Thread 39 - Covid Cohort - Our Adult Children Now Post 18

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

Glad to hear everything seems more positive ED but what a couple of days you have had - they have no idea what they put us through!

My Dd would be horrified I started a thread four years ago ...because I was anxious about her and coping with Yr 10...and it's still running. Eeek.

Great news ED, getting over the first bit is the worst!

@Alsoplayspiccolo sorry to hear your DC are getting you down, it will pass, but as everyone else says, you are a great mum and they only do it because they are confident of your unconditional love.

I was just about to write something to @Alsoplayspiccolo but to be honest @Monkey2001 sums my waffle up very nicely in her last sentence :-)

DD has been great the last few years, but this past week the snipey comments have come back, she is anxious, it's not personal (if I tell myself that often enough it won't hurt - not working just yet though).

Having done most of DDs pre uni stuff I have paused and wanted DD to do some of it, so currently I am waiting for her to

Get a photo sorted for ID card (asked 10 days ago approx)
Transfer bank account to student account (as above)
Do online registration (just need her to come into the office so I can help her)
Register with campus doctor (as above).

As far as I can see all she has actually done on her own is register with a forum so she can find others near her at Rutland.

Tomorrow is my deadline for the above.. We also have her IT stuff from DSA in a box downstairs. I will help her with that once the above is all sorted...

I think she has buried her head in the sand a bit tbh, it was only when I said the ID card needed to be done urgently or it wouldn't be ready next Thursday - she looked up at me in surprise it was next Thursday rather than 2 weeks etc. Time is moving...

@kiwiandcherries That's a bit early to need the first aid kit ;-) hope they are ok.

@EquallyDivided sorry to hear it was a hard start, but great that it's getting better already. Hopefully in a few days he will be having a blast.

@Oblomov22 loved the pun.

@crazycrofter @Heifer @Oblomov22
If your Rutlanders see a scruffy DS creeping into the dinner hall, grabbing a dozen yogurts and dashing back to his room, please can they try and make him stay to talk. He's secretly petrified of the communal dining. But definitely don't mention Mumsnet 🤭

Deal @mummyinbeds
I'll put ds on milk youghurt monitor duties, and anyone trying to grab (loads) and go will be made to sit down and eat a proper meal.

Sorry to hear some people are having struggles. It's a tough time... it's anxiety expressing itself and teenage lack of gratitude

Thanks for thinking of me AoC! DS is recovering now and everyone else seems clear, mercifully. I have decided -no doubt erroneously and based on zero science whatsoever and misplaced optimism- that I am now superimmune having been so ill.

That’s good @Piggywaspushed . It’s reared it’s head at my school again. 4 staff off with it this week already!

Yeah, there are kids coughing everywhere, has to be said.

Yes, very early to crack open the first aid kit!! But at least she had one and she is ok thank you @Heifer

You are all so lovely.
Thsnk you - I have no idea how I would survive this year if it weren’t for this lovely group.

DSA suppliers have been chased up today, thanks, Oblimov.
We tried to have a summit meeting with DD over supper, but her response was, “I’m shutting down this conversation”, followed by, “I’m not bothered about our relationship.” when asked if this was really how she wanted to leave things when she goes at the weekend.
She says she’s not anxious at all and we don’t need to worry about her, followed by an eye roll when we told her we were worried for her and feeling anxious for ourselves.

We offered to take her clothes shopping, as she could do with some new clothes that are suitable for more than just Reading festival and clubbing; that was also met with derision.

Shes taken herself off to her room in a huff.

I haven’t had a chance to respond to the last few days posts but didn’t want to read and run.

Piccolo, keep strong, but jeez you must be hurting so badly right now. Like many others, the acting out through reality creep is within our household too, but not on the scale you are enduring right now 💐

@Alsoplayspiccolo goodness - sending a massive hug - sounds like DS2 at peak eye roll and strop phase.

….sounds a bit weird but I find when I get kids one to one for a drive to somewhere the conversation is more relaxed as they are looking forward rather than at me so less confrontational ….. DD and I get some of the best chats in the car on way to town or sainsburys …..

Any HSBC news @Fiddlersgreen ? Nothing here.

When should student finance get paid to them? Dd is so vague about it all and tells me not to worry!

Normally on or around the official first day of the course, so it will vary. The loan is only paid once the uni confirms that the student has registered! DD has already received hers but her course started today.

No, nothing @Benjispruce4 I have the day off work tomorrow so DS and I are going to a branch to try and find out what’s going on.

@Alsoplayspiccolo Your posts have brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I can imagine how hard it is.

Both my DS are horrible at the moment but I don’t think either of them would dare say those things.
DS2 started college yesterday and every time I ask a question I get a stroppy answer. Even when I’m offering to help with something.
DS1 is never home (preparing me for the next 3 years?!) but when he is he is moody and snappy. Most hurtful part for me is he genuinely doesn’t seem bothered about leaving us but only about being apart from his girlfriend. She goes this weekend so I’m dreading next week as he’ll be awful when we should be enjoying our last week with him.

Ooh let me know @Fiddlersgreen thanks.

@EquallyDivided : read your struggles with such sympathy as Ds is also autistic and delighted to hear it’s calmed down a bit - it is such a massive leap for them!
@Alsoplayspiccolo God it sounds so frustrating. Ds is definitely doing a bit of distancing himself from us, and also a bit of fear of the unknown resulting in grumpy scared reactions…

Lots of extreme emotions around here at the moment but ds is fine and seems to have settled into sixth form no problem. However he refuses to let me help him at all as he wants to be ‘independent’. But he claims not to have a school email address, he doesn’t know how to log into the homework app and he doesn’t think he needs to buy any books (the website says otherwise). I guess I’ll have to let him get on with it and hope they let me know if (when) he starts falling behind. The SENCO seems totally uncommunicative which isn’t inspiring confidence. His old one sent over a load of info about him back in May and didn’t even get an acknowledgment.

More sympathy for you Also - DS has added rudeness to his general miserable behaviour tonight, you are not alone, but he has not gone as far as your DD - yet. Stage 2 for me when reason doesn't work is to back right off, be polite but don't initiate any conversations. If she doesn't want clothes that's fine. Pretend that having tried being nice, you've now accepted the situation and have moved on. Be sure to let her witness you and DH enjoying each other's company. Don't forget it's not you, and she obviously is bothered about your relationship or she wouldn't be going to so much trouble to test it.

If she is still awful when it's time to go, tell her to shut up and listen for a minute, that she's been horrible which is a shame but that you love her anyway, want the best for her and are there when she needs you. And to have a good time. And work hard. She will come around because she will definitely need you in her corner whether she likes it or not.

Like Heifer I am waiting for DS to do things. He thinks he knows how to do them so won't let me show him, but he doesn't know how to do them and hasn't tried. Microsoft 365, accessing Uni email (where all their communication now goes), railcard etc etc

Just popping in to see what's going on and update.
@Alsoplayspiccolo
So sorry to hear you're going through a hard time with DD, sending lots of hugs and sympathy your way. It will pass once everything has settled down they will come round. It's a mixture of fear, anxiety and excitement all at once. When are you dropping off?

@EspeciallyDivided I'm rooting for your DS to settle in well and meet some nice people so it starts to feel more 'homely' for him.

@Piggywaspushed Sorry to hear you've been ill. Hope you are feeling much stronger now as it really does wipe one out, but you know that.

Good luck to all those dropping off this weekend, we are dropping DS off on the 24th.

Thought I'd give a quick tip if you haven't thought of it already - a small first aid kit is very handy! as DS has recurrent 'niggly' things here and there I've made up a medium sized box for him. I've placed the first aid kit inside it, alongside basics like Lempsip, paracetamol, antifungal cream, Gaviscon, Covonia and a COVID test kit. I did the same for DS1 and it came in very handy for him when flu season broke and he went down with a nasty temperature, just woke up one morning and was too ill to get out of bed, so reached for his medicine box.

DISCLAIMER
If anyone NEW noses around this thread and thinks, 'that's way too involved!', You're perfectly welcome not to do this for your dc. Just so you know.

Ooof, I am reading all this and feeling very thankful that DS2 has a gap year to grow up before he leaves.

To parents of stroppy teens, they really do grow up when they go to university and come back more grown up! For us the GF and going away have made DS1 much less casually rude.

Been off the thread for a few days and catching up now. So sorry to hear about your drop off @EspeciallyDivided, that sounds so hard. I am so pleased though that there are positive steps since. Fingers crossed all continues on the up.

good luck for exchange tomorrow @Volterra. Have you had Bath accommodation yet?

@Alsoplayspiccolo poor you, that is so hard. To have both going through this phase at once is doubly hard. You are a great and caring parent, I hope deep down you know that. Easier said than done I know but try to remember this is a phase. She will return to a decent human being at some stage in the hopefully not too distant future.