Rehomed our dog, so so sad

[Loonaandalf]

I just need to talk, not many people understand the love you have for your dog. We sadly rehomed one of our dogs on Saturday. For no other reason really other than he’s just too big (35kg), he’s a rescue and we’ve had him 4 years. We had a baby in January and the space has just decreased month by month as baby starts to crawl etc. We have another much smaller dog and thought about rehoming her too but chose the big dog in the end as he just seemed to never have space to lie anywhere comfortably. I now regret so much moving into this place, we bought when inflation rates were sky high two years ago which meant we had limited choices on where to buy, our budget was so limited and we live in the suburbs of london so it’s quite expensive. It’s really just a flat with a non direct access garden, we managed quite well until the baby was born and it has just become so difficult space wise recently. Our big dog would just squeeze into any area he could (he’s not into his bed) so I’d constantly be tripping over him with the baby. He was becoming jumpy/ nervous as I was constantly saying things like ‘move’ or accidentally bumping the high chair off him.

Our friends have taken him for a two week trial, although I think they will keep him for good and the term ‘trial’ was more to soften the blow for us. They have more time and much more space, they live closer to countryside but less than a 1.5 hour drive away so we can still see him. He’s a bit nervous in their home but is gradually starting to relax more they’ve said.

We have agreed to take him back for a week end of October as they are going away so it’s good we’ll see him. I am slightly worried that could unsettle him (and us) though.

I’m heartbroken beyond belief and if I had have know I’d feel this bad, I don’t think I would have done it, I felt sort of ok with the idea up until we actually left him. Part of me thought we wouldn’t go through with it. I regret so much moving to a small home, tbh we knew it was small but got a good price at the time when we were struggling to find somewhere, we also thought a baby wouldn’t happen as we needed IVF but luckily it happened very quickly. We sort told ourselves, we’ll manage at the time, and sell in a few years when we grow out of it but it’s been 1.5 years exactly since we’ve moved in and I don’t see us moving to a bigger space at least for 3-4 years. I just feel stupid and guilty that we didn’t consider things a bit more, we probably could have looked harder or moved slightly further out back then, we knew a baby was on the cards so shame on us for not planing a better move at the time. He’s such a perfect dog and I miss him so much. Part of me wants them to call us and say this isn’t working, take your dog back so then I wouldn’t have to make this awful decision. I know that would be silly, they’ll have more time for walks, attention and stimulation. I have barely pet the dogs since the baby was born and I feel so bad about that.

Your dog isn't too big. The home you chose is too small for him. And you have changed your circumstances by having a child which means he's squeezed out altogether. I really hope you've assessed the home and commitment your friends have offered and it's genuinely better than rehoming through a rescue, which would have been the best thing to have done. Dogs live may 15 years, maybe more, that's the commitment you take on. I've noticed in the last few years lots of people getting dogs in flats around us, which aren't at all suitable for them. People should ask themselves, is my situation right to make a dog happy for their whole lives, and am I prepared to commit to doing that. Your story is a warning, really.

What a really shitty and pathetic reply. The OP isn't asking for a pat on the back, just some empathetic responses after making a painful but necessary decision for everyone involved.

Perhaps she should have put the baby up for adoption? Or just keep the dog and haveeveryone tripping over each other and getting stressed up to the point where the dog potentially snaps and lashes out?

Posters such as yourself that enjoy kicking someone when they're down are the ones who should feel the shame.

Your so lucky you have good friends to take him
It would of been awful for him being given to a shelter or RSPCA and being cold and missing his family .
What lovely friends you have

You’ve done the right thing rehoming him.
Although of course the perfect situation would be to have a big enough home for everyone including the dogs, life doesn’t always work out that way. You have bought the home you could afford and had a child. The long term future is what is important now - hopefully the dog will be happy in his new home and you have your future with your family. The fact he is with friends who I assume you trust means he will be in safe hands. I wouldn’t listen too much to the pile-on telling you that you are wrong, they aren’t living your life.

Thank you everyone, I find the negative and positive posts helpful. @Bloodyscarymary thanks, it’s good know it worked out for the neighbours dog you mentioned. He’s a pretty easy going dog and seems to have made himself at home already, he’s used to going to dog sitters etc in their home also.

I am beyond heartbroken that I had to give him up and regret moving here so badly because of this. For those asking why we didn’t buy bigger, oh believe me we tried, the interest rates were horrendous at the time and if we bought bigger we might have had serious financial problems by now. I have to be in london for my job for now and I only got this job the year we moved, well after we took on our dogs. Another option at the time was to move out of london and commute in but that would have been costly, as most train prices are v high. In hindsight, I wish we did that now as we still struggle with space and it’s not somewhere I feel at home, feels like we’re still renting or something.

I’m going to speak to our friends about whether taking him back in 5/6 weeks while they’re away is a good idea, it was actually my husband who offered to take him back whenever they go away, think he just wanted them to know we are always here, may be unrealistic.

Believe me, I didn’t want to do this and we told our friends that he needs to come back to us if they ever change their minds. We wouldn’t rehome him again after this and he was only ever leaving us if it was with people we know and trust. My husband was a bit more serious about rehoming him than I was, I tried to change his mind a little last week but he wouldn’t have it. If I’d have know how heartbreaking the grief would be and how exhausting it was to deal with the pain while looking after a baby, I wouldn’t have went through with it.

Don't over think it. Dogs are extremely adaptable and although yes, they have rudimentary emotions, they are relatively easily satisfied and move on quickly given a suitable environment. Don't feel too guilty, it clearly wasn't an easy decision and it's seems no harm done to anyone - dog included.

You've done the best thing possible for everyone. The fact he is with friends who you trust and not strangers, people you keep in touch with means that you won't be wondering what happened to him. I hope he settles in well in his new home.

If it helps at all , my beautiful dog was a re home ( from a couple who were having a difficult time managing other aspects of life )
He took time to settle with us but he’s having the best life with us .
I trained him to be less reactive to other dogs , we had him neutered as that hadn’t been done .
He gets wonderful walks each and every day , he comes with us on holidays , days out and we schedule things so that he’s never alone for long .
I cannot imagine not having him around , even when he is being cheeky and stealing shoes

Oh and meant to add that we genuinely did not believe that IVF would work straight away so thought it would be a while before a baby came along. Also underestimated how much space you need with a baby, shame on us for that. It was relatively manageable space wise before the baby.

Yes, shame on you! Don’t get anymore rescue dogs! Get a goldfish the next time you want a pet.

Oh and by the way OP, congratulations on the unexpected baby! 💗

No way should you have the dog back when the new owners go away or keep in contact with him.

It will confuse and upset him. I know someone that tried to do this and it just did not work and the dog struggled to settle in either home

If it helps, we adopted an 8 1/2 year old dog who wasn't coping after his owners had a baby. They felt unable to give him the time and attention he'd been used to and he was becoming depressed. He came to us via a rescue (he went straight from his old home to foster with a good friend of mine), and because he'd come from a loving home, he settled really quickly, didn't pine at all, and had 4 1/2 incredibly happy years with us where he was the absolute star of the family. Our son was nearly 12 and they were the best of mates from day 1. Hopefully your dog will settle just as well. Dogs live in the moment, and it sounds as if your friends really want him and will give him a lovely life. Circumstances change, and loving a dog means putting their needs first.

I think the amount of stuff that babies need and the space it takes up is underestimated by most people! There is no shame in that.
Congratulations on your baby.

Blimey, talk about putting the boot in, save that for people who just dump their animals, at the shelter or in some places, like parks, tied up. Shoved out of a car somewhere.
The op, has found a new more suitable home for her dog, that's what loving responsible people do when the circumstances are not suitable for the family or the dog. Fortunately, I have never been in the situation that I have to re-home, so far anyway, but what if I was knocked over by a bus tomorrow?

Awwwww, you sound so blue @Loonaandalf I can feel the heartbreak throughout your words. You have done nothing wrong and everything right.

Is it an option at all, to maybe think about moving out of London, so you can get something bigger/with a garden? I would find it difficult to have a dog in a flat with no garden anyway, let alone a huge dog - and especially with a baby too.

Apart from that suggestion, there's not much else I can say. I am sure you will eventually get used to not having him, but yeah, moving somewhere bigger (in a cheaper area) is the only thing you can do. I also wouldn't keep seeing him (sorry) as you will confuse him, and keep upsetting yourself.

Sorry you are going through this. 😘

Please don't try to take him back. By your own admission he didn't have a good life with you once the baby arrived, barely fussed and becoming nervous being shouted at to move and being bumped with the high chair.🙁As a rescue to begin within he likely didn't have a great start in life to begin with so if he's now got chance of a better forever life elsewhere, then let him settle down with them.

Look after the smaller dog better now though, as it must feel very unsettled too with lack of fuss, a new baby arriving, the tension with the space problem and now it's pal disappearing.

Just as another potential option - could you and your friends share the dog? This can work really successfully for dog lovers who can't commit full time. My grandma started off looking after my cousin's dog when they went on holidays but loved having him so much that he's now there probably a third of the time. Works for my cousins who have 3 kids and are super busy but have loads of space and physical fitness. And works for my grandma who lives alone and loves company but can't exercise a dog easily.

Your dog could be with you mid week and with your friends Fri - Mon when you are most likely to need the space at home?

From what you've written I'm not sure if you've really lived anywhere suitable for a big dog tbh.

Oh for goodness sake, stop it. The OP clearly feels shitty enough as it is. You're not helping. What nasty, spiteful posts from you.

Some posters need to remember that dogs are not children, the vast majority of dogs will adapt perfectly well to a planned and safe change of owners, it's actually really nothing like moving your child to another family.

There's this romantic notion that dogs are deeply and fundamentally attached to their one true devoted owner, but they are not humans, and as long as they are consistently and kindly looked after they're mostly happy.

Could you move into your friends place for the weekend instead of bringing ddog to his previous home which I can see would unsettle him. Even if it was just you or your dh for the weekend. Could you start when he has settled to go up every few weeks , even just for a few hours to tell him you love him and why you had to give him to your friends as they have so much space for him and can give him much more than you can and bring your other dog up to play regularly with him as he must miss his doggy brother so much.

I’m sorry but you sound irresponsible and selfish on many levels. You had two dogs, were trying for a baby and moved into a small property. Your post was full of reasons and justifications to excuse your behaviour to appease yourself. I just hope you grow up quickly and be a better parent to your child than you were to your dogs.

Some posters need to remember that dogs are not children, the vast majority of dogs will adapt perfectly well to a planned and safe change of owners,

Equally I think that some people don't put enough thought into getting a dog.