Is husband exploiting daughter or is this ok?

[PelucheCat]

I need some help with reality please. I'm going to try and just post the facts.

DH works away.
DD is student at uni in expensive UK city.
DH has now got job there, and rented a flat.
DH has asked DD to move in, and pay 50% of rent and 50% bills.
DH has a very good wage.
Turns out DD won't be on the tenancy agreement.
DH would be subletting as it's only a one bedroom flat, agency not aware.
Total for DD would be same as she's already paying.

I would like to know what others think about this situation. Thanks.

I would assume/hope the proposal is that the sitting room becomes a bedroom so that they have one room each.

There is no benefit to your daughter, but plenty of disadvantages - hope she says no. If she doesn't feel able to, you will have to do it for her , or at least tell DH it's a shit idea and he needs to think of something else.

Well, as everyone is already saying, this is strange.
What does SHE think about it all?

That would be a no from me!

Fancy asking that of your student daughter!

Apart from all the logistics, your DD is also possibly losing out on a reference for when she wants to rent in future years, considering she won’t be on the tenancy agreement.

I fail to see why this would be an appealing or preferable option for her.
It costs the same so saves her no money.
She won't have a bedroom (or only part time? Or at the very least her dad will be around and on the sofa some of the time. )
She'll be isolated from friends and miss out on the student houseshare experience.
Lack of privacy and control over her personal life.

As other posters have asked, is he her dad or stepdad? And are you/ your household topping up her loan if she gets less than maximum (I assume so if you're husband has a good enough job to rent a second property.) Who actually pays the top up - you alone, joint household funds or does her bio dad also contribute?
Depending on the above, how does the proposed arrangement work financially if he is asking her to pay (him) half the flat costs?
If jointly topping up this makes no sense as he's giving her money with one hand and taking away with the other.
If you alone or you and bio dad are topping up then he's proposing to make money out of you!
If she is getting a full loan intended to cover rent then he's taking advantage of the student loan scheme but leaving her with the debt and interest.

Anecdotally, one if my friends sons went to uni in a city where his grandparents have a flat. They are retired and travel a lot so they suggested he could live there (for free) and would have it to himself at least half the time. It hasn't worked well. He missed out on a lot of student life and it made it harder to meet people and make friends. And the grandparents ended up being there a lot more than they had suggested so he ended up watching TV with them most nights and going to bed when they did as they didn't like being disturbed by noise etc. Don't do it!

That’s very cheeky of your DH - hope he doesn’t put pressure on for her to agree. Is he worried about her in that city? Did he get a job there to keep an eye on her?
Wouldn’t your DD be happier in shared student accommodation and pay around the same or less?
What a downer for student life and independence, unless your DD really would rather live with her dad.
i can imagine my student DD’s reaction 😂 to this proposal, but then my DH wants her to live a full independent life with the knowledge that we support her in the background!

But how does that work? If she is revising for exams and doing assignments she needs sleep and study space where there is no interruptions. She also needs to know she can have friends to visit - would he be happy to have students traipsing through the lounge/his sleeping area at all hours? If it was a 2bed, I could see how this might work for them both as they can both have privacy and the social space can be used without inconveniencing the other.

I am going to guess this may be in London where rents are very high and this is about reducing outgoings. DH is possibly thinking that he will only be there 4 nights a week and DD will only need it during the teaching phase of the semesters, but he is thinking about ‘somewhere to sleep’ and a per night average costs on a practical level, I think, rather than about DD having a safe, secure base from which to study and interact with her peers.

As someone else states, it suggests that he either didn’t go to university or doesn’t understand how it might work today. I am sure it was thought to be a well-meaning solution but it really doesn’t work for DD who will possibly pay as much for her own room in a shared home where they have a social space that is not doubling up as a bedroom (except after parties!)

I don’t understand what’s in it for your daughter- she’d be sharing a one bed with her dad for the same price she currently pays.
It sounds like he’s trying to save himself money at your daughters expense.

not only does it not make sense, its a bit creepy IMO

WTF have i just read. Jesus what a thread to start with on a Monday. No - OP this is mega weird, and your husband is taking advantage and exploiting her yes. Hopefully she has said no, but also, is your husband dumb? Why has he even suggested this - is she his real daughter? WTF is wrong with him?!

Agree. It would be less creepy if it was a two-bed flat but it isn't.

@PelucheCat please come back and give us information. Tjis sounds extremely concerning. Is he her father?. Is he the Lord and master of your family. It Is very concerning that he would even suggest this!. What is the power dynamics here.

No benefit to her at all. He should rent a studio if he doesnt want to pay that much rent.

Part of going to uni is the lifestyle that comes with. And this includes the living arrangements, so she would also be giving up her own room and move into a one bed appartment with her dad. No thanks i would not want this.

no - people need their own space. Everything else, for me, is immaterial.

How on earth is that going to work in a one bed flat? Is dd expected to sleep on the sofa?

It’d be a firm No from me.

Gross and weird imho. Nevermind ‘taking advantage’ as in the money aspect. What sort of father pressures their adult daughter to live with him in a one bed flat where she will have little privacy. Feels like something else is going on.

Just to say whilst I agree this set up is ludicrous and is not in the best interests of DD given she can rent with friends and have more rights/room/privacy for the same money anyway, I am not sure why people are saying it’s creepy? Lots of students live at home and commute or stay with extended family these days to reduce costs - living with parents is not felt to be ‘weird’ then, is it? Just practical.

I hate that people have jumped into thinking sharing with dad is somehow suspicious as I am sure the intention is to split the bedroom and lounge between them not share the bloody bedroom. Just because he is male does not mean he is predatory, controlling or that there is anything untoward going on. He’s a twit because he is approaching this in terms of how it can benefit him financially, which I am guessing @PelucheCat is going to call out and advise her DD to continue as she probably planned by sharing with uni mates. Her DH needs to look at a bedsit/studio or rent a room during the week if he wants to reduce costs.

What kind of parent would do this? Financially exploiting his uni daughter?
How greedy and unpleasant. I hope she says no, and I hope you have words.

Why earth would she do that?

It won't benefit her in any way. It makes things easier and cheaper for your husband but your daughter has to pay the same, has no security and loses her privacy, has to share a one bedroom flat with her dad.

Ridiculous.

I don't know if he is exploiting her, however, there is nothing in it for her.
How old is daughter and is he her biological father?
If I was her (yes, even at young uni age), I'd keep my distance.

This is mega weird. She should be living with friends and able to have a boyfriend or girlfriend sleep over without her dad being in the same residence

Come on op, we need more info to help, but just by asking, you know your daughter is being exploited by your husband…

Yes it is exploitative. He wants his student daughter to subsidise his living costs. He does not care about the negative consequences of this on her, in terms of privacy, having friends over, independence etc. Two people each needing a separate bedroom in a one bedroom flat is a rubbish deal even if they are friends, let alone parent-daughter.

It's weird and makes me wonder about him as a person tbh

This