Rehomed our dog, so so sad

[Loonaandalf]

I just need to talk, not many people understand the love you have for your dog. We sadly rehomed one of our dogs on Saturday. For no other reason really other than he’s just too big (35kg), he’s a rescue and we’ve had him 4 years. We had a baby in January and the space has just decreased month by month as baby starts to crawl etc. We have another much smaller dog and thought about rehoming her too but chose the big dog in the end as he just seemed to never have space to lie anywhere comfortably. I now regret so much moving into this place, we bought when inflation rates were sky high two years ago which meant we had limited choices on where to buy, our budget was so limited and we live in the suburbs of london so it’s quite expensive. It’s really just a flat with a non direct access garden, we managed quite well until the baby was born and it has just become so difficult space wise recently. Our big dog would just squeeze into any area he could (he’s not into his bed) so I’d constantly be tripping over him with the baby. He was becoming jumpy/ nervous as I was constantly saying things like ‘move’ or accidentally bumping the high chair off him.

Our friends have taken him for a two week trial, although I think they will keep him for good and the term ‘trial’ was more to soften the blow for us. They have more time and much more space, they live closer to countryside but less than a 1.5 hour drive away so we can still see him. He’s a bit nervous in their home but is gradually starting to relax more they’ve said.

We have agreed to take him back for a week end of October as they are going away so it’s good we’ll see him. I am slightly worried that could unsettle him (and us) though.

I’m heartbroken beyond belief and if I had have know I’d feel this bad, I don’t think I would have done it, I felt sort of ok with the idea up until we actually left him. Part of me thought we wouldn’t go through with it. I regret so much moving to a small home, tbh we knew it was small but got a good price at the time when we were struggling to find somewhere, we also thought a baby wouldn’t happen as we needed IVF but luckily it happened very quickly. We sort told ourselves, we’ll manage at the time, and sell in a few years when we grow out of it but it’s been 1.5 years exactly since we’ve moved in and I don’t see us moving to a bigger space at least for 3-4 years. I just feel stupid and guilty that we didn’t consider things a bit more, we probably could have looked harder or moved slightly further out back then, we knew a baby was on the cards so shame on us for not planing a better move at the time. He’s such a perfect dog and I miss him so much. Part of me wants them to call us and say this isn’t working, take your dog back so then I wouldn’t have to make this awful decision. I know that would be silly, they’ll have more time for walks, attention and stimulation. I have barely pet the dogs since the baby was born and I feel so bad about that.

sorry but you knew you had this dog and the space issue before having the baby you should have worked this out beforehand animals should be part of the family not to discard as and when it suits you

Yes, I am worried about splitting of both dogs too. It impacts them emotionally. Just because they can’t speak, it does not mean they don’t have emotions.

You've done the right thing for this dog, and he will be absolutely fine in his new home – but God, I wish people who intend to have children would stop getting dogs. Dogs and babies don't mix. It's not fair on either (usually – of course there are examples of it working really well, but far too often it doesn't) . Far better to have the child(ren) first and then introduce a dog when the children are old enough.

People are bloody sick of irresponsible people that don't give any thought to the future or the wellbeing of animals beyond their own selfish, in-the-moment needs. So the OP got a big dog, lives in a small flat with another dog and has had a baby. How utterly stupid to get a large dog in those conditions.

I waited years to get my dog and he often works my last nerve now, however he is family and I will care for him till his last breath - like I promised.

People should have to get licenses or some sort of intervention to stop things like this happening. It happens so often that people have kids then get rid of their animals. No, I have no sympathy for the OP. All my sympathy is for the poor bloody dog.

So sorry you had to make this decision.
We privately rehomed a dog for a friend of a friend and they came back to visit dog after about 6 weeks , it really confused her and I think upset previous owners too.
It's just distressing for everyone, so a clean break would be best and not to look after dog in October, perhaps pay for kennels, tbh it would have been better to be wait until they are back from holiday.

Agree. There seems to be some sort of idea that you start with a dog and work your way up to a baby...Nggghh. Terrible idea. Dogs and babies are not a great mix as both are demanding, especially if you have a young bouncy dog that needs lots of walking and attention.

The OP sounds as if she doesn't have time for the smaller dog so should rehome that too (ideally with the older dog, as they are bonded and it's cruel to separate them) and then not get any more dogs. Also don't really know why she's posted about this on MN at all unless it's to rage-bait.

we told our friends that he needs to come back to us if they ever change their minds.

you need to make sure now that they will never change their minds. This level of instability is not good for the dog and how would you create space for him if they change their minds?
Are both dogs coping ok from being separated from each other? Because usually dogs become emotionally attached to other dogs they live with, specially if there are only 2 dogs.

This! I am a huge dog lover, but at the end of the day they are animals. Children should always come first, and it is batshit to suggest otherwise. I can only assume that those commenting that the OP shouldn’t have had a baby don’t have their own children. Bonkers.

Anyone having a pop at you is misguided at best.. Shaming people over rehoming doesn't stop dogs being in the wrong home at the wrong time and needing a home 'upgrade'. It can however, stop people getting help, stop people rehoming sensibly, prolong dogs being in unsuitable environments, and worse!

With my dog behaviourist hat on - a lack of space, and I don't mean 'oh we've only got a small garden but theres lots of room for a dog bed etc' I mean the 'I am tripping over the dog everywhere I turn and constantly making him move' type lack of space... increases stress levels.

Then add a baby starting to crawl/stand - which dogs find very unpredictable and worrying...

You are then pushing a dogs tolerance to the limit, and even the loveliest of dogs will eventually snap when a baby/toddler grabs them/falls on them for the 100th time.

It would be marvellous if we all had the ability to see into the future, but we don't - we can only do our best with the information we have in the moment. And none of us is perfect either!

Sometimes the best thing to do is rehome, because simply loving the dog and caring for them is not enough!

I would not have your dog back so soon for holiday cover - this will confuse him. In rare instances, I have seen dogs change homes and stay in contact with former owners and it work out well, but it is unusual, and they still need a lot of time to settle in and learn their new life and to trust their new people.

Let him settle and in six months to a year, visit your friends for a walk somewhere away from their home - and build up a new relationship of 'friend' rather than 'primary care giver' with your old dog. Then it may be appropriate to have him when they're on holiday.

Getting a dog at all is selfish isn't it?

I'm sorry but this is nuts. It's a dog, not a person. Dogs adapt and children come first.

wow, just wow, hey don't hold back.

I have an elderly dog and there is no doubt she will stay with us until the bitter end. But one thing that has struck me is that while people are violently anti-rehoming, pretty much everyone goes on holiday and leaves their dog either in a kennel or with a friend / home boarder. We've also done this for years (not kennels though) and after a few hours she settles in and is fine. Certainly not traumatised, and she's not a particularly relaxed dog (we do put a lot of effort into finding somewhere that will suit her though). So why is rehoming so much more traumatising than a two week holiday, when the dog has no idea this is temporary? Is the stress cumulative over time? This is a genuine question, by the way - not trying to catch anyone out.

There are soe very nasty people on here.

In my experience, dogs don't like going into kennels (I can't put mine into kennels as my terrier goes on hunger strike) and they will tolerate having a dog sitter in their own home but don't particularly like it. I always feel guilty going on holiday as when I get back, my dogs won't let me out of their sight for days, clearly worried that I will 'abandon' them again. They don't really like it when I go out without them at all. My kids say they go into 'standby' mode and basically just go to sleep until I get home again.

I think most dogs are probably like this - very bonded to their owners - which is why the idea of rehoming them seems so traumatising. Because it would be.

I hope you have time for the dog you kept, size is irrelevant and s small dog still needs walks and attention. Your bigger dog will be fine once he settles but I wouldn't take him while your friends are on holiday, it could set him back.

Just more entitlement. Utterly selfish people who want to do what they want with no thought to the consequences. Of course children come first, ultimately. But this situation was obviously going to arise and could be avoided.

You have done what you have done now
PLEASE don't see/ look after the dog
You will confuse him beyond belief.

The initial stress would be the same, unless it is a familiar place the dog is used to.
Some people, like us, never go away without their dog, lots of uk walking holidays, but that wouldn't suit everyone.
The best you can do is leave them one night with a trusted person, and build it up each time.
Suddenly rehousing them will be very traumatic but they will recover if the new home is better than the last.

This absolutely.

Well done on rehoming him, unfortunately i lack any sympathy for you. A dog is for life.

I've never tried kennels as don't like the idea because she was a rescue, but when ours has stayed with home boarders or friends she doesn't seem any different when she gets back. Does a few laps round the garden and then off for a nap. They're always places she knows or has done a trial session. I always worry I'm traumatising her but there really is no evidence.

Generally I don’t agree with rehoming dogs but you didn’t have space for him and he was becoming unhappy so you’ve done the best thing finding him a good home.

No point giving yourself a hard time over your home, you did the best you could at the time, it will take time to adapt to the change.

You will upset the dog if you take him back for the short period of time.

At least he’s gone to a good home.

The replies on here are genuinely scary. It feels creepy and virtue-signally in the worst way.

It's a dog, not a child. The OP dealt with an unfortunate situation very well.

OP don't feel guilty. You've sorted the problem out. It's sad but there's no need to feel guilty.