Brides to be - come talk weddings here

[TillyScoutsmum]

Right - have moved out of chat so we can share pics later on ... Old thread here

Current list

DifferentID - got married Saturday - hope you had a fab day - come back and tell us all about it and show us some pics. Please

Teaofortwo - this week (4th/5th ??)
Smallships - 11th July
Babyinacorner - 11th July
Beautifuldays - 24th July

Dropdeadfred - 9th August
Oopsadaisy - 30th August

Ilovefoxes - 13th Sept
Smurfgirl - Oct

Fifisworld - 7th November
Tillyscoutsmum - 29th November

Lizzer - ? 2009
Swiftyknickers - May 09
Lovemygirls - Sept 09

no I dont want him to come to the wedding fayre etc I want to go to those and he wants to go out in the evening so we'll go together to the photo shoot then I'll go on my own wedding dress shopping while he looks after dd's then when i get back he'll go out and then the next day I'll go to the fayre for a few hours while he has the kids again. I want to make a final decision and get my dress ordered before it gets discontinued.

Seriously considering cancelling the wedding tbh, hes saying he's only doing it for me not because he wants to be married. im really upset and hurt.

He always used to say that but then we were getting on really well had a lovely weekend away then he asked me and i really (stupidly) thought he rally wanted to marry me. now he's saying all the planning im doing is time for me and that im selfish.

Oh LMG - I'm sorry

Sounds to me that your DP loves you to bits and wants to be with you forever but just isn't that arsed about "formalising" it and has agreed to do it because that's what you want. Its not a reflection on your relationship, just that he can't see what the fuss is about and would be happy to not bother getting married or do it with minimum fuss. One of my best friends was on and off with her dp for 12 years because she wanted to get married (and have a big do) and he really didn't. They compromised in the end on a smallish, last minute do (I think it was the thought of being centre of attention and planning for ages that put him off)

If I'm being honest, I don't think you should have a problem with him going out on Sat night. You'll see him Saturday morning and Sunday afternoon and he'll be spending the Saturday pm and Sunday am looking after dd's whilst you go off and do something you enjoy. Its only fair that he should get a break and do something he wants at some point over the weekend as well. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that

LMG - TSM is right!

He loves you, you love him - you want to get married he feels you don't need a piece of paper because to him it feels like you are married but he loves you so much - if it matters to you he'll do it. Sounds like the closest thing to romance modern life can give!

Even blokes who are really up for getting married are often not really up for the organisation! I wasn't either and I am a woman!

Let him go out. Enjoy your busy weekend!

If it is any consilation (eeeeerrr - have I spelt that right?)- My husband is in California on holiday with his best friend at the moment. I am missing him like crazy BUT think it is important for him and I to have lives outside of our relationship too. We believe it is important to have a strong relationship with each other as a couple (or lovers As DH likes to call it - I will tell you that story another day ), a united front in our parenting but also time to be just teafortwo or just beerfortwo with a few friends or with a good book by ourselves in a cafe too.

Ok, guess i'd better go and grovel. we've been txting and emailing and i've spent half the afternoon in tears. We do do a lot seperately, I think we have quite a good balance really but I was just upset because it was our first tiff and he was horrible about the wedding etc it's probably pmt lol! I want him to want to marry me but I guess as long as he does it and I haven't marched him down the ailse with a shotgun to his head then it's his choice still isn't it so on some level he must want to or he wouldn't have asked me. I know what he's like though every row about money or stress in the next 2 yrs it will be "because you wanted to get married!" and I'll have guilt! That's my problem I need him to know that getting married for me is fine as long as he's not throwing it back at me or expecting me to organise the whole lot on my own.

Have any of your df/h's helped with the organising or AIBU there too?

My dp has helped with quite a lot of the wedding planning. Main reason is I'm suffering from pnd and I find it hard to cope some days. He kind of boosts me. I know I'm very lucky though!!

Your dp sounds like a few other men I know, they didn't seem to be that bothered about getting married. On the upside, they really enjoyed their wedding and 1 of them loves to get out his photos and show everyone!!

We are tending to argue at the moment as well, mostly about the wedding. Silly little things that can really upset!

But then, I am hormonal!!

LMG, T42 and TSM are wise ladies!!!

i have no help whatsoever organising! dp informs me his job is to turn up (he also thought it was his job to make ridiculous, very unfunny jokes - until i nearly fired him )

he has been given tasks to do... he had to sort the photographer - but it is his mother, so only fair!!!!

he also has to arrange cabs to get people their!

he also has some jobs to do, or delegaate on the day!!

i'm sorting menu's at the moment, still waiting on 4 peoples choices... but i've done the seating plan... then on with making place settings... once i've bought the glue!!!!

LMG - dp has no interest in the organisation of the wedding at all. I just sort it all out and he just gives the nod before I commit to anything. He has had an opinion on a couple of things and we've changed our plans, but not many really. Suits me, I'm a control freak

Chin up and don't worry.

Think I need to hide under my duvet and start again. Things are still not sorted, waiting until dd's are in bed and we've eaten. Will post again tomorrow. Sorry for moaning.

Don't be sorry for moaning. That's what we're here for. Hope you get it sorted

We talked and sorted things out, we talked about what the wedding means and if we wanted to actually be married, he said exactly what you said TSM, he wants to do it if it's important to me and that he's scared of being the centre of attention etc I said it means we're dedicating a day to celebrating our love and the time we've shared together and the future we've got to come and that its really important to me that we do this and he agreed that was a better way of looking at it (he has been thinking it was just a ceremony in a church in front of a god he doesnt believe in etc).

But then me and my big mouth - this morning I mentioned that yesterday I'd worked out if I could survive with the kids on my on own money wise and he got really upset saying how could I even think about him not being here etc I said I did it yesterday when I was really upset, I really thought it would be fairer for him to leave than to stay and marry me when he didnt really want to etc so now he's gone to work upset with me again I'm going to email him and tell him how much i love him etc but I can't believe how stupid I am at times!

Oooops - I have my foot in mouth moments as well especially when having full and frank rl discussions with dp. Sometimes its possible to be a bit too full and frank

Just explain that you were worried that his disinterest in the wedding equated to a disinterest in your relationship so you worried about him not wanting to be with you. He's probably thinking you meant it as an ultimatum (i.e if he won't marry you, then you'd rather not have him at all), which I'm sure isn't really the case. Just cross wires and its so hard having these conversations just before he goes to work for the day because you don't get chance to resolve them face to face and you both spend all day overthinking things.

It'll be fine.

We're fine just like you said tsm df is even showing more interest in it now he has started to look at it in a new light!

I'm happy now

I've worked out we can have a sponge 3 tier cake for £103 for a simple design personal to us so if it comes to it thats fine but if we can afford more thats great.

Glad you've worked it out LMG. Enjoy his renewed interest while it lasts and have a lovely time dress shopping and wedding fayreing at the weekend

The wedding stuff is booked for next weekend, we're going to a posh wedding this weekend, this wedding is rumoured to have cost about 100k so i cant wait to see it! We're staying at the hotel, i think it will be the most expensive room i've ever slept in!

lmg - congratulations - enjoy your making up

£100k . How on earth do you spend £100k on a wedding ?!

Come and tell us all about it though

Right ladies - I'm off on hols for 2 weeks. "see" you all when I get back

Hugh - have a fantastic day next Saturday. Come back and show all

Happy holidays tsm!!!

Making up is always the best bit!

Have a fab holiday TSM!

Hugh are you nearly ready?

I'll report back on monday!

We're thinking of having a version of this for our wedding song What do you all think? (df suggested it)

I like it - fun and sweet! Might ask for it to be played at my sister's wedding - she is putting requests on the invites!!!

We had no music because it would have given the service a formality we didn't want.

However... if we had of had music it would have been this, because, it is (vomit inducing) our special song!!! (BLAAAAhhhh BLaaaaaaahh Blaaaaah -!!!! This song has never been mentioned on this thread but I think it is lovely for a wedding as it explains love so well!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHmAUODVaLY

www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DRVuwdRMEc&feature=related

I like this version of your song!!!

Me and dd are boogying around our apartment to it!!!! He he he!!!!

We saw Muse a few weeks ago they were brilliant, I quite like the old fashioned style though but will bear this in mind too. Thanks

Yeah - I like the old one too!

Just got 3 lo's down for a sleep, kitchen looks light a bomb has hit it but I'm having a cuppa first!

Have you and dd stopped dancing yet?

Just been thinking maybe we could play the muse version later in the night when it's mostly our friends that are left.

What's it like after the wedding T42?

Basically the same. But, because I like you lmgs I will try and think of 5 things that are different...

(1) I am not a bit embarrassed now when I use the word 'husband' to describe dh because it really is true.

(2) I get embarrassed when people ask my surname because I automatically say my maiden name then think - aw - I should of said my new name.

(3) It takes a few days to get used to your ring being on that finger.

(4) I have stopped daydreaming about what my wedding day might be like.

(5) I get asked on mn "What's it like after the wedding?"

AWWWWWW

I was expecting you to say you feel a glow of specialness or something lol

I said to df the other day it will be nice when we're married because when i ring to make doctors appointments I can say husband instead of partner