3-year old dog who we had since he’s a pup. I have two small children and I had to work in the office full time since May. My partner and I really stretch thin between us to take care of our two kids, my dog and my cat(yes we also have a cat). So this thought of rehoming him has been there for half a year now. Apparently I’m also worried about regretting my decision and missing him so much. On the other hand, I really have no more energy and time for him. Work and childcare have consumed all my energy. I don’t even take him to the park at the weekend because it’s too much hassle. He’s a happy chap wherever he is, and he doesn’t seem to mind not going to the park often. But I felt that I am not giving him a life that he could have with people who have more time and attention to give.. I don’t know what I’m asking here but maybe some advice from you..

@Anusername so sorry you’re having to make a similar decision. Where do I start? I regretted it big time for the first month but I have to say now I am happy I made this decision in some ways. He is so happy in his new home and gets so much more outdoor time and attention overall. We see our friends and go for walks with him and it’s lovely. He came back to stay with us for a week while our friends were away and he was delighted to see us but he was equally excited to see our friends when they came to pick him up (maybe even more so).

In other ways, I still regret it slightly and think we could have made it work. I have to be honest, I had massive guilt when I used to look at him moping in our tiny house and now that guilt is gone away. I wish I did more for him when he was here, wish I managed it better. It was hindsight that made me think clearly. It’s a huge decision to make. Feel free to message me. Honestly I think dogs need very little but I think they do need at least one walk per day and some kind of mental stimulation/ cuddles etc. if you can’t give that and you think he’s unhappy maybe rehoming is best. Not sure about kennels though, how likely is it he would find a new home? If unlikely then maybe he’s best off with you?

is there anything you can do to get him some exercise? For example, take him on a walk when doing the school run, throw a ball in the garden for him, let the kids to throw it even? Give him some treats/
peanut butter/ yoghurt in a kong so he can use his brain or get the kids to hide treats and have him go find them? Could you take him with you if out on walks on the weekend? We sometimes skip the playground and all just walk so at least our other dog can come along.

@Loonaandalf thank you so much for replying. I’m very glad that you are happy with your decision in the end… It really helps me manage my emotion about the whole process.
Milo is happy even though we don’t take him for long walks. I think he’s just an easygoing dog who adapts to whatever lifestyle his owner is leading. I’m not worried about him not adapting to new home if we decide to rehome him. It’s mainly that I am struggling to let go of him… and also my current situation is apparently stressful (full time job and two young kids) and both my partner and myself are struggling to cope. I’m not sure when it’ll get easier. I think in his best interest we should rehome him, but can I live with that decision? I’m not sure yet.

There are so many dogs waiting for a home. I think unless you have a home for the dog to go to with friends like the OP, people really need to take responsibility for the life they took on. A dog is not just for Christmas….

Some rescue charities/organisations do direct home-to-home rehoming to avoid having so many dogs in rescue kennels What breed is he? many breeds have their own rescue sites with a waiting list of people wanting young healthy dogs - labradors etc. So maybe look into that. No offence but if you CBA taking him out much at the weekend either then he probably is best off in a home where he can be cherished. Or can you hire a dog walker so at least he's getting energetic walks?

Poor dog. Please try and think of him now and don’t have him at your house. It would’ve devastating for him to be made to leave again and he’s going to need a long while to settle where he is.