Chair confiscated of 6yo at school

[Eyreofindifference]

My DS was upset at bed time last night, he said he felt embarrassed at school. He swung on his chair, and was reminded not to, swung again, another reminder, and later in the day swung a third time and then his chair was taken away for the rest of the afternoon. He said he had to stand to do his writing at his desk for his science lesson. He felt embarrassed, some of the children were laughing at him and finding it entertaining.

I’m a teacher myself, secondary rather than primary, and I know that children will have consequences for poor behaviour.

DS is only six though, he was forgetting and leaning back in his chair. Do you think it’s worth raising with the school or just leaving it? I don’t like the thought of him feeling embarrassed or ‘on the spot’. For some more context, we had parents evening earlier this week and his teacher didn’t raise any behavioural issues. We did, however, discuss how anxious DS can get when he feels like attention is on him, and his teacher thought that perhaps encouraging him to read out loud in the lessons would support him to overcome this, as she also had recognised that he gets upset if he feels like eyes are on him.

Would you mention anything to the school?

Come on! If he had hurt someone. Been deliberately rude then Tell him off and have a consequence. But for a well behaved 6 year old who cant sit perfectly in a chair and write.....its too much. Move the group. Remind with patience. Dont single out and make it bigger than it is. He is not being bad imo he is being 6.

I did this at school, I was always on the back legs only in a delicate balance that only needed the gentlest of touch on something to sustain it. Occasionally we would go over backwards and there would be much laughter. Once somebody fell against old radiator fins and there was blood.
I was told and told repeatedly to stop but I never could. When I did it, it was not a conscious act, I didn’t know I was doing it so any efforts to make me stop were futile.
continued right through school and I certainly wasn’t unusual.

You are correct and yes fidgeting can be a sign of adhd but not alone. It can also be boredom or being new to structured learning which is the case for most 6 year olds. For my dd teacher is supplying fidget toys but its not working yet.

This. I was thinking the same.

If he was upset hopefully he will remember not to do it. If he can’t help it, work with the school to find a way of avoiding an accident in future be it a move n sit cushion or a more supportive chair. Maybe he is hypermobile which makes sitting still hard, dyspraxic or could benefit from OT exercises to improve core strength. Fidgetting will affect his ability to concentrate and learn, as well as distract his classmates and possibly be a safety issue.

I’d be pretty unhappy with teacher. I’d have wanted the chair taken away after telling him twice, not this third time bollocks. The consequence should have happened sooner. Not a teacher but there was never a third time in my house. A third time would have had the chair gone for the rest of a week.

While your child may have felt something negative about having to stand up, he would have felt a lot worse if he had been hurt. Maybe he will remember the consequences and not do it next time. Better than a cracked head!

It seems natural consequences and it’s actually a bit sad that little 6 year olds have to curb their instinct to move and play in order to sit nicely for the adults,

Yes, it really is so sad that children can't behave in a way that could cause then serious injury. What a total shame for that poor child to have to avoid injury just to make it nicer for the adults.

I was 6yo when I can remember the boy who swang on the chair and fell. I remember the blood over the floor and on the radiator. I remember the teacher's pale face as she bent over him, the still unconscious body being taken out by the ambulance and the tears of his Mum who came to school having got the message passed on incorrectly and finding he was on the way to hospital.

How sad to stop a child from having that experience.

(He was okay in the end, but had severe concussion and a fractured collarbone. He was out of school for a fortnight at least)

No.

Your son is more likely to remember not to swing on his chair again and after all, he did keep forgetting despite repeatedly being told not to which is very important because if he swung back to far, he could injure his spine I know this happens.

It also teaches other kids not to do the same.

A spinal injury is a lot more traumatic.

That is an utterly ludicrous extrapolation from zero evidence.

I think your son will learn some very valuable lessons from this experience and with you at home to explain that the teacher was keeping him safe, it will be something that stays with him for a long time

What would you have done if you were the teacher OP?

My child isn't perfect, but I wouldn't go running to school or mumsnet because a teacher appropriately safeguarded and disciplined my child.

I'm with the teacher on this one! He will now know not to swing on his chair again!

I’d just have said, ‘Well, now perhaps you’ll remember not to do it again.’

At my first school the only punishment I remember, was being sent to sit on a bench outside the staff room. So everyone passing by - child or teacher - would know you’d done something naughty or stupid.

I can’t for the life of me remember what I’d done, but I was certainly never sent to sit on that bench again!

I would be pleased that an overstretched teacher had my child’s physical safety top of mind.

The risk to his physical safety clearly outweighs the risk to his mental health from having the chair taken away. It should have been a good lesson to him to do as he was told by adults.

You would be entirely wrong to undermine the teacher here and it worries me that you are a teacher if this is the way you think and prioritise.

Nope.

Speaking as a teacher, I've seen kids get some really nasty bumps from swinging on chairs. One time, I even got injured from a kid doing it. He was swinging, I was about to walk behind him to push his chair back, and it fell. I spontaneously thrust my leg out to catch him, and the sharp back edge of the chair scraped it's way down my thigh. I got the nastiest, biggest bruise I've ever had in my life, and honestly, it took MONTHS to completely disappear.

Honestly, your boy had 3 warnings, and chose not to listen. I'd have done the same as his teacher.

I’m all for consequences, life lessons and all that, but if you’d been a teacher who took away my 6 year old child’s chair for a week.
Well, I hope you could run fast.

This! I don't think my daughter would tell me! I'm a teacher in Year 1 and a child nearly had a massive accident swinging on his chair,.luckily my TA caught him!

We had similar at my primary school. If you were naughty, at break or lunchtime, you had to miss play by "standing on the wall". There was a bit of cover over one side of the building, facing the playground. We weren't allowed to play there, because there were windows, but if you were naughty, you had to go and stand under that bit of cover, with your back against the wall.

As no one was playing there, you stood out, standing there against the wall, and the whole school knew you were in trouble. And if you had been really bad, you had to turn and face it instead.
Ultimate shame!

Are you going to buy a new chair for the school when the one your child is swinging on breaks?

Could you ask the teacher if she would be open to an after school meeting between herself, you and your son?

Not to tell her off but to chat and explain to your boy why she took his chair from him.

You could explain to her how upset he was. She could apologise to him for this and he could apolgise to her-maybe even hug it out?

If you or your son could think of an alternative way to deal with it, tell her-good teachers are always open to hearing about better ways. especially about the way in which she allowed him to become a public entertainment with other children laughing. That was nasty

But ultimatly be glad that your son wasn't hurt but that doesn't mean ignoring his voice.

Could your son have ASD? That was my first thought. If so, maybe a discreet word with the head or LEA about the teacher's lack of awareness. Maybe push for a diagnosis?

Give your boy a lovely weekend-love, treats and the knowledge that he is seen.

** Edited to say a Wobble Cushion, suggested up thread is a brilliant idea

Happened to my son when he was about 8, had to stand for about 2 hours, came home complaining about the teacher, the school, the rules ,everything. My response was well you wont do that again will ye.

My other son did it in secondary school with a friend, they both ended up on their backs on the floor. The teacher called them a pair or does and told them to get up. Honestly, all I could do was laugh when he told me. My son asked was I not offended the teacher called him a dope. Not in the slightest, he was acting like a dope and got called out.

Possibly complained that the primary school hadn't taught the child to sit safely?

When I was at school, boys (it was always boys) doing this got the strap. Be grateful they now have a more humane punishment!