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Original poster

Is husband exploiting daughter or is this ok?

246 replies

PelucheCat · 12/04/2026 21:41

I need some help with reality please. I'm going to try and just post the facts.

DH works away.
DD is student at uni in expensive UK city.
DH has now got job there, and rented a flat.
DH has asked DD to move in, and pay 50% of rent and 50% bills.
DH has a very good wage.
Turns out DD won't be on the tenancy agreement.
DH would be subletting as it's only a one bedroom flat, agency not aware.
Total for DD would be same as she's already paying.

I would like to know what others think about this situation. Thanks.

OP posts:
Bikergran · 13/04/2026 07:39

Why should she want to share a flat which is too small with her dad if she has her own room with uni friends. Which one of them would be sleeping on the sofa? She would be giving up her independence and privacy, probably in exchange for being treated like a child and/or being expected to look after him. Tell her not to touch it with a bargepole, and tell him to rent a cheaper flat if he doesn't want to pay that much.

20thCenturyFecks · 13/04/2026 07:41

What's she she supposed to do when he's visiting? I'd not be happy to be evicted from my bedroom by my parent on a regular basis.

AnonymousBleep · 13/04/2026 07:42

Weird on every level. Most people support their kids through uni, not the other way round.

JacknDiane · 13/04/2026 07:45

Obviously this isn't her own dad. Poor girl, a weird controlling step dad and a mother who doesn't know right from wrong.
I hope the DD has the strength to get away from them both.

RMAC67 · 13/04/2026 07:48

That sounds like an arrangement that very much suits him.
Is your daughter actually considering this? The only reason she should ever consider living with her father at university is if it saved her money. She should be enjoying her life, living with her friends, having her own space.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/04/2026 07:50

JacknDiane · 13/04/2026 07:45

Obviously this isn't her own dad. Poor girl, a weird controlling step dad and a mother who doesn't know right from wrong.
I hope the DD has the strength to get away from them both.

I get why you think this - OP refers to him as DH and not ‘her dad’, but I don’t think we can assume it’s a step dad. I think if that were the case OP wouldn’t need advice on whether the situation was appropriate or not - it would speak for itself. It’s inappropriate for a biological father - selfish and comes across as quite controlling. But for a step dad it would be an immediate and massive red flag, and I can’t imagine any step dad having the brass balls to suggest it, regardless of whether their intentions are dodgy or not.

CautiousLurker2 · 13/04/2026 07:51

If it’s a one bed and she is being charged 50% without any rights or privileges and I were her, I would tell him to jog on. He either accepts that the cost of his new job in the city is a one bed flat and sucks it up; or finds a lodger’s room for week time use as it will be cheaper.

I say that as the mum of a DD who DOES share a flat with her dad in her uni town - London - where her dad works. But it’s the family flat, so I use it from time to time and her dad is only there tue-thurs so 2 or 3 nights a week. However, she is AuDHD and struggled in halls, it’s a 3 bed flat, 15mins from college, we were paying her rent anyway, so we no longer have to give her the money to pay rent/bills as we are paying it ourselves, and she lives on her (reduced) student loan for day to day costs and seeing her friends. She is effectively flat sitting and keeping it safe and occupied so it suits us. It works for us all as dad can check in on her several times a week and we know she is okay.

There is no quid pro quo in this set up for OP’s DD, so yes, he is exploiting the fact she is in the same town. She would be better flat sharing with uni mates and contacts where she will have legally protected rights and be able to build up a credit history in her own name.

DuckyDolittle · 13/04/2026 07:51

As the parent, if I had the financial ability I'd be wanting to alleviate some of the stress of housing during uni years, not teaching a lesson about paying your way. DD could contribute half of bills and buying her own food, but paying towards actual housing costs when DH would be paying for the flat himself anyway if she didn't contribute does feel obtuse. If she's not saving any money with him, she should get a room in a house share and at least get the fun experience of living with peers, and the life experience of compromise with others who aren't family.

2026Y · 13/04/2026 07:52

How is he going to share a 1-bed flat with her? Why would she do this given he is not giving her any financial upside? It sounds like a really odd suggestion and very unfair on your daughter.

Walkaround · 13/04/2026 07:54

He sounds like a bit of a selfish git, tbh, who has found an arrangement that suits him but is of no benefit to her.

Thehop · 13/04/2026 07:57

DD would be mad to agree

PS5Gamer · 13/04/2026 07:58

Weird. I would be advising Daughter not to agree to this at all.

Everybodys · 13/04/2026 08:09

On the face of it, sounds odd and impractical, but I think we need more information. Where would DD be living otherwise and how does it compare in terms of convenience and quality? Also does he come home at weekends, and has she made friends already?

Because if he's offering her the bedroom in a nice flat close to uni that he leaves on Friday mornings and doesn't return to til Monday evenings, that's a much better offer than the permanent sofa in a not very convenient location and he's in the flat all the time.

PurpleVine · 13/04/2026 08:13

nope.

unless there's some mega good reason like her health or she's struggling or something, no way.

i'm all for paying your way but this feels like a grubby way to get something that's good for him not her.

she's there when he's not so he doesn't have to fret about security. and he gets it at half the cost but no cheaper for her than where she is now. plus she now has her dad breathing down her neck at a time in her life when she should be spreading her wings and launching her adult life.

is he tight with money and seeing his own kid as a way to cut costs? or is he controlling and wanting to move in with her so that he can monitor what she's doing?

trainkeepsgoing · 13/04/2026 08:20

I can’t see the benefit to her? But there is plenty for him

bigfacthunter · 13/04/2026 08:30

My favourite part of being at uni was having flatmates! If shared living is of interest to here she’d be really missing out here

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 13/04/2026 08:31

This is her time. You’re right to think this is wrong. Makes me think he didn’t go to uni or he’d understand. We had a girl in our halls of residence whose Dad used to stay with her. He was abusing her though & keeping her away from socialising and making a life of her own. I’m not suggesting this here but that’s how weird it will come across & it will prevent her from connecting socially which is paramount at this stage in her life.x

C152 · 13/04/2026 08:32

Yes, on the face of it, it looks like you husband is exploiting your daughter. On the other hand, there might be a legitimate reason e.g. if she's bad with money and is struggling to pay her rent, maybe he thinks this offers her more security? Have you asked him?

Even if his intentions are good, this is a ridiculous idea. I would be encouraging DD to decline the invitation and stressing both how you will always be there for her and the fact it's important she maintain her independence.

Optimistic252 · 13/04/2026 08:41

This situation raises several red flags. Your husband has a very good wage, yet he wants your daughter to pay 50% of the rent and bills for a one-bedroom flat while she is a student. She would not be on the tenancy agreement, meaning he is subletting without the agency’s knowledge, which is risky and potentially illegal.

UninitendedShark · 13/04/2026 08:47

1 bed flat? I don’t think so. Is it even convenient for uni/ other amenities? Sounds like DH is being a tight arse and trying to have his cake and eat it. Next he’d expect her to vacate the bedroom for him and have his dinner on the table. She’s be crazy to agree.

JacknDiane · 13/04/2026 08:50

DotAndCarryOne2 · 13/04/2026 07:50

I get why you think this - OP refers to him as DH and not ‘her dad’, but I don’t think we can assume it’s a step dad. I think if that were the case OP wouldn’t need advice on whether the situation was appropriate or not - it would speak for itself. It’s inappropriate for a biological father - selfish and comes across as quite controlling. But for a step dad it would be an immediate and massive red flag, and I can’t imagine any step dad having the brass balls to suggest it, regardless of whether their intentions are dodgy or not.

Edited
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I think the very fact the op is on mn asking advice about this is a huge red flag all round.

How any mum can view this as anything other than wrong and inappropriate is beyond me.

But I have a feeling this isn't all it seems.

RedRock41 · 13/04/2026 08:54

Ariana12 · 12/04/2026 22:32

What is he thinking of?? It seems almost incredible that a father could even begin to expect that his daughter would share a one bed flat with him, with no room of her own, no privacy, no rights and no financial benefit to her? Unless I'm missing some key fact, this is beyond unreasonable.

This sums it up.

IdentityCris · 13/04/2026 08:54

Given that your daughter would presumably only be there between September and June, 50% is way too much.

HisNotHes · 13/04/2026 08:55

This is very strange for a number of reasons.

Is he her dad?

If it’s one bedroom how are they both going to stay there?

Yes it’s exploitative if he doesn’t need the money, especially as presumably if she doesn’t agree then he’d still be paying for 100% anyway.

She’d probably rather live with friends and I assume there wouldn’t be much price difference for her paying 20% (for example) of a crappy student house vs 50% of a decent flat with your husband.

Scottishskifun · 13/04/2026 08:56

This absolutely takes the biscuit OP!

Your DH is wanting to cut costs for himself it doesn't benefit your DD at all and what would the sleeping arrangements be - her on a sofa bed every night for the same cost of living independently.

It's a straight up hard no and in your shoes I would be having a Frank conversation with DH about taking the piss with it!