Anti-tips: things I have learned the hard way

[Mines]

I thought it might be useful to share a few parenting tips on things that definitely do not work....

1. mixing chocolate biscuits and bathtime has serious impact on both nutritional value and child laundering. Don't do it.

2)Nappy cream is not good as mayonnaise

3)Nappyless babies and natural fibre carpets do not mix.

Anyone else got any useful ones?

Yes JanZ... I discovered it the hard way. I assume I managed to hit cancel in time (it was actually ringing when I snatched it back) - well I didn't ring them back to apologise anyway

I don't see the safety issue tbh... I think it would be more of a problem it getting knocked in your bag and dialling 999 by accident. It's only 2 keystrokes to take off the keyboard lock after all - and in the old days you'd have had to run to the nearest phone box which was much slower!

Oh another phone related one. It's "cute" to have a Tigger phone facia before you have a child. Afterwards (especially when your ds becomes a Winnie the Pooh nut) it's asking for trouble...

Yes Georgina and actually turn the dial all the way round 3 times.

Don't wear Winnie the Pooh knickers if your 2 yo is likely to point at them in the swimming pool changing rooms whilst you're wearing them and shout "POOH!" loudly.

Soupdragon

LOLOLOL SoupDragon

I agree with you you GeorginaA - I would have thought that they are creating more of a problem with accidental dialing. I don't understand how "the powers that be" can complain about the number of "mistaken" calls, yet at the same time, require that the one safety feature that would stop such calls be disabled!

GeorginaA and SoupDragon: DS has never liked Winnie the Pooh very much but anticipating that one day he might, from an early age I carefully taught him the bear's name was Winnie!!

I was in Boots recently, in the toy section, and a little boy in front of us suddenly shouted out "Look, Pooh!" Oh, I did look at the floor and side to side in a panicky way, must be due to walking with DS in the doggy-do infested streets of N4!

Thankfully, DS2 has now learnt to say "Pooh bear" although I'm sure, in the heat of the moment, he's still more likely to shout "Pooh!"

if you want your child to wake up from their day time nap, make yourself a nice big cup of tea and sit down with a good book/magazine. It never fails

Ok - I've got one!

If your toddler gets thrush on his bottom, be very careful not to leave the tube of Canestan in his bedroom in the evening - because no matter how vile it must taste, he WILL eat it.

And when you panic and phone NHS direct to try to find out if Canestan is poisonous (it's not) don't believe the woman on the phone who laughs and says "At least he won't get oral thrush". Because he will the very next day....

Canesten is available as a lozenge to treat oral thrush, but the pessaries are cheaper, so many doctors will prescribe them instead Apparently they don't taste too bad!!

WARNING: do NOT under any circumstances let your child persuade you to buy a Comic Relief red nose air freshener for your car unless you LOVE the smell of calpol.

One for the grown ups. If you suffer from piles post pregnancy put the light on before you apply Preparation H to make sure that you don't have a tube of Bongela intead. It stings , I can tell you!

You could have put Preparation H on your mouth ulcers, though, hmb...I winced (and then laughed, sorry) when I read all of these latest anti-tips. Yuk!

I laughed! No wincing, just sniggering - sorry

Allatsea - it's true isn't it?!!

Here's one like that for smokers: just when all is quiet and you believe your child is finally napping, you breathe a sigh of relief and sneak out for that long-awaited fag. While you are inhaling deeply, you will suddenly imagine that you hear your child screaming. You will put out your fag, go inside, listen intently, and realize that you have imagined the whole thing. You will then go back out, light up another fag, and imagine that you are hearing the same thing again. You will laugh it off, finish your cigarette, open the door and realize that your child has been screaming her head off and is mad as hell.

If you turn your back on a child with no nappy on for even one second, they WILL poo the hugest amount and smear it along the carpet as they crawl after their big brother.

The stickier the poo, the more fun it is for a baby to stick his hands into his nappy and play. (Then the usual smearing, tasting, crawling over to play with the toys....)

Never ever ever, even on a hot and sunny day in August, take your dd/ds out in the buggy and leave the raincover behind.

Persona doesn't work

Yeah, I've discovered that too. You can auction it on e-bay, though, and end up with more money than it's worth (weird that!)

Oakmaiden, WHAT A BRILLIANT IDEA!! So much less embarrassing than attempting to take 2 packs of leftover test sticks back to Boots and discussing my fertility at the cash desk

never leave a nappyless child near an open door as they will open and close the door several times until all the poo is evenly spread on your carpet

My children ALWAYS get dirtiest on the days they have a bath, which is should be every other day. It's also within an hour of getting out of the bath so the every other day thing is sometimes hard to go do.