Chair confiscated of 6yo at school

[Eyreofindifference]

My DS was upset at bed time last night, he said he felt embarrassed at school. He swung on his chair, and was reminded not to, swung again, another reminder, and later in the day swung a third time and then his chair was taken away for the rest of the afternoon. He said he had to stand to do his writing at his desk for his science lesson. He felt embarrassed, some of the children were laughing at him and finding it entertaining.

I’m a teacher myself, secondary rather than primary, and I know that children will have consequences for poor behaviour.

DS is only six though, he was forgetting and leaning back in his chair. Do you think it’s worth raising with the school or just leaving it? I don’t like the thought of him feeling embarrassed or ‘on the spot’. For some more context, we had parents evening earlier this week and his teacher didn’t raise any behavioural issues. We did, however, discuss how anxious DS can get when he feels like attention is on him, and his teacher thought that perhaps encouraging him to read out loud in the lessons would support him to overcome this, as she also had recognised that he gets upset if he feels like eyes are on him.

Would you mention anything to the school?

If he’s fallen and badly hurt his head, the teacher would be blamed! Well done, that teacher.

If he felt a bit silly, maybe he won’t do it again next time. I think saying it was ‘humiliation’ is taking it a bit far.

He had enough warnings. It's good that he felt embarrassed. Hopefully he's learnt his lesson.

I despair

Good he was disciplined, as children should be for not doing as they are told. You need to get a grip.

So what would you suggest? A quick smack? 😅

Is your son neurodivergent? My dd wouldn’t sit still and one day she was super upset she’d been made to sit still and not move and this went against her emotional grain and still speaks about it to this day! Whether it’s a safety concern to take a chair away it obviously made him feel singled out and embarrassed. The school environment is not ideal for everyone!

Nope, that would have been exactly my response too x

He should have listened the first time

There are other dangers apart from falling backwards and cracking their heads.

I have been in the classroom where a child rocked backwards and then when they uprighted their chair put the chair leg down on another child's foot under the table. Not all desks are rectangles. Theirs had a rectangle table and at either end, half a hexagon. The half hexagon has one child at the end and either side a child sat at an angle.

Another child tipped backwards at the end of the hexagon, started to feel themselves falling backwards, grabbed the table which moved with them. They still ended up on the floor but trapped the leg of another child with the moved table leg. It was chaos.

The worst is tipping forwards. It causes other children to trip over in small spaces between desks and I have had a chair leg put down on my foot. Luckily I adhered to the school policy of sensible shoes and was wearing leather boots. This is why open toed shoes are not permitted.

Yeah my friend needed a lot of stitches when he did it and he was around 14 at the time. I fell off my chair and really hurt myself too. It's a dangerous thing to do so maybe now he won't forget. Also, if he feels anxious when the spotlight is on him he needs to not repeatedly ignore instructions which then leads to a punishment.

God I hate comments like this.

TBF it may be true, but also you literally know nothing about his homelife. What a ridiculous assumption to make.

Even if he was doing it deliberately that doesn't mean "he's never had a boundary followed through at home." Kids push boundaries at this age, it's normal behaviour. Tell me you know nothing about children without telling me 🤦🏼‍♀️

Also, he's 6! You're allowed to forget at that age.

Although OP I do agree with the teacher on this one, it was becoming dangerous. Whatever the reason he hopefully won't do it again.

I don’t think either you or the teacher is wrong . Of course you are feeling upset because your child felt embarrassed.
The teacher needs to look at ways to give your ds the sensory feedback he’s seeking .
He will probably keep swinging on his chair without even knowing he is doing it .
Do they have the chair resistant bands in the school ? If not you can order from Amazon . They are great to keep little legs busy rather than swinging .

FAFO.

That must have been awful for her. Children who need to move about are usually accommodated at the back of the classroom so they can move without that movement distracting children who would usually be in front of them. We also put bands on the chair legs, so like a massive rubber band. They can tap their feet against them which is silent and they get feedback from it. We also had silent fidget spinners too or things they can squish. Lots of children keep their hands or fingers moving.

I am a fidget. I still cannot sit still as an adult and I hate it when I have to tamp that down.

I would be the same I think! If my 7yo complained I would have said ‘Well how do you think you could avoid that happening again?’

And actually it’s probably also a safety issue as he could easily swing back, tip over and badly hurt himself, so standing was protecting him from that too.

Hopefully it won’t have to happen again now 🤞 Some of DD’s classmates have chair band things if they struggle to sit still. But at that age they aren’t generally sitting for long periods anyway at least.

I would have said exactly the same thing, as would my mother. She wouldnt dream of barging down to the school and ranting at the teacher because my child refused to behave appropriately.

Sadly though, reading through some chat forums, its exactly what some parents HAVE done 😡

I'm sorry, but WHAT?!

A teacher told off a child for doing something wrong and potentially dangerous. Gave him repeated warnings, and then a richly deserved consequence, and you want them to "apologize to each other and hug it out"?!

That is one of the most bonkers responses I've ever read on here. Thanks for the laugh!

Im sure you're aware how even a small hit on the wrong place on your head can kill you, or another place brain injury? Best case black eye or knocks teeth out. Hit his head/face on a desk, chair, wall ... Im quite sure you'd then complain that the teacher did not do her job properly of keeping him safe.

Life lesson for him in taking a certain responsibility for those areas of safety that he can control and natural consequences for not listening. Three times he was told. He's lucky he's only embarrassed.

As a teacher you should know how hard/tiring it can be if you're constantly having to repeat instructions to one child numerous times in one day.
It's also distracting the learning of others in your DC class

In this particular case maybe concentrate on explaining to your DC why the teacher was correct in what they done instead of feeling you need to correct how the teacher dealt with the matter.

As a former teacher I would be on the teacher's side here.

However, can't stand this sweeping attitude of "I'd just say serves you right" etc.

Maybe you know your child well enough to know if this happened it was because they were being deliberately defiant, however for some children this wouldn't be the case. It may genuinely be they are neurodivergent and worth exploring further, not just this dismissive attitude that some mums on here want a massive pat on the back for for being excellent disciplinarians - there is a middle ground 🤦🏼‍♀️.

My ds cannot sit still and drives me crazy at home doing this. Harsh lesson but they need to learn, safety first.

I really like the sound of this teacher. The punishment was reasonable and very much linked to the naughty behaviour. Consequences .

Your son could have really hurt someone

Leave it. He was told repeatedly and had to face the consequences of not doing what he was told the first time.
Explain that he could have been seriously injured if his chair tipped backwards and the teacher was looking out for his safety. The fact that the other kids laughed might teach him to not make an example of himself too.

Leave it as he didn’t learn his lesson first, second or third time. If you do something stupid, face the consequences.

Would you have been having words with the teacher if your child had tipped the chair back completely and bashed his head?
Perhaps focus on explaining to your child why swinging on the chair is such a bad idea. Maybe then he will learn his lesson.
What else did you expect the teacher to do in order to stop him swinging on the chair?