Son has called SS on me

[Itsme20]

I have claimed pip on behalf of my son, we agreed for him to have 45 pounds a week, I was also paying his transport to
college every week out of my own money, he messaged me wanting the full amount of pip, I said no as I thought he would waste the money, he was going in on me calling me names and being horrible; I then agreed the next day he could have it all as I don’t want to fall out with him over money so I thought oh just get on with it! In the meantime he has called SS on me saying I am financially abusing him; I have all the evidence on my phone of me ordering him what he asked for with his money and the rest I transferred him, he also has added onto the report that I emotionally neglect him. And leave him in his room, he is 16 and a half years old; I have messages on my phone repeatedly asking him to do things, I’m really worrying about the visit as I havnt heard a lot of good things regarding social services and frankly I’m so hurt that he has done this to me, I have a one year old too; what would
i expect from the visit? My house is clean I have food in the cubords, I have spoilt my 16 year old son and now thinking about it this has got me no where, what do I do?

Just to add as I think this is relevant- he is autistic

Try not to worry, at 16 his PIP should be paid to him but it’s reasonable that some costs are reimbursed. So if you’re paying transport costs it’s reasonable to have that money back. Does he understand money and is he able to manage his money, if not he may need an appointee to manage his finances, social work can help you with that. They’re very used to the challenges of disabled young people and money, so really don’t worry - ask them for help supporting him.

Did you save the rest of the money for him?

Is the one year old his full sibling or has there been a break-up and new partner introduced to his home?

He sounds quite unhappy and angry.

Perhaps this is a good thing to happen. The SW could be a mediator in you both finding a new way forward now he's nearing adulthood. You do need to sit down with him and explain that things he needs will now be covered by his PIP and not by you, so his travel should come out of it etc. He needs to pay that first before the remainder is handed over, rather than expecting him to budget and prioritise. Unless you think he's capable of learning that?

Children's social services staff have experience. They don't just take his word for it.
Don't worry unnecessarily. They have lots of experience with angry/ spiteful ex's and teenagers.

I am his appointee, he has only just received his first payment, he has ordered a large item from one of my catalogues, I have told him to pay me back in instalments as don’t want him to skint himself, I took the money I was giving him out of my own money a week on his first payment; paid 100 out of his money and transferred him the rest:

I have all the transactions on my baking app, can also prove what he has ordered on my catalogue; I think there more concerned about him saying he is emotionally neglected as I keep him in his room all day,
I have screenshotted 22 pages of me repeatedly asking him if he wants to do things

I know someone who claims and keeps their adult child's PIP and Universal Credit, giving them just a few crumbs of it.

From what I can tell and observe, they are financially abusive towards the adult offspring, who is well able to manage their own money.

At 16 then surely under normal circumstances your DS's PIP should be paid to him. Possibly with the agreement that he pays you a small amount for board and lodgings.

If you are his appointee then it’s you who is responsible for managing his finances. You’ve done nothing wrong.

If your son believes he is capable of managing his finances, then he can simply phone up PIP and ask for you to be removed as appointee. He will then need to deal with the DWP all by himself. Don’t help him even make the phone call.

I know people who do the same. I couldn’t do that to him. It’s his money, I spend a lot of money on him weekly, probably more than what his pip covers, all that is going to stop, I will transfer his money monthly and let him get on with it; not more I can really do about the matter, just upset he has called social on me I am hurt

OP has been assessed as being suitable to be her sons appointee though- DWP do an assessment for this usually via a home visit, and it would have been set up because the son would have been assessed as needing someone else to he responsible for the administration and management of the benefit.

Indeed. And this will include him managing all future changes and reviews on his own.

I don’t think he will be able to manage his claim himself,going forward I will manage his claim then just transfer his money when he gets paid, I don’t want him to feel like I am financially abusing him; I don’t want to fall out with him over money it’s not worth it

Sometimes kids need to screw up to learn.

You clearly have the notes of what is paid for with the PIP so I would, with the help of SS, detail to your son that these costs are now his responsibility.

But this is the point OP. He needs to be shown that he can't have it both ways. I've been working in benefits support for years, and have seen this before. If he thinks that reporting you to SS is acceptable in these circumstances, you need to seriously consider not being his appointee any more. Is there someone else who could be? Otherwise I foresee years of issues with this.

Edited to add, I fully understand the factor of autism in this, even so, you do need to consider how problematic this could become if this is what has already happened so early on in his receiving it.

There’s no one else who can take over, it’s unacceptable what he has done, hopefully the social worker can make clear what I have done is not wrong; he can become his own appointee aged 18 and get on with it; if he carry’s on trying to get me into trouble he can make his own way in life, I have done nothing but try and support him and frankly probably spoilt him

Yea that’s very true, I will transfer his money to him monthly after taking what he owes me, he cannot accuse me of anything then,

Well I can only wish you luck, OP. It's a difficult situation you're in. Good that you keep records of everything.

I would welcome SS involvement here. You aren't doing anything wrong and your DS will find that out very quickly.

He clearly can't manage his own money and doesn't have a concept of how much you spend on him, or that his PIP isn't just for him to spend on his latest whim.

An external person pointing this out could be helpful.

Seriously OP stop being such a pushover. You've created a spoilt brat and if you just roll with it now, you'll still be rolling with it in his 20s/30s/40s.

Stop worrying about SS. Personally I'd ask him if he wants to be put into care if living with you is so intolerable. Tell him the travel costs and everything else will be coming out if his pip before you transfer the rest and there will be no ordering out of your catalogue. Id be saying this in front of any SW as well. There are consequences to this sort of thing.

If you do not clamp down on this shit now you are in a world of pain for the next few decades. I've seen it happen. Autism is not an excuse to be an arsehole. You'll be utterly miserable for a long time.

Agree

I am a massive pushover I admit, he hasn’t got a dad involved with him witch Makes me feel guilty and I over compensate, he is taking the piss out off me, I’m actually fuming about it, I have spoilt him and it has got me nowhere; he is intelligent so he knows what he is doing, I don’t know why he is trying to hurt me, his next payment I will be taking the full amount of his pip to cover the catalogue that he won’t be ordering from no more, hopefully when the social worker comes she can tell him that too, I think this is going to backfire on his arse

I’m just glad I have a paper trail off his bullshit, he is malicious and I don’t no what I have done to deserve this, I told him if I’m that bad of a mum he can leave and do his own thing when he reach 18, he just makes me feel guilty for everything, I am a massive pushover

Surely if he has care needs that warrant PIP, you are very likely to need to help with finances. Does he see that he is getting PIP and now think he has money to spend on crap? Does he not understand its for care needs and to cover extra costs associated with disability

It sounds like having an external person explain this to him might be worthwhile, maybe they can explain this isnt fun money but something to cover the costs associated with his disability, so perhaps you can explain to him what those costs are and ensure they are taken out.