Is husband exploiting daughter or is this ok?

[PelucheCat]

I need some help with reality please. I'm going to try and just post the facts.

DH works away.
DD is student at uni in expensive UK city.
DH has now got job there, and rented a flat.
DH has asked DD to move in, and pay 50% of rent and 50% bills.
DH has a very good wage.
Turns out DD won't be on the tenancy agreement.
DH would be subletting as it's only a one bedroom flat, agency not aware.
Total for DD would be same as she's already paying.

I would like to know what others think about this situation. Thanks.

Sounds miserable a major point of university is living independently with peers…DH is hijacking that.

This sounds very odd.
I've have been very unhappy and conflicted if my father had tried to stong-arm me into such an arrangement.

Weird man. What's the back story?

I presume one has the sitting room and the other the bedroom, both rooms being bedsitters.

However expecting your child to pay 50% of the rent is a bit much imo. Children expect parents to subsidise them, not the other way around.

The situation OP is describing is very concerning.

If DH is DDs father, then she should just move into student accommodation and ignore the request, it wouldn’t be a good move for her. Uni years are about forging friendships and developing your independence. Sharing a one bed apartment with Daddydearest will stifle that immeasurably.
If DH is DDs STEPfather, I’d honestly be reevaluating my relationship with him. That’s just plain weird - and wrong.

This sounds as if it only benefits your DH.

Why is he suggesting that only he saves money in this situation, and presumably only he gets a bedroom while she pays to sleep on a sofa in a place she can't really bring her friends the way she could in her current rental?

I can't think of a single benefit for your daughter in this situation, but there seems to be plenty of downsides.

Legally, will he actually be living there? If he doesn't, she's by default a tenant rather than a lodger. Socially, it'll be shit for her, cut the apron strings.

Financially, you should all look into the parental contribution element which is part of student loan calculations. Then give her money accordingly with no strings. https://www.savethestudent.org/parentcontribution/

Why would she even want to? Sounds stifling for her uni experience. And he's being weird not seeing that or not caring.

Certainly sounds like he is trying to exploit her. I sincerely hope you have advised her to say no and read him the fucking riot act.

Why on earth would anyone, young or otherwise, pay the same as they were in private accommodation to sleep on a sofa and have no privacy?!

Good point about loans....if she is living with a parent then she wont get a maintenance loan at the level she is currently so she wont be able to pay him anything as she wont have any income.

Hope he's her dad and not a step dad wanting to share a one bed flat with her

there are a lot of facts still missing so what else is going on?

This is weird, no real dad would do this

It’s not going to be much of a life for your DD in a 1 bed flat. He’s asking her to contribute 50% to something she doesn’t even get 50% use from.

The only way she benefits from this if the flat is essentially hers most of the week and he just gets to crash there on his working days. If it’s anything more than a couple of nights she’d be mad to consider it. Who would give up a bedroom and privacy for that.

Does your husband pull his weight fairly round the house with things like cleaning? Or would he expect her to keep his little flat spick and span too?

She needs her freedom

This is wrong in every respect. If money is a problem she can move into a cheaper place flat sharing with other students.

To be honest it sounds pretty creepy, where on earth is she meant to sleep and study?

Good grief: your poor daughter! Surely part of going away to university is growing up away from your parents, finding yourself and becoming independent. Who wants their Dad at their back as they go out to parties, make new friends, cobble together that essay in the wee small hours, and make the mistakes of youth that beset us all? And a one bed flat? Your daughter isn’t a cash cow, subsidising your DH’s flat without even having her own room (which is an absolute essential for a student). In answer to your question, “Is husband exploiting daughter or is this OK?”, yes, it is absolute exploitation and it’s not OK at all. For heaven’s sake allow your poor daughter her freedom. If I were her, I’d be wanting to transfer to a university as far away from your DH as humanly possible.

Yes it’s exploitative and weird.

Assume he’s not actually her dad?

Where do you fit into all this @PelucheCat?
Seems odd all round.
I hope dd has said no to this suggestion.

If my DD said her dad wanted her to move into his 1 bed flat when she was at uni, i’d find this really odd and would tell her to decline. Assume he’s your DH and not your ex? Assume you must know why he wants to do this? Financial I assume?

V weird. Hard no.

Weird.

Is sharing a (big?) one bed, with father presumably absent at weekends, better than other options?
is she now in a better geographic position for her uni?
Does DD object or is it just you?
has she had issues in other flats?
There could be all sorts of reasons this is good

Is he massively weird and controlling? This just sounds such an odd arrangement!