Chair confiscated of 6yo at school

[Eyreofindifference]

My DS was upset at bed time last night, he said he felt embarrassed at school. He swung on his chair, and was reminded not to, swung again, another reminder, and later in the day swung a third time and then his chair was taken away for the rest of the afternoon. He said he had to stand to do his writing at his desk for his science lesson. He felt embarrassed, some of the children were laughing at him and finding it entertaining.

I’m a teacher myself, secondary rather than primary, and I know that children will have consequences for poor behaviour.

DS is only six though, he was forgetting and leaning back in his chair. Do you think it’s worth raising with the school or just leaving it? I don’t like the thought of him feeling embarrassed or ‘on the spot’. For some more context, we had parents evening earlier this week and his teacher didn’t raise any behavioural issues. We did, however, discuss how anxious DS can get when he feels like attention is on him, and his teacher thought that perhaps encouraging him to read out loud in the lessons would support him to overcome this, as she also had recognised that he gets upset if he feels like eyes are on him.

Would you mention anything to the school?

That's not really answering the question though how do you think the teacher should have handled initially a child swinging on a chair after been asked not to? The kids would have laughed if he fell off so them laughing is a reminder not to swing on a chair.

Ah op. I do feel for you. But the fact he talked to you about it shows that he was upset and didnt like it. It wasnt fun for him but hopefully hes learned that he really needs to listen to the teacher and that he has to be responsible for his behaviour. Give him a hug and remind him of this and then have a lovely weekend.

Actually although I don’t think
the punishment is extreme, cruel or unreasonable I do think it’s humiliating. I can still remember being five and a chatter box. The first punishment was sitting on a chair in the corner the second was sitting on a chair on top of a table. I can still recall the humiliation and the fear that I’d fall. The other children laughed. That was 60 years ago and I can remember the laughter more than anything. Unsure if it stopped me chatting. Humiliation may have the effect it desires but at what cost? I’d want to know that the teacher had made consequences for anyone laughing

Humiliation, shame and embarrassment are not interchangeable words. He was neither humiliated nor shamed. He is embarrassed, which is a normal emotion.

I don't even think it was actually a punishment, it was just the teacher trying to keep a child safe. When I was at school someone had to go to hospital in an ambulance after rocking on their chair and smashing their head open.

Swinging on a chair is really a sensory thing though, not being naughty as such. It’s a bit like biting your nails or twirling your hair around or playing with a fidget toy, it’s very habitual and gratifying in a bodily way and I’d imagine very hard to stop kids doing it once they’ve started. Taking the chair away was, I suspect, the only thing that would have worked at that point because it removes the stimulus. It’s not about getting away with stuff or boundaries or whatever, it’s just an addictive movement and your DS will have to wean himself off!
It seems natural consequences and it’s actually a bit sad that little 6 year olds have to curb their instinct to move and play in order to sit nicely for the adults, but that’s school and I don’t think the teacher had another option really.

Well now’s your chance to not raise an ‘anxious’ child by toughening him up a bit. Teacher did right thing. Support it. You’re not supposed to be your child’s best friend, you’re supposed to make decisions for his long term development and wellbeing.

Yep. Another way of dealing with it. While teaching the literacy lesson's learning intention and success criteria, supporting the children with additional needs, stretching the children who are achieving above the expected level, removing that wasp that flew in the window and is now causing mass disruption and dealing with the 16 children who have asked to go to the bathroom since the lesson started and stopping the rest of them from laughing. Find another way. Easy.

Jeeez another one of these MNers who thinks “I’m the only parent on the planet who has figured out the secret to effective parenting. My kids are perfect as a result and everyone else’s are entitled brats cos their parents don’t have a clue what they’re doing” 🙄 🙄🙄

Glad you’ve seen sense!

I always think the question to ask is these senarios is what’s worst?

Child feeling humiliated or child is hospital with fractured skull risking brain damage?

I always use to address these things with my ds the same way who “forgot” many things many times.

Id then use it as encouragement to put more effort into “remembering” so he doesn’t experience that feeling of humiliation (or whatever) again.

I wouldnt like this op. He is a well behaved 6 year old. It is shaming him to have him be the only one standing whilst other sit. I could not have done that. I would just have to keep saying dont swing on the chair or got his group to move to the carpet for reading or something. It could have been habdled better. If she took it away for 5 mins and then gave it back then fine. but a long time standing for swinging on the chair seems over the top. Kids swing on chairs. He probably didnt even really notice he was doing it. I would be that parent. Going against the majority i know but i dont like that. Its too long and singles him out too much when his personality wont cope well with that.

That's not meant to be rude BTW. I'm just hoping to provide some context as to why the teacher cannot possibly have the head space to individually tailor a suitable punishment for a child who has 3 times refused to follow instructions. That child is one of up to 33. God only knows what the rest of them were up to. Would you also complain if you were the mother of a child who said they were bored becaise they finished their work and Mrs so and so was so busy talking to Jimmy about the reasons he shouldn't swing on his chair that she didnt notice he'd finished his work? Or the Sen child who didnt even get started? Or the shy child who was desperate for the toilet but didnt want to interrupt the teacher while she spoke to Jimmy and went home with wet trousers?

of course the teacher was right but agree she should have stopped the children laughing at him

Is he fidgety at home? Im just wondering if he needs a wobble cushion at school or movement breaks. I would email the senco or classroom teacher.

Id say.

Dear Senco / classroom teacher

,Bob told me that he had been rocking on his chair at school and, after being reminded several times to stop, his chair was removed. I’m not complaining at all, and I completely understand that this was done for his safety.

I was wondering whether a wobble cushion or balance cushion might help him, or whether incorporating some movement breaks during lesson time could be beneficial.

I’m more than happy to purchase a cushion myself if you feel it might help. I’d really appreciate your thoughts on whether either of these options might support him in the classroom.

Thank you for your understanding and support.

ETA: My DC is on the waiting list for autism and ADHD assesment so I would address it.

I was about to say similar.

This is a fairly tame opportunity to help him learn resilience. The lesson here is not, ‘teacher shouldn’t have left you open to being laughed at’, but ‘yes it’s uncomfortable to stand out. You will be fine, they’ll be thinking about other things soon, and you’ll remember to sit safely on your chair. Remember to pay attention to safety rules, they matter.’

He’s 6 and struggles not to swing on his chair, I would say that applies to half the class! My son now has a wobble cushion as he really can not remember to not swing. He does have ADHD though. Can you buy a wobble cushion or some bands for his chair? Wobble cushions have gone out of favour with some schools but it will stop him swinging.

I was thinking this too. What about a fitness band across the front 2 legs? It alleviates that heel pressure you get from swinging.

What other way do you suggest the teacher used?

How many times is the teacher supposed to allow a child to put themselves in danger before removing the item from them until they can deal with it better?

I have had some quite serious head bangs from children who have swung on their chairs, lost control and gone down.

They are warned about it constantly; it is a rule; and removing the chair is a known consequence. Leave the teacher alone.

So basically he can ‘forget’ to follow instructions, but he isn’t to be put on the spot and told off, as he gets anxious. Sounds quite a good setup for a child, definitely go in and make sure school is raising him the same way as you.

@Eyreofindifference watch this short little film about ADHD do you think this is your child? 1in 20 people have ADHD isn’t not rare and might give you an explanation why he can’t remember not to swing.

amazingthingshappen.tv/?projects=what-is-adhd

I just think taking away the chair addresses the safety issue but it doesnt address the need. My DC is incredibly academic but she needs to move and fidget.

Im not suggesting that @Eyreofindifference DC has adhd but that they might just need more movement breaks or sensory input.

Addressing safety is one thing but addressing the need is necessary otherwise @Eyreofindifference DC will be standing alot and potentially feel punished for something he might not be able to control, yet.

I get what you are saying but these are also two very different scenarios. My almost 6 year old daughter is doing this and th teacher has spoken to me about it. But i would rather a few minutes id writing while standing than a cracked head. A girl in nursery cracked her head (different scenarios) and while she "recovered" quickly from the worst, she has needed all sorts of therapy this past year. Hasnt been easy.
Also we have all been humiliated at some point as under 10s. At some point as adults we need to let it go.
On the other hand, i would genuinely like to hear alternatives that the teacher could have used given warnings had not worked (and i bet that day wasnt the first).

Did the teacher explain why she was taking the chair away?( to keep him from tipping over and hurting himself) Or did she just snap and remove chair as she was annoyed at him?

Teacher kept him safe. Loads of kids did this when I was at primary school, and many had split heads, requiring stitches.

Your son has been kept safe and you want to complain.