Is husband exploiting daughter or is this ok?

[PelucheCat]

I need some help with reality please. I'm going to try and just post the facts.

DH works away.
DD is student at uni in expensive UK city.
DH has now got job there, and rented a flat.
DH has asked DD to move in, and pay 50% of rent and 50% bills.
DH has a very good wage.
Turns out DD won't be on the tenancy agreement.
DH would be subletting as it's only a one bedroom flat, agency not aware.
Total for DD would be same as she's already paying.

I would like to know what others think about this situation. Thanks.

DH it’s in the same city as DD.

The only vaguely positive thing I can see about this arrangement is that at least it seems pretty certain he's not using this flat as a means to have an affair.

We know this.

Where will he sleep?

What happens when she brings friends back?

It all sounds a bit grim to me, but it’s up to DD.

Really weird. Is she his daughter?
She should be mingling with people her own age

Imagine even thinking your husband might be exploiting your daughter? So very weird on so many levels

It doesn’t sound as though DD has money problems as OP says sharing the flat wouldn’t cost her any more than she’s paying now. Sounds like DH is the one who can’t afford the rent by himself and is trying to strong arm DD into an unsuitable share. It’s unsuitable if he’s her biological dad, it’s even worse if he’s not. He wants a 50/50 split of rent and bills on a flat where there are no suitable sleeping arrangements for her, she will have lost her independence and freedom and she won’t have any security because she’s not on the tenancy. So OP, the answer to your question is yes, your DH is exploiting your DD. He is the only one benefitting from this arrangement.

One other thing - correct me if i’m wrong but if DD moves in with a parent will she not also lose any access to maintenance loans ? If so, how does he expect her to pay with no income, or is he expecting her to defraud the system as well as illegally subletting ? Why any father would expect this from a daughter is beyond me.

I can’t see how this benefits her unless it’s closer to the uni and she doesn’t have to pay for transport, and even then I would think it was worth it to not have her own space. It will probably end up more expensive for her at some point as all bills are included in student houses and she wouldn’t have to pay council tax. What will happen over summer, when she’d leave student accommodation and not have to pay for it?
Is his motivation purely financial, can he not afford the rent on his own? What does she think of it?

All very odd but I suppose it’s up to her

She needs to say no. Shed have no bedroom, zero privacy and what if she wants friends over? She'll become isolated from her uni friends.

When I think back to my own DDs uni experience; all day in bed on a weekend, friends round constantly, starting “pres” at 9pm and then going out at midnight, as well as all night studying to get an essay posted in time, why on earth would your DD be expected to give all this up to share a one bed flat with your DH (her dad?). If it’s not her dad it’s even weirder.

Have a word with him.

This is so weird. Is he always weird?

She should definitely say no.

Doesn’t sound like much in it for your daughter unless this is something she really wants - misses out on living with students, no cost savings, no bedroom each, no privacy from dad

Did your husband not discuss any of this with you beforehand?
Yes he’s doing this to lower his bills and outgoings, not for your daughter’s benefit at all. I wouldn’t be happy with this and I imagine your daughter doesn’t want to do this either.
Slightly odd that there was no discussion about this and you’re finding all this out after the fact.

Is he her dad? Or stepdad? Either way it is odd from both angles

Is your daughter unhappy with her uni friends because coming from a parent whose daughter is at the end of year 1 in shared uni accommodation there is no way she would move from that to a flat share with her dad. What possible benefit to her is there in this arrangement?

Why would DD want to do this?

Regardless of whether your husbands intention are exploitative, your daughter definitely shouldn't to this, unless conceivably she has some vulnerability that makes living with her dad a better solution than living alone.

It is a very insecure set up; it doesn't seem to offer her enough space; and above all it won't provide her with the independent social experience that is part of the value of moving away to university.

Is she feeling very homesick and insecure? I can't think of any other reason why your DH would suggest this arrangement (unless he is trying to save money)?

Even if she is feeling unhappy in her current set up, it would probably be better to stick with it and use her dad's nearness for supportive visits.

If I was her, at that age I would feel massively intruded on by this suggested arrangement.

I don't like this.
At best he is clueless and a bit tight with money.
At worst he sees her as a means to his ends with no interest in what might be best for her.
I hope she doesn't hate her current set up so much that she'd consider this.

Fucking weird 🤨

As your question is "is DH exploiting DD" and not "why would student DD want to live in a 1 bedroom flat with her father when she can live elsewhere for the same money", I am wondering if there if DD is vulnerable or lonely or needs support?

DH getting a job in the same place as DD is otherwise pretty odd.

No, completely unreasonable and inconsiderate to your daughter. She should stay with her friends, have her freedom and enjoy life

There's nothing in this arrangement for your daughter, is there???!!! In fact, she's in a worse position!! Would have no privacy, unable to invite friends over or a potential boyfriend. At least living in university accommodation or a house share, she'd have her own room, and be independent.

It sounds to me that your husband, doesn't particularly want to pay for all his rent/bills and is seeing your daughter as a way of only having to pay 50%!!

Sharing a rented flat with her Dad, where she's not on the tenancy agreement, and the landlord isn't even aware she's living there, is dodgy. If the landlord were to find out, at the very least she'd be asked to leave, at the worst both her and her Dad could be evicted. That would leave your daughter without accommodation in an already expensive city, where probably like the rest of the UK, rental properties are scarce.

It wouldn't be a sensible decision for your daughter.

SomethIng feels very wrong with DH suggestion. What does DD think?

It’s an unusual idea & parents don’t usually go & work in the same city, let alone suggest a flat share. She should be in with her mates.

Is he trying to control her? Save money?

I bet he can claim some of it back on expenses. Is it her father or your partner & so her step father?