Son has called SS on me

[Itsme20]

I have claimed pip on behalf of my son, we agreed for him to have 45 pounds a week, I was also paying his transport to
college every week out of my own money, he messaged me wanting the full amount of pip, I said no as I thought he would waste the money, he was going in on me calling me names and being horrible; I then agreed the next day he could have it all as I don’t want to fall out with him over money so I thought oh just get on with it! In the meantime he has called SS on me saying I am financially abusing him; I have all the evidence on my phone of me ordering him what he asked for with his money and the rest I transferred him, he also has added onto the report that I emotionally neglect him. And leave him in his room, he is 16 and a half years old; I have messages on my phone repeatedly asking him to do things, I’m really worrying about the visit as I havnt heard a lot of good things regarding social services and frankly I’m so hurt that he has done this to me, I have a one year old too; what would
i expect from the visit? My house is clean I have food in the cubords, I have spoilt my 16 year old son and now thinking about it this has got me no where, what do I do?

Good stuff OP.

I'd sit him down with all the costings, then suggest you'll let him take responsibility for some things - for example, his transport costs and any extra clothing and toiletries above basic stuff (which you'd still provide but thats your choice as to what it is, how cheap it is etc)...

If you get his input into things, he's less likely to feel like he has no say.

So glad for you OP, hopefully he slowly work things out and get the message.

I have been through the process myself for my mum - I was her appointee until she died earlier this year. I was also an outreach worker supporting people with disabilities and part of my job was to provide support for the disabled person at the appointee interview which usually either took place by phone or face to face in the claimants’ home. As far as I know the only time this was suspended was during Covid and in the aftermath when DWP were getting back up to speed with their processes. My comments were from personal experience, not assumption.

So glad it went well OP. Give him some time to get his head together and take it from there. He’ll probably have been anticipating the social worker siding with him and expecting to have his money handed to him to do as he likes with. It’ll take him a bit of time to realise that everyone, including you, is acting in his best interests. And now he’s had it confirmed by someone in authority. Hopefully that will make a difference.

Yep, that’s because supporting disabled people through the appointee interview was part of my job. I also went through the process myself for my elderly mum. As far as I’m aware the only time this was suspended was during Covid, and for a while during the aftermath while they got back on top of things.

im not sure wether to hand him it all or save some in a pot for him for wen he will need it,

That’s as far as you know, isn’t it?

Have you ever had a child on DLA and been their appointee of that when they turn 16 (a letter through the post to sign and return)? Then when you apply for PIP on their behalf again a slip of paper sent through the to sign and return confirming you are their appointee?

Doesn’t sound like it.

Doesn’t sound as though you know anything much at all about having a disabled child who turns 16.

He’s an 18 year old in full time education not your mother or a disabled adult. Please respect that you probably don’t understand a great deal about the OP’s situation.

You said you’d been the appointee for PIP for two years. It wasn’t until this last post that you mentioned that before that you had been the appointee for child DLA, otherwise there would have been no misunderstanding. What you’re describing here is the procedure for when your child switches to PIP from child DLA at the age of 16. It’s a renewal process not a full application for appointeeship because you were already acting as such. I replied to your first post on the issue from experience and from then on you’ve been rude and adversarial - and not just to me, but to several other posters confirming they had also been through the interview procedure - you even implied that one poster must have needed more thorough checks. There’s no need for the attitude when people are trying to share information and help.

It is not a renewal process at all - PIP and DLA are too completely separate application processes and I was required to sign a letter as my DD’s appointee when I applied for her PIP.

I’d imagine the OP was in a similar situation. Not the situation you found yourself in with your mother.

It’s good that you’ve acknowledged that it isn’t always the case that an appointee is interviewed and assessed for PIP though as you were spreading misinformation with your earlier posts.

Nope. No misinformation. If you were an appointee for child DLA it doesn’t automatically renew when the child switches to PIP. You have to renew it - a simple matter of paperwork because you’re already doing the job. And I haven’t acknowledged anything.

From the DWP’s own rules updated April 2026 :

When your child turns 16 and moves from Disability Living Allowance (DLA) to Personal Independence Payment (PIP), your DLA appointee status does not automatically transfer over. You must formally reapply or be reassessed to act as an appointee for PIP. Around the time your child turns 16 DWP will send a letter inviting them (or you) to apply for PIP. This letter will ask whether your child needs an appointee to manage their affairs.

DLA appointee status is based on child rules, whereas PIP is for adults. The DWP must evaluate whether your child lacks the mental capacity to manage their own money and claim. A DWP visiting officer or representative will often contact you by phone or visit your home to assess your suitability and ask your child if they agree to you acting on their behalf and at that stage you will be asked to fill in form BF57 and complete the appointee process so that you can receive payments and speak on their behalf.

Can’t be bothered with this any more, so hiding the thread. Have a lovely evening.

How is he now @Itsme20? Has he calmed down at all?

How is he even eligible for PIP?! Is he not in education/training?!

Yea, I think he’s realised his mistake

hes transferred from dla to pip. Yes he’s in education

Really not sure what that’s got to do with you or the thread.

I’m pleased because that had the potential to be really disruptive for you

How is anyone eligible?

Are you one of the frothers who know bugger all about PIP and just follow the crap spouted in the media?

Well, earlier in the thread you’ve said he’s malicious. You’ve admitted to spoiling him so you can hardly I say it’s harsh.

From the stuff OP has said he is far from being a ‘poor boy’.

I have every right to call him that. I know my son, you don’t. He’s not a monster

Some of your posts are contradictory.

I don't see how? Monster is an extreme term to use and OP has the right to disagree with it. I don't agree that OPs posts are contradictory.

What has education or training got to do with eligibility for PIP? Apart from absolutely nothing whatsoever. Let me guess? You know nothing about PIP but immediately think 'benefit!! It must be for being out of work!!' I wish people would actually know something about what they jump onto the Internet about, all up in arms and full of shocked punctuation before they actually click 'post."

As much as this annoys me too, I can’t get annoyed with the general public as they are being misled by journalists who are being misled by ill informed MP’s of all parties.

If you actually look at the stats for PIP, the massive claims increase is because far more people of all ages are claiming for MH issues and for disabilities acquired through lack of timely treatment for injury and illness.

These issues both arise from the long term cuts to MH services and to the NHS, which, again, while never perfect, traditionally gets hammered every time the govt changes.

The thing is, the PIP bill and PIP fraud level is tiny compared to the Basic State Pension which is the biggest benefit paid out.

That’s what makes me laugh the most, relatively healthy people banging on about ‘tax payers money’ and slagging off the long term sick and disabled (and in fact anyone less fortunate than themselves)

Yet they absolutely consider they have a right to a pension when they retire ‘because they’ve paid in’. For most people they will take out far more that they’ve ever paid in, which is why your pension is measured by your ‘National Insurance’ contributions.
Yes there are many holes to the argument but if you really dig in to it, most people would rather be working than not working and many of the structures and norms that existed in our society to help that are now gone.

You cant keep tipping water out of the bucket without replacing it then expect the bucket to be full.
Much of the standard of living increase we experienced in the 80’s was down to North Sea Gas and the end of the Cold War (massive reduction in standing army etc) so sudden influx of money to fund things like tax cuts and right to buy etc.
So if we want a better standard of living we need to increase economic growth.

The only way we’re going to do that is by allowing decent targeted immigration (screwed by Brexit) and attracting foreign investment.

The former certainly pisses off the ‘taxpayers money’ brigade.