Chair confiscated of 6yo at school

[Eyreofindifference]

My DS was upset at bed time last night, he said he felt embarrassed at school. He swung on his chair, and was reminded not to, swung again, another reminder, and later in the day swung a third time and then his chair was taken away for the rest of the afternoon. He said he had to stand to do his writing at his desk for his science lesson. He felt embarrassed, some of the children were laughing at him and finding it entertaining.

I’m a teacher myself, secondary rather than primary, and I know that children will have consequences for poor behaviour.

DS is only six though, he was forgetting and leaning back in his chair. Do you think it’s worth raising with the school or just leaving it? I don’t like the thought of him feeling embarrassed or ‘on the spot’. For some more context, we had parents evening earlier this week and his teacher didn’t raise any behavioural issues. We did, however, discuss how anxious DS can get when he feels like attention is on him, and his teacher thought that perhaps encouraging him to read out loud in the lessons would support him to overcome this, as she also had recognised that he gets upset if he feels like eyes are on him.

Would you mention anything to the school?

A teacher’s worst nightmare is when a child repeatedly swings back on their chair and then tips backwards completely. It’s happened to me several times. Once it resulted in the child needing stitches in his head, another time the child ended up with a black eye because he caught it on the corner of the table behind him. Perhaps he will remember that swinging on a chair is a very bad idea from now on!

Nope. I would be glad he wouldn’t be swinging on his chair again.

It sounds like it was a safety issue rather than a humiliation tactic as he'd already been told twice before. Would you complain or feel aggrieved if he'd been allowed to continue, then fallen and hit his head?

Do you think having a consequence will have helped him learn to not swing in the chair? Hopefully he feels better now and assuming it is half-term the embarrassment will be forgotten after the break.

Did he learn his lesson?

If my child had this i would have no issie at all

I remember this happened to us in primary in the 70s, i don't think it scarred me too much, i imagine teachers get to a point that they have no other option because a kid isn't listening and they could hurt themselves. I assume your son won't swing on his chair again lesson learned.

What would be more upsetting? Him being slightly embarrassed due to his own behaviour or him ending up in hospital due to a cracked skull?
Kids get told off, kids feel shame. It's normal and helps them learn tough life lessons. You can't complain every time this happens.

Sounds like a natural consequence rather than a ritual humiliation?

He couldn't sit on his chair safely, even after two reminders. So they removed the chair.

Would you have preferred it if they had allowed him to keep swinging until he injured himself?

What would you rather have -
child falls backwards smashes head on floor/other child needing hospital visit
or
chair taken away

What would you have rather the teacher did instead? Continue to let him swing and potentially hurt himself as a result?

Seems totally fair. Don't be that parent. Just remind your son if he was that bothered by it then hopefully he won't do it again.

Seems a reasonable consequence for his behavior, he had warnings and kept swinging. Embarrassment can be a useful thing to feel, maybe remembering that feeling will stop him repeating the same behavior again.

I don't think you should talk to the school they did the right thing, I'm sure you'd also be complaining that they didn't take action if the teacher had just let him get on with it and the forth time he swung he smashed his head on the floor.

Sounds like the teacher kept your child safe. Well done that teacher.

I’m not convinced you’re a teacher.

not that it matters really, you are a stranger online .

imagine if you had received a phone call saying he needed to go to hospital with a head injury?

I suppose you could email and thank her for looking out for your child .

I expect he won't do it again.

When I was a primary teacher it was horrendous trying to stop children doing this. What do you think the teacher should do?

I fully went for gentle parenting, and get annoyed when people mix it up with permissive parenting.
Natural consequences = head injury, so not an option in this case
Managing the risk = removal of chair
Logical consequences = awareness of others to situation (and minor embaressment

If you think this is harsh and are planning on raising it as a concern, then you are definetly a permissive parent and need to take a long hard look at your parenting, or lack of.

Back up the teacher, ram home the safety message, and use the embarressment as an oportunity to work on his resilience.

If it makes him stop it will have been worth it

You know it is ok for kids to feel normal human emotions sometimes.

He was told several times and still continued swinging on his chair which is dangerous and could have hurt himself or others. I think the teacher's response was perfectly reasonable. It won't damage your son to feel embarrassed or upset that he was told off. Hopefully he will learn not to swing on his chair again!

Is it bad that my response to my DS would have been ‘it serves you right’?

Same, but that's IF my DD even mentioned it to me.

I have memories, many, many decades later, of a child doing this in my primary school class and cracking his head on a radiator. The sight of the blood and the drama are still fresh in my mind. Clearly, just being told not to and being reminded didn’t stick with your child but maybe the action the teacher took will be more memorable. I hope you have also reiterated to your child why they should not a) swing back on his chair, b) ignore the teacher, repeatedly.

I’ve volunteered enough times when my kids were younger and seen stuff like this and it is a nightmare not to mention dangerous - sounds to me like they did exactly the right thing!

how can he just “forget” when he’s told not too?? That seems ridiculous 3 chances is more than enough!

good on the teacher for addressing this otherwise you could be up at the hospital with a child with a head injury! 🤕

I hope he’s learnt his lesson for safety reasons

He hasn't forgotten, he's just never had a boundary/rule followed through on at home, so he doesn't understand the meaning of 'no'.

The consequences can be severe. I know one child who ended up with years of orthodontics treatment because their teeth were knocked out swinging on a chair. I sympathise but he needs to be kept physically safe. That is even higher priority than getting a bit upset.