Is husband exploiting daughter or is this ok?

[PelucheCat]

I need some help with reality please. I'm going to try and just post the facts.

DH works away.
DD is student at uni in expensive UK city.
DH has now got job there, and rented a flat.
DH has asked DD to move in, and pay 50% of rent and 50% bills.
DH has a very good wage.
Turns out DD won't be on the tenancy agreement.
DH would be subletting as it's only a one bedroom flat, agency not aware.
Total for DD would be same as she's already paying.

I would like to know what others think about this situation. Thanks.

Why have you posted this then not responded?

is she being guilted into saying yes? not seeing what’s in it for her really

I can’t begin to imagine the fucked up childhood this DD will have had

Not normal at all.

Your husband sounds creepy and controlling and coercive.

You know this is not an ok setup.

No one is obliged to keep up a thread on Mumsnet!

Is DH paying her uni fees?

That makes a big difference.
If not, then surely it’s up to her.

Some young people prefer to live at home and aren’t suited to living in halls or a shared house.

Considering it’s the same cost then it doesn’t sound like she’s doing it for financial reasons and he doesn’t need the money, therefore if she says yes it’s either because she wants to or feels obligated to.

Is her her father? If she's paying half the rent who gets the one bedroom?

This is deeply weird.

This!

Your H is controlling and creepy.

What’s he like at home with finances?

Just no, why would your daughter want to that? Not saving her any money and no private space at all?

Whats his rationale?

Sorry, didn't specify, DH has put another bed in what was the lounge. So a bedroom each.

So whats his rationale for this?

She has no privacy. It's still creepy and controlling and yes, he's financially exploiting her.

Is he her bio dad? What a creepy, cheap asshole.

It does not make a difference if he is paying.

Her youth and companionship are not for sale.

Has this been written in such a way as to make people assume the flat is where Dad is living. He works away.

He has now got a flat and asked DD to move in. Is it the same flat ?
Or not ? Has Dad got his own flat. And just found one for DD to move into that is quite separate from his ?

He should charge her 50% of bills abd a nominal amount of rent.

It would be more normal for the husband to find or keep a job close to home with his wife and enjoy this new phase of marriage, now the child is on the way to independence. Regardless of raising any questions about the daughter, OP is well within her rights to demand a recalibration of the marriage.

Has your DD already agreed to move in with her dad?

She gets the worse of all world with this arrangement. She's basically living at home but in a small 1-bedroom flat, with no privacy, still under the control of a parent, probably can't come and go as she pleases and probably can't have friends/boyfriends coming round and certainly not staying overnight.

For this, she pays half of everything even though her only income would be a student maintenance loan, while her father who is earning a very good wage pays the same as his student daughter.

If he had offered her the opportunity of living there for free, there would be advantages for your DD as well as disadvantages, but his proposals sound utterly selfish and controlling. He would be the only beneficiary of this arrangement.

She should be living with other University students for the full student experience.

I assume you don't think she should move in with your DH?

Bollocks to that.

I bet he thinks she should have the lounge as well. Does he have any attractive features?

Do you have any other children @PelucheCat? Did your daughter(s) do chores at home? Did your son(s)?

She should live with fellow students thats half the fun of uni

Sod that!!
Maybe he should have asked his daughter if she would go halves on a 2 bed flat to save money for them both. If she agrees, thats all good.

I find this a bit weird. She should stay where she is.